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Chapter 150 - ★ 149 (ANTARES'S PAST I)

★149

ANTARES'S POV

I never knew what it meant to be alive, to truly belong to reality. Yet the day I opened my eyes, something stirred within me.

It wasn't a dreams or fragmented visions. The vision is clear and undeniably real. It felt as though I had lived an entire existence before that moment and had only just awakened from an immeasurably long sleep.

My mind brimmed with strange, cosmic thoughts, layered with intricate strategies and psychological constructs far beyond anything consciousness should possess.

It was overwhelming, yet familiar, like returning to a home I could not remember building.

Then, in an instant, it all collapsed.

Everything compressed inward, crushed into nothing. The thoughts, the plans, the memories—they vanished without warning, as though they had never existed. Silence flooded my mind and emptiness followed.

What remained was a hollow clarity—a perfect state of tabula rasa.

And yet… somewhere deep inside, it all still lingered. Not as memory but as the faintest echo. A distant life slipping away faster than I could grasp, leaving behind only the unsettling certainty that I had once been far more than this.

As my vision stabilised and the world finally settled into focus, the first thing that filled it was a woman.

She stood close—too close to be a stranger, yet utterly unfamiliar.

Her skin was flawless, pale like untouched porcelain. Long crimson hair cascaded down her shoulders, catching the light in soft waves, and her eyes matched it—deep red, steady, and impossibly gentle as they looked down at me.

For a moment, I forgot how to think.

'Who's this? How can someone be this beautiful?'

The questions formed clearly in my mind, sharp and coherent, yet when I tried to speak, nothing obeyed.

My throat tightened, my body refused to respond, and all that left my lips was a small, helpless coo. A baby's sound.

The realisation struck slowly. My thoughts were my own, far too aware for this new life, far too structured for a baby's mind. But the body I occupied wasn't. Perhaps, I wasn't occupying anyone. I was intentionally reduced to this state.

'Huh?'

The realisation struck hardened than reality.

Moments ago, I felt something. An ancient presence refined and honed to absolute perfection. Someone older than memory itself. Someone who once stood where I stood. And now… I had been reduced to this state.

'A baby?'

The last fragment of my previous existence slipped through my fingers like sand. I tried to hold onto it—names, sensations, the weight of power—but it all drifted away, dissolving into something distant and unreachable. Whatever I had been before was no longer mine to grasp.

They called it reincarnation, but still…

The word felt too clean for what this was. It sounded like a promise of continuation, yet all I felt was loss. A quiet, suffocating sense of being sealed away in flesh too small, too fragile, too new.

I lay there, unable to move, unable to speak, staring up at a world I did not recognise while the echoes of who I once was faded into silence.

"Huh?"

She repeated, softer this time.

"You really are the odd one, aren't you? Stars normally speak at birth. But you're… different."

I understood every word yet I couldn't reply.

My mouth opened, but only a weak sound came out, the helpless noise of an infant.

My arms—short, uncoordinated—lifted on instinct. My fingers closed around a strand of her crimson hair. I tugged without thinking or intent. The motion felt foreign, clumsy and almost automatic. She didn't seem to mind. If anything, she smiled.

I didn't know why I did it. There was no strategy, calculation or purpose behind the movement. Just the simple, meaningless curiosity of a newborn.

And in that moment, the truth settled quietly inside me. Everything I had been was gone. All that remained… was a baby stripped of what he once was.

"Your hair will soon grow. I can't wait to see you grow before my eyes."

I played with it for a while, ignoring her words. My tiny fingers lingered on her soft skin, and slowly I let go of her hair, my hand moving up to rest on her cheek.

"Soft, right? But not as soft as yours."

She teased, her laughter light as she tickled my tummy. I giggled uncontrollably, the sound bubbling from somewhere deep inside me.

But then… my hand drifted, accidentally brushing against something more delicate.

'Huh?'

Suddenly, the laughter died. My mind sharpened in a way that shouldn't have been possible. I wasn't a baby anymore—not entirely. I was concentrating.

'W..what's this?'

My small hands gently squeezed once, then twice, testing this foreign blossom.

'T…this…what is this?'

I felt my hands move on their own, drawn to the soft curves I didn't fully understand.

"Oh…what is this? You like it? Here…"

She slipped off her top, and my innocent eyes fell upon a forbidden sight, one I wasn't meant to comprehend.

"No silk concealing my body now."

She took my small hand, guiding it as I squeezed.

