Location: Singularity 3 - Okeanos (The Sealed Ends of the Four Seas)
Year: AD 1573
Status: Stormy Seas
The Rayshift deposited them not on land, but mid-air, twenty feet above a churning ocean.
Gravity took over instantly.
"SPLASH."
Raiden, Ritsuka, Mash, and the harem plummeted into the cold Atlantic water.
Except for Ishtar, who floated on Maanna.
And Melusine, who hovered with her wings.
And Raiden, who stood on the water's surface as if it were concrete because the ocean didn't dare swallow him.
"Cold," Jalter hissed, treading water and steaming (literally). "My coat is ruined! I smell like wet dog!"
Ishtar laughed from above. "Look at you drowned rats! This is why Goddesses belong in the sky!"
Raiden looked up. A massive wooden galleon was cutting through the waves, heading straight for them.
The Golden Hind.
"Ride's here," Raiden said.
He grabbed Ritsuka and Mash by the collars and leaped.
He landed on the deck of the ship with a heavy thud, water dripping from his coat.
The crew of the Golden Hind drew their cutlasses.
Standing at the helm was a woman with a scar across her face, wild pink hair, and a chest that defied physics almost as much as Raiden's stomach.
Francis Drake.
She leveled a flintlock pistol at Raiden's face.
"Hah! Fish jumping onto the deck? You look too big to be a mermaid, handsome. Give me one reason not to blast you back into the drink."
Raiden shook his hair like a dog, spraying water everywhere.
"I have booze," Raiden said simply.
Drake lowered the gun instantly.
"You're hired."
She grinned, a predatory smile. "I'm Captain Francis Drake! If you have liquor, you're a friend. If you have gold, you're a best friend."
Ishtar landed on the deck. "Did someone say gold? I demand a share of the plunder!"
Drake looked at Ishtar, then at Jalter climbing up the side, then at Melusine hovering.
"Oho? A man who travels with a flock of dangerous women? You must have stamina, lad."
Raiden walked up to a barrel of rum on the deck.
"I heard you can drink," Raiden challenged. "Let's see if the Pirate Queen can outdrink a Dragon."
Drake laughed, slapping her knee. "A challenge?! Boys, bring the good stuff! We're having a contest!"
Two hours later.
The deck was littered with empty barrels.
Drake was red-faced, swaying, holding a tankard. " Hic... You... where do you put it all...?"
Raiden was sober. He was eating the glass bottle.
"Glass adds texture," Raiden crunched. "You're not bad, pirate. But your rum is weak. Needs more gunpowder."
Suddenly, the lookout shouted.
"Enemy ship! It's the Queen Anne's Revenge! It's Blackbeard!"
A dark, ominous ship emerged from the fog. It was covered in cannons and... posters?
Standing on the bow was a large, bearded man with a hook hand. Edward Teach (Blackbeard).
He looked through his spyglass.
He saw the Golden Hind.
He saw Drake.
Then he saw Raiden.
And then he saw the Harem.
Blackbeard froze.
He saw Ishtar (Tsundere Rin-face).
He saw Jalter (Edgy Avenger Waifu).
He saw Melusine (Loli Dragon).
He saw Mash (Kouhai).
He saw Mio and the maids.
Blackbeard dropped his spyglass. He fell to his knees.
"REEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
His scream echoed across the ocean.
"A RIAJUU! A DIRTY HAREM PROTAGONIST NORMIE! HE HAS ALL THE ARCHETYPES! THE TSUNDERE! THE LOLI! THE MAIDS! THE KOUHAI!"
Blackbeard stood up, his eyes burning with the jealous rage of a thousand internet trolls.
"EXPLODE! GO DIE! FIRE ALL CANNONS! SINK THAT SHIP! PROTECT THE WAIFUS FROM HIS CORRUPTION!"
Raiden blinked.
"What is he shouting about?"
Osakabehime (from Raiden's shadow/memory): [Otaku translation: He is jealous of your harem, Master. He wants to kill you out of spite.]
"Jealousy," Raiden stood up. "Tastes sour."
The Queen Anne's Revenge fired a volley of cannonballs.
Raiden didn't move.
Melusine zipped forward. "Innocence Arondight!"
She sliced the cannonballs in mid-air.
Raiden looked at Blackbeard.
"Hey, beard-face. You're loud."
Raiden jumped.
He crossed the distance between the ships in a single bound.
He landed in front of Blackbeard.
Blackbeard pulled out a jagged sword. "Die, you lucky bastard! For the sake of pure idols everywhere!"
Raiden backhanded him.
POW.
Blackbeard flew across the deck, crashing into his collection of "limited edition figurines" (carved wood dolls).
"My figures!" Blackbeard wept. "Mint condition!"
Raiden grabbed Blackbeard by the beard.
"Do you have food on this ship? Or just dolls?"
After looting Blackbeard's ship (Ishtar took the gold, Raiden took the food supplies, Blackbeard retreated while crying), the group landed on a mysterious island to resupply.
They entered a dense forest.
Mash: "Senpai, detecting life forms ahead. Large. And... small."
In a clearing, they found a massive giant with a bull's head. Asterios (The Minotaur).
