In Zhan's mind, it felt like he had forgotten how to breathe.
He couldn't remember the last time he had inhaled properly. Even blinking seemed impossible. He just sat there in front of Yibo, listening.
Listening to Yibo's voice...the voice that was peeling away everything ignorance had once hidden from him. Things he never imagined could exist. With every word Yibo spoke, Zhan felt as if a heavy stone was being thrown into a deep well inside his chest...each one sinking slowly, dragging something down with it, leaving echoes that refused to fade.
Yibo wasn't looking at him when he went silent. His gaze drifted somewhere far away, as though he had stepped beyond the present and crossed into a place buried in memory...back to the time of the accident, back to when he was still with his brother.
And in that moment, Zhan realized that not everyone in Yibo's life would ever be allowed to know him the way he was being allowed to now.
Something inside Zhan twisted painfully. All the assumptions he had made about Yibo...his anger, his suspicions, his doubts...began to crumble, shrinking into something smaller and uglier. In their place, a new realization rose: he had judged Yibo unfairly.
Slowly, Yibo's voice continued, still without looking at Zhan.
"I carried his body into my car by myself. People were shouting...some said they had caught the truck driver, others were asking me about his car. I didn't listen. I just put A-Bo's body in the back seat and drove away. They only stepped aside when they realized I wasn't stopping."
He paused, then continued quietly.
"I don't know how long I stayed at the accident scene, but before I reached home, news of Banxia's death had already reached my family. And it arrived in the worst possible way...my mind couldn't even process it.
"Her relatives had seen me at the hospital before I left. When they couldn't find me afterward, the description they gave turned into my exact image. So the rumor spread everywhere...her house, our house, the entire neighborhood...that I had drugged Banxia, assaulted her, and she died at the hospital after I brought her there."
"So when I arrived home, the news had already spread everywhere, even though it was late at night. I could see it in the security guard's eyes when I reached the gate...his fear wasn't because of the horn I kept pressing. His hands were shaking when he opened the gate for me. And before I even parked the car, I saw Mom, my sisters, and the house staff rushing outside. Mom ran toward me, questions filling her eyes. She had no idea what I was carrying with me. Before she reached me, I lifted A-Bo's body onto my shoulders and stepped out."
His voice trembled slightly.
"I remember how her legs froze. I heard my sisters scream. The staff gasped. But everything else faded from my sight and hearing. I only saw Mom....her eyes filling with tears as she stared at us. My body started shaking when I reached her. I pulled her into a hug with A-Bo's body between us. For the first time in I don't know how long, I cried in her arms. I cried hard. I told her A-Bo was gone. That there had been an accident. I turned his face toward her so she could see for herself. Tao-ge and the others had to pull his body from my arms because blood was still dripping from him."
He swallowed.
"Even though it was night, the house quickly filled with people...mostly Mom's relatives. My father's family was mostly in Hong Kong. At that moment, the shock of A-Bo's death overshadowed the rumors about Banxia, even though her family was also in chaos over her death."
Zhan watched as Yibo closed his eyes, opened them, bit his lip, and continued.
"Our father wasn't home when everything happened. I don't know where he heard the news, but I know he heard it from Banxia's family. They told him everything the way they wanted him to hear it. And as always, without thinking twice, he believed them. The way he entered the house… the way he stood in the compound calling my name...his voice wasn't the harsh, rigid tone I was used to. It was something worse. Something I had never seen in him before."
Yibo's fingers curled into his palms.
"We were in Tao-ge's room, cleaning A-Bo's body, trying to remove the blood, while the house filled with people. Tao-ge and Danue-ge tried to stop me from going out when they heard Father calling my name and ordering people to bring me to him. But I don't know how I broke free. My hands were still wet from washing A-Bo when I walked out."
His voice dropped, heavy and raw.
"He was already shouting before I even stepped outside...saying things he probably didn't even realize he was saying. There was nothing he didn't say to me in front of everyone standing there… and more people kept gathering because of how loud he was."
"He said the biggest mistake of his life was becoming the father who brought me into this world. He swore that even though A-Bo was one of the sons he was proud of, if he could go back in time, he would never have had us. He said ever since I came into this world, I had been nothing but a disaster to him....that everything I touched was ruined, and that I had no right to disgrace him.
Everything I had done was reported to him, and he told them to call the authorities and do whatever they wanted to me because I was no longer his son. He disowned me. He hated me. He had hated me for a long time and had erased me from his life the moment he realized I would never be of any use to him.
