Chapter 74: Unrestrained Recklessness
"Heh, it's good for young people to be spirited. Since you're so eager, I'll make an exception. A C-rank mission." Hiruzen Sarutobi smiled around his pipe, the picture of a benevolent patriarch.
The effect was immediate. Naruto whooped. Sasuke straightened, a flicker of interest in his eyes. Even Sakura perked up, the drudgery of D-ranks momentarily forgotten.
"Really? Really?! Gramps, you mean it?!" Naruto was practically vibrating, his earlier insolence replaced by starry-eyed hero-worship.
Gramps now, is it? Ren observed silently. The old fox's play is masterful. Emotional manipulation 101.
"Of course. However," Hiruzen's gaze shifted to Ren, "Team 7 will have a temporary addition for this assignment."
Naruto followed his look. "Jiang Cheng?!"
"Correct." Hiruzen nodded sagely. "This is an escort mission for a vital client. Jiang Cheng is your class's top graduate and has recent Anbu internship experience. His presence will be an asset."
The explanation was smooth, plausible, and almost entirely for Naruto's benefit. The real reasons—jinchūriki surveillance, contingency planning—hung unspoken in the air.
Naruto, of course, ate it up. "YES! With Jiang Cheng, we're unstoppable!"
Kakashi's visible eye crinkled in relief. One less thing to worry about. The kid's a force multiplier.
Uchiha Sasuke's expression darkened. Him again. The one who humiliated me. Fine. This mission will be different. His hand drifted unconsciously to the new, heavier weight in his kunai pouch—a technique he'd been grinding in secret.
Sakura Haruno's feelings were a tangled knot. Part of her heart fluttered at the prospect of days (weeks?) in close proximity to the handsome, powerful boy who'd dominated her thoughts since the academy. Another part, the part that remembered broken ribs and a hospital bed, recoiled. She settled for a tense silence, letting the current of events carry her.
"Now then," Hiruzen continued, "your client—"
"WAIT!" Naruto interrupted, striking a pose. "Who is it? The Daimyo? A feudal lord? A PRINCESS?" His eyes shone with imagined glory.
Kakashi sighed audibly. Idiot. Those people hire jōnin teams, not fresh genin.
"You'll meet him shortly." Hiruzen raised his voice slightly. "You may enter!"
The office door swung open.
A disheveled, reeking old man stumbled in, clutching a half-empty bottle of cheap liquor. His eyes were bloodshot, his gait unsteady.
Tazuna. Right on cue. Ren's internal clock ticked forward. Land of Waves. Zabuza. The plot thickens.
"Wha—? KIDS?!" Tazuna slurred, squinting at them. "You expect brats to protect me?" He took a swig, wiping his mouth with a grimy sleeve. "Especially that runty, stupid-looking one!" He jabbed the bottle toward Naruto. "Is he even all there? Looks mentally deficient to me."
"Heh heh... runty, stupid, mentally deficient..." Naruto chuckled, playing along until he noticed Jiang Cheng, Sasuke, and Sakura subtly shifting away from him. He looked left. He looked right. He was, objectively, the shortest person in the group.
The laughter died in his throat. Realization dawned, slow and horrifying.
"HE'S TALKING ABOUT ME?!"
[System Notification: Live Stream Active]
[Viewers: 175 Pure Land Residents]
[Current Donation Pool: 481 viewer points]
[VIP Highlight: Collective Secondhand Embarrassment]
Tobirama Senju (VIP5): A dry, hacking sound that might be spectral laughter. Fourth. This is the "hidden potential"?
Uchiha Izuna (Regular Viewer): I've seen fools. This is a new archetype.
Minato Namikaze (VIP1): He's... breaking the ice! Lightening the mood! It's a social strategy!
Kushina Uzumaki (VIP1): Minato... just stop.
Uchiha Madara (VIP1): Were it me, the drunkard would be a corpse.
Hashirama Senju (Regular Viewer): Madara! Violence isn't the answer to rudeness!
"YOU OLD DRUNK! CALL ME AN IDIOT?! I'LL KILL YOU! I SWEAR I'LL KILL YOU TODAY OR MY NAME ISN'T UZUMAKI NARUTO!" Naruto's face turned tomato-red. He ripped off his jacket, rolling up imaginary sleeves.
Kakashi snagged him by the collar, hoisting him off the ground. "Idiot! He's the client! You can't kill the client!"
"I DON'T CARE! HE INSULTED ME! HE DIES TODAY!" Naruto windmilled his limbs in the air, a furious, orange blur.
"I am Tazuna! The greatest bridge builder in the Land of—"
"SCREW YOUR SISTER!"
POOF! POOF! POOF! POOF!
Before anyone could react, a dozen shadow clones exploded into existence around Tazuna, their faces contorted with Naruto's shared fury. They lunged as one.
Tazuna's drunken bravado evaporated. "WHA—?!" The bottle slipped from his fingers.
"NARUTO, STOP!" Kakashi, Hiruzen, and Iruka shouted in unison.
But it was too late. The clones were already upon the terrified bridge builder, fists cocked back for a synchronized pummeling.
FWWWIP!
A sound like a razor cutting the air.
A thin, high-pressure jet of water, no thicker than a finger, shot across the room. It moved in a blinding, intricate pattern—a flickering blue-white thread.
Pop. Pop. Pop-pop-pop-pop.
Every shadow clone dissolved into smoke before its fist could land.
CRASH.
Tazuna's fallen bottle shattered, spraying glass and cheap alcohol.
Silence.
Tazuna stood frozen, then his legs gave out. He collapsed to the floor in a heap, a dark, spreading patch appearing at the crotch of his pants. The smell of urine mixed with alcohol.
Everyone stared at the source of the water jet.
Ren Arakawa stood calmly, one hand extended, index finger pointed. A last droplet of water fell from its tip with a soft plink onto the wooden floor. His expression was mild, almost bored.
"Water Release: Water Gun," he said conversationally. "Low chakra cost. High precision. Useful for... interrupting premature assaults on clients."
He glanced at the trembling, urine-soaked Tazuna, then at the stunned Naruto still dangling from Kakashi's grip.
"Also effective for discouraging public urination."
The Hokage's office was utterly still save for Tazuna's ragged breathing.
Uchiha Madara: ...Hn. Efficient.
Tobirama Senju: Impressed against his will. The control... at that range, to dispel that many clones without breaking skin on the civilian...
Minato Namikaze: He saved Naruto from a major disciplinary incident! And the client! Good job, Ren!
Uchiha Fugaku (VIP1): My son would have thrown a shuriken. Less mess. More permanent.
Ren Arakawa (subvocalizing): To the stream. See? I earn my quadruple pay.
Hiruzen Sarutobi took a long, slow draw from his pipe, exhaling a cloud of smoke that seemed to hold his complicated thoughts. He looked from the terrified client to the bewildered genin to the unnervingly composed academy graduate.
This mission, he thought with deep, profound certainty, is going to be anything but standard.
And in the Pure Land, the ghosts watched, some amused, some appalled, all increasingly invested in the unpredictable variable named Ren Arakawa, who seemed to treat world-altering plot points and idiot genin with the same detached, problem-solving efficiency.
The road to the Land of Waves had just gotten a lot more interesting.