The day I had feared for so long finally arrived.
November 6th.
The day Eleven escapes.
The day Will disappears.
The day the portal opens.
The first episode.
The moment when everything begins.
Hawkins does not know it yet.
Everyone wakes up to a normal day, unaware that this is the beginning of a nightmare.
I was the only one who knew what horrors were about to unfold.
I was terrified.
I forced a smile and treated the day as if it were normal. As if my world was not about to collapse. I wanted to run. I wanted to run so badly it hurt. Everything was too much. How could I even think that I could win against the Demogorgons, the Mind Flayer, and Vecna?
No.
No. Erica, stop.
You cannot fall apart now.
This is only level one.
This is only level one.
You trained for this.
You prepared for this.
You have to survive.
You have to.
If you lose faith and give up now, you already lost against him. I am already dead before the fight even begins.
But I cannot do this alone. I know it. No matter how hard I try, I am still ten years old. Ten years old and expected to save two universes. I will fail. I will disappoint everyone. I will die. And when I do, everyone else will die too.
I cannot breathe.
My chest hurts. My heart is beating too fast, too loud. My legs tremble and I fall to the bathroom floor. I curl into the corner, hugging my knees. My ears ring. Everything is too loud. The walls spin. The world blurs through my tears. Everything is slipping out of control.
I try to take deep breaths, but I cannot breathe. It feels as if the air refuses to enter my lungs. I cry silently. It is too much. Everything is too much.
My hands move on their own. They wrap around my neck and squeeze with all my strength.
I think I am having a panic attack.
I hear a sound. Far away. Like an echo.
"Erica! Erica! We're going to be late to the game! You're the one who changed your mind and wanted to participate! Hurry up! I still need to use the bathroom! Erica, are you hearing me?"
I do not answer. I squeeze harder. My eyes start to blur for real. Black spots begin to appear in my vision.
"Ugh, Mom! Erica is hogging the bathroom!"
Lucas.
His voice pulls me back. It reminds me why I am still here. Why I cannot let fear win. I let go of my neck.
I slap myself.
Once.
Twice.
Again.
Until I can breathe. Until the pain calms me down, anchoring me and allowing me to pull myself back together.
Stand up, Erica. The Demogorgon campaign of Dungeons and Dragons is about to begin. And so is the real battle against the first Demogorgon.
Ready or not, it is here.
I clean my tears and force myself to be emotionless, as if nothing happened. As if I did not fall apart again. It is just another episode. Something that should not have happened in the first place. Idiot. You know you can only cry at night, when no one can see.
Everything is fine.
I am fine.
Everything is normal.
I am fine.
I am normal.
Lies. My brain corrects itself.
Shut up, I tell myself.
Everything will be okay.
I will fight.
Fight even if I am scared.
Fight even if I am small.
Because I need to. Stopping is not an option.
I look at myself in the mirror. I try to smile. I put my mask on again. A tear quietly escapes my eye. I wiped it away. Still smiling, I open the door and step out to confront my reality. I cannot let anyone see my weaknesses.
"Relax, Lucas. The bathroom is yours. I am already done," I say, as I do every day, hiding my pain without them knowing. When we wear a mask for a long time, people believe that it is you. Not the real version of yourself you keep hidden. Not the pain behind your smile. If you act normal, stability can continue. "Be careful not to be late. Otherwise, Dustin will complain a lot in my ear. I finally agreed because he does not give up. You know him. If we arrive a second late, he will panic."
"Shut up, Erica. You are the one who took so much time," Lucas replies as he purposely bumps into me while entering the bathroom.
When the door closes, my smile instantly drops. Emotionless again, I drag myself to my bedroom to check if I have everything necessary for tonight.