Hogwarts, Ravenclaw Tower, December 18, 2017, 11:00 PM
Two days before leaving for Moscow, Solus couldn't sleep.
Not because of nerves about the trip.
But because something had changed.
During the last few weeks, while training Intent intensively, his memories had begun to... awaken.
Not all at once.
But as fragments.
Flashes. Moments he hadn't remembered before.
Lucius negotiating with Celtic druids in Britannia.
Corvus teaching an eight-year-old boy how to feel the flow of magic.
Someone's laughter. A woman. A voice he recognized but couldn't place.
And tonight, the memory had been so vivid it had woken him up.
A little girl. Dark hair. Bright gray (grey) eyes.
'Uncle Corvus, can I fly?'.
'Someday, Helena. Someday'.
Helena...
Solus had sat up in his bed, breathing heavily.
Helena Ravenclaw.
My goddaughter.
And suddenly, he needed to see her.
The Ravenclaw Tower was silent at this hour.
Solus had used a secret passage he had discovered on one of Corvus's maps to arrive unseen.
He climbed the spiral stairs.
He didn't know exactly what he was looking for.
Only that he needed to...
Know that it was real.
He reached the upper landing.
And there, floating by a window overlooking the snowy grounds, was she.
The Grey Lady. Helena Ravenclaw. The ghost turned slowly, as if she had sensed his presence.
"It is late for a student to be wandering". she said with an ethereal voice. "Especially a Slytherin".
Solus froze.
'It's her... It's really her.'
And without meaning to, without being able to stop it, the words came out:
"Helena."
The ghost went still.
"How...?" Her voice trembled. "No one has called me Helena in..."
"Centuries," Solus completed. His voice sounded different. Older. As if it weren't entirely his own. "No one has called you Helena since..."
'Since you died.'
'Since you became the Grey Lady.'
Helena floated closer.
"Who are you?"
Solus opened his mouth to answer.
But what came out wasn't his eleven-year-old voice.
It was something deeper.
More burdened.
"You were so small when I named you". The words poured out uncontrollably. "Your mother, Rowena, asked me to be your godfather. She said you needed someone to teach you how to fly".
Helena went completely still.
"No... it cannot be. Uncle Corvus is...".
"Dead. I know." Solus felt something wet on his cheeks. Tears. "But memories remain. Through time. Through lives".
Helena floated even closer.
Her eyes, silver, ethereal, studied him with an intensity that cut.
"Are you truly...?"
And Solus felt something break inside him.
The identity of Corvus that had been pressing against his consciousness.
'No.'
'I am not Corvus.'
'I only have his memories.'
'There is a difference.'
He stumbled back.
"I... I'm sorry. I..."
Solus slumped against the stone wall.
Breathing heavily.
"I'm not him," he said with his own voice. Eleven years old. Broken. "I'm not Corvus. Just... I remember him."
Helena floated in front of him, her expression a mix of confusion and something like hope.
"Explain."
Solus closed his eyes.
'How do I explain this?'
'How do I tell her I am her reincarnated godfather but also not?'
Finally: "I am eleven years old. My name is Solus Gray. I was born to Muggle parents." He opened his eyes. "But when I was nine, I woke up. I remembered two previous lives."
"Two?"
"Lucius. A Roman general. Pontifex Maximus of the Roman Empire. I lived two thousand years ago."
Helena listened without interrupting.
"And Corvus Slytherin. Your godfather. Headmaster of Hogwarts. I died... he died... defending this castle in 1065."
Solus took a deep breath.
"I don't know why I remember. I don't know how it works. But the more I practice magic, especially Intent, Ancient Magic, the more memories unlock."
"And tonight?"
"Tonight I remembered your naming ceremony. I held you in my arms. You were so small. And your mother made me promise I would always take care of you."
Solus felt the tears run more freely now.
"But I couldn't. When..." He stopped. "I was already dead. I couldn't protect you."
Helena floated down until she was at his level.
"It wasn't your fault".
"But I promised. And Corvus's promises..." Solus wiped his eyes. "The promises he made feel like my promises. Even after a thousand years."
Silence.
Then Helena asked softly:
"What is it like? Remembering?"
Solus thought about it.
"It's like having two libraries in your head. Two complete lives of experiences. But..." He paused. "They aren't always accessible. Sometimes the memories are closed. Blocked."
"And what unlocks them?"
"Magic. Especially when I practice things Corvus or Lucius knew." Solus looked at his hands. "Every time I use Intent, every time I feel the flow of magic like Corvus did, more memories return."
"Is it painful?"
"Sometimes. Because memories aren't just knowledge. They are emotions. I lost people I loved. In both lives. And when I remember..." Solus closed his eyes. "It hurts as if I had just lost them yesterday."
Helena nodded slowly.
"I understand that. I have been dead for centuries. But the pain of my betrayal... of disappointing my mother... never disappears."
"Helena..."
"No." Her voice was firm. "I do not need comfort. I deserved my fate. I stole the diadem. I fled. And when the Baron came... well. That was also my mistake."
She paused.
"But you... you have a second chance. A third chance. Do not waste this carrying the guilt of past lives."
Solus looked at her.
"How do I not carry it? Those memories are mine now. Those broken promises are my broken promises."
"They are not." Helena floated closer. "Listen to me, Solus Gray. You are eleven. You have memories of two thousand years, yes. But that does not make you responsible for Corvus's promises. Or Lucius's debts."
"But they feel like mine."
"Because they are memories. But they are not your identity." Helena smiled sadly. "Corvus was my godfather. And I loved him. But he is dead. And you... you are someone new."
Solus felt something tighten in his throat.
'Someone new.'
'Is that possible?'
