"REALLY?!" Hyouka squealed, eyes sparkling in disbelief.
Foca simply nodded.
"Well then," Hyouka said immediately, clapping her hands once, "I better get to work."
And just like that, she marched into the office, chipper as hell, like she hadn't just casually offered multiple homicide options five minutes ago.
A lot of unexpected things had happened that day—understatement of the century—but life was funny like that. Unhinged. Relentless. Mildly threatening.
One particularly strange—but admittedly amusing—surprise was the amount of luggage Hyouka had brought with her.
She dragged behind her an industrial-looking suitcase that was nearly half her height, hauling it like it weighed absolutely nothing. Slung over her shoulder was an equally massive tote bag, somehow bigger than the suitcase itself.
Without hesitation—true to her word—she got straight to work.
She rolled the suitcase into the open space, popped it upright, and flipped it open.
Everyone leaned in.
Curiosity got the better of them.
And when they saw the contents—
Speechless.
Hyouka pulled out a black binder.
Correction.
A monstrous black binder.
It was nearly the size of her upper torso and thick enough to double as a blunt weapon.
She placed it carefully on Foca's desk with a soft thud.
"I come bearing bribes—" she smiled sweetly, "—I mean, gifts!"
"What the hell is that?" Luca asked, nearly out of breath.
Honestly? Everyone wanted to ask. Luca just got there first.
"Oh, this?" Hyouka waved it off casually.
"Just some light research I thought might help the company. Music trends, cultural shifts, public opinion, demographics, market behaviors, consumer psychology—y'know. The usual."
"You call that light research?!" Luca yelled, eyes bugging out.
"Bitch, that thing is a foot thick!"
"Respectfully," Hyouka replied smoothly, adjusting her tote strap,
"Sir bitch—ahem—maidenless—cough cough—Luca, who takes constant Ls…"
The room froze.
"…this is just light work."
She smiled, victorious.
No one calls her a bitch.
Except sir Foca.
And if it was sir Foca?
She would gladly, enthusiastically, and on her knees beg to be called one.
****
The entire room erupted in laughter.
Who would've thought that just five minutes ago, the air had been heavy enough to suffocate—but now? All because of one unhinged little menace, the atmosphere had completely flipped.
If sunshine were a person, it would be Hyouka.
Bright. Warm. Slightly blinding.
Basically August's girlie-pop counterpart with a criminal mind and a résumé.
"Ohhh, she got you good," Tuesday laughed, clutching her stomach. "Absolutely violated."
Luca raised both hands in surrender, shaking his head.
"You got me this time," he admitted. "I'm just choosing to be the bigger person by not firing back."
"How noble of you," Hyouka replied sweetly, patting his shoulder as she breezed past him.
Luca watched her go, wounded but alive.
Meanwhile, Foca flipped through the binder, eyes sharp, attention fully caught.
Luca flopped down onto the velvet couch with a sigh.
"I hate to bring this up," he said, suddenly serious, "but it's been bugging me."
That alone made everyone turn toward him.
"I mean," Luca continued, "why would Maxim go out of his way to personally partner with Bread Music when he knows it's Foca's company? Is he really that thick-skinned?"
"Maybe," Bobby offered carefully, "he just… didn't recognize sir Foca?"
"Hmmm…" Lili hummed, thoughtful. "I don't zhink it's zhat simple, honey."
"Y'all," Tuesday snapped, suddenly fired up again, "I don't care why he did it. He's dead to me. Married, cheating, dusty-ass motherfucker."
Her anger started to spike—
Then stopped.
"My queen," Hyouka said smoothly, appearing out of nowhere, "a glass of cold coconut water to calm thy nerves."
Tuesday blinked.
"…Oh. Okaaaaay." She took the glass, clearly impressed. "I like her already."
One sip.
Instant serenity.
The power of fresh, cold coconut water worked its magic, cooling her boiling blood on impact.
Before anyone could comment, Hyouka lit an incense stick and placed it gently beside Tuesday.
Tuesday inhaled.
Her eyes widened.
"…Is that lavender?"
"Yes, my queen."
"The exact one I use when I'm stressed?" Tuesday asked slowly.
"It is simply my duty as a humble servant," Hyouka replied, hand to chest, "to know all my masters' likes and dislikes."
She really said it like she belonged in Bridgerton.
"Okaaaay…" Tuesday murmured, deeply impressed.
"And for the final touch," Hyouka said, pulling out a small perfume bottle and spritzing the air generously, "lavender mist."
Tuesday leaned back, smiling blissfully.
"Many thanks, Boo..."
And just like that, the room watched in awe as Hyouka served Tuesday like absolute royalty—efficient, intuitive, and just a little terrifying.
****
Hyouka finally turned to face everyone.
