"You're in a foul mood," Sein noted, resting her chin languidly on one hand, watching Zeya stride towards her table, where she usually sat in the Archives.
The room was shrouded in dim light, the sun hiding behind a curtain of heavy, brooding clouds. A thunderstorm was drawing near as Zeya pulled a chair opposite her and sat down heavily. His face was neutral but his lips were pressed together, a sign Sein had observed when he was suppressing his irritation.
"You can tell by just looking at me?" Zeya asked, astonished, and unconsciously softened his jaw, regaining his usual calm composure.
Sein nodded, waiting for him to explain but was met with crickets. She leaned back in her chair, letting her long hair fall around her shoulders.
"What's happened? Tell me whatever's bothering you. I'm here to listen," she cajoled.
"It's really nothing at all," Zeya dismissed briskly, attempting a smile. "Nothing of importance."
"You can't fool me, Zeya. You're oozing with dark clouds. It's quite a sight to behold. Perhaps even threatening to brew into an ugly storm, no a hurricane, if none of the steam vents."
Zeya grinned, seemingly more at ease as he said, "What nonsense do you speak of? I'm certainly not in a foul mood. And there certainly isn't an ugly storm brewing. Perhaps outside, but not in here. Though, I must admit, I'm just a little… well, you know, frustrated."
"Of course, you've been talking with your parents," Sein concluded.
Zeya raised his eyebrows, wondering how she could so easily read him.
"I wouldn't say 'talking with', really," he stated. "'Talking with' suggests a balance, where both sides are equally engaged in listening and speaking. Generally they're talking at me and I'm the one doing all the listening."
Sein sympathised with him. Navigating parental expectations was never simple, especially when duty and personal desires clashed. To stray from them was to invite disappointment, perhaps even heartbreak. And if that burden was heavy for her, how much greater must it be for him, whose parents were the King and Queen? That weight must be immeasurable. She didn't envy his position.
"That sounds frustrating. What were they not listening to?" Sein leaned forward, genuinely wishing to hear his issues.
"All manner of things really… my thoughts, my opinions, my wishes. At times, I can't help but wonder… do I even exist at all to them?"
"You don't feel heard when you discuss important issues with them?"
"Exactly. My life, in truth, is not solely my own. It belongs to the kingdom. I accept that. But surely, some matters might be open to negotiation? My father, as you well know, is singularly focused on one purpose: the success and welfare of our kingdom. It's admirable, certainly, but I can't help but wonder if he's forgotten about his own son's happiness. There are moments when I feel entirely unseen. Do my thoughts, my feelings, even register with him at all?"
"I'm sure your father adores you," Sein comforted. "Of course he wants you to be happy. Perhaps his mind is occupied elsewhere and he's not aware you're not feeling heard. Surely if you catch him at the right time, he'll be willing to listen and give you the attention you deserve."
"Maybe, though I often wonder… does my father truly know me? My mother always sides with him, and I can't help but feel as though they've never taken the time to really listen, let alone understand who I am. My uncle, on the other hand, has always taken the time to get to know me." Zeya turned to Sein. "And you, truly listen to me and understand me in a way my parents never quite have."
"I can say the same of you, Zeya," Sein admitted.
She reflected on how Zeya gave her a sense of being genuinely heard and appreciated.
Then she added, "My parents are not entirely attuned to me either. But I suppose I'm rather of a disappointment to them. You, on the other hand, are diligent, disciplined and dutiful. Just what a perfect son ought to be."
"Not at all," Zeya objected. "I'm far from perfect, I assure you. From a young age, I've been trained to meet their expectations, to align with their wishes, often at the expense of my own. My desires, my feelings, and even my choices must take a back seat. Every single day, I give my absolute best. I discipline my mind and train my body, always… always striving to fulfil what is expected of me."
"I can see that. And I will say this, Zeya, you're doing an amazing job. I truly admire your dedication and discipline," Sein said with genuine warmth. "I'm glad we can have conversations like this. It feels like I get to see the real you: the kind, thoughtful, sharp, witty… and the naughty version of Zeya."
Zeya raised an eyebrow and said, "Me, naughty?"
"Of course, all the time," Sein chuckled, before asking, "But you still seem annoyed. What else is bothering you?"
There was a moment of silence as their eyes were drawn to flashes of light outside. A couple of seconds later, a low, reverberating grumble was heard. The storm was getting closer.
