"The Kiss Seen Around Hogwarts" Edition
The next morning, Hogwarts woke up to absolute chaos.
Because on the front page of the Daily Prophet, in shining gold letters, was:
RON WEASLEY — HOGWARTS' MOST ACCIDENTAL CHAMPION! 💥 By Rita Skeeter
Under the headline was a magically animated illustration:
Moody (as a pig) falling from the sky… Ron screaming… and the two of them accidentally kissing before transforming back.
The animation looped.Over and over and over again.
The Article — Hogwarts' Social Nuclear Bomb Excerpt written by Rita Skeeter:
"Ron Weasley, known for his temper, poor grades, and unmatched ability to find trouble, now enters the Triwizard Tournament as Hogwarts' BIGGEST gamble."
"Sources say he has a mysterious talent for attracting pigs — including ex-Aurors."
"His most FAMOUS feat remains the shocking moment when Professor Moody — the legendary ex-Auror — transformed into a pig, fell from above, and accidentally LOCKED LIPS with young Weasley."
"A kiss that shook Hogwarts."
She even added:
"Eyewitnesses confirm Weasley did not push Moody away immediately."
The school exploded.
HOGWARTS BREAKS INTO CHAOS 💥 GRYFFINDOR TABLE
The moment Ron sat down—
BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Fred & George fell off the bench, kicking their legs like dying spiders.
Fred:"RONNIEKINS, YOU DOG!"
George:"AUROR-SNOGGER OF THE YEAR!"
Ginny was crying from laughing so hard.
Hermione covered her face:
"Rita Skeeter is a DEMON."
HUFFLEPUFF TABLE
Cedric couldn't breathe:
"I'm— I'm trying NOT to laugh—"
Backup Hufflepuffs were whispering:
"Is Moody okay? Is Ron okay? Should we be worried about swine-based dark arts?"
RAVENCLAW TABLE
Cho:"I… I can't unsee it."
Luna:"Love is mysterious. Even pig love."
Cho choked on her pumpkin juice.
SLYTHERIN TABLE
Draco Malfoy was on his knees.
Actually on his knees.
Slamming the floor.
Draco:"THE PIG KISS!!! THE PIG KISS!! WEEEEEASLEEEEEEY!!"
Pansy Parkinson:"This is the greatest moment of my entire life."
The Slytherins were chanting:
"PIG-KISS RON! PIG-KISS RON!"
MOODY (BARTY CROUCH JR.)'S HUMILIATION
When he entered the Great Hall…
SILENCE.
Then—
OINK.
Someone oinked.
Everyone broke.
Students fell out of chairs.
Moody's magical eye spun wildly.
Contained rage.Shaking wand hand.
Moody:"WHO— DID— THIS—"
A first year immediately fainted.
PRIVATE MELTDOWN — RON & MOODY
Both ran to a deserted hallway.
Both traumatized.
Both shaking.
Ron:"I—I didn't kiss you— you fell— it was an accident—"
Moody:"I WAS A PIG— AND YOUR FACE WAS IN THE WAY— YOU COULD HAVE MOVED—"
Ron:"YOU COULD HAVE AIMED BETTER!"
Moody:"PIGS DON'T AIM!"
Ron:"I AM GOING TO BE KNOWN FOR THIS FOREVER!"
Moody:"I AM A FORMER AUROR— I KILLED DARK WIZARDS— AND NOW PEOPLE CALL ME PIG-MOODY!!!"
Both began hyperventilating.
Together.
Trauma bonding.
TEACHERS' LOUNGE — THE STAFF CAN'T STOP LAUGHING
McGonagall actually had to sit down.
McGonagall:"I can——t… breathe—"
Snape smirked with pure satisfaction.
Snape:"Weasley's first kiss… fitting."
Sprout dropped her teacup.
Flitwick squeaked:
"I SAW THE ANIMATED PICTURE! IT— IT — LOOPED!"
Even Hagrid had to step outside because he was laughing too loudly.
Dumbledore?
He was reading the article calmly.Eyes twinkling like a Christmas tree.
Dumbledore:"Ah. Youth."
THE REAL CHAOS STARTS AT LUNCH
Everyone gathered around Roy, pointing at the article.
Hermione:"ROY. DID. YOU. KNOW?"
Roy, trying not to smile:"No."
Daphne:"Did you cause it?"
Roy:"No."
Astoria:"But you're smiling."
Roy:"…No."
Grayfia stood behind him stone-faced.
Grayfia:"He definitely caused it."
Roy:"GRAYFIA."
FRED & GEORGE'S REENACTMENT (Again)
The twins ran into the Great Hall wearing:
Fred: Moody costume
George: Pig nose and red hair
George jumps from a table screaming:
"RONNIE BEAR, CATCH ME!"
Fred:"NOOOOOOO—"
They collide.
The entire school SCREAMS with laughter.
Moody storms out.Ron covers his head and runs.
BOTTOM LINE: HOGWARTS IS AT WAR
Ron vs The Entire School
Moody vs His Remaining Dignity
Teachers vs Their Self-Control
Students vs Their Stomachs (from laughing too hard)
Rita Skeeter vs Sanity
And somewhere far away…
Rita was writing her next article with a wicked smile.