After Pit's match wrapped up, the rest of the Preliminary Rounds continued like a tornado made of multicolored hitboxes and questionable rules.
Pit and his entire harem were now in the Winner's Wing — the lounge where victorious fighters rest, heal, or, in Wario's case… cry uncontrollably into a garlic-scented towel.
Wario was clutching it, sobbing.
"I-I won… I actually beat Samus… haaahhhh… Wario number one…!"
Pit, meanwhile, was getting smothered with attention.
Palutena hovered over him, halo bright. "Pit, sweetie, hold still, I'm checking for divine fractures."
Viridi was aggressively shoving leaves onto his face. "Move, grandma! Nature heals faster!"
Phosphora was clinging to his right arm like she owned it. "He needs emotional support after my combo, duh."
Pandora was already hugging him like a koala and showed no intention of letting go.
Pit just laughed awkwardly under the dog pile.
"Thanks, girls."
Across the room, Little Mac sat in a chair with 89% damage, an ice pack, a second ice pack, and a third ice pack.
Zelda, who was next to Link, blinked twice.
'…Did they all forget Little Mac got turned into a training dummy and Pit took, like, three damage? …No. No, I'm not saying that out loud. I value living.'
---
On the stage, Match 3 began: Pichu vs. Dr. Mario.
A tiny spark of electricity hopped in place, cheeks crackling.
"Pichu pi pi!"
Opposite him stood Dr. Mario — not Mario, not that Mario, but apparently the third Mario brother and Mario's twin who actually made respectable life choices.
The crowd whispered.
"Wait, so he's not Mario?"
"I thought it was Mario with a coat?"
"No, dude, he went to medical school."
"So Mario didn't?"
"…Does Mario even have insurance?"
Dr. Mario adjusted his stethoscope like he was about to fight a flu virus instead of an electric rodent.
(Author Note: There may or may not have been hints in the Mario Movie suggesting Dr. Mario and Mario aren't the same person. Or maybe not. Look, Smash canon is held together with duct tape and fan theories — take it with a grain of salt.)
Meanwhile back in the winner wings.
Pit looked at the screen. "So, who do you think will win".
Amazon Pandora excitedly spoke. "My money's on the baby Pokémon".
Pit chuckled as she spoke. "I mean, if Wario won by a banana pile agents Samus anything can happen".
Viridi huffed, crossing her arms as she kept a gentle green glow over Pit's shoulder. "Please, Pichu's literally hurting itself every time it sneezes lightning. Dr. Plumber-with-a-PhD has this in the bag."
Phosphora flicked a spark from her fingertip. "Bold of you to assume a medical degree helps in a fistfight. Besides, tiny things in Smash are terrifying. Remember Mini Bowser? I have nightmares."
Palutena just twirled her staff with a serene smile that definitely meant mischief. "Oh, let's be honest. This is Smash. Logic does not apply here. The moment they step on that platform, the universe rolls a d20."
Wario—still ugly-crying like he just won an Oscar—snorted. "WAAH! I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE I WON! I'M A GENIUS! SAMUS DIDN'T EXPECT THE BANANA STRATEGY! NOBODY EVER EXPECTS THE BANANA STRATEGY!"
Pit blinked. "…Wario, you slipped on your own banana peel and accidentally tackled her off the stage."
Wario puffed out his chest. "A TRUE MASTER USES CHAOS AS A WEAPON!"
The harem all nodded like this actually made sense.
Pandora leaned closer to Pit, smirking. "Honestly? I kinda agree with Wario. Smash is basically a cosmic prank show. So I put money on the Pokémon too."
Pit folded his arms, thinking it over. "Well… Dr. Mario does know medicine, I guess. Maybe he can fix Pichu's recoil problem mid-fight?"
Viridi groaned. "Pit, he throws pills the size of refrigerators. He's not doing micro-surgery."
The screen suddenly flashed as the match began.
PICHU used THUNDER!
Pichu took recoil damage!
Dr. Mario was immediately flattened.
Wario gasped. "THE BABY IS A MONSTER."
Pit nodded sagely. "Yep. Smash logic."
Palutena smiled. "Welcome to the tournament, everyone."
Meanwhile back in the Stage
Dr Mario got up as he duste his Goat. "Not bat little one, but once you have brother who fights Dragon, you make a Coat Immune to all elemental attack's".
He then pulled out scalpel. "I don't need to beat you, I need to out last you".
Pichu trembled as sparks crackled off its cheeks uncontrollably. "Pi… chuuuu…"
The tiny Pokémon glared with all the fury of a baby god of thunder who had been denied snacks.
