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[Chat]:[Anime_Fan]: RED! IT'S RED!
[Mecha_Head]: Does she have a horn? Is she three times faster than a normal Servant?
[Correction]: That's an ahoge (cowlick), not a horn. But the speed is definitely there.
[Simp_Nation]: Wait, look at that sword! It's jagged and weird and cool!
[Merch_Beggar]: Devs, please release a replica sword. My wallet is ready.
[LUL]: Look at Drake! "Dual-Wielding Granny!"
[Respect]: Don't call her Granny! That is a Pirate Mommy!
[Reference]: Why is everyone shouting "Three Times Faster"?
[Gundam_Fan]: Because she's red! It's a Char Aznable reference! Uncultured swines!
The chat was losing its collective mind, and the battlefield was just as chaotic.
On the deck of the Golden Hind, Nero charged. She moved like a crimson blur, her sword Aestus Estus raised for a decapitating strike. She was ignoring the laws of physics, running up the tilted deck as the ship surged over a massive wave.
Drake didn't panic. She didn't even flinch.
"Hah!" Drake laughed, spinning the wheel with her hip while drawing two flintlock pistols from her sash. "You've got spirit, Red! But you lack gunpowder!"
BANG. BANG.
She fired point-blank.
Nero tilted her head, her emerald eyes widening. She twisted her wrist, using the flat of her blade to deflect one bullet, and simply dodged the other with a matrix-like lean.
"Useless!" Nero cried, closing the distance. "My sword creates my destiny!"
She slashed down. It should have cleaved Drake in two.
But Drake raised her pistols. She crossed them in an 'X' block.
CLANG.
Steel met wood and iron. Sparks flew.
Nero gasped. "Impossible! Those are mere firearms! How can they withstand my Primordial Flame?!"
Drake grinned, her gold tooth flashing. She shoved Nero back, her strength defying her slender frame.
"Of course it's possible!" Drake roared. "Because I am the woman who makes the impossible, possible! That's what a Pioneer does, darling!"
[SKILL ACTIVE: PIONEER OF THE STARS (EX)]
This skill allowed Drake to turn "impossible" situations into "winnable" ones. Logic dictated her guns should break. Her skill said: No, they won't.
Drake used the opening. She didn't shoot; she kicked.
THUD.
Her boot slammed into Nero's stomach.
Nero, who had been expecting a sword fight, not a bar brawl, was launched backward. She flew through the air like a cannonball.
"Hard to starboard!" Drake shouted to her phantom crew. "FIRE ALL GUNS!"
The Golden Hind drifted sideways. The gunports opened.
BOOM. BOOM. BOOM.
A wall of black iron cannonballs screamed toward the airborne Emperor.
Nero twisted in mid-air, trying to deflect them, but there were too many.
CRASH.
Explosions blossomed around her. Smoke obscured the sky. Nero plummeted, hitting the water with a massive splash. She skipped across the surface like a stone—once, twice, thrice—before tumbling to a stop on a piece of floating debris.
She stood up shakily. Her red dress was tattered. Her sleeves were gone. Her skirt was... significantly shorter.
[Chat]:[Battle_Damage]: HOLY CRAP!
[DownBad]: WHITE! I SAW WHITE!
[Screen_Lick]:Licking monitor intensifies.
[Critic]: Shallow. The translucent skirt was better. Now it's just rags.
[Analysis]: Wait, Drake is dominating. Is she that strong?
Actually, Drake's stats were trash. Strength D. Endurance C. Agility B. Magic E. On paper, she was one of the weakest Servants.
But coincidentally, Nero also had terrible stats. Strength D. Endurance D.
It was a battle of the weaklings. But Drake had the Field Advantage.
[SKILL ACTIVE: VOYAGER OF THE STORM (A+)]
As long as Drake was on a ship or water, her stats received a massive buff. She was the Queen of the Ocean. Nero was just a tourist.
"Not bad, Pirate!" Nero shouted, wiping blood from her arm. Her dress was ruined, revealing pale skin and injuries, but the fire in her eyes hadn't dimmed. "You have ruined my favorite outfit! For that, I shall take your head!"
Nero prepared to charge again. She crouched, mana gathering around her feet for a super-jump.
But then, something grabbed her ankle.
"What?!"
Nero looked down. A silvery, liquid tentacle had risen from the water and wrapped around her leg. It was heavy, cold, and strong.
On the deck of the ship, Cipher adjusted his glasses. A blob of mercury floated next to him.
"Gotcha," Cipher muttered. "Volumen Hydragyrum. Restrain."
Nero was stuck.
"Now, Drake!" Cipher commanded. "Finish her!"
Drake leveled her pistols. The ship's cannons reloaded automatically.
"Goodbye, Red!" Drake grinned.
It was checkmate. Nero was immobilized, facing a full broadside.
But Nero smiled.
"You think this is enough to stop the Emperor?" she whispered.
Her sword, Aestus Estus, began to glow.
According to lore, this sword was forged from a meteorite—"The Tear of a Star." It wasn't a noble weapon of knights; it was a tool of passion and ego.
"BURN!" Nero screamed.
Crimson fire erupted from the blade. It wasn't normal fire; it was a conceptual flame of "hope" and "glory."
WOOSH.
The fire expanded, vaporizing the mercury tentacle instantly. It created a heat shield that detonated the incoming cannonballs before they could hit her.
Smoke cleared. Nero stood amidst the steam, looking like a goddess of war.
She looked up at the castle ramparts where Maverick was supposedly watching.
"MASTER!" Nero's voice rang out across the water. "Grant me permission! I wish to unveil my Golden Theater! I wish to use my Noble Phantasm!"
On the ship, Cipher frowned. "A Reality Marble? Here? That could be trouble."
He looked toward the castle, trying to spot Maverick to see if he would give the order.
Drake looked too. The chat looked too.
And then, everyone froze.
On the castle wall, there was no majestic Master giving orders.
Instead, there was a scene straight out of Benny Hill.
Maverick and Daisy (still naked, save for the "holy fog" censorship clouds) were running for their lives.
Chasing them was a swarm of small, black-robed figures wearing skull masks.
"HELP!" Maverick screamed, running past a turret.
"GET AWAY FROM ME!" Daisy yelled, bludgeoning a chibi-Hassan with her submachine gun stock.
The Assassin player had finally made his move. He hadn't come for the Servants. He had sent his Hundred Faces to swarm the defenseless, naked Masters.
Nero blinked. Her mouth hung open.
"Master?" she whispered. "Why are you... streaking?"
[Chat]:[LUL]: WHAT IS HAPPENING?!
[Chaos]: The pirate battle stopped because the Masters are getting chased by midget assassins!
[Cringe]: Put some clothes on, Maverick!
[Comedy_Gold]: This game is perfect.