Ildar stepped closer and bent down, as if about to pull the arrow from Mark's chest. I hissed at him.
"Don't you dare touch it."
"But the arrow has to come out," Ildar said, blinking in confusion.
"You idiot, that would kill him faster. If you pull it out, the bleeding will surge. As long as it stays in, it slows things down."
"So what, you're just going to sit here, cry, and wait for him to die?" Ildar spread his hands.
"I'm certainly not going to finish him off by doing something stupid!" I shouted. Mark stirred, trying to calm us.
"Guys… guys," he murmured, closing his eyes. "Could you at least not yell?"
Ildar pressed his lips together, looked at Mark, then turned on me with barely restrained fury.
"You're really going to let him die?"
"Do you think I want this?" I snapped, tears spilling over again. "What choice do I have?"
"Turn him," he said flatly, pointing at Mark.
"No!" I roared.
Mark squeezed my fingers a little tighter, once, twice, trying to pull my attention back to him. I looked at him again.
"Is being a vampire really that unbearable?"
I sniffed.
"If you ignore the part where you have to kill people?"
He gave a faint nod, and I shook my head.
"No. I love my life. But I've never known another."
"So you can't, I don't know… hunt squirrels?" he asked weakly. "Drink deer?"
For the first time in this entire nightmare, I almost laughed, remembering the horror on Mark's face when he'd seen the bone decorations in the hall.
"You can try. I won't dictate what's right or wrong to you."
He swallowed hard.
"Lisa, I don't want to die."
"I know. But can you accept a life like this?" I gestured at myself. "What if you lose control and kill someone? Could you forgive yourself? Could you live knowing that everyone you ever loved will die, while you won't age a single day?"
"I doubt I'll lose everyone I love," he said, struggling for breath, "because you'll be there."
He broke into a coughing fit, his body shaking. Time was running out.
"If I kill someone, I don't know how I'll live with it. But it still sounds less terrifying than dying right now and truly losing everything."
"Well, that settles it—give him your venom," Ildar said, poking my shoulder. "The guy's clearly on board."
"Will you wait for once?" I snapped at Ildar, baring my teeth. The man had absolutely no sense of tact. I turned back to Mark. "There's something else you need to know. If I give you my venom, there's no guarantee you'll become one of us."
"What, I could turn into a monster like Yesenia instead?"
"She's not a monster," Ildar cut in. "She's a very… unconventional werewolf."
"We'll deal with Yesenia's genetics later," I said, refocusing on Mark. "No. Your body might reject the change altogether. You could die in agony during the transformation if it fails."
"So I'm choosing between death and a very painful death?" he asked hoarsely. "Is that what this is?"
"More or less."
Ildar had the good sense to hold his tongue while Mark thought it through. Now, when I could truly lose him, any choice he made felt acceptable to me. I was afraid of a future in which he would come to hate what he had become—but the thought of a world without him frightened me even more.
If I noticed the transformation going wrong. If I saw that the pain became unbearable—I would end his suffering with my own hands. At least, I hoped I would find the strength to do so if it came to that.
All he had left was to choose his fate. All I could do was pray that he chose wisely.
"I suppose the gamble is worth it," he said at last, and I went utterly still. "No future at all, or a small chance—however small—still sounds better than nothing."
"Does that mean…?" I needed to hear it clearly. I needed to be sure I wasn't imagining his consent.
"Lisa," he said softly, "turn me. At least try."