Dr. Mario nodded solemnly, completely misreading the hostility. "Yes, yes, anger issues. Don't worry, I specialize in pediatric care."
He swung the scalpel. Pichu dodged by accident, because it sneezed.
KA-BOOM!
A bolt of lightning shot out and detonated the floor behind Dr. Mario, sending him flipping backward like a ragdoll.
The audience screamed.
Zelda, watching from backstage, muttered under her breath, "Why are these fights allowed?"
---
Back in the Winner Wings
Pit winced as the explosion lit up the screen. "Oof… that looked like it hurt."
Pandora cheered. "Go, tiny lightning hazard!"
Wario, still crying tears of joy, blew his nose into a wad of money. "Dat' baby scary…"
Viridi raised a brow. "Pichu was literally banned from competitive matches once because it hurts itself by existing."
Palutena chimed in with a proud smile, "And yet somehow, that still makes it stronger than Homelander."
Pit blinked. "…I feel like that says something about Homelander."
"Nope," Palutena said. "It says everything."
Back on Stage
Dr. Mario staggered up, hair smoking, coat singed but intact.
"A-ah! Good! My coat held! That's-a why you always read the fine print when buying dragon-resistant fabric."
He popped a pill into his mouth, instantly restoring his posture.
"Now then, little one…" He cracked his knuckles. "I'm-a the doctor. But today? You're the waiting room."
Pichu tilted its head innocently.
Then it tripped.
And released another thunderblast.
BOOOOOOOOM!!
The screen went white for a moment.
After the screen cleared everyone saw it.
Pichu sparked wildly, electricity popping off the floor as the tiny Pokémon panted. The crowd "awww'd."
Dr. Mario just adjusted his head mirror like he was reviewing a patient chart.
"Now now," he said calmly, flipping the scalpel once before tucking it away, "ya did good, little guy. But when your brother regularly fistfights a giant fire-breathing turtle… you learn to double-insulate your lab coat."
He tapped the coat proudly.
FWOOM!
A sudden burst of Pichu lightning slammed into him—
—and the coat didn't even smoke.
The crowd collectively gasped.
On the winner's wing screen, Pit whispered, "Okay, yeah. Coat hacks. Coat actual plot armor."
Dr. Mario cracked his knuckles. "Sorry, kiddo. Electricity builds up… you don't handle it well… and I got stamina for days."
Pichu squeaked defiantly and charged—
—only for Dr. Mario to sidestep, grab, spin…
THWAM!
KO!
Pichu flew off the stage in a tiny spark-filled arc, landing safely in the blast zone bubble.
WINNER! — Dr. Mario!
The doctor is in.
Dr. Mario bowed like a polite surgeon finishing a successful operation.
Few minutes later
Dr. Mario briskly walked into the Winner Wing like a proud dad returning from a grocery run. Pichu sat comfortably on his arm, happily licking a lollipop while wrapped in a comically oversized bandage around his head.
"Now until you evolve, don't overdo your body," Dr. Mario lectured in the same tone someone might use to scold a toddler for eating crayons. "And the damage on your head—the potion I gave you will heal it in a few minutes. Just keep the bandage on, capisce?"
Pichu squeaked cheerfully and nodded, sparks popping harmlessly from his cheeks.
Wario sniffled dramatically. "He even gets candy… I want candy…"
Dr. Mario didn't even turn his head. "You're an adult man who eats garlic like cereal. No candy."
"Aaawww…" Wario sulked back into his chair.
Pit smiled as the tiny electric mouse waved at him with its little bandaged paw. "Good fight out there, Pichu!"
Pandora cooed. "Awwww, look at him! He's like a fuzzy stress ball—BUT ALIVE."
Viridi raised a brow. "Please do not squeeze the baby Pokémon like a stress ball."
Palutena leaned forward with a teasing smirk. "So, Doctor… any advice for my champion here?" She motioned toward Pit, who straightened up like a schoolkid caught talking in class.
Dr. Mario adjusted his head mirror, squinting at Pit in full medical evaluation mode. "Hmm… aside from the minor bruising and emotional damage from being dog-piled by four women, you're fine. Very healthy, in fact."
Pit blushed while his entire harem gave proud, shameless smiles.
Zelda, watching from the corner, mumbled under her breath, "Still can't believe everyone forgot Little Mac is the one who got turned into a pancake…"
Dr. Mario gently set Pichu onto a seat and ruffled his ears. "Rest here until the next round starts. And no sparking on purpose!"
Pichu nodded innocently—then immediately sparked on purpose just to make the bandage puff up.
Dr. Mario sighed. "I should've stayed in medical school…"
Round 4 was announced as it was: Min Min Vs Lucina.
