Murica, Pale University
Ever since Solo passed the Building World Peace Act, the Murican government had been aggressively reshaping how demons perceived the world—and the other races living in it.
Schools, universities, media outlets, and public events were now all neatly folded into a single, coordinated, nationwide re-education effort.
Inside the prestigious Pale University, a full classroom of demons sat attentively at their desks. At the front stood their professor—a demon with elegant purple horns, neatly pressed robes, and round spectacles balanced at the tip of his nose. He turned toward the chalkboard and began writing, slowly and with deliberate flair.
"All right, class," he announced, each word heavy with importance. "What… is… hu… ma… ne?"
He stepped aside.
HUMANE was written in bold chalk.
The professor adjusted his glasses. "Tony."
He pointed to a burly orc in the front row, thick arms folded awkwardly over a tiny desk.
"Uhh…" Tony squinted at the word. "A human subspecies?"
"Incorrect." The professor didn't sound disappointed—just tired. "Kaca?"
He gestured toward a siren lounging elegantly in her seat, chin resting on one hand.
"Is it, like…" she tilted her head, "…being kind? Or nice?"
"Almost." The professor nodded approvingly. "But according to the new dictionary, humane is defined as—"
He turned back to the board and underlined the word.
"A harmful act of compassion or benevolence projected toward humans or other humanoid races."
He turned back to the class.
"In simpler terms," he said pleasantly, "it is how we demons kill humans—while making them feel less bad about it."
Every student immediately bent over their notebooks, scribbling furiously. One demon even whispered, "Ohhh," like a revelation had just occurred.
"Now," the professor continued, hands clasped behind his back, "give me an example."
He scanned the room.
"How do we kill humans in a humane way?"
Dozens of hands shot up instantly.
---
A House in Murica
"Bang! Bang bang bang—whoosh! Boom!"
Late at night, a five-year-old demon boy was still wide awake, sprawled on his bedroom floor with toy soldiers scattered everywhere. He narrated his imaginary battlefield with great enthusiasm, complete with sound effects far more energetic than the hour allowed.
The moment his bedroom door creaked open—
He dove into bed, yanked the blanket up, and shut his eyes tight.
"Johnny," his mother's gentle voice called softly, "why haven't you slept yet?"
The demon mother walked over, smoothing the blanket over him with practiced ease. She brushed his hair back, her claws careful and affectionate.
"Mommy…?" the boy whispered.
"Yes, sweetheart?"
"When I grow up," he said, eyes still closed but voice full of sincerity, "I want to be Captain Murica and kill a loooot of humans, and make them really happy."
"Yes, you will, sweetheart," she replied warmly, "But remember—they're shy creatures. They get scared very easily."
She leaned closer.
"So you must be very kind and very gentle before you kill them, okay?"
"Yes, Mommy."
"Good." She kissed his forehead. "Now sleep. You have school tomorrow. Don't forget—only demons who do well in school are allowed to kill humans."
Within moments, the child was snoring softly.
His mother watched him for a while, eyes full of pride. She kissed his forehead once more and whispered:
"Sweet dreams, my love. Those humans will be so very happy to be killed by you."
---
Navy Boot Camp
At a Murica Navy training ground, recruits thundered across the dirt in a brutal forced march, boots pounding in uneven rhythm. Each demon carried full combat gear and an overstuffed backpack.
A drill sergeant ran alongside them, veins bulging, voice amplified by pure hatred and professional pride.
"WHERE'S YOUR SPIRIT, YOU FUCKING MAGGOTS!" he roared. "DO YOU THINK THE HUMANS WILL BE HAPPY TO BE KILLED BY WIMPS LIKE YOU?!"
"SIR! NO SIR!" the recruits shouted, gasping between steps.
"DO YOU WANT TO MAKE THE HUMANS SAD WHEN YOU KILL THEM?!"
"SIR! NO SIR!"
"OR DO YOU WANT TO MAKE THEM SMILE AND BE PROUD WHEN YOU KILL THEM?!"
"SIR! YES SIR!"
"THEN SING!"
"HUMAN, HUMAN, CAN'T YOU SEE?
NAVY KILLS IS GOOD FOR YOU!"
---
Nearly all demons in Murica now understood that casual, random murder was considered impolite.
Killing humans—according to Solo's newly engineered ideology—was a privilege. A responsibility. And, most importantly, an act of care.
Or at least, that was the bullshit Solo had come up with to stop his people from indulging their natural bloodlust whenever they got bored.
Uniting hostile demon tribes in the past was already considered a historical miracle. Convincing demons to limit their murder urges was an entirely different nightmare.
