The return to the governor's palace was swift, shrouded in silence.
William held the sleeping prince in his arms and, now and then, brushed a hand over his forehead.
The prince hadn't abandoned him. On the contrary, he had risked everything to save him. They had survived together, working side by side just as they had at the Astya hunting reserve.
It would have gone much better if only the prince hadn't decided to keep him out of everything.
If only William hadn't let himself be driven by anger and released the darkness that lurked in his heart.
"I'm sorry," he murmured. "You fell in love with a defiled mage. And that mage fell in love with you and your light."
He was already tainting him.
"Why do you keep saving me?"
He wished he had answers, but the prince continued to rest in his arms.
Once back at the palace, William had him taken to the prince's chambers and laid on the bed. Then he dismissed the soldiers, undressed him, and tucked him in.
The prince was breathing softly, but some color had returned to his face. He really did have a strong constitution, just as Sven had said.
"I didn't mean to steal so much of your magic. I'm sorry."
William brushed a hand over his cheek, then let himself sink into the armchair and closed his eyes.
He had sealed his wounds as soon as he was able to draw on the prince's magic, but the exhaustion from blood loss hit him all at once after the fight was over.
And along with it came shame, pain, and terror.
He had killed men and unleashed a fury that made him more like a beast than a man. He had lost control of his darkness, and now no one would ever look at him with respect again.
Not even the prince.
"Will?"
William jerked his head up, and Alex smiled.
"How are you?"
"You should be thinking about yourself, Your Highness. You fainted."
"Ah. I'm not injured, am I?"
"No. I exhausted your magic and you simply lost consciousness. I'm sorry—I got carried away. I'm used to Caedos, but he's a spirit, and has far more magic than you."
"It doesn't matter. What matters is that you're all right." The prince frowned. "Will my magic come back?"
"Yes. You just need to rest and be patient for a while." William lowered his gaze and hesitated for a moment. "I'm sorry. I was reckless and put you in danger."
"It's my fault. I should have made different choices."
"You were worried about me."
"But that didn't give me the right to act like a jailer and shut you out of everything. When we're together, things go well." He held out a hand. "Will you forgive me, Will?"
"Your Highness, I'm a monster. You saw me. What I can do… what I did… how can you accept it?"
Accept him with all his shadows?
The prince furrowed his brow and let his hand fall. "I saw only a man who was hurt and angry."
"I killed them all!"
"I would have done the same."
"But not with the same ease."
The prince was silent for a few moments. "William, come here."
William hesitated, then stepped closer. The prince took him by the hips and pulled him into his arms.
"You're not a monster, and I'm not afraid of you. If you don't believe me, ask me for any proof you want, and I'll give it to you."
"Your Highness, my magical affinity… it isn't like everyone else's."
William placed his hands on the prince's shoulders and pushed him gently away.
"I'm not like the others. I can do things no other mage can do. I can weave two spells at the same time, Caedos chose me after centuries of refusing to choose a human. And then… my emotions affect my magic."
"That doesn't make you a monster."
"There's darkness inside me, Your Highness." He pressed a hand to his own chest. "I pretend to be good, but there's only darkness inside me."
The prince didn't look away. "So what? Magic blessed you, William—it didn't turn you into a monster." He placed his hand over William's. "And the darkness you speak of isn't evil. It's just the shadows cast by your light."
William pressed his lips together; his eyes stung with the tears he was holding back.
"Your Highness, I could have hurt you."
"But you didn't." The prince's smile grew even brighter. "My voice will always reach you, even in your darkness. And if your light isn't enough to drive it away, then I'll help you face it."
William hesitated, then smiled. "Thank you. For everything."
"You don't have to thank me. You're always there when I need you, and I want to be there when you're the one who needs a shoulder to lean on." The prince patted the mattress. "And now I want you to lie down beside me. We both need some rest."
William obeyed, and they stayed silent for a long time, so close they almost touched. And he wished so badly he could reach out and brush the prince's hand, to reassure himself that he wouldn't abandon him with his shadows and his pain.
As if he had read his thoughts, the prince turned to look at him.
"How are you? I know you don't want to show yourself vulnerable, but you're safe with me."
William sighed and rolled onto his side. He brushed the prince's hand and clasped it in his own to steady himself.
"I'm not well. It hurts where he struck me and… I feel like I'm about to fall apart."
"I'm sorry. I wish I had gotten there sooner. I wish he'd never kidnapped you."
"It's not your fault."
"And it's not yours either."
William took a shaky breath. "Do you really think that?"
"Yes."
"Then why did you shut me out?"
The prince lowered his gaze. "I was afraid of dragging you into trouble again. And that the merchant might hurt you even more."
"He did anyway."
Alex looked back at him, his eyes sad. "I'm sorry, Will. I'm really, truly sorry."
William curled in on himself, clasping the prince's hand.
"I was afraid. But I also knew you would come to save me, and that thought gave me the strength to fight back." He gave a faint, bitter smile. "Even though my escape attempts didn't go very well."
"It doesn't matter. You showed him that your body belongs to you and that no one has the right to take it from you. You're much stronger than he thought. You showed that to me too." Alex smiled at him. "You are strong, William. And you're incredibly intelligent."
"And handsome, I suppose."
"I'd be lying if I said you weren't. But I'm quite impressing too, right?"
"You're radiant and brilliant like the sun itself."
"And you're cold and graceful like the moon."
William stifled a smile and pressed himself against him, trembling slightly under that contact. His skin burned and a vague nausea twisted in his stomach, but he didn't want to pull back.
He wanted to touch him and not feel afraid while doing it.
"Your Highness, I… I'm truly happy to be your mage."
The prince stiffened, then his fingers stroked his dark hair.
"Oh Will, you don't need to try to make me fall in love with you. I'm already head over heels."
An unbearable warmth rose to the mage's cheeks. "What?"
"You didn't realize?"
Of course he did! He could read him easily.
"It's not that…" He hid his face in the blankets. "I'm not ready to hear that you… like me."
Alex burst out laughing, and his laughter echoed in William's chest.
"When you get shy like that, it makes me want to cuddle you even more." He leaned toward his ear and brushed his earlobe with his lips. "I want to kiss you and touch you until you remember nothing but the shape of my hands."
"I might need time."
"I'll wait until you feel ready." He reached a hand toward his face but stopped before touching him. "You are not a monster. You are not dirty or wrong. And I'll do everything I can to show you the man I see."
"Thank you, Your Highness."
The prince smiled at him. "And from now on, when you face your pain, I'll be there to support you. You can show me your wounds whenever you want, and I'll welcome them one by one and tend to them gently."
"Will you stay with me? Really?"
"Always. As long as you want me by your side." He caressed his cheek. "It's a promise."
"If you're lying to me, I swear I'll turn you into a toad."
Alex laughed. "Can I hope for a kiss to turn back into a prince?"
"I don't know. I'll have to think about it."
William slipped his arms around his neck and held him close. He placed a small kiss on his neck, and that contact sent a surge of pleasure and disgust through him.
He squeezed his eyes shut and forced himself to stay close. The sensations his body felt were part of him, part of the trauma he had lived through. Pushing them away wouldn't make him feel better.
He had to accept them and be kinder to himself.