Once everyone was seated and orders were placed, Pearl suddenly perked up like she'd just remembered something important.
"Wait—I almost forgot!" she announced, clapping her hands to grab everyone's attention.
"When we walked in, I genuinely thought I was hallucinating," she continued. "But unfortunately—tragically—my eyes were not playing tricks on me. Honestly, it would've been kinder if they were."
"Why?" Foca asked, equal parts concerned and curious. "What happened?"
"Oh, nothing major," Pearl scoffed. "I just saw the fucker your bitch of an ex cheated on you with."
The table stiffened.
Pearl rolled her eyes so hard it was a miracle they didn't detach. "I swear, if my baby here hadn't held me back, things would've gotten real messy."
"Yeah," Cole added with a nervous smile. "I had to physically restrain her from marching straight up to him."
"And get this," Pearl said, now fully fuming at the memory. "Once a player, always a player. The audacity of that man to be out on what looked like a date—when he already has a wife?"
"Yeah, it was pretty rough," Cole agreed. "Thankfully, the situation escalated a bit and we found out it wasn't a date. It was actually a business meeting."
Pearl crossed her arms. "Okay, fine. I was wrong. But can you blame me? Who the hell discusses business and signs contracts at a fine dining restaurant?"
She gestured wildly. "Contracts belong in boardrooms. Or offices. Anyone who thinks it's appropriate to sign contracts over expensive steak and champagne is deeply—utterly—disturbed."
"Babe," Cole murmured gently, squeezing her hand to steer her back before she spiraled further.
Meanwhile, Foca, Luca, and Tuesday were completely captivated—listening like proud audience members hearing a legendary tale retold.
Especially Foca.
Hearing about Hyouka's masterful verbal massacre from his sister's perspective?
Chef's kiss.
No notes.
"Anyway—I digress," Pearl said, finally exhaling a calming breath before continuing. "So this dude starts yelling, right? Making a complete fool of himself. I was already halfway ready to step in—"
She paused for dramatic effect.
"—when this most petite, adorable, fragile-looking little lady took it personally and just started blasting."
Pearl was laughing now, shoulders shaking, while Cole chuckled quietly beside her.
"That little lady was savage, I kid you not. I was thoroughly entertained. Honestly devastated I didn't have popcorn, because that was a show and a half."
She leaned forward, eyes gleaming.
"And then—then—when the fucker started demanding her superior? She actually called for her superior. And started praying."
Pearl threw her hand up dramatically. "I was like—PERIODT! HALLELUYER! AMEN! That woman was doing God's work. She made me proud and I don't even know her!"
"The guy was so stunned," Cole added, shaking his head, "you could literally see his brain going into overdrive."
"And when he finally tried to counterattack?" Pearl continued, already wheezing. "Oh no—she came prepared. She hit him right where it hurt most and pulled up his bitch on livestream, talking about securing the bag."
She mimed a face collapsing in on itself. "His expression crumpled like a piece of paper."
Pearl slapped the table.
"And then—right when he was about to sign—nature called. And let me tell you, it was angry. That man didn't even make it to the toilet before he started shitting himself!"
She lost it completely. "BWAHAHAHA!"
"He actually passed us on his way out," Cole added calmly. "I don't think he even recognized us."
"Well who would?" Pearl cackled. "All he was thinking about was getting the hell out of there. And let me tell you—I almost fainted when he passed by."
She waved a hand in front of her face.
"Because he smelled like shit. Literally."
"Yeah," Cole nodded solemnly. "It was pretty bad."
Foca, Luca, and Tuesday were all smiling—very proudly, at that.
They were smiling, yes, but it wasn't the reaction Pearl had been expecting. She'd been anticipating hollering. Screaming. Applause. Maybe a standing ovation.
Instead, she got… calm pride.
She frowned. "Wait—your reactions are legitimately disappointing. I was hoping for a much louder reception."
"Sorry, sis," Foca said with an apologetic smile. "It's not that your story wasn't entertaining. It's just that we actually had front-row seats to the whole thing."
He paused.
"And that 'little lady' you're talking about? She's my newly hired personal assistant."
"Huh?!" Pearl gasped. "She was your assistant?!"
