[AFFIRMATIVE.]
[HOST UNKNOWINGLY AVOIDED SIX DEATH SCENARIOS THROUGHOUT THE DAY BEFORE CHOOSING SUICIDE AS SEVENTH OPTION.]
"Are you fucking kidding me right now?"
Phei shot up and started pacing around his tiny-ass room like a rat trapped in a microwave. His brain felt like it was overheating. "I dodged death six times without even knowing? What is this, some Final Destination bullshit? Was a truck aiming for me? Did someone put poison in my lunch? What the actual hell, man?"
[INFORMATION RESTRICTED.]
"Of course it is," Phei said. "Wouldn't want life to be too easy for me, right? God forbid."
He let out this half-laugh, half-cough, running both hands through his messy hair. So apparently he'd been walking around yesterday—or next week, or last week, or whatever timeline clown fiesta this was—and Death had been following him around like some obsessed stalker who never got the hint.
Six times. Six full "welp, guess I'm dead" events, and he somehow dodged all of them by pure idiot luck.
And then, after surviving all that, after the universe giving him SIX freebies… he climbed up a building and jumped anyway.
The irony was so thick it could block a drain.
"Wow." Phei sat on his bed again, staring at the floor like the answers were written there. "That's… I don't even know. Poetic? Tragic? Dumb? Maybe all of it at once."
But honestly? What was he even supposed to feel?
He had hated his life. Like, deep-bone, soul-level hated it. Half the time he wasn't even living, just... existing. Going through motions like someone had unplugged him long ago. If he died during death event number one, would he even care?
Probably not.
And now this system was telling him it came to save him. For what? For his "happiness"? To protect him from destiny's murder obsession so he could get some happily-ever-after ending like a Disney princess with trauma?
"Let me guess," Phei said, voice dry enough to start a fire. "True love's kiss breaks the curse?"
[NEGATIVE. SEXUAL INTERCOURSE REQUIRED, NOT KISSING.]
[THOUGH KISSING MAY BE USEFUL FOR SEDUCTION PROCESS.]
"I wasn't being literal, you dumb toaster—" Phei stopped mid-insult, breathing in deeply. "Never mind. Forget it."
This whole thing felt like a giant cosmic prank. Like someone in the sky had too much free time and decided the funniest punchline ever was: "Hey bro, screw people or die."
The ends justify the means, right? That was the popular saying. And if he could just shut his eyes, swallow his disgust, and stick his dick—the one physical thing he actually had going for him, the only trait Danton probably envied—into one of the women who'd made his life miserable…
He'd get powers. Abilities. Some anime protagonist upgrade package.
It was basically the universe saying: "Jump into a volcano and you'll come out with superpowers."
Could he do it?
Phei stared at his shaking hands. His fingers twitched like they were arguing with themselves.
Yeah. Yeah, he could.
If he twisted it in his head. Made it about revenge. Payback. Balance. He could use them the same way they used him all these years. Take something from them instead of always being the walking donation box for pain and humiliation.
Sex revenge for power.
It sounded nasty. Wrong. Like something the villain would do in chapter 3 before getting punched by the hero.
But then again…
Victoria made him refold towels for four hours while she texted her friends about how funny it was.
Delilah literally held him down while her twin turned him into a human target. Sienna destroyed his laptop—his one personal item—didn't even pretend to be sorry. Melissa treated him like a housemaid with legs.
The academy belles blackmailed him, humiliated him, spread rumors about him like it was their job description.
Could anybody really blame him for wanting revenge at this point?
"Fuck it," Phei whispered. "I can do this. Even if I want to vomit the whole time, I can do it."
The words felt heavy inside him. Like swallowing a brick wrapped in regret.
But wait. Slow down. He was thinking too far ahead.
There was a bigger problem here. A gigantic one.
How the hell was a virgin with zero charisma supposed to seduce anyone?
Forget seducing—those girls didn't even look at him like he was human. He was basically background scenery to them. Wall decoration with legs.
Victoria, Delilah, Sienna—they were hot. Stupidly hot. Born-beautiful, money-polished hot. Skin glowing like they were dipped in moonlight every morning. Hair perfect even in hurricanes. Bodies shaped like they had personal trainers since they were toddlers.
The academy belles? Final boss level. Their whole existence felt Photoshopped. They had private chefs, spa treatments, caretakers, life coaches—basically everything short of divine blessings.