Sein focused her attention on Zeya again as he responded, "We were discussing my future. What role I will play, what responsibilities I must bear… and, of course, the matter of whom I shall spend the rest of my life with. It seems my fate is being decided for me before I've had a say in it."
"Princess Nanda," Sein stated.
It pained her to say that name as she was well aware their marriage would take place in less than a year. The countdown to that day had been tormenting her mind.
She repeated what she'd often heard, which was, "I hear she's a renowned beauty."
Zeya seemed taken aback by her comment.
"Is that truly what you think matters to me?"
"No, of course not."
Sein tried to disguise her true feelings on his engagement and continued in a jovial manner, "I'm trying to see the positives, I mean, it can't be that bad betrothed to someone beautiful, no doubt, charming and perfect in every way. Just how a lady ought to be. Of course, the total opposite of me."
Seeing that babbling on was causing Zeya to frown, she stopped. Had she offended him in some way? He seemed angry.
"I have no interest in beauty that's only skin deep. I seek a genuine and meaningful connection with the person I marry. I've witnessed firsthand how challenging a marriage can be when there's no alignment in values or beliefs. It matters deeply to me that my wife understands me as much as I understand her, and she's someone I respect, someone I admire, and most of all, someone…," Zeya looked away and said quietly, "Someone I truly love."
"…"
Sein's eyes widened. She didn't expect Zeya to be this sentimental. The notion that he wanted to marry for love was something she hadn't considered. It was a topic they had never broached. A part of her wished to comfort him by suggesting he might grow to love his fiancée in time, but the idea of saying it aloud cut too deeply.
The silence lingered, and she felt the awkwardness growing between them, like a void opening up, threatening to swallow her. They both watched the raindrops begin to splatter on the leaves through the window. He turned back to her with a look in his eyes that was unfathomable.
Zeya stood up abruptly and said, "Enough troubling you with my thoughts. I should be on my way."
Swiftly he turned and headed for the door as a deep, rolling growl of thunder erupted overhead.
"Don't leave," Sein blurted, surprising herself. She couldn't bear to let him go just yet and continued in a steady voice, "Will you stay a little longer? I've hardly seen you this week."
He stopped at that.
"I've missed…I've missed our conversations," she confessed.
Zeya turned back. Now the corners of his lips lifting as he returned to the table.
"I'm an absolute idiot. How rude of me not to have enquired about you. After all you've taken the time to listen to me."
He sat down again, this time next to Sein and asked, "What have you been doing? I'd like to hear about it."
"Are you sure you want to hear about my boring life?" Sein's eyes were sparkling with mischief.
"Absolutely." Zeya directed his attention fully on her.
She beamed and said, "Get comfortable. Very comfortable. Because once I start talking about my extraordinary dull week, it'll put you to sleep."
Zeya chuckled and said, "Go ahead. I'm ready."
***
Bayin was brought back from her thoughts when General Min breezily strode over and sat down next to her. He covered himself in a blanket and lay down. Was he going to sleep next to her? She didn't know what to make of it.
As everyone else was settling in for the night, she lowered herself on the grass, resting comfortably on her back. She was pretending to be a man so there was nothing wrong with sleeping next to him. But lying in such close proximity to him was unnerving. For one thing, her feelings for him had never been extinguished. And now she sensed a change in his behaviour towards her. Was it recognition? She couldn't relax.
Being a spirit meant she no longer needed to sleep, physiologically speaking. However she very much wanted to shut out the world of unsettling thoughts from her mind right now. Before long, she heard the soft, regular breathing coming from the boys to her right. Kyaw and Soe were both asleep. She lay still, awake, agonising over what was said earlier.
"Would you like a blanket? It's likely to be cool once the clouds clear," General Min said quietly, turning onto his side and gazing at her.
"No, I'm quite alright," Bayin responded, a little stiffly.
Her heart raced as she tried to hold herself together, feeling overwhelmed by his presence. Wasn't this what she had longed for? To be near him again. But she dared not meet his gaze, terrified that a single glance into those pale eyes would unravel everything. She must continue as Bayin.
"Very well, good night." General Min turned over, facing away from her.
"Good night, Ze…sir."
Bayin rolled onto her side as well, turning her back to him. She lay very still for a long while. Eventually, she glanced over her shoulder, watching his back rise and fall with each quiet breath. She suppressed the urge to reach out and touch him.
Is he really here? she wondered. I better not be dreaming!
The gentle murmur of voices around the campfire grew fainter, until only the soft sighing of dying embers remained. When the low clouds cleared, the air became chilly. Bayin glanced over at the boys.