---
11 months ago…
Bashington DC, The Black House
Belphy stormed through the hallway with such intensity that staff members flattened themselves against the walls, scattering like pigeons.
He slammed open a door marked Chief of Staff.
Lilith jumped in her seat. "Belphy?"
Without a word, he marched up to her desk and slapped an envelope down hard.
She picked it up, glanced at the label, and raised an eyebrow. "What's this?"
"My resignation letter."
"Oh?" Lilith said calmly.
She dropped it straight into the trash can and returned to typing.
"… …"
"You know," Belphy said stiffly, "you could at least wait until I leave before throwing it out."
"And you know exactly where it's going anyway," Lilith replied without looking up.
"UGH! You demon!" Belphy snarled. "How could you move the entire education department out of Bub's ministry and shove it into mine?!"
"Because it suits you better," she said evenly. "You used to plant ideas in people's heads through movies and novels. Now you'll just plant them in textbooks."
"No-no-no-no-no! That's completely different!"
The office door opened again.
Solo stepped in, holding a stack of documents.
"Honey, can I—oh. Hey, Belphy." He glanced at Belphy. "Resigning again?"
Belphy threw his arms into the air. "Look, guys, I can't do it!"
"You say that every time we assign you something," Lilith said flatly.
"I mean, sure, I can rewrite every textbook. I can make another brainwashing movie. That's not the problem!"
"Then what is?" Solo asked.
"Knowing how to make the material is one thing," Belphy snapped. "Knowing how to sell it is something else entirely! Without a master-level communicator pushing these peace ideas, it'll take decades to work!"
Solo groaned and slumped slightly. "That's a problem… I don't know if we can stop our people from wiping out half the planet for that long."
"If you want fast results," Belphy said, pointing emphatically, "you need a demon with world-class mass communication skills."
Lilith's expression twisted with immediate dread. "Oh no. No. I know where this is going."
Solo pinched the bridge of his nose. "Oh boy."
---
Murica, Hellicon Valley
A couple of days later, Solo, Lilith, and Belphy drove an SUV straight into the most cursed region in the cursed demon territory—Hellicon Valley.
Volcanoes dotted the horizon like open wounds. Rivers of lava crawled through the land, glowing angrily. The ground was cracked, scorched, and dead for miles in every direction.
Even demonic beasts avoided this place.
"WHY ME!?" Belphy screamed from the back seat.
"Because it was your idea," Lilith replied calmly, eyes fixed on the road.
"That doesn't mean I have to come!" Belphy snapped. "Why not ask Stan or Levi?!"
"They're at Dawn inspecting our new bases," Solo said. "Besides, aren't you the only one still talking to him regularly?"
"Tch." Belphy crossed his arms. "Only by phone. I don't want to meet that psycho in person…"
"I see the tower," Lilith announced.
Rising from the center of the valley stood the Demon King Castle—an enormous, nightmarish fortress of black stone and jagged edges, crowned by a towering spire that—of course—stretched one hundred floors into the sky.
"Ugh… still as ugly as ever," Lilith muttered.
"Agreed," Belphy nodded.
Then his eyes caught something glowing at the very top of the tower.
"Uh… what's that?"
BOOOOM!
A beam of light slammed down from above, vaporizing the SUV in an instant.
When the smoke cleared, Lilith stood in front of Solo, shielding him. She had shifted into her true demon form—black demonic armor wrapped her body, massive wings spread wide, claws dug into the ground, three eyes glowing with contained fury.
Still sexy, according to Solo.
Belphy stood a short distance away, completely unharmed, a translucent magical shield shimmering around him.
"Here he comes," Lilith warned.
A figure shot down from the sky at supersonic speed.
WHIIIIZZ—CLASH!
A sword slammed into Lilith's claws, the impact ripping through the air and blasting away the remaining flames and smoke.
"SOLO, MY BRO! LONG TIME NO SEE!" the attacker laughed cheerfully.
He was a handsome man with black wings—and a glowing red halo.
Lucifer Morningstar.
The Demon King.
"Uh… hey, Luke," Solo said, waving his hand hesitantly.
"Wow, I'm sooo happy you visited! Oh—Lilith's here too?" He said casually, while keep pushing his sword into her neck.
"Hi, asshole," Lilith growled, pushing back.
"And Belphy!" Luke added, glancing over. "What a party! Are you teaming up with Lilith now?"
"Nah, man," Belphy replied, sitting down casually on a chunk of the destroyed SUV. "Just watching."