So I had no right to share anything with him or his family after bringing such shame and chaos. He knew that everything I did to Banxia was because of him....because her father had invested heavily in his company. I wanted to destroy the relationship between him and Banxia's father, to sabotage his business.
He looked at the people around and asked why they were crying. Why were they crying because A-Bo was dead? Were they sure I hadn't killed him? Were they sure it wasn't jealousy that drove me to it....jealousy because he had everything I never had?
He turned back to me and said everything I had done that day would be the last thing I ever did concerning him or his family. He told me to leave his house, that there was no relationship between us anymore, and that I had no right to remain under his roof."
"People tried to calm him down, but he refused to listen. He couldn't even see them, let alone hear their words. He kept telling me to leave his house.
I stood there silently, not saying anything, not moving. Mom collapsed to her knees, crying in a way I still don't know how to erase from my heart. Her crying carried despair, guilt, and helplessness....she had known this would happen from the day she brought me into this world, yet nothing she did could stop it."
He took a slow breath.
"The only thing I did was push through the crowd and reach her. I held her hands with both of mine and begged her....begged her with everything I had...to let me go. She only cried, shaking as she stared at my father, who eventually turned away and left. I don't know how my plea reached her heart, but she finally agreed to let me go. Maybe she thought my leaving would cool everything down, especially since Banxia's family was already on their way to arrest me.
The moment she agreed, I didn't hesitate. I didn't even look back at A-Bo's body. I walked out of that house, stepping outside knowing it would be the last time my feet would ever cross that threshold."
Zhan hadn't realized he was holding his breath. Something tightened painfully in his chest as Yibo's words replayed in his mind.
The biggest mistake of his life was becoming my father…
He stared at Yibo sitting across from him, unable to reconcile the calm expression on his face with the devastating words he had spoken. His eyes showed no trace of the pain Zhan imagined...almost as if life had long taught him how to swallow pain before it ever reached his eyes.
Something tightened again in Zhan's chest....frustration, hurt… the realization that Yibo was used to this kind of pain.
"Tao-ge followed me with a bag of my belongings and some money. We didn't talk much. I only promised to contact him wherever I went. Then he left me and returned to the chaos in that house.
After that, my heart told me to leave Nanjing...to erase everything connected to that place. So I went straight to the station. I spent the night there and left for Beijing early the next morning. Even though I only attended boarding school there, it was the only place where I felt some kind of connection after my mother."
He glanced around the place they were sitting, then looked back at Zhan.
"This place, Zhan...the riverside station you're looking at right now...was the first place I lived in this city. When I arrived, I didn't know where to go or what to do. I just sat there, not even understanding what I felt. When night came, people started bringing out beds and mats and arranging them here.
When I asked, I was told some people provided temporary beds for newcomers who had nowhere to go. The place was cool and had few mosquitoes, so people liked sleeping here. That's why the idea started."
"I don't remember how many days I stayed. Maybe four months. Once I rented a bed, it became my only movement...during the day they packed everything away, and at night they brought them back. I paid every single day. I always stayed on this far side, away from people. Hunger was the only thing that made me move. People eventually knew me, even though I did nothing but think and wait for death."
"I lost weight, my skin darkened, my hair became tangled like someone living in the wild. The old man you saw earlier was a friend of Mr. Tang, who had lived at the station for years. Mr. Tang was the only one who cared about me. He checked if I had eaten, if I was okay, and even paid for my bed when I ran out of money.
Then one day, my bag was stolen. I had nothing left but the clothes on my body."
He paused, gathering his thoughts.
"Zhan, at that time, if you saw me, you'd probably wonder if I was sane. The day my fate changed, Mr. Tang brought me food and forced me to eat. Then he talked to me, begged me to get up and fix my life. He told me what I was doing was the same as stabbing myself slowly....that I was killing myself, and that I was fully aware of it.
His words and his age made me follow his advice that day. I stood up and left the station without even knowing what I wanted to do. That was the day I met a young man I often saw around the station...his name was Iso. He was surprised to see me outside and kept questioning me until I told him I was looking for a job."
"He immediately said he knew a place that would give me work and money quickly. Without thinking, I followed him. He took me on his motorcycle far away from the station. From the moment we arrived, I understood what kind of people lived there and what they did....but my heart was already numb to everything life had thrown at me, so I didn't even hesitate when he introduced me to the boss of the place, Basco."
Zhanxianyibo💚❤💛