They lay curled up in sleep, and wishing to make their rest more comfortable, she used her cloth power to warm their garments, then turned to General Min and did the same for his blanket. Her mind lingered on the weave of the fabric, sensing him beneath it as if her hand rested lightly on his shoulder. She savoured the moment of connection before guilt struck her, and she quickly withdrew.
As Bayin observed hundreds of glittering distant stars overhead, she sensed a presence. It was fleeting at first, like a soft flutter of a butterfly's wings, slowly intensifying until it glowed brightly in her awareness. It feels like a spirit, she mused. There was no malicious intention so she didn't move, until she heard a woman's voice.
"You are a spirit."
The voice was soft and soothing, flowing like liquid caramel. It was hard to pin point where the spirit was.
"Do not be scared. I mean you no harm."
Bayin slowly rose to a seated position, scanning the trees behind her for the source of the voice. Still there was nothing.
"Who are you?" she ventured.
Then glanced at the General and the two boys. They didn't stir.
"I am Rei, the spirit of this forest. And who are you?"
"I am Bayin. I mean… Sein," she hesitated because introducing herself as a spirit was still novel to her. "Spirit of Cloth."
"You are newly-spirited."
"I am new to it I suppose."
Bayin still scanned her surrounding wondering what Rei looked like.
"You will not see me. I no longer take the form of a mortal. I am all around you." Came the explanation Bayin sought. "You can hear my voice in your mind, no one else."
"I see," Bayin said aloud. "How does that work? I mean how are you able to speak to me in my head?"
"We are spirits. We can speak to one another in this way, if you are open to it. Listen to my voice and follow it with your mind. Reach out. Now, speak to me without using your voice."
Bayin hesitated. Then she followed the instructions, drawing a slow breath as she reached inward.
"Can you hear me?" she asked silently.
"Yes, perfectly. I see you are still attached to the mortal world. That is why mortals can still see you. You must also feel mortal emotions and sensations."
"That's right, I can be injured. I feel as though I'm alive, yet somehow different. Can I die again?"
"No. You are not alive, and you cannot die again. You are immortal, a spirit of power still walking the earth. Ah… I remember a time when I was like you. I did hang on for quite a while. Yes… it took many centuries before I completely let go of the mortal world."
How could she possibly let go of the mortal world now that she'd found Zeya again!
"I am quite attached to this world," Bayin admitted freely. "I… I can't leave quite yet. I want to stay for a while."
"It is difficult to completely transition to the spirit realm when you are not prepared. I imagine you died rather suddenly, as I did. You look to be young, just starting out in life. I reckon you have much to do and experience still. Your journey is just beginning. Do as you please, however I will say this, as you are inexperienced in spirit-hood, let the wandering spirits wander but be wary of those spirits who are resentful and vengeful."
This made Bayin think of what she'd picked up earlier when she looked at the temple ruins.
"Is there an evil spirit near here?" She asked out of curiosity. "I sensed something towards the temple ruins to the east. And I thought I heard a voice."
"You sensed correctly. There is a malicious spirit currently residing in the ruins. I will not speak of her name, for it is lost to the world. It is best to avoid her entirely."
"That might be difficult as I believe my General is planning to go there tomorrow. I am not certain I can change his mind. If I cannot, how can I protect him from this spirit?"
There was a moment of silence and Bayin wondered whether Rei had gone, when the gentle voice spoke again.
"I do not know how you can protect your General. I cannot estimate your powers. I do know what I am capable of and I can protect you and these mortals as long as you remain within my forest. I can at least lend a hand that way."
"Much appreciated."
"Remember I can only protect those under the cover of my trees. Even under the cover of one tree I can offer my protection."
"I will remember. How can I ever repay you for your kindness?"
"There is no need. I offer my protection freely. You have a long journey ahead of you. Until we meet again, I wish you well, Spirit of Cloth."
"I wish you well in return."
Reassured by Rei's words, Bayin settled onto her back and exhaled softly. The tension that had gripped her since leaving Maiah and her family began to ease. Her eyelids fluttered shut, and she was able to surrender to a deep, restful slumber.
The quiet, indistinct drone of voices and the soft shuffle of movements gently roused Bayin from sleep. It was still dim. The first light of day chasing the shadows of the night. The air was crisp and clear, as the chorus of morning birds competed, building to a crescendo. Bayin sat up alert and feeling refreshed.
What's this?
A blanket had been placed on her. Her eyes went straight to the spot where General Min once lay. He was gone.