And what did he have?
Phei dragged himself off the bed and walked to his mirror. The cracked one on the closet door, cracked because Danton once threw a shoe at his head and thankfully missed.
He stared at himself. Really stared. No shortcuts this time.
His messy dark hair drooped all over his forehead like wet noodles. His eyes looked tired even when he wasn't tired, with dark circles underneath like he hadn't slept in ten years. His skin was pale in the "shut-in emo gamer" way, not the sexy vampire way.
His body was skinny like a stick that forgot to grow muscles. His clothes fit him wrong, hanging like they wanted to quit their job too.
He wasn't ugly. But he wasn't anything special either. He was the NPC you walk past ten times and still forget the face. A human loading screen. A beige wall with feelings.
"How the hell am I supposed to seduce anyone looking like this?" he asked the mirror.
The mirror stared back with the same dead eyes, clearly saying, "Bro, you're on your own."
"Seriously, System. Look at me." Phei pointed at himself like he was presenting a crime scene. "I look like I'm one skipped breakfast away from getting yeeted into another dimension by a fan. These women wouldn't sleep with me if I was the final DLC male on Earth and the human species needed patch notes to survive. They'd let humanity uninstall itself first."
[DING!]
[BEGINNER'S GIFT PACKAGE AVAILABLE!]
[CONGRATULATIONS ON SURVIVING YOUR FIRST TIMELINE ALTERATION!]
[REWARD: CHARM SPEECH LV.1 (DURATION: 24 HOURS)]
Phei blinked at the glowing text. His heart did a weird spasm, like it saw a police siren and panicked.
"Charm Speech?" He said it slow, like the syllables were suspicious. "What the hell is Charm Speech? Sounds like something a YouTuber scammer would shout before selling crypto."
[CHARM SPEECH LV.1: ABILITY GRANTS HOST ENHANCED VERBAL PERSUASION]
[EFFECTIVENESS: 60% ACCEPTANCE RATE ON TARGETS IN HEIGHTENED EMOTIONAL OR AROUSED STATES]
[DECREASED EFFECTIVENESS ON TARGETS IN NEUTRAL OR HOSTILE EMOTIONAL STATES]
[NOTE: ABILITY AFFECTS TONE, CADENCE, AND SUBCONSCIOUS RECEPTIVITY OF LISTENER]
[DURATION: 24 HOURS FROM ACTIVATION]
[ACTIVATE NOW?]
His mouth dried up like he just remembered he hadn't drunk water since 2019. Sixty percent. Six. Zero.
If he used this thing on someone already heated or aroused? They might actually listen? Agree? Let him… yeah?
That was either peak insanity or the exact cheat code he needed to stop being the universe's punching bag.
Probably both.
"Hold up, pause." Phei started pacing again, waving his hands like a guy explaining why his NFT art had potential. "This is brain-melting, man. What, I just talk, and suddenly hot people wanna say yes to fuck me? That's not— that's not even physics. That's not even anime physics. That's… TikTok guru bullshit!"
[SYSTEM OPERATES BEYOND STANDARD REALITY PARAMETERS.]
[HOST ACCEPTANCE REQUIRED FOR ABILITY ACTIVATION.]
"Yeah, no kidding." He dragged a hand down his face. "But what if it flops? What if I turn this thing on, walk up to someone like… Aunt Melissa, and it does nothing?"
He could already imagine it. Melissa's face turning into that disappointed-celebrity look. The type you see when a pop star gets asked about their ex in an interview.
She'd demolish him. With words. With volume. With that professional-grade aunt fury. Hell, she might even kick him out of the house entirely. "You DARE speak to me like that? After everything we've done for you?"
Or worse, school girls.
If he tried this on Sierra or one of those academy princesses, and it fizzled?
Boom.
Instant campus-wide newsflash. Group chats exploding. Whisper networks turning into thunder.
"Did you hear? The charity boy tried to flirt with me. I almost got secondhand cringe."
"The audacity. The bravery. The stupidity."
He could practically smell the social death, thick like burnt popcorn.
His already tragic life would nosedive into full apocalypse mode. The kind of disaster that got documentaries made about it.
He swallowed hard.
This charm thing… it could turn him into a menace, a monster, a walking red flag with buffed charisma.
Or it could turn him into a public meme.
Both were terrifying.
Both were possible.
And the worst part?
He kinda needed it.