Big Brother's 'you're late' continuously echoed in my ears. With each passing breath, irritation inside me boiled higher.
Who does he think he is, talking to me like that?!
I opened my mouth—but the moment I saw my Big Brother's face, the words died in my chest.
I—I can't do it.
I lowered my head and let out a quiet, self-deprecating chuckle. Snow crunched softly as Big Brother stepped closer. His footsteps were soundless, deliberate. I kept my gaze fixed on the ground as he addressed me.
"Hey. If you have something to say, you can just say it. I don't care, y'know."
The irritation inside me flared violently—but instead of lashing out, I clenched my teeth tightly.
That's exactly what makes it so hard to lash out at you…
With Mom and Dad, at the very least, they'll get angry. They yell. They react. It's not good, but it's better than this—better than someone who's utterly indifferent.
And worst of all, even now… I still feel indebted to him.
So all I can do is just stand there and take it.
That's what I've been doing for the past two years.
Big Brother let out a heavy sigh.
"Well, I won't force you to say anything. Let's just go."
He turned around and began walking away.
My fingers curled tightly into the hem of my skirt. My grip tightened until my knuckles ached.
"...Like you care."
The words slipped out before I could stop them.
Big Brother's footsteps halted.
"I do care," he said quietly, without turning back. "That's why I'm here."
I couldn't help but let out a mocking chuckle.
Who do you think you're fooling?
"If you cared," I said bitterly, "you'd at least show me a damn smile! You're only here because Mom would get mad if you didn't pick me up."
He scoffed softly.
"Okay, and when have I ever listened to Mom? You should know better than anyone that I do whatever I want to do."
Something inside me shattered.
Yes—I do know that.
That's precisely why it hurts.
If you only do what you want to…
Then why haven't you told me that you love me for so long?
I dug my nails into my palm.
It's obvious if I think about it…
It's because you don't.
I stomped forward, my boots sinking into the snow. The winter cold bit into my feet, soaking my socks—but I didn't care.
"Then, why–!"
Before I could say anything else, Big Brother turned around and looked me directly in the eyes.
Even after all this, his face was smooth. Calm. Empty. Not a single crease on his forehead. His eyes were as lightless as ever.
And most importantly of all, there was neither a frown nor a smile on his face.
Just… nothing.
"Who cares, lil sis," he said flatly. "Let's just go."
And just like that, he turned away and continued walking.
This time, I wasn't sure if he'd wait for me at all.
A resigned breath escaped me.
So… this is who you are now.
"Hey—!"
A sudden tap on the shoulder made me flinch. I spun around, nearly colliding with Yuka as she jumped back.
"Time out! Time out!"
Yuka raised both hands in the air as if she were surrendering. I stared at her with wide eyes, feeling the cold in my feet for the first time.
Yuka nodded knowingly.
"Jeez… It's okay," she said gently. "You don't have to say anything."
Before I could react, she rushed forward and embraced me in a tight hug.
I tried to speak—tried to form words—but all that came out was a stammer. Yuka gently pressed a finger to my lips.
"Shh."
Her warm breath brushed against my ears, and my body relaxed involuntarily. She stroked my head gently, her voice low and steady.
"It's okay, Lily. You know me—I think your Brother's hot and everything, but he isn't perfect." She chuckled softly. "I don't know what you should do… but I at the very least know that you can't give up. Okay?"
My hands trembled as I hugged her back. I buried my face into her shoulder, hiding my tears.
"B-but… he's changed," I whispered. "I don't know if he'd even listen to me anymore."
Yuka gently shook her head, her hair brushing against mine.
"Well, does that really matter?"
She slowly pushed herself away, her hands sliding down my arms until they found mine. She held them tightly with a gentle smile, then leaned forward until our foreheads touched.
She giggled softly, innocent and warm. I let out a confused laugh in response.
"All that matters is that you love him, right?" she said. "So, that just means that you have to keep trying!"
Yuka stepped back slowly. Our arms stretched until our fingers slipped apart.
A frown tugged at my lips—but Yuka noticed.
"You can't be like that, Lily!" she said, shaking her head. "Here, let me teach you."
She traced her fingers along her mouth, lifting the corners into a smile.
"There," she said brightly. "Like that, okay, Lily? Just smile! You can't do anything if you don't at least smile!" She paused, then added with a grin, "You also look best when you do! Your brother doesn't, though."
I rolled my eyes.
She really can't go one second without talking about my Big Brother.
Yet, a subtle feeling of warmth spread within my chest.
Yuka continued backing away.
"Sorry, Lily, but this is as far as I can go. If you need anything, though, just gimme a call! You know I'll always find time if it's you."
With those parting words, she turned around and ran in the opposite direction.
I remained still just a little while longer.
Then I slapped my cheeks lightly with both hands.
It stung, but it gave me what I needed to take off running.
I ran and ran until I finally saw him ahead.
He didn't wait after all…
My chest tightened, but even so—my legs carried me forward until I was right beside him once more.