"You like it?"

She asked. I wanted to say yes, to admit it, but my voice couldn't form the words.

"B…boo…"

I struggled, trying to speak, to break free from this baby world.

"You're forming a word? Can I hear it again?"

"B…bo…booba!"

And just like that, my first word. I said it as my small palms explored the softness before me.

"Your first word. And it was…that."

She chuckled, watching the innocent baby at play.

"You'll be a naughty one when you grow."

I didn't know what days were, or if time even existed, but I kept moving forward in this baby world.

From crawling to taking my first wobbly steps, to learning another word besides "that," every moment was new. Ela watched over me, guiding me, laughing as I stumbled and fell, and cheering when I got back up.

Before long, I was running across the vast building, my small feet pattering over floors that felt endless. This whole space, every corner, every hidden nook—was mine to explore. Naturally, as a child, I wanted to see it all.

"No. You stay here. You can't go out so soon."

She said each time I tried to follow her, her voice firm but warm.

"O…ok…Bye."

I mumbled, waving, masking my expression as I obeyed.

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"Don't make such a cute face."

She cupped my tiny face in her hands and pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead.

"I'll be back before you even know it, okay?"

I nodded, the motion small but certain.

"Good."

She said, tousling my hair with a soft laugh before leaving.

I wasn't about to just sit and wait. A strategy was hidden behind my innocence. As a matter of fact, I wanted her out so I could try something new.

Every time she went out, I tried to sneak after her, trailing quietly, hoping to discover something new. But every attempt ended the same way—caught, or the building itself acting strangely, warping, or blocking me until I was back in my room.

No matter how far I ran, it felt like I was moving in place, my tiny feet spinning on the same spot.

I never made it. And still… I never stopped trying.

Then, one day, she was about to leave, and I've already planned a new soon-to-fail strategy and was waiting for her to leave...

"According to the laws of time I've set for you, you should be seventy years old by now. You're still a child, but children grow… and experience new things."

I listened, small and silent, like the child I was. Seventy years—that sounded like an impossibly long time, even if it was only artificial.

Then, my body began to glow unexpectedly. Before I could even react, my clothes faded away, replaced by a pristine white outfit. A mirror appeared before me, and I caught sight of myself.

"Do you like it? Or do you have some cool design in that tiny head of yours?"

She asked.

I studied my reflection. Nothing had changed much, but the formal white dress… it made me feel different. Elegant and somehow… more me.

"I love it."

I whispered, a small smile tugging at my lips.

"I'm glad you do. Come, let's go."

She gave me a hand and I took it. I obediently followed her without a word. She is all I have, so complaining or rejecting might not be an option.

We walked together in the sparkling crystalline hallway, hand to hand like a mother and her child.

As we moved, I couldn't help but glance up at Ela. Her beauty keeps evolving every day, and she's always calm and majestic.

"What, do I have something on my face?"

She asked, noticing I was looking at her without even looking.

"N..no. I was just thinking about you, Ela."

"Me?"

She asked, now turning to look at me. I nodded in response.

"Yeah. You're so perfect. I wonder if I'll get to be like you."

I spoke enthusiastically. At this moment, she's my role model, mentor, idol, mother, and many more. I spent the last 'seventy years' looking at her alone.

"Oh, Anta chan. You'll never get to be like me."

Those words hit hard, and I turned to look at her, but she wasn't looking in my direction.

"Wh..."

"You're already better than me. You just don't know it yet."

She replied with a smile.

"How will I get to know that? Will you tell me?"

"It'll take time before you get to know what I mean. But with time, I'll fill in some blanks for you. Don't rush. You have the whole time in the world."

After the long walk, we finally get to see the door at the end of the hallway. The door I couldn't reach after all my struggles.

Just like the walls, floor and ceilings, it was made of crystal but it was coloured unlike the transparent ones. The crystalline door was given off a faint pinkish glow.

"Ok. I'll wait. I won't run faster than my shadow."

"Good, Star."

"Star? I thought my name was Antares?"

I asked, confused.

"It is. A Star is just who you are. Just like other species have names and belong to different kinds, we—no, you—are a Star, and your name is Antares."

"Just like a human… but I'm a Star?"

"Yes. A Star as a Supreme Being, not your ordinary gaseous solar sphere in the cosmos."

As she spoke, the doors before us glided open on their own, silent and effortless, without a creak or hint of strain.

To be continued...

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