Pit blinked at that as he said to both. "Who?"
Viridi looked at him as she spoke. "Remember the Roommate me and Phosphorus talked about in the Fire wings, yeah that's Min Min".
Phosphora looked at pit as she spoke. "She has noddles arm".
Pit blinked as she spoke. "Like Skinny Arm?".
Viridi pinched the bridge of her nose. "No, Pit. Noodle arms. As in literally—her arms stretch like ramen."
Pit's eyes widened. "...That's way cooler than skinny arms."
Palutena chimed in with a proud nod. "She's from a world where everyone fights with stretchy limbs. It's very avant-garde. Very modern. Very… carbs."
Wario, still sniffling from his victory, leaned over. "She make real noodles? Wario hungry…"
Pandora elbowed him. "Focus, garlic boy."
On the stage, Min Min entered with her signature dragon and ramenshock arms twirling. Lucina followed, sword drawn, expression serious and noble as always.
Pit tilted his head. "I know Lucina at least. She's the one who talks about destiny like it's a grocery list, right?"
Phosphora snorted. "That's her. 'I've come from the future. Again.'"
Palutena put a hand on her hip. "Well, this should be an interesting matchup. A sword master versus a girl whose arm doubles as lunch."
Viridi rolled her eyes. "Don't disrespect ramen. Ramen is sacred."
Wario sniffed dramatically. "Ramen is love."
Pit smiled as the announcer yelled:
"ROUND 4! MIN MIN VS. LUCINA!"
Pandora leaned forward excitedly. "Ooooh! I'm betting Min Min will cook Lucina!"
Palutena gasped. "Pandora! That's awful!"
"…but also maybe accurate."
Viridi crossed her arms. "Honestly? I'm betting Lucina. Anyone who deals with time travel drama can probably handle a pasta punch."
Pit just watched, eyes sparkling. "This is gonna be awesome."
Pit watched the screen from the Winners' Wing, now finally rested after surviving both his match and getting dog-piled by his own harem.
On screen, the camera zoomed in on the two next competitors.
Min Min stepped out first—blonde hair, orange ramen-bowl beanie, bright orange mask, athletic top and shorts, and her noodle-like extendable ARMS coiling behind her.
[Insert of Min Min]
Pit blinked. "…So that's Min Min?"
Viridi nodded. "Yep. Firewing roommate. Eats noodles, dreams about noodles, probably bleeds noodles."
Phosphora added with a grin, "And yes, Pit, her arms literally stretch. Like a human slingshot."
Pit slowly processed that. "…Huh. So no, not skinny arms."
Next, Lucina marched onto the stage—elegant blue hair, tiara glinting under the lights, armor polished, the Brand of the Exalt glowing faintly on her left eye. She rested a hand on her sword with knightly discipline.
[Insert images of Lucina]
Pit whistled softly. "And that's Lucina. She looks… serious."
Wario leaned forward, eyes wide. "Wa… I hope Min Min wins."
Pit looked at him. "Oh? Why?"
Wario pointed at Lucina with a trembling hand. "Because I don't want to fight sword lady in the next round! Wario likes money, not medical bills!"
Dr. Mario finished taping a fresh bandage onto Pichu's head and glanced up.
"Can't blame-a him," the doctor said. "Sword injuries are a pain. They bleed, they bruise, they ruin your laundry. Much safer to fight pasta arms."
Pit tilted his head. "Wait, Dr. Mario, how did you become a doctor and Mario didn't? Isn't he older?"
Dr. Mario sighed as if explaining an old family drama.
"We both went to med school," he began, adjusting his head mirror. "Difference is—I didn't get kicked out."
Wario snorted. "Wa! What did regular Mario do?"
"Let's just say mixing fire power-ups with chemical burners was… not smart."
Pit nodded very seriously. "Yeah, that sounds like a Mario thing."
Before anyone could comment further, the announcer's voice boomed:
"ROUND FOUR! MIN MIN VS LUCINA—BEGIN!"
The screen zoomed in as Min Min launched her first ARM punch across the arena, stretching like a rocket. Lucina's eyes widened an instant before she sidestepped and countered with a precise slash.
Pit leaned forward, excited. "Oh wow—she almost lost her hat with that!"
Viridi smiled. "Lucina doesn't joke around. She trains like, twenty hours a day."
Phosphora whispered, "Yeah but Min Min once beat three fighters with her ramen still in the microwave, so this is gonna be wild."
Wario was sweating bullets. "Waah… please win, noodle girl!"
To be continued
Hope people like this ch and give me power stones and enjoy