Perched on his shoulder was a small, delicate goddess. Euryale.
Asterios growled when he saw them, hugging Euryale protectively.
"Stay... away..."
Raiden stopped.
He stared at Asterios.
He stared at the massive muscles. The bovine features.
Raiden drooled.
"Beef."
Asterios flinched. "B... Beef?"
"Ribeye," Raiden stepped closer. "Brisket. Sirloin. Porterhouse."
Euryale jumped down, standing between the 10-foot monster and Raiden.
"Stay back, you brute! Asterios is not food! He is my fluff-ball!"
Raiden loomed over them.
"He looks like a walking hamburger."
Melusine flew in and chopped Raiden on the head.
Bonk.
"Master," Melusine crossed her arms. "No. He is a monster kind. A kindred spirit. We do not eat the fluffy ones. We only eat the ugly ones."
Raiden rubbed his head.
"Fine. No beef. Just salad."
Asterios let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.
"Thank... you... Dragon... Lady."
Just as peace was established, a golden ship sailed into the bay. The Argo.
Jason stood at the prow, looking smug.
Behind him stood Medea Lily (a younger, innocent version of Caster) and a silent, towering giant - Heracles.
"Hahaha!" Jason laughed. "I found you, Drake! And the Chaldea losers! Hand over the Grail, and I might let you live to row my ship!"
Drake spat on the ground. "Jason. The only Captain I respect less than a drunken monkey."
Jason sneered. "Heracles! Destroy them!"
The giant, Heracles, stepped off the ship.
He didn't walk. He crashed. The ground shook with every step.
He held a massive stone axe-sword. He roared, a sound of pure berserker rage.
[Nyx Analysis]
[Target: Heracles. Class: Berserker. Noble Phantasm: God Hand (Twelve Labors). Effect: Resurrection upon death. Resistance to attacks already experienced.]
Raiden's eyes lit up.
"Resurrection?"
He turned to Ritsuka.
"Did the computer say he revives?"
Romani (Hologram): "Yes! God Hand! You have to kill him twelve times! It's impossible!"
Raiden smiled. A wide, terrifying smile.
"Twelve times."
He licked his lips.
"That means I can eat him twelve times. It's an all-you-can-eat buffet."
Heracles charged. He swung the massive axe.
Raiden caught the blade with one hand. The ground beneath him shattered into a crater, but Raiden didn't budge.
"First course," Raiden whispered. "Appetizer."
Raiden punched Heracles in the chest.
[Bael Art: Void Impact]
Heracles' chest exploded.
One life down.
Heracles' body glowed. The wound healed instantly. He roared, swinging again, faster this time.
Raiden dodged and bit a chunk out of Heracles' shoulder.
Crunch.
"Tastes like granite and divinity."
Two lives down.
Jason watched in horror. "What... what is he doing? Why isn't Heracles winning?!"
Raiden was moving like a blur.
1. He ripped Heracles' arm off. (Life 3).
2. He blasted him with dragon breath. (Life 4).
3. He suplexed him into the ocean. (Life 5).
"More!" Raiden laughed, covered in golden blood. "I'm still hungry! Keep coming back!"
Medea Lily covered her mouth. "That man... he's a monster greater than the Berserker..."
Melusine watched with hearts in her eyes. "Look at him go. My violent husband."
Jalter looked a bit green. "He's... actually eating the Berserker. That's disgusting. Pass the popcorn."
Heracles was panting (if a Berserker could pant). He had died 11 times.
His skin had turned dark grey, adapting to every attack Raiden used. Punches didn't work. Bites didn't work. Magic didn't work.
"Oho," Raiden noted. "You adapted to my teeth. Chewy."
"Heracles is invincible now!" Jason shouted, regaining confidence. "He has adapted to your brute force! You can't hurt him!"
Raiden cracked his neck.
"Adaptation is annoying."
He held out his hand.
A small, spinning black sphere appeared.
[Void God Azathoth: Existence Erasure - Minimum Output]
"Let's see you adapt to not existing."
Raiden shoved the black sphere into Heracles' chest.
There was no explosion.
Heracles simply... vanished. A circular hole appeared in his torso, then expanded until nothing was left.
Life 12. Extinguished.
Raiden closed his fist. The energy returned to him.
"Dessert," Raiden said. "Light and airy."
He looked at Jason.
Jason was pale. He was shaking. He looked at Medea Lily.
"Medea! Teleport us! RUN!"
The Argo glowed and vanished in a flash of light, retreating before Raiden could look for seconds.
Drake walked up to Raiden and slapped him on the back.
"BWAHAHA! You ate the Greek Hero?! You are absolutely insane! I love it!"
She handed him a new mug of rum.
"The Grail is at the coordinates Jason dropped. It's the Eye of the Storm."
Raiden drank the rum.
"Jason got away," Raiden frowned. "Fast food."
Ishtar was looting the crater where Heracles died. "Is there any Divinity dust left? It sells for a fortune!"
Melusine landed next to Raiden and wiped blood off his cheek.
"You were messy, darling."
Ritsuka looked at Mash.
"I feel like we're just side characters in Raiden's cooking show."
Mash: "As long as we don't become ingredients, Senpai, it's fine."