Chapter 84: Dreams, Demons, and Dumbass Rabbits
The titanic clash in the Soul Arena ended not with a whimper, but with the percussive symphony of nine hundred and ninety-eight wooden fists hammering a Perfect Susano'o into metaphysical scrap. The psychic feed cut just as Madara's enraged howl reached its crescendo, leaving the Pure Land spectators in a state of stunned silence, followed by digital pandemonium.
[Uchiha Madara: HASHIRAMA! YOU TREACHEROUS, UNDERHANDED, SAP-LICKING—!]
[Hashirama Senju: But Madara! I did give you two hands! Go check the replay! See for yourself! Two whole wooden hands, right there!]
[Uchiha Madara: YOU CALL THOSE HANDS?! DO I LOOK LIKE A MORON TO YOU?!]
[Hashirama Senju: Well... next time I could give you legs?]
[Uchiha Madara: THE POWER IS IN THE HANDS, YOU IMBECILE! WHAT GOOD ARE LEGS?!]
[Hashirama Senju: Hands and feet, then? A full set!]
[Uchiha Madara: SCREW YOU AND YOUR BOTANICAL BULLSHIT!]
Ren, walking along the sodden path through the Land of Waves' coastal jungle, couldn't suppress a chuckle. Dazhu, that was genuinely dirty. You made Boss Ban curse up a storm.
[Hashirama Senju: Dazhu? That's a new one. I prefer 'God of Shinobi' or 'First Hokage.' Sounds more... majestic.]
Majestic is overrated, Ren thought back. 'Dazhu' is affectionate. You're the eldest pillar of the Senju. It's grounded. Humble.
[Tobirama Senju: By that logic, I suppose I'd be 'Erzhu'? The Second Pillar?]
How about 'Erha'? Ren suggested, grinning inwardly. Second Dog? It has a certain... loyal charm.
[Tobirama Senju: ... I will pretend I did not receive that transmission.]
[Uchiha Madara: Mark my words, Hashirama! Vengeance will be mine! This insult will not stand!]
[Hashirama Senju: Come now, Madara. We can disagree and still be friends!]
[Uchiha Madara: WE ARE NOT FRIENDS! WE ARE ARCH-NEMESES WITH A COMPLICATED HISTORY THAT MAY OR MAY NOT INVOLVE SUBTEXT! GET IT RIGHT!]
Madara fumed in his corner of the afterlife, his spectral hair practically crackling with indignant energy. Just wait, he seethed. Once Obito resurrects me, the first thing I'm doing is digging up every Senju grave in Konoha. I'll do it in front of that Ren brat. Let Hashirama watch from his precious Pure Land stream.
After a brief, damp rest, the team moved on, escorting a nervous Tazuna down overgrown trails toward his village. The mist here was different from the sea fog—thicker, colder, clinging to the leaves and muffling sound. It was the perfect atmosphere for Kakashi's quiet, persistent interrogation.
"So," Kakashi began, his voice casual but his single eye sharp. "The Water Severing Wave. An A-rank technique, notable for its chakra blade properties and difficulty in shape transformation. The Earth Release: Rock Pillar Prison. A B-rank capture technique requiring precise chakra infusion into unworked earth. And your water-walking control while carrying a person under duress... that's Jonin-level chakra management. You want to tell me where a freshly-minted genin picks up a toolkit like that?"
Ren kept his eyes scanning the mist-shrouded trees. "I'm a quick study."
"Quick enough to master techniques that take seasoned shinobi years? The Flying Thunder God was Minato-sensei's life's work. The Rasengan took him three years to develop."
Ren shrugged. "Some people are just built different."
[Tobirama Senju: Sakumo's boy is right to be suspicious. If I hadn't witnessed the donation mechanics firsthand, I'd assume the brat was an Otsutsuki plant.]
[Uchiha Izuna: The entire streaming system defies explanation. Questioning its results is like questioning why the sky is blue. It simply is.]
[Minato Namikaze: It's still unfair! Three years of Rasengan development! Three!]
[Tobirama Senju: Three years of... kneading and rubbing, was it? Your wife must have remarkable patience.]