"Oh—and regarding Mr. Fucktard, formerly known as Maxim," she said casually, still rummaging through her two bags like they were bottomless pits of doom, "I might know the answer to that."
"…Really?" Foca asked, genuinely surprised.
"Yes, sir!" Hyouka chirped. "Kindly turn to page 304. Oh—and here."
She set down a plate and a cup with practiced grace.
"Berry focaccia bread and a cup of steaming herbal tea."
Foca froze.
That was his favorite.
"…Thank you," he said, momentarily stunned.
"You're welcome!" Hyouka replied bashfully, already returning to her bags like this was just another Tuesday.
"So," she continued, "I believe the reason Maxim pursued the partnership can be traced back to the root cause—his wife. Aka Hailey Gonzalez. Aka the bitch who should be burned at the stake for hurting our precious Sir Foca."
It just so happened that Foca was mid-sip.
He choked.
Not violently. But enough to betray him.
"So," Lili asked carefully, "zhe root cause is zhe cheating bitch?"
"Yes," Hyouka nodded, completely unfazed, as she passed Luca a plate. "I believe so."
Luca blinked at the tiramisu. Then at the cappuccino.
"…For me?"
"Yes."
"…Thank you," he said softly. "We now have a truce. For now."
"While doing my research," Hyouka continued, "I came across a certain individual online. Namely—the cheater."
She pulled out another document.
"She has a very extensive social media presence. Mostly bragging about her lavish lifestyle. And…" Hyouka paused. "Hot takes."
"Hot takes?" Luca scoffed. "I'm surprised she has a brain to do that."
"Oh, believe me," Hyouka said, air-quoting aggressively, "her brain is pretty much nonexistent. It's dark up there. No lights. No furniture. Nothing going on except delusion."
She shrugged.
"Her looks do most of the heavy lifting. And even those are clearly sponsored by plastic surgery and Botox."
Foca finally reached page 304.
The photo stopped him cold.
The woman staring back at him was… unfamiliar.
Sharpened. Altered. Almost hollow.
The girl he once loved was barely there—if she existed at all.
Foca's brows furrowed as he stared, something heavy settling in his chest.
Time had changed her.
And not for the better.
****
"Oh—and she's also been diagnosed with a terminal disease," Hyouka added casually.
The room froze.
"…Terminal disease?" Foca asked slowly, brows knitting together. Genuine confusion crept into his voice. "What kind?"
Because if she did have a terminal illness, he would've known already.
The tail he had attached to her life would've barked the moment a diagnosis appeared. That tail wasn't nostalgia—it was preparation. Insurance. A countdown.
But from everything he'd seen… she was already doing a fine job destroying herself.
"Stupidity," Hyouka deadpanned.
And with that, she calmly placed a slice of opera cake between Bobby and Lili, followed by two cups of rose tea like she hadn't just committed first-degree verbal murder.
Silence.
Then—
The room erupted.
"Oh my GOD—"
"She did not—"
"NAH, THAT'S FOUL—"
"She's widely known online as a viral train wreck," Hyouka continued smoothly, unfazed by the chaos. "And I believe she also spoke about Sir Foca during one of her livestreams."
"The fuck?" Luca barked.
Foca's eyes narrowed.
"Oh dear Lord…" Bobby sighed, already bracing himself. He knew. He felt it.
"She didn't name him explicitly," Hyouka clarified, handing Chamber a small wrapped square, "but it was… painfully obvious."
Chamber paused.
"…Is this orange liqueur chocolate?"
His eyes widened—just barely—but enough.
"That's your favorite," Foca said, genuinely stunned. "How did you even—barely anyone knows that."
"Oh, I'm observant," Hyouka replied breezily. "I noticed Sir Chamber lurking in the shadows wherever you go. Figured—bodyguard. Then it became a little game for me."
"A game?" Luca echoed.
"Yes. 'Find the murder butler.' Very fun."
Chamber blinked.
"And the chocolate?" Hyouka continued. "One of my Finding Waldo moments—I saw you snacking. Took a photo using the limited-edition Marshmello smartphone I won at LEAVEN," she added, pointing finger-guns at capitalism like a professional. "Couldn't identify the brand, but the gold foil was distinctive. So I studied it. Microscopically. Cross-referenced brands. Found the match."
She smiled sheepishly.
"The original was outrageously expensive, so I made it myself. Hope it's acceptable."
Chamber stared at the chocolate.
"…Thank you," he said quietly.
For the first time in a very long time, Chamber was speechless.
Luca squinted at Hyouka.
"Be honest. Are you CIA?"
"Nope," she said cheerfully. "They did recruit me once. Sent an official invitation and everything."
Everyone stared.
"I declined," Hyouka continued. "Too busy. Also, being Sir Foca's personal assistant is my true calling."
She beamed.
