About an hour passes, and Aizawa-sensei and I are still in the closet. We've just finished, and I take a deep breath as I try to get dressed as quickly as possible, even though I know full well that the memory of today will linger in my head for a long time. My fingers are still shaking as I adjust my bra straps over my shoulders, my shirt clinging to my still-damp skin, almost sticky. I hope it's not too obvious. I run a hand through my unruly hair, but it's no use: it's all electrified...and I can't tame it.
He's already two steps ahead, with his usual slightly hunched back, his shoulders just wide enough. He walks with that feline grace that distinguishes him, every movement seeming calculated, almost predatory. I've been watching him for months now, so I know. I know exactly how that back arches when he's enjoying himself, when he loses control. I know exactly when his voice gets hoarse, when he whispers orders that are disguised pleas.
"We have to go," he says.
Those words bring me back to reality. Even though it bothers me a little... he says it as if nothing had happened. As if I still didn't have the taste of him in my mouth, as if I still didn't feel the weight of his hands on my hips.
***
The next morning, I wake to the sound of the open windows chirping and the smell of coffee wafting down from the kitchen. As always, Mom Tara is in the living room, already busy arranging breakfast on the glass table, and then there's Dad Mirio, trying to grab a slippery pancake from the central plate. There's a sweet smell in the air that makes me smile.
"Good morning, little explorer!" Dad exclaims, balancing the pancake on a spoon as if he were about to put on a circus act. He winks at me, but I can't resist. I walk over to him and tug the pancake onto his plate. His gaze darkens, feigning sadness.
"If you fall today, at least you'll fall with style," he says, wiping away his fake tears with his hands.
"Dad..." I whisper, blushing.
Mom Tara giggles, adding more pancakes to the large plate in the center of the table. "Don't listen to him. You can do this, honey. You know what it means to be prepared...even if you haven't lost any sleep over the mission yet."
I sit down and take a sip of hot milk with my coffee.
"Today...I have to go on a mission with the combat team...so that idiot brother will be there too." I say softly, trying to sound braver than I actually feel. I'm genuinely worried about what might happen, so I grip the cup even tighter, looking up at Dad.
Dad approaches, placing a hand on my shoulder. He nods, wanting me to understand that he's already aware of the situation.
"Listen, little one. It takes more than just strength or a quirk to win. It also takes brains, heart, and...a little improvisation." He winks again, pulling me closer. "And you're already good at improvising. I'll be on the mission too, anyway."
"Really?!" I exclaim enthusiastically.
Dad nods, while Mom Tara smiles, placing another plate full of pancakes in front of me.
"Don't forget to breathe, Eri. Trust yourself and remember...even if something goes wrong, we'll always be here. To laugh at your misadventures, of course. You are a hero, after all."
I smile, feeling a little less under pressure. Dad Mirio nods with conviction.
"Yes. And if anyone tries to underestimate you...well, it will have to do with my hand and your incredible determination!"
A little warmth fills my chest.
"Thanks, Mom, Dad," I murmur.
"You're welcome, little Togata. Go and show them what it means to be brave...but above all, show your brother that being a hero isn't just about throwing punches!"
I stand up, feeling very energized. I grab my backpack, sling it over my shoulders, and take a deep breath: I'm ready to go. Before I open the front door, however, I turn to them one more time, my eyes shining.
"I'll do my best... I promise."
Both, almost in unison. "We already know!"
I smile
A little later...
"The bus should be here by now. Gather all your things and meet me at the exit. Hurry!"
Aizawa-sensei is more excited than anyone else.
I nod, running toward the medical lab, where we keep all our things. I grab a stethoscope and some syringes, throw them into my backpack, and run downstairs toward the exit. There's already a few people sitting on the bus, but from a distance I can't quite make out their faces. I tiptoe closer, looking around, and climb the steps that lead inside one at a time. From afar, an arm rises and waves. It's Tess's arm.
"Erii! I'm here!" I hear her exclaim.
I reach her; she's sitting in the back. I sit next to her, on the window side. In front of us, Ren and Reina are having a heated discussion about Alpha Class combat strategies, while Kaito, completely focused, is trying to solve a Rubik's Cube as if he were defusing a bomb.
"Oh my God, Eri, what have you been up to? Have you been sleeping so little?"
I look at Tess menacingly but don't answer. She smiles mischievously, as if to say, "Okay, I already understood everything," when she turns away, grabs her backpack, and picks up her headphones.
"Actually, I started running like crazy," I reply.
And Aizawa-sensei?
I look around until I see him arriving, slowly climbing the bus steps one at a time, his look already tired before he's even started. I don't know how he manages to be so... handsome. Always.
I bite my lower lip, as usual when I see him approaching. I shouldn't look at him like that, not in front of everyone, and especially not with Tess next to me. I really shouldn't, I know. But I don't want to pretend anything anymore. I think he'll have noticed that I want something more, beyond this game of glances and silences.
Behind Aizawa-sensei, Present Mic appears, much to Tess's delight.
"Well, well, well," she says, giving me her usual nudge. "Look who we see, Eri. All our boys. Can't you tell I have a certain...satisfied look, too?"
I turn to look at her, focusing more on the details... and indeed, it's just as she says. Guilty look, disheveled hair, shortness of breath, bright eyes.
