Snoring.
As he rose from the depths of a cold and empty void, he heard snoring.
A deep and harsh sound which sawed through his brain and made him flinch.
His mind struggled to make sense of the sound for a moment. But a lifetime spent on a battlefield had worked to give him a faster mental recovery than most.
Warmth.
In his arms.
Feminine.
Small.
"Crazy girl!" He squawked, shoving her out of the coffin with a shocked sweep of his arm. "What are you thinking?"
"Eep!" The girl slammed down onto the ground, and stared up at him in surprise. "What'd you do that for?"
He scrambled to get out of the coffin and reached for his tunic. "What do you mean? Why are you here?"
"I told you! You saved me," she scowled. "Now you have to take responsibility!"
"What are you talking about?"
"I want to be a Bride!"
"I don't care! That's not my business! Go find the Brides and ask them to take you in!"
"I did! They said no!"
He blinked at her.
Scratched his head thoughtfully. "Well, I don't blame them."
"Hey!" Her eyes widened. "Why would you say that?"
"The Brides don't take in trash," he said. "They only take ladies."
"I'm a lady!"
"What kind of lady climbs into a man's coffin?"
"You're not a man," she countered. "You're a vampire."
"A vampire who is a man!"
"It's different!"
"Not to the Brides! They want girls who are nice. Not rude girls."
"What are you saying? I'm not rude!" She crossed her arms, glaring sullenly. "I'm a good girl."
"Then why are you even in my room?"
"I told you! You have to take responsibility!"
"Tch." He pressed his fingers to his forehead and sighed. He had to calm down. They were both shouting at each other. "How troublesome."
"I'm not troublesome!"
He squinted down at her. "You are very troublesome. What is your name, silly girl?"
She hesitated.
Enough that he knew a lie was coming.
So, before she could speak, he held up a finger. "Lie to me, and I'll break your legs and toss you into the street."
"You wouldn't!"
"I would."
"But I'm a lady! You couldn't do that to a lady!"
"A lady wouldn't be in my room. Now. Your name."
"Lucy," she growled, stamping her feet. "Lucy Westenra. There! Are you happy now?"
"No."
She cocked her head. "You don't recognise my name?"
"Should I?"
"You don't know the Westenra family?"
"No."
"But that's impossible. You have to know my family."
"I am Vlad of the Black Dragon Court," he snapped, trying to hide his embarrassment. It was possible he should know her name. It had been a long time since he was alive, so many things might have changed. For all he knew, she could be royalty. "Your name is not important to us."
"Really?" She gawped at him in disbelief. Then closed her mouth and a sly smile worked its way across her lips.
He didn't like it.
"Call me Lucy," she said with a cunning smoothness he liked even less. "Please, Vlad. Won't you call me that?"
"It's your name," he snorted. "What else would I call you, silly girl."
"No, not that! Call me my name!"
"What? Lucy?"
"Ha!" She reeled happily, clapping her hands. "Say it again! It sounds so nice!"
"Did you hit your head?"
"No." She smiled at him, her teeth white and perfect. "Now. Make me your Bride."
"I told you, silly girl! I can't! It doesn't work that way. Don't you know anything?"
"But in all the books-"
"What books?"
Her face flushed pink. "Well… You know… Books…"
"What sort of books?"
"Romantic ones?"
Vlad sighed. Then gave her head a gentle bat with his hand. "Silly girl. That's not how the world works. Get those nonsense things out of your head. Only a Bride can make you a Bride."
"Are you sure?"
"Of course I'm sure!"
"But why?"
"Don't ask silly questions. You're a human, not a vampire. We don't discuss these things with mortals."
"Then how can I get them to accept me?"
"Well, there's lots of ways. You have to prove yourself to them."
"How?"
"Battle," he said with a shrug. "Challenge them to a fight and win."
"I can't fight," she pouted. "Isn't there anything else I can do?"
"Can you do magic?"
"Magic?"
"Yes," he sighed, rolling his eyes. "Sorcery."
"I know what it is!" She stamped her little foot again. "But how can a human do magic?"
"I don't know," he said. "It's not my business."
"What else?"
"Make a donation."
"Of?"
"Gold."
