Whatever is happening inside my head right now, I need to get back on track.
Professional. Serious. Focused.
"Can I record this conversation, if you don't mind?" I asked.
"Yes," Aydric replied calmly.
"As you know, this isn't the official interview," I continued. "So think of it as a friendly conversation. My research is based on real experiences. I need real situations."
He nodded. "That's fair."
I turned on the recorder.
"If you don't mind… can I call you Aydric?"
"Feel free."
"I won't take much of your time," I said, flipping open my notebook. "First, I want to know about your first relationship."
He raised an eyebrow slightly.
I quickly added, "I mean, your first relationship gives perspective. It helps us understand your emotional background better."
"It was in high school," he said. "We were in the same class. She was one of the hot girls."
She.
So his first relationship was with a girl.
I nodded. "So how did you understand that you liked men?"
He didn't hesitate.
"Love doesn't see gender," he said quietly. "My first girlfriend, Maria. I liked her. It wasn't fake."
He paused briefly.
"Maybe we were too young. I thought she would be the last person I'd ever love. I was wrong."
His voice stayed steady, but there was history in it.
"Then Sarah came into my life," he continued. "She was my second girlfriend. We dated for almost two years."
"That's serious," I said.
"It was," he agreed. "After we broke up, I thought girls were cheaters. Or maybe I wasn't enough for her. I blamed myself."
He looked down for a second before continuing.
"But eventually, I recovered."
I waited.
"Two years ago, I fell in love again," he said. "And that time I understood something. Love isn't about gender. It's not only about trust either. It's about comfort. Relaxation. Peace."
His voice softened just slightly.
"When I see him, I feel calm. I feel a kind of happiness I never felt before."
Him.
There it was again.
I forced a small, professional smile.
"That's great to hear, Aydric. I hope you're happy."
"I am," he said simply.
His phone buzzed.
"I think you should take that," I said.
He glanced at the screen. "I need to leave. Something important."
"Of course. Thank you, Aydric. Today's conversation is more than enough for me to prepare for the official interview."
He reached into his pocket and handed me a sleek card.
"Take this. Save my number. I'm busy most of the time. When you're ready, text me. If I'm free, I'll set the date."
"Okay."
He walked toward the door.
Almost left.
Then he turned back.
"Nice to meet you, Eerika."
The way he said my name felt intentional.
I smiled softly. "Nice to meet you, too."
And then he was gone.
That day, I felt strangely tired. Not physically. Emotionally.
Too many thoughts. Too many feelings I didn't want to name.
I went home early and fell asleep quickly.
And then—
I woke up suddenly.
Like I had fallen off a cliff inside my own head.
My chest was rising fast. The room was dark. Silent. Real.
I was covered in sweat.
And… I felt warm.
Too warm.
I stared at the ceiling for a full ten seconds before the memory of the dream crashed back into me.
The room.The lace.The hands.The voices.
"Sweetheart…""Gummy bear…"
I slapped my face lightly.
"What kind of dream was that?" I whispered to myself.
A wet dream.
About Shawn.
And Aydric.
Of all people.
I buried my face into my pillow.
"This is so embarrassing," I groaned. "Both of them are gay!"
I rolled onto my back again, staring at the ceiling like it personally betrayed me.
"Eerika," I muttered to myself, "are you freaking out because you had a wet dream…"
I paused.
"…or because both of them are gay?"
Silence.
No answer.
Just my heartbeat slowly calming down.
And the uncomfortable realization that maybe this wasn't just about attraction.
Maybe it was about wanting something I could never have.
I pulled the blanket over my face.
"Great," I sighed. "Now I'm competing with men."
And that thought?
Somehow made it worse.