[Minato Namikaze: What does my wife have to do with the Rasengan's rotational mechanics?!]
[Kushina Uzumaki: Facepalms in the afterlife]
[Hashirama Senju: Instant inheritance... it reminds me of a dream I once had.]
The chat paused.
[Tobirama Senju: A dream? Brother, what are you on about now?]
[Hashirama Senju: When I first awakened Wood Release! An old man with horns appeared in my dream. He said the power had belonged to his son, and he was passing it to me. I think he said his son's name was... Asura? Something like that.]
[Tobirama Senju: ...By the Sage. So that's how you did it overnight. You got a cheat code from a dead god.]
[Uchiha Madara: Tch. I had a dream like that too. Some pompous old fool with a staff babbled about me having his son's 'essence.' Said his son liked playing with spinning tops. Ridiculous.]
[Tobirama Senju: Did he... grant you power?]
[Uchiha Madara: Grant me power? I told him to get lost. I don't take handouts from senile ghosts. I think I punched him. It was a very satisfying dream.]
[Uchiha Tajima: YOU HIT YOUR PROGENITOR?! YOU UNGRATEFUL WHELP!]
[Tobirama Senju: ...I have no words.]
Back in the living world, Ren decided to lean into the absurd. He stopped walking and turned to face Kakashi directly, a look of profound innocence on his face.
"Those techniques? They're trivial, really. I see them, I understand them. It's like... reading. Some people struggle with basic characters. I read the entire library in an afternoon." He spread his hands. "If you don't believe me, pick a technique. Any technique. Show it to me once. I'll have it mastered before we reach Tazuna's village."
Kakashi stared, his eye flat and disbelieving. "You're serious."
"Why would I joke? Though..." Ren's head tilted slightly, his gaze shifting from Kakashi to a dense thicket of ferns about twenty meters to their left. His sensory awareness, honed by Minato's Meditation technique and his own sharp instincts, had picked up a small, rapid heartbeat. A life sign, weak and skittish. Not human. "...now might not be the best time for a demonstration."
Kakashi followed his gaze, instantly on alert. "What is it?"
Before Ren could answer, Naruto, keyed up and desperate to prove himself after the boatman incident, lunged forward.
"Enemies! Leave this to me!" he yelled, and hurled a kunai with all his might toward the thicket. It was a wild, unpracticed throw, driven by panic and bravado.
"NO!" Kakashi, Sasuke, and Ren shouted in unison.
"Naruto, you idiot!" Sakura cried.
The kunai sailed through the air and embedded itself in a rotten log with a solid thunk. A moment of silence. Then, a small, pure white snow hare burst from the ferns right next to the log, its eyes wide with terror. It froze for a second, staring at the humans, then bolted into the deeper woods.
Kakashi was on Naruto in a flash, delivering a sharp thwack to the back of his head with his knuckles. "You blundering fool! You throw a lethal weapon without confirming a target?! What if that had been a villager? A child?!"
"Ow! But... but Ren was staring right at it!" Naruto protested, rubbing his head.
Ren sighed, the tension draining from his shoulders. "I was staring past it, Naruto. And I never said there were enemies. I said it wasn't a good time for Kakashi-sensei to teach me a jutsu. Because I was listening to a rabbit's heartbeat."
Naruto blinked. "...A rabbit?"
"Yes. A rabbit. Which you nearly skewered in a blind panic." Ren shook his head. "Rule one of ambush detection: not every anomaly is an assassin. Sometimes, it's just lunch."
The mist around them seemed to grow heavier, swallowing the sound of the fleeing hare. The brief comedy of error had passed, leaving them once again in the oppressive, silent grey. Kakashi's reprimand hung in the air, a reminder of their greenness, their danger.
And somewhere in that same mist, far closer than the rabbit had been, a true predator watched the exchange, a massive, executioner's blade resting silently on his shoulder. He had seen the panic, the poor discipline, the skilled one distracted by the fool.
A cruel smile spread behind his bandaged face. Konoha's children were as predictable as they were fragile.
The demonstration would come soon enough. And it wouldn't involve rabbits.