And just like that, everyone in the room collectively realized—
Hiring Hyouka might've been the most dangerous decision Foca had ever made.
And possibly the best.
****
"Anyway—where was I?" Hyouka clapped her hands once, immediately refocusing like a woman with fifteen tabs open in her brain. "Oh, right!"
She poured Ruach a cup of herbal tea and slid a mango cupcake toward him.
"For emotional support," she added.
Ruach accepted both with deep gratitude. Honestly, with the amount of drama unfolding since morning, this was hazard pay.
"So," Hyouka continued, "in one of her livestreams, she went on a lengthy rant about an old ex. Said he took very good care of her, but she was 'pretty sure' he was gay."
"…Excuse me?" Foca said flatly.
"Zhat could be anyone," Lili reasoned carefully. "Who's zo say Maxim was zhe only one she cheated with?"
"Yeah," Tuesday nodded. "That part alone ain't conclusive."
"That's exactly what I thought," Hyouka said, snapping her fingers. "But then—she added that the ex never wanted to sleep with her because he believed in saving himself until marriage."
The room stilled.
"She also mentioned," Hyouka continued mercilessly, "that they'd been together for about seven years."
Oh.
Oh.
The realization hit the room like a collective gut punch.
"…The comments asked why they broke up," Hyouka said, hands on her hips. "And she was very honest. Said the ex caught her getting absolutely railed by another guy."
Bobby winced. Hard.
"She then had the audacity," Hyouka went on, "to defend herself by saying a woman has needs, and her ex wasn't fulfilling them. She complained about 'lack of give and take' in the relationship."
The silence afterward was thick. Dense. Suffocating.
Then—
"Honestly," Hyouka added thoughtfully, "I fully support Sir Foca staying a virgin for the rest of his life. No one deserves to defile such a pure soul."
Foca immediately choked.
Full-on coughing fit. Tea almost came out his nose.
Lili howled.
Tuesday nearly fell off her chair.
Luca slapped the couch, laughing so hard he wheezed.
Bobby tried—really tried—to keep it together, but his face went crimson and he had to look away before he embarrassed himself.
Even Chamber and Ruach weren't immune—both wore faint, deeply amused smiles.
Hyouka, meanwhile, nodded to herself like she'd just stated a universally accepted fact.
And just like that, the room—once heavy with old wounds and buried rage—was laughing again.
Because sometimes?
The best healing comes with zero mercy and immaculate timing.
****
"Anyway," Hyouka waved a hand dramatically, "I digress. Back to the main topic at hand."
"Y-yes," Foca said, finally recovering enough dignity to sit up straight. "Please… continue."
"So," Hyouka resumed, "where does Maxim fit into all of this mess? Apparently—and I quote—the bitch got pregnant because Maxim's pull-out game was 'tragic.' Her words. Not mine." She held up both hands for legal safety.
Several people hissed through their teeth at once.
"And because her parents are religious as hell, they gave her an ultimatum: marry Maxim or get disowned."
"Damn…" Luca muttered.
"She obviously couldn't lose access to daddy's credit cards," Hyouka continued, unfazed. "So her parents blackmailed Maxim into marrying her."
"And she said zhese things," Lili asked carefully, "on a public livestream?"
"Mhm." Hyouka nodded. "Casually. With confidence. Like it was storytime."
Tuesday blinked. "The Lion, The Witch and The Audacity of this Bitch."
"Most people didn't believe her," Hyouka went on. "She's known online as a serial liar—constantly making up shit, constantly getting dragged for it. So I thought it was fake too."
She paused, then glanced meaningfully at Foca.
"Until I overheard your conversation earlier. That's when everything clicked."
The room stayed dead silent.
"So here's the full picture," Hyouka continued. "Maxim comes from money—real money. But even that couldn't keep up with the lifestyle his wife demands. He works at a high-ranking finance firm, position handed to him through connections. The pay is good—very good—but still not enough for her taste."
She flipped a page in the binder with a soft thump.
"In one livestream, she mentioned—very casually—that her husband convinced their CEO to partner with Bread Music."
Luca's jaw tightened.
"She was thrilled," Hyouka added. "Because if Maxim landed that deal, he'd get a massive bonus."
Tuesday scoffed. "Lemme guess—vacation money?"
"Ding ding ding." Hyouka smiled. "She specifically said she'd finally be able to vacation in Turks and Caicos."
A heavy silence followed.
"And there you have it," Hyouka concluded, closing the binder with a decisive snap. "That's as far as my research goes regarding this particular clusterfuck."
For a moment, no one spoke.
Then—
"…Wow," Luca said, slowly clapping.
The sound spread through the room—Bobby, Lili, Tuesday, even Ruach joining in.
Hyouka beamed, cheeks pink as she gave a tiny bow.
"Thank yew," she said proudly.
And honestly?
She earned every damn clap.