Ken stood outside the Guild like a man who'd just survived a war crime only to be told the real battle was filling out a tax form.
The wooden card in his hand felt heavier than Alis. Which was saying something, because Alis currently felt like she'd gained thirty pounds in the last five minutes purely out of spite.
He stared at the main street stretching ahead. Inns. Houses. Rental signs. Normal people doing normal things. None of them looked like they were carrying a bite-happy koala-girl while arguing with an invisible pervert-god in their head.
"Where do I even start?" he muttered.
The System, predictably, answered like it had been waiting.
[Recommended action: Find cheapest shelter. Budget: 0 copper. Charm stat suggests begging or body payment.]
Ken's eye twitched so hard it almost fell out.
"I'm not pimping myself out for a bed."
[Yet.]
"Shut."
He took a step. Then another. Each one sent a fresh ache up his spine. Alis murmured something happy and nuzzled deeper, her breath hot against his ear. It would've been cute if it wasn't also slowly cooking his last brain cell.
First inn he saw had a sign: "The Tipsy Boar – Rooms 5 silver/night. No beasts, no familiars, no weirdos."
Ken looked down at himself. Looked at Alis. Looked back at the sign.
"...We're weirdos."
Next place: "Traveler's Rest – 3 silver. Breakfast included. Quiet guests only."
Alis chose that exact moment to let out a soft, sleepy moan and grind her hips once against his back like she was adjusting a pillow.
A passing old lady clutched her pearls.
Ken speed-walked past before someone called the guard again.
Third inn: "Maiden's Mercy – Women only. 4 silver."
He didn't even slow down.
By the fourth, his legs were screaming and the sun was high enough to make everything sweaty. Alis was starting to wake up in stages—little twitches, fingers curling into his shirt, tiny bites on his shoulder that weren't painful so much as... territorial.
"Ken... hungry..." she mumbled.
"Yeah, me too. For death. Or a chair."
A small crowd had started forming. Kids pointing. Merchants whispering. One adventurer laughed so hard he spilled his ale.
Ken finally spotted a narrow side street with a crooked sign half-hanging: "Room for Rent – Inquire Within. Cheap. Flexible terms."
"Flexible terms" in this world could mean anything from "pay in chores" to "pay in bodily fluids." Knowing his luck, probably both.
He pushed the door open with his hip since his hands were full of sleepy girl.
Inside smelled like old wood, herbs, and something suspiciously like incense meant to cover up worse smells. A short, round woman in an apron looked up from a ledger. Mid-forties maybe. Sharp eyes. The kind that had seen every type of traveler and judged them all.
She took one look at Ken—sweaty, exhausted, carrying a half-asleep girl like a backpack—and raised an eyebrow.
"Room?"
Ken nodded like his neck was made of rust.
"Single or double?"
He glanced at Alis. She was now awake enough to blink slowly at the woman and then burrow her face back into his neck with a possessive hum.
"...Double. Definitely double."
"Ten silver a week. Up front. No pets."
Ken opened his mouth.
The woman cut him off. "And before you lie, I can smell broke from three streets away."
Ken deflated.
"I have... zero silver."
She sighed the sigh of someone who'd heard this a thousand times.
"Then get out."
"Waitwaitwait—" Ken raised a hand. "I just registered at the Guild. I'm an adventurer now. I can... take quests. Earn money. Fast."
The woman crossed her arms. "Everyone says that. Then they drink it away or die in a ditch."
Alis lifted her head slightly. Eyes still heavy. Voice small but clear.
"Ken... good. Warm. Mine."
The landlady blinked.
Then looked at Ken again. Slower this time. Appraising.
"...She yours?"
Ken hesitated. "Uh. Yeah. Companion. Sort of. Long story."
Alis chose then to lean forward and bite his earlobe. Gently. But with intent.
The landlady's lips twitched. Not quite a smile. More like she'd just found entertainment.
"Flexible terms, you said?"
Ken felt a trap closing.
The System pinged gleefully.
___
[New Quest Branch Unlocked: Landlord's Favor.
Requirements: Impress / Seduce / Service the landlady.
Reward: Free first week + bonus stat point in Endurance (Genital).
Failure: Permanent blue balls.]
___
Ken almost dropped Alis.
"NOPE. ABORT. WE'RE LEAVING—"
The landlady stepped closer. Smirk growing.
"Relax, boy. I'm not that kind of flexible." Pause. "Anymore."
She pointed at a narrow staircase. "Basement room. One silver deposit. You pay the rest by doing chores. Cleaning stables. Washing dishes. And—" she nodded at Alis "—keeping that one from biting customers."
Ken stared.
"...That's it?"
"That's it. For now." Her eyes flicked down. Then up. "Unless you want to negotiate otherwise."
Ken swallowed.
Alis yawned and wrapped her arms tighter around his neck, legs hooking around his waist like she was never getting down.
The System chimed one last time.
[Quest Accepted. Congratulations, degenerate. You're officially a house-husband in training.]
Ken groaned so loud it echoed.
"...Fine. Basement it is."
The landlady tossed him a rusty key.
"Name's Mira. Don't break anything. And if she bites me, you're both out."
Ken caught the key one-handed.
Alis nuzzled happily.
And just like that, Ken had shelter.
Sort of.
He trudged down the stairs into a dim, musty room with one bed, one chair, and a bucket that looked suspiciously like it doubled as plumbing.
He finally set Alis down.
She immediately curled into him again, refusing to let go.
Ken looked at the ceiling.
"...At least it's a roof."
The System, because it hated peace:
[Quest Progress: 45%. Next objective: Feed your companion. Preferably something perverted.]
Ken closed his eyes.
"I'm going to murder you one day, System."
[Adorable.]
And somewhere upstairs, Mira chuckled to herself.
The degenerate had a home.
For now.