"Aww, shame." Luke sighed. "When was the last time we all hung out…?"
"When you crashed my wedding, you shithead!" Lilith roared.
Energy surged in her third eye.
"Uh oh."
BZZZZZZT!
A beam fired from her eye—but Luke blinked out of sight. The beam tore straight through the castle guard tower, slicing it clean in half before the structure collapsed into rubble.
"You two wait here!" Lilith ordered.
"Aye, ma'am," Belphy said lazily.
"Be careful, honey," Solo added.
Lilith flew and vanished into the sky, chasing after Luke.
---
3,000 Meters Above Ground
Lilith and Luke now hovered in the air, glaring at each other.
"Oh, right!" Luke suddenly snapped his fingers. "The wedding! That was a fun party. We fought for how long? Two days?"
"Three, you asshole!" Lilith snarled. "You made us miss our honeymoon!"
"Ahaha! Can't blame me, I was upset!" Luke laughed as he drew a second sword.
"Watching my bro get deceived by some insolent wench!" His friendly face disappeared, now looking at Lilith with disgust.
"Boohoo." Lilith cracked her neck. "A brat throwing a tantrum because his friend doesn't play with him anymore."
She unsheathed a demonic thorny whip.
"He's mine now. Deal with it, birdbrain."
They dashed toward each other.
BOOOOM—CLANK—WHIIIIZZ—BOOOOM—SPARK—BZZZT—BOOOOM!
Explosions tore through the sky. Blades clashed. Beams ripped through clouds as shockwaves rippled outward.
---
Meanwhile, Down Below
Belphy sat on what remained of the SUV—a surprisingly intact seat now serving as a makeshift sofa. He leaned back comfortably as Solo approached, carrying a cooler box.
"The cooler box survived," Solo said, opening it and handing Belphy a cold beer.
"Nice."
POP.
"Cheers."
"Cheers."
They clinked bottles and took long sips.
"Aaaah."
Above them, debris and stray beams occasionally screamed downward, only to fizzle harmlessly against Belphy's shimmering magic shield.
"How long do you think it'll take this time?" Belphy asked casually.
"Dunno," Solo replied. "If it takes too long, we can call the Secret Service."
He glanced toward the horizon.
"There's a nice hotel in a nearby town."
---
Back Up There
Luke and Lilith hovered in midair, both of them bruised, scorched, and bleeding in more places than they cared to count.
They were also grinning like maniacs.
"You're getting slower," Luke said, rolling his shoulders. "Are you gaining weight? Stress eating at the Black House?"
"My therapist said I should face my problems," Lilith replied sweetly. "And here you are."
"Hah!" Luke laughed and spread his arms. "Did you tell your therapist that your problem is this BIG?"
Power surged through him.
Six wings burst outward. His halo twisted, glowing a violent crimson as demonic energy spiraled around his body like a raging storm.
Demon King form.
Lilith scoffed.
"Every big problem can be solved starting with the smallest one," she said flatly. "So I'll start by removing your dick."
Just like in many RPG game, sometimes there's a secret boss that somehow can be as strong or maybe stronger than the final boss. In this world, that was Lilith.
Her form shifted. Black, spiked armor grew over her body, crowned with jagged horns as her aura erupted outward in waves of raw authority.
Demon Queen form.
They collided again.
---
Back Down Again
On the ground, boredom had give birth to a second and completely unrelated war.
"No, Belphy! Star Trek is better!" Solo shouted. "The worldbuilding is richer! The philosophy is deeper! It's not as simplistic as Star Wars!"
"WHAT!?" Belphy shouted back. "Star Wars isn't simple! It's eternal light versus dark—just like us!"
"IT'S CHILDISH!"
"IT'S BORING!"
"Oh, now you've done it!" Solo roared. "Let's see how you like it after I give you Episode Seven!"
All this time, Solo had deliberately held back from sharing the Episode Seven script with Belphy.
Out of pity.
---
Back Up There Again
Luke and Lilith hovered once more, panting heavily.
"Not bad, bitch," Luke said, wiping blood from his mouth. "Haven't had a workout like this in ages."
"You too, asshole… hehe…"
"hehe…"
"HAHAHAHAHA!"
They both burst into manic laughter, the sound echoing across the clouds.
"But," Lilith said, suddenly pulling out a satellite phone, "I can't play all day. I've got an orphanage opening tomorrow."
"Oh?" Luke tilted his head. "And how will you stop me? Call the army? You remember no lower-class demon can withstand my aura."
"Kukuku…"
Lilith pressed a button and grinned.
"Send them in."