Transcendent Chat Group
Barbara:Sigh… Dvalin helped Mondstadt, yet ended up being treated like that. This really was our fault. (sigh.jpg)
Lumine:Hehe, says the one who hit him the hardest back then~ (evil-grin.jpg)
Paimon:That's right! Paimon was a witness—I saw everything clearly! (doge.jpg)
Venti:Ehe~ Correct! I was the accomplice. I saw it very clearly too. (doge.jpg)
Dvalin:Correct! I was the victim. I felt it the clearest! (crying.jpg)
Alice:Oh ho~ Witness, accomplice, victim—all present. Evidence complete! (evil.jpg)
Neuvillette:Court session initiated. (serious.jpg)
Furina:Death penalty! Death penalty! (doge~)
Hu Tao:Death penalty? That's great! Business at last~ Barbara, want to book a Wangsheng Funeral Parlor package? Limited-time discounts!
Barbara:Y-You—You people!!
Barbara stared at the chat in disbelief.
Why are you all so skilled at this?!
Wait—
Weren't we talking about Dvalin?
How did the topic derail again?!
And the worst part—
she couldn't even properly refute it.
Back then, she was trying to help Dvalin, to "knock some sense into him"…
But thinking about it now, using an upgraded Sky-AK-47 was a little too aggressive.
Recalling how excited she'd been at the time, Barbara suddenly felt guilty.
Thankfully, someone pulled the discussion back on track.
Ningguang:A hero like Dvalin should never be forgotten.
Ningguang:Liyue has similar adepti. We will investigate thoroughly and take appropriate action.
Zhongli:Excellent. (satisfied.jpg)
Ei:Inazuma also has…
Ei:Kamisato Ayato, I'll leave this matter to you. No rush—but it must be handled properly.
Ayato:Understood, Shogun.
Nahida:Once I'm free, I'll also conduct a full investigation in Sumeru.
Neuvillette:Fontaine will take this as a warning as well.
Jean:My apologies. This was indeed Mondstadt's fault. We are doing our best to make amends.
Barbara:Dvalin, if there's anything you need, please tell us. We'll do our utmost to help.
Dvalin:You hit very hard back then. (deadpan.jpg)
Barbara:…Um. I—I'm sorry.
Dvalin:I protected you, yet you forgot me—and even called me a demon dragon. (sad.jpg)
Jean:I'm sorry.
Dvalin:Barbatos. I worked for you for a thousand years for free! (angry.jpg)
Venti:I… I played the harp… (tiny-voice.jpg)
Dvalin:Hm?
Venti:Ah—nothing! Nothing at all. Sorry!
Jean:Dvalin, please state your request.
Dvalin:You need to pay me more.
Venti:???
Jean:(⊙⊙)
Barbara:(⊙⊙)
High above Mondstadt.
"Pay… more?"
Venti stared in shock at the chat.
So this is who you really are, Dvalin?!
Was he possessed by the Spirit of Litigation?
Or had Venti simply misunderstood him for the past thousand years?
"Hmph."
"I've awakened now."
"I refuse to be exploited for free ever again."
Dvalin snorted.
Truth be told, he had his reasons.
First, Jean had already said that much—asking for nothing would've felt wrong.
Second, combined with the Mora from last time, this could count as compensation.
After that, the matter would be settled.
As for reputation—
with the light-screen's revelations, that was already restored.
Third—and most importantly—
Dvalin was planning to tip like the others who'd been evaluated.
And that required money.
Venti didn't believe a word of this.
One look was enough—he'd already guessed Dvalin's thoughts.
But he didn't call him out.
Honestly…
this version of Dvalin was kind of fun.
Life was about to get interesting~
Knights of Favonius Headquarters.
Jean froze for a moment—then quietly let out a sigh of relief.
She understood Dvalin's intention immediately.
Her heart softened.
Jean:Dvalin, we accept your request. I'll deliver it personally later.
Jean:If you ever have other needs, feel free to contact us.
Dvalin:Really? Anything? (doge.jpg)
Jean:Of course.
Barbara:My sister always keeps her word!
Dvalin:Then shoot Barbatos twice with that AK-47 of yours! (laugh.jpg)
Lumine:Oh?! This is good—quick! I wanna see!!
Alice:Same! I wanna see too!
Klee:Klee wants to see!
Zhongli:If a familiar is injured, the god should share the burden. Reasonable.
Ei:Agreed.
Nahida:That… actually makes sense.
Furina:Hurry up, or I'll pass judgment!
Venti:???
Barbara:???
Jean:…
The chat exploded again.
Everyone knew Dvalin was joking—
but the chat group thrived on instigators.
Laughter spread instantly.
Joy, as always, was conserved:
if one group gained it, another lost it.
This time, Venti and Barbara were the victims.
Jean twitched.
She really shouldn't have opened her mouth earlier.
Why had the Anemo Archon's familiar turned into such a chaos-loving dragon?
No—
chaos dragon.
Villa.
Luo Chen had been watching the chat as well.
Seeing Teyvat's barrage of highlighted comments, his expression turned strange.
So you're a chaos dragon too now, Dvalin?
Looks like the chat group had fully corrupted him.
…Actually, yeah, that checks out.
After all, the chat was full of troublemakers.
"Alright, that's enough fun."
"Back to business."
He cleared his throat.
"Ahem. That concludes Dvalin's segment."
"With that, the serious evaluations of both characters officially end."
"Next—
we begin today's non-serious evaluation."
High above Mondstadt.
Venti was still speechless from Dvalin's antics.
But upon hearing the light-screen, his eyes lit up.
"Oh?"
"It's finally time?"