"Mhm," Foca nodded. "Basically—long story short…"
And then he told them everything.
How they uncovered Maxim's shady work situation.
His messy marital bullshit.
And how Hyouka handled it all with surgical precision and divine audacity.
By the end of it, Pearl and Cole were staring at him in awe.
"…Is she CIA?" Cole asked carefully.
That did it.
Foca, Luca, and Tuesday burst out laughing.
"That's exactly what I asked her!" Luca said, wiping his eyes. "Apparently, she was recruited once—but declined. Said she was too busy."
"Oh wow," Cole said, thoroughly impressed. "She somehow gets more impressive the more we learn."
"Little bread," Pearl began sweetly, dangerously sweet. "Bestest brother in the entire world—"
"No."
Foca shut her down instantly.
"What?!" Pearl protested. "I haven't even said anything!"
"You don't need to," Foca replied flatly. "The moment you talk to me like that, I know you want something. And I already know what you want."
Pearl opened her mouth. Closed it.
"Normally, I might've caved," Foca continued. "But not this time. She's special. And unfortunately for you, I'm not letting that kind of talent go."
He added, almost smugly, "Besides—she specifically said she wanted to be my personal assistant."
"Dammit," Pearl muttered, pouting as she turned to Cole.
"It's okay, baby," Cole said gently, patting her head with a comforting smile.
"Y'all!" Tuesday suddenly interjected. "I've already suffered enough having Bobby and Lili's shameless PDA shoved down my throat."
She waved a hand. "Respectfully—as the adult adults—please get a room, you two."
That sent everyone into laughter.
Foca and Luca, especially, felt that pain.
"Oh yeah!" Pearl said, suddenly remembering. "That's been all over the internet. When I saw it, I was shocked. I was pretty sure Lili played for the other team—but here we are. How did that even happen?"
"It's not that complicated," Foca explained. "I brought Bobby along to help with Lili's song for Euroversion. They met, and—boom. Love at first sight."
"And you're okay with that?" Pearl asked, genuinely curious. "I mean… Bobby just debuted, didn't he?"
"As much as I wanted to interfere, I really couldn't," Foca shrugged. "It was eerily similar to how Mom and Dad fell in love. So I decided to let it be. See where it goes."
Pearl stared at him, stunned.
"Holy moly… I didn't realize it was that serious," she murmured. "Wow. Who would've thought…"
And that was when the food finally arrived.
As plates were set down and everyone began eating, Foca leaned back slightly, wanting to catch up—really catch up—with his sister and brother-in-law.
"So," he asked warmly, "how are you two doing these days? And the little brats?" He smiled at the thought of his niece and nephew.
"Oh, you know—same as always. Thriving," Pearl replied easily. "Actually, we've been doing really well this year. Cole just opened another restaurant branch in London."
She said it with unmistakable pride, which immediately made Cole blush in embarrassment.
"Really?!" Foca lit up. "Congratulations! That's amazing."
He meant it.
Foca knew better than most how hard Cole had fought for this dream—how his family had done everything in their power to block him from pursuing the culinary world. It wasn't until he married Pearl that someone truly stood in his corner. She'd pushed him, believed in him, dragged him to therapy when needed, and helped him rebuild the confidence his family had crushed.
Once Cole distanced himself from them, he flourished.
And saying his food was good was an understatement. Cole was an exceptional chef. Foca, in particular, had a soft spot for his charcoal-infused focaccia bread.
"C'mon, babe," Cole muttered, rubbing the back of his neck. "It's really not that great."
"There you go again," Pearl snapped, pointing her fork at him. "Cole Michaels De Clairmontin, stop playing humble. You're a menace in the kitchen and—"
She paused, eyes gleaming wickedly.
"—elsewhere."
Cole stiffened.
"Oh no."
"You act all soft-spoken and shy in public," Pearl continued sweetly, "but behind closed doors? Whole different man."
"PEARL—" Cole yelped, already panicking.
"My dear sister," Foca said slowly, already knowing where this was headed, "do not finish that sentence."
Tuesday leaned in, elbow on the table. "No, no. Please. Finish it."
Pearl grinned. "Thank you, finally someone with taste."
Luca gagged dramatically. "I don't like where this is going. I don't like it at all."