"So...you two too..." I don't finish my sentence before she's already nodding, shrugging.
"Sure! We're going on a mission, Eri. We don't know if we'll make it back alive, so...we have to make the most of it."
I smile mischievously.
They both approach us, walking slowly and counting if we're all there. When Hizashi-sensei sees me, however, he bursts out laughing. His usual infectious laugh.
"God, Shou, you have to stop ruining this poor girl's life. It's obvious that you two..."
Aizawa-sensei doesn't respond, doesn't laugh, doesn't move. He's a statue of ice, his black eyes staring beyond us, as if he's not listening to his friend. But I know he's hearing every word. That he's recording every detail.
Suddenly, I see Ryota, my stepbrother, come up. I see him immediately, impossible not to notice. Tight-fitting shirt, short blond hair framing his face, lively, tenacious red eyes that glare at everything in front of them. He's laughing at something Rumi, his current girlfriend, who's sitting next to him, but when she looks up and meets my face, her smile fades.
For a moment, the air becomes heavy. Ryota stares at me with an intensity that makes me uncomfortable, as usual, as if he can read my every thought, my every secret. As if he can sense Aizawa-sensei on me. I immediately look away, my heart pounding. There's no way he knows about us. He can't know it!
Then Ryota shifts his attention to Tess, and something in his demeanor shifts. His lips curl into a sneer, his red eyes blazing with challenge. Tess stares back, her body tense, ready to pounce.
Oh no, I think. Not now, not here, please! In any case, they're not telling me the truth.
"So, doctors!" a familiar voice calls out behind me. "Are you finished playing with the test tubes? Or was there something more... stimulating to analyze?"
I turn: Hawks-sensei.
He laughs, patting me on the back, making me jump.
Aizawa-sensei in front of me stiffens, his eyes narrowing.
"Hawks..."
He raises his hands, feigning innocence.
"Sorry, sorry... I know, I was an asshole last time. But now I was just joking! Don't worry. Anyway, Eri... I'm sorry. For everything."
I nod, shaking my head. Then I step back a bit, taking cover behind Tess, who gives me a sympathetic look.
"But how do you put up with it?" my friend whispers, but there's a glint in her green eyes. "But...have you seen how protective your Aizawa-sensei is? I think he likes you more than he'd like to admit."
I don't answer. I can't. Because if I open my mouth, something too honest, too desperate would come out. I want it with all my fucking heart!
Well, after about ten minutes, the others take their seats: Aizawa-sensei sits a few rows back, next to Hizashi, who doesn't stop talking. Ryota sits up front, with his legs spread, taking up more space than necessary. His red eyes turn again, meeting first mine, then Tess's. And this time, there's no smile. It seems more like...a defiant attitude.
"So," Tess says, her voice low, just for me. "Tell me everything. Don't leave out any details. I want to know if he's as good as he seems. I want to know if he made you scream. I want to know if..."
"Hey!" I nudge her, blushing. "That's not how it works!"
"Oh, come on." Tess gives me the sweet eyes. "I'm your best friend. Besides, you know I don't judge. In fact, I'm happy for you. You finally did something instead of hanging around him like a scared puppy."
I sigh, looking out the window. The city lights whizz by, a blur.
"Don't make it so simple, Tess."
"I know."
She grabs my hand until it's crushed. "But you deserve to be happy. And if Aizawa-sensei doesn't realize that...well," there's the mischievous smile. "I realize that."
I laugh, even though my eyes sting a little.
"You're impossible," I say, "But I love you."
"I know." Tess leans in, lowering her voice even further. "But tell me at least one thing. How was it? Really, though."
I close my eyes for a second. How can I describe it? How can I explain that everything was... (between pain, pleasure, shame, ecstasy) magnificent? That for the first time I felt seen, even if only for a few moments. That I'd like to do it again, even though I know full well it would destroy me. Both mentally and physically.
"It was..." I hesitate. "It was as if for a moment we were truly each other. Without masks, without lies."
She smiles, giving me a real, tender smile.
"Then it was perfect."
As we laugh quietly, I notice Aizawa-sensei get up from his seat and approach me, in front of everyone. I hold my breath; his body is almost overwhelming. We don't touch, we don't look at each other, but I feel every little movement, every breath, as if my body were in tune with his.
"If anything happens," he says finally, in a voice so low I have to tilt my head to hear it. "Please, don't stop. Save as many people as possible. I'll have to be up front, on the front lines. I'm not here to be a party pooper, but...some of us might not make it. So...just know that you..." He hesitates for a moment, turning his gaze to me. I feel his eyes burning. "I care about you. A lot. If I were to die...it was all really beautiful. Thank you."
I hesitate for a moment. Then my eyes widen, incredulous. Those words devastate me. I want to say many things too, so I open my mouth, but my heart is pounding too fast, shyness takes over, and I automatically close it again. I lower my gaze and nod slightly. My cheeks are on fire.
I feel a lump in my throat. Aizawa-sensei doesn't say anything else, but as the bus accelerates and the city lights begin to pass by the window, I feel his hand brush my knee, just for a second.
A small, almost imperceptible gesture.
But for me, it's everything.