"I wonder what kind of non-serious evaluation we'll get~"
Dvalin looked at him silently.
Other people dreaded non-serious evaluations—
this one was excited.
A true anomaly of Teyvat.
"Hmph."
"You'll be crying soon enough."
"Don't forget that backwind contract."
"It was just one thing! And it was for Mondstadt!"
"Argue with me all you want—go ask everyone else and see what they think!"
"They'll be moved by my great deeds!"
"Heh."
"…."
The chat group had been lively, but as the light-screen stirred again, everyone focused instantly.
Transcendent Chat Group
Lumine:Yay~ Daily non-serious evaluation time! (happy.jpg)
Paimon:That last part was way too serious—almost changed my view of the bard.
Alice:Agreed. Way too proper. Felt weird. (evil.jpg)
Venti:???
Venti:What do you mean "almost changed"? That IS me! Light-screen certified!
Zhongli:Not quite. One must judge a person holistically. Let's see the non-serious part first.
Yae Miko:Shame about Dvalin's suggestion earlier~
Furina:It's fine. We have chat records. They can't deny it.
Barbara:…
Venti:…
Ayaka:So this is the first time a god is being evaluated? I wonder what kind of "non-serious" things it'll be…
Nahida:I'm curious too~
Lumine:Other gods, maybe. But Venti…
Paimon:Anything's possible with him!
Keqing:Really? (confused.jpg)
Hu Tao:Even the Consultant said it'd be interesting—I can't wait!
Navia:Looking forward to it~
Yoimiya:Looking forward to it~
Arataki Itto:Looking forward to it~
Mondstadters watched the chat with mixed feelings.
Outsiders didn't know—
but they did.
Their god could be divine…
and also a drunkard.
He was absolutely capable of doing something extremely un-serious.
The only question was—
from which angle would the light-screen strike?
The light-screen flared.
Villa.
Luo Chen smiled.
"Let's start with the Anemo Archon."
"Non-Serious Evaluation #1 — Barba-Thighs."
High above Mondstadt.
"Barba-Thighs?"
"That's not my divine name…"
Venti blinked.
"You ever seen the light-screen get things wrong?"
Dvalin said flatly.
Venti paused.
…Right. It never did.
So what was this about?
"Barba-Thighs…"
"Thighs…"
"Thighs?!"
Venti's eyes widened.
He slowly looked down.
Transcendent Chat Group
Lumine:Barba-Thighs? Barbatos? Why does this sound familiar…
Furina:Like 'Neuvil-Otter' yesterday!
Paimon:Right! The sea-otter comparison!
Neuvillette:…
Hu Tao:So what does the Wind God resemble? Stockings? (confused.jpg)
Zhongli:By common logic, gods shouldn't resemble stockings…
Ayaka:"Thighs"… that kind?
Yae Miko:Hehe~ exactly what you're thinking~ (evil.jpg)
Lynette:Case closed! It's because the Wind God wears white stockings! Perfect match with my brother!
Alice:Oh? Perfect match? Elaborate! (excited.jpg)
Lynette:My brother wears black stockings.
Lumine:Gasp—
Paimon:Gasp—
Keqing:Gasp—
Ayaka:Gasp—
Venti:Gasp—
Lyney:In Fontaine, this is normal men's fashion! Please don't misunderstand! (helpless.jpg)
Lumine:Mm, we totally believe you! (doge.jpg)
Keqing:Exactly! Definitely not because I also wear black stockings! (serious.jpg)
Ayaka:Fontaine fashion really is…
Xingqiu:Ah… ah…
Venti:Ah… ah…
Lyney stared at the chat, numb.
This… is believing me?
If you believe me, don't add the doge!
And you, Wind God—
you're wearing white stockings yourself and still teasing a newbie?!
Have some dignity!
Lyney felt exhausted.
He glanced at the culprit beside him.
"What is it, Brother?"
Lynette asked flatly.
"N-Nothing…"
What could he say?
With a deadpan, trap-setting sister like this, all he could do was accept fate.
Villa.
Seeing the highlighted comments, Luo Chen laughed.
"That's right."
"This is exactly today's non-serious evaluation."
"Seems you've all learned to answer in advance."
"But there's still a video."
"Everyone—let's appreciate the elegance of Barba-Thighs together~"
The video appeared.
[Scheming Barba-Thighs~]
Rhythmic music kicked in.
Someone jabbed Venti's waist with a pillow.
To the beat, Venti twisted and dodged—
hips swaying, movements fluid.
Hands shifting—
sometimes on his chest, sometimes behind his head.
With hazy eyes and a sinfully smooth rhythm,
the audience was left dumbfounded.
If they didn't know who he was,
they'd just think—
Nice waist.
Great hip movement.
If this were a girl, countless hearts would be stolen.
Someone might even whisper—
"Damn, you're so saucy~"
But they did know who this was.
The Anemo Archon.
One of the Seven.
Moments ago, praised for divine love.
And now—this?!
Even for the God of Freedom, this was too free.
Knights of Favonius Headquarters.
Jean had been nervous and took a sip of tea.
The moment the video played—
PFFT!
She sprayed it out.
Thankfully, she turned away just in time.
"This—this is Barbatos-sama?!"
She stared in disbelief.
She knew he was un-serious…
but starting with this?!
"Jean, it's a non-serious evaluation,"
Lisa reminded her, half-amused.
"That's not the point."
"The point is—that's Barbatos-sama."
Jean sighed.
As someone who'd been evaluated before, she knew—
If you appeared on the light-screen,
fake or not, it might as well be real.
And if it was real…
That was even worse.
She suddenly remembered Barbara's gaze during their private moments—
"…."
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