'Can I be just Solus?'
'Or am I condemned to be the sum of three lives?'
"Why did you come tonight?" Helena asked after a moment.
"Because the memory was so strong I needed to confirm you were real. That I wasn't imagining it."
"And now that you know I am real?"
Solus stood up slowly.
"Now... I don't know. Part of me wants to apologize. For not being there when you needed me."
"You do not need to apologize."
"Part of me wants to ask you about Corvus. About what he was like. If the memories I have are accurate."
"And the other part?"
Solus smiled weakly.
"The other part just wants to tell you I'm glad to see you. Even like this. Even after a thousand years."
Helena smiled.
A genuine smile. The first Solus had seen on a ghost.
"I am also glad to see you, Solus Gray. Or Corvus. Or whoever you are now."
"I'm still deciding that."
"Then take your time. We dead have eternity. But the living..." Helena looked out the window. "The living only have now."
. . .
Slytherin Common Room, 12:30 AM
When Solus returned, he felt...
Different.
Not better. Not worse.
Just different.
Seeing Helena had confirmed something he had been avoiding:
'Memories aren't just knowledge.'
'They are relationships.'
'Connections. Love.'
'And that love doesn't disappear just because a thousand years have passed.'
He sat in front of the fireplace.
'Who am I?'
'Solus Gray, the eleven-year-old boy?'
'Corvus Slytherin, the master who died defending Hogwarts?'
'Lucius, the general who saw empires fall?'
'Or all of them?'
'Or none?'
He had no answer.
But he knew one thing:
'Helena is right. I can't carry the guilt of past lives.'
'But I can't ignore them either.'
'I need to find a balance.'
'Be Solus. With the memories of Corvus and Lucius.'
'But not be only those memories.'
. . . . . . . .
North London Psychiatric Centre, December 19, 2017, 10:00 AM
The day before the trip, Solus visited his mother one last time.
Helen was in the garden again, but this time not alone.
She was with a group of other patients, participating in some kind of outdoor group therapy.
When she saw Solus, she said goodbye to the group and walked toward him.
"Solus. I didn't expect to see you today."
"I'm traveling (travelling) to Moscow tomorrow. I wanted to say goodbye."
Helen hugged him.
"Moscow. My son is gonna Moscow." She sounded proud. Amazed. "When did I become the mother of someone so important?"
"I'm not important, Mom."
"To me you are." Helen pulled away. "Are you nervous?"
"A little."
"It's normal. But you're also prepared. Your father told me about your meeting with the Minister. About everything you've been studying." Helen touched his cheek. "You're going to be amazing."
"Thanks."
They walked through the garden.
"How do you feel?" Solus asked.
"Better. Much better." Helen smiled. "The doctors say I'll be able to go home in January. Still with intensive therapy, but... at home."
"That's great, Mom."
"Yes." Helen looked at the sky. "I've been thinking a lot lately. About what happened. About why I reached that point."
"Mom, you don't have to..."
"I want to." Helen looked at him. "I want you to understand something, Solus. What happened wasn't your fault. Nor your father's. It was my illness. And my inability to ask for help."
She paused.
"But it was also... loneliness. I felt like no one understood me. That I was trapped in a life I didn't recognize." Her eyes filled with tears. "And when you left for Hogwarts, it was as if the last thing keeping me anchored was gone."
"Mom..."
"But now I understand something: you weren't my anchor. You were my reason. And there is a difference." Helen smiled through the tears. "An anchor keeps you in one place. A reason gives you purpose to keep going."
"And now that I'm at Hogwarts..."
"Now I need to find my own purpose. Not just be your mother. But be Helen." She squeezed his hand. "And that's okay. It's healthy."
Solus felt something warm in his chest.
'She understands.'
'She really understands.'
"I love you, Mom."
"I love you too, honey. More than anything."
. . . . . . .
Hogwarts, Slytherin Common Room, December 19, 2017, 8:00 PM
The last night before Moscow, Stella and Albus organized a small farewell.
Just the three of them. In front of the fireplace.
With hot chocolate and cookies (biscuits) Stella had gotten from the kitchens.
"So," Stella said, "tomorrow you meet the Queen."
"Yes."
"Scared?" Albus asked.
"Terrified."
"Good," Stella said. "That means you're not an idiot."
Solus laughed.
"Thanks for the vote of confidence."
"Always."
Stella got serious. "But really, Solus. Be careful. Markov is not like Rosier. She doesn't seduce with charisma. She seduces with logic."
"I know."
"And remember," Albus added, "you can send owls. If you need anything. If something goes wrong. Send us an owl."
"I will."
Stella took something out of her pocket.
A small stone. Dark green.
"This is from the Map Chamber. I took it last time we were there."
"Why?"
"Because if you practice (practise) Intent with it, maybe you can feel the castle. Even from Moscow." Stella handed it to him. "Like a reminder that you have a home here."
Solus took it.
The stone was warm. And when he closed his eyes, he could feel...
Hogwarts.
The flow of castle magic.
Like a distant heartbeat.
"Thank you, Stella."
"You're welcome."
Albus took something out too.
A folded parchment.
"This is... well. It's silly. But Scorpius and I wrote some things. Tips. Things we thought you might need to remember."
Solus opened it.
[Tips for not getting manipulated by powerful politicians:
1. Remember you are a child. They are not.
2. Don't promise anything without thinking.
3. If something sounds too good, it probably is.
4. Trust your instincts.
5. Write letters. Keep us informed.
6. Eat well. Sleep well.
7. Don't become someone you don't recognize.
8. And remember: you have friends who support you. Always.
- Albus & Scorpius]
Solus felt something tighten in his throat.
"This is perfect."
"Really?"
"Really."