"You know what's funny?" Pearl went on, clearly enjoying herself. "Everyone assumes I'm the wild one. But really? It's always the quiet ones. They bottle it up, then—boom."
She clapped her hands once for emphasis.
Cole buried his face in his hands.
"One time," Pearl said casually, "he comes home still wearing his tie. Next thing I know, my wrists are—"
NOPE.
Cole lunged and slapped a hand over her mouth.
"MMPH!" Pearl protested, laughing into his palm.
Tuesday SHRIEKED. "I KNEW IT! I FUCKING KNEW IT!"
Luca had both hands over his ears now. "OH SWEET BABY JESUS—AND THE ADULT ONE TOO—I'VE BEEN DEFILED. I'M NO LONGER PURE."
Foca stared dead-eyed at his plate.
"Really, sis," he muttered. "Right in front of my salad?"
Pearl pried Cole's hand off her mouth just long enough to add, smugly,
"Anyway. Let's just say he's very… hands-on."
Cole looked like he might actually pass away.
"Babe," he begged, voice cracking, "please. I am begging you."
Tuesday was full-on cackling. "GURL. It's always the quiet ones, ain't it."
Pearl raised her glass. "Marry right, people."
Foca sighed deeply, rubbing his temples.
"Jesus take the wheel."
"My dear sister," Foca deadpanned, "that was TMI. We did not need insight into your marriage—especially during dinner."
"Pearl Fleur De Clairmontin!" Cole groaned painfully, his face turning the color of a ripe strawberry. "You did not have to go that far!"
Pearl slowly turned toward Cole, lips curling into a slow, dangerous smirk—the kind that had ruined this man's life more than once.
"Or what?" she purred, tilting her head innocently. "You gonna spank me again for being a bad girl?"
The table went dead silent.
Then—
Tuesday let out a scream so unholy it echoed across the restaurant.
Heads turned. Forks paused mid-air. Somewhere, a waiter reconsidered their career.
"Oh my GOD," Luca cried, clutching his chest. "PLEASE TAKE ME NOW. I HAVE SUFFERED ENOUGH."
"Fucking hell, babe…" Cole groaned under his breath, shifting in his seat, voice low and strained.
Pearl's eyes sparkled.
"Ooooo," she cooed. "I like it when you cuss. Makes me wanna—"
"NOPE."
Foca slammed both hands on the table like a man calling a UN emergency meeting.
"That's ENOUGH NSFW for today! Hard stop! Full stop! We are pivoting—hard—to something WHOLESOME. RIGHT. NOW."
Pearl blinked.
"…Damn. You're no fun."
"Kids," Foca said quickly, already sweating. "Let's talk about the kids. The CHILDREN. SMALL, INNOCENT HUMANS."
"Oh!" Pearl brightened instantly, pulling out her phone. "Diamond and Opal have grown so much. Wanna see?"
Blessedly, she took the bait.
Cole slumped back in his chair, staring at the ceiling like a man praying for strength—and maybe cold water.
"Oh wow," Luca said sincerely as Pearl showed the photo. "They really did grow a lot."
The little girl—Diamond—was all fire and confidence, clearly Pearl's twin, rocking a bold dress from El'Tamora like she owned the world.
Beside her stood Opal, shy and soft, unmistakably Cole's son, dressed neatly, hands tucked in, eyes gentle.
Twins—but complete opposites.
"They're in fourth grade now," Pearl said proudly. "And listen—some kid started picking on Opal."
Foca groaned softly. "Oh no. What did Diamond do."
Pearl beamed.
"Oh, not much. She just punched the little brat flat on the ground."
"HOO, CHILD," Tuesday said, shaking her head and popping her tongue. "I KNOW THAT'S RIGHT."
"Baby," Cole said gently, finally regaining composure, "you really shouldn't encourage Diamond to solve everything with violence."
"She did nothing wrong!" Pearl argued immediately.
"PERIOD," Tuesday backed her up without hesitation. "Some lessons gotta be hands-on."
"SEE?" Pearl said triumphantly. "Tuesday gets me."
Foca, Luca, and Cole all exchanged a look—and sighed in perfect, synchronized defeat.
Some battles just weren't worth fighting.