Chapter 627 – If You Ask Me!!
Harry could feel Dumbledore looking at him, as though waiting for him to ask something.
But Harry didn't ask anything. Ask or not, what difference did it make? In the end, wasn't it still because of him that Darren had died?
Now, whenever he closed his eyes, he saw Darren falling behind the veil, stunned and unprepared. The image gnawed endlessly at his heart.
"I know what you're feeling right now, Harry, but if you ask me—"
Dumbledore said softly.
There was no ripple in Harry's heart. He shook his head.
"I have nothing to ask."
He forced out a laugh.
He remembered how Darren always wanted them to see him smiling, every single time.
Yet now, this smile was nothing more than something he squeezed out by force.
"Your state right now is very similar to Darren's," Dumbledore said gently. "He often told me before that he worried about you, because you always looked cheerful, but—"
"Can we not talk about him?"
Harry looked straight at Dumbledore.
"You're angry…" Dumbledore said slowly. "Are you angry that I arrived too late? Or that I blocked the veil?"
"I already tore that wall down. I was only worried that you might fall in too, like Darren—"
Dumbledore tried to continue, but Harry suddenly exploded.
"You don't understand anything! You don't know anything at all!"
He grabbed a piece of silver ornament from Dumbledore's desk and hurled it at the wall.
The portraits screamed in alarm.
"Harry, calm down. Perhaps I need to tell you, Darren—"
"I don't need you to tell me about his death! I don't need to know!" Harry shouted.
"If you never cared about him, then you never have to talk about him again!"
Dumbledore frowned. Then realization dawned on his face.
What he had intended to explain… he stopped himself. Instead, he sat down and said quietly,
"Harry, we need to talk."
Harry seized another handful of silver instruments and smashed them onto the floor.
"Don't talk!"
He turned and rushed to the headmaster's door, trying to wrench it open. The door didn't budge.
"Let me out!"
Dumbledore said nothing.
Harry stormed back toward him and shouted, "Let me out! I don't want to say another word to you!"
"I must talk to you," Dumbledore replied calmly. "If you refuse, then the door will never open."
He even sounded almost lighthearted.
But Harry couldn't laugh. Not at all.
Guilt and pain were tearing him apart.
"I must admit this, Harry," Dumbledore said at last. "This is my fault.
"I should have spoken to you earlier. If I had, we would have known from the beginning that Voldemort was trying to lure you to the Department of Mysteries."
Harry turned back to look at him. Dumbledore gestured for him to sit down. Harry didn't move.
Dumbledore didn't force him.
"Darren has been in very poor condition this year," Dumbledore continued. "I was unwilling to give him such heavy responsibilities.
"But both he and the other members of the Order of the Phoenix believed he should shoulder part of the burden for me. They even wanted him to take my place."
Harry knew. Darren had always been that capable—far too capable.
If Darren hadn't exhausted his magic the night before the History of Magic exam.
If he hadn't had a splitting headache during the exam.
If he hadn't been attacked by the centaurs while searching for him and Hermione.
If he hadn't absorbed those cursed ropes into his own body.
If he hadn't blocked the Blinding Curse aimed at Hermione.
If he hadn't been poisoned—
If…
Then he would never have fallen behind the veil.
And all of it was because of him.
Because he had recklessly gone to save Sirius.
Because he had fallen straight into Voldemort's trap.
Because he had overestimated himself.
Dumbledore, unaware of Harry's spiraling thoughts, continued speaking.
"I gave him too many tasks. I also forced him into conflict with Severus.
"Yes, the poisoning you saw, the scenes of him arguing with Snape—I taught him those. We let him act according to that plan.
"He truly had no talent for pretending. Almost everything relied on Severus and me helping him maintain the act.
"The argument you witnessed between him and Severus was deliberately staged, to show you—and Voldemort—that Severus was no longer under my control.
"He succeeded. He deceived both you and Voldemort. But the mental pressure on him was immense.
"I could have ensured he rested properly. But after I was forced out of the school, Severus told me Darren hadn't slept well for a long time.
"That was why he made the wrong decision. When you insisted on rescuing Sirius, he didn't wait for Severus to return. He went to you."
"He was influenced by me," Harry said quietly. "I urged him on. I told him to go to Sirius immediately."
Harry forced the words out of his throat, each one scraping painfully.
Tears clogged his chest.
Dumbledore fell silent for a moment, then continued.
"In any case, I bear a great deal of responsibility for Darren.
"I should have explained everything to him from the start. But I thought—wrongly—that knowing less would ease his burden. He was already so exhausted."
"I don't want to hear any of this anymore…"
Harry said, his lips trembling.
But Dumbledore insisted, "Sit down, Harry. You must know everything."
"Five years ago, Darren appeared before me. Severus and I were deeply wary of him, and for a long time we could do nothing.
"His arrival alarmed me greatly. After the incident , he disappeared again—only to reappear just as you were about to enter Hogwarts.
"Too coincidental, Harry. Far too coincidental. Not just I, but the entire Order of the Phoenix was worried.
"They feared Darren's existence might harm you."
"No!" Harry roared. "He never harmed me! Everything he ever did was for me!"
"Yes," Dumbledore said softly. "But at the time, we couldn't be certain."
"We used Veritaserum, memory probing… Harry, I don't want to go into details. This is the part I regret the most.
"In the end, after years of testing, Darren proved himself. There wasn't a single member of the Order who didn't trust him. Even Moody liked him.
"So they proposed that Darren be formally included in the Order of the Phoenix.
"But his first mission failed—because we were overly cautious. Voldemort discovered the location instead.
"Darren clashed directly with Voldemort. His body was severely injured. You may think Severus helped him recover, but the damage never fully healed.
"Yet because of the Order's missions, he refused to go to the hospital wing, afraid someone might exploit him to uncover our plans.
"And this year, my control over the school weakened drastically, which only increased his anxiety."
"I know! If you're just going to keep talking about all this meaningless stuff—"
"Sit down and listen to me, Harry!"