"I can't. My father has cut me off."
"Then you need someone to spo-" He snapped his mouth shut before saying anything else. "There's nothing you can do about it. Forget it. Go home, silly girl."
"You're lying! You were about to say something good!"
"Don't be stupid. You're too weak to be a Bride anyway. You can't use magic. You can't fight. And you're not rich. What good are you?"
"That's a horrid thing to say."
"It's true, though."
"It's… horrid."
"Well. Nothing I can do about it."
"There is. You were going to say something. You know a way! Tell me. Tell me, Vlad. Please? Tell me what it is!" She wheedled as she grabbed his arm and stared up at him like a little kitten.
Her eyes were very big.
And very blue.
And her hair was very blonde.
Like straw.
Fresh golden straw.
"You need a sponsor," he said, almost automatically. Then cursed himself. "I thought you couldn't use magic!"
"I can't," she giggled. Then tapped his forehead with a finger. "You're just silly enough to fall for my cute face."
"What are you talking about?" He pulled on his tunic and snatched up his sword. "You're not cute!"
"I am so!"
"Are not!"
"I am," she said firmly. "And you'll sponsor me, won't you?"
"Why would I do that?"
She batted her eyelids at him. Her lashes fluttered prettily.
Her lips were very red.
She'd look good with fangs, he thought.
Then shook his head and scowled. "No. It won't work twice."
"Yes, it will," she said, snatching his wrist and refusing to let go as he collected his loot. He still hadn't had a chance to go through it all. "You'll see. I'll make you fall in love with me and you'll do everything I say. I give you an hour. Two at most."
"What nonsense!" He turned on her suddenly as another thought occurred. "How the Hell did you get in here anyway? I locked my door! Harriet let you in?"
"No. She didn't even see me come in."
"Then how?"
She looked up at him with an innocent gaze.
Her eyes slowly emptied of thought.
She looked cute again.
And vulnerable.
Very vulnerable.
Slowly, she reached up and patted his cheek. "I'm very, very sneaky, Vlad."
"Let go of my hand."
"No."
"If you don't, I'll cut it off."
"Why would you cut off your hand?"
"Not mine! Yours!"
"You wouldn't!"
"I would!"
"But I'm a lady. And I'll soon be your Bride. You should be nice to me."
"You're not going to be my Bride!"
"Yes, I will. I just decided. I like you. You've got nice hair. And your shoulders aren't bad, too. I'll be your Bride, and you can protect me." She giggled. "Just like in the stories!"
"Silly girl," he hissed tugging at his arm, but she was surprisingly strong for such a little girl.
He could break her hand.
He could snap every bone in her fingers without much effort.
But something he didn't want to tell her was how he really didn't like to hurt women.
Not even Turkish ones.
As he stomped down the hall, she skipped along beside him. Her fingers like rings of iron.
It felt like there was a chain between them.
A heavy chain.
"Good morning, dear customer," Harriet called. Then did a doubletake. "I was sure there was only one of you."
He stopped in front of the bar and slapped a hand down to express his displeasure. "You didn't tell me this place had rats."
"Rats?"
"Yes." He jerked his head at Lucy. "Rats."
"She's not one of my rats," Harriet said indignantly.
"But she broke into my room."
"She did?" The vampire hostess turned her gaze to Lucy with a surprised expression. "That's interesting. How did she do that, I wonder?"
"It's a secret," Lucy said with a light sniff. "Anyway, I'm his Bride."
"Oh," Harriet said. Then smiled widely. "I'm glad it ended well, then."
"She is not my Bride!"
"I am so!"
"You are not!"
Harriet looked from one to the other. "Are you sure? You argue like a couple."
"Tch." Vlad stormed away. "Don't think I'll be recommending this place to my brothers!"
"Once they hear you woke up in your coffin with a pretty girl, they might all come at once!" Harriet called cheerfully.
"She's right," Lucy hummed as they left the inn. "And I'm such a good Bride, so they won't be able to resist."
He spun on her, feeling his anger spike.
Then grabbed her hair and yanked her down as a bolt speared through the air where her face had just been and buried itself in the inn's wall.
"Oh no," she wailed, looking up at the quivering bolt. "Not again!"