Cassius escaped the Black Council Chamber with the rigid dignity of a prince who'd just been emotionally bludgeoned to death.
Six girls.
Six kisses.
Six sets of eyes still burning holes in the back of his skull.
He didn't walk out of the room—he practically fled, cheeks hotter than dragonfire, heart beating like he'd just dueled a Hungarian Horntail.
I have made a terrible mistake.
A catastrophic mistake.
A mistake they will never let me forget.
The door closed behind him with a soft thud.
Cassius leaned against the wall, inhaled sharply, and ran a hand through his hair.
His thoughts were still a spiraling mess when he stepped onto the landing—
—and the floor clicked.
Cassius froze.
A soft ripple of magic ran underfoot.
Then—
WHOOOOOOOMPH!
A tidal wave of glitter, pink smoke, chirping rubber ducks, and confetti detonated in his face.
Cassius staggered back, coughing.
Glitter stuck to his eyelashes.
A rubber duck bounced off his head.
Pink smoke filled the corridor with a nauseatingly sweet scent that smelled like bubblegum and regret.
A banner unfurled overhead:
"HAPPY HOLIDAYS, LITTLE Pup! ♥ — Love, Padfoot."
Cassius stared.
Not speaking.
Not breathing.
Not blinking.
Just… staring.
The last time Sirius had aimed a prank at him, Cassius had responded with calm, measured retaliation.
A dignified counterstrike.
A gentleman's escalation.
But this time—
This time Cassius Snape was a young man whose emotional equilibrium had been set on fire, thrown off a cliff, and stomped on by six blushing girls asking for kisses.
His mind whispered:
Oh.
This was a mistake.
For him.
Cassius's wand rose slowly.
Very, very slowly.
His eye twitched.
Sirius chose that exact moment to round the corner proudly carrying a camera.
"HAH! I KNEW YOU'D TRIGGER IT—"
Cassius fired.
There was no witty comeback.
No warning.
No sense of restraint.
Just six full-powered prank spells, all layered, all devastatingly precise, all the kind he'd learned in his endevour to pass the time all while gaining practice in being a nuisance—but improved, perfected, weaponized by a prodigy with no chill left in his body.
It was less "counter-prank"and more"tactical magical carpet-bombing."
The spells hit Sirius dead-on.
The stairway flashed white.
When the light dimmed, the world was silent.
Absolutely silent.
Sirius Black looked down at himself.
Then screamed.
A very high-pitched scream.
A very feminine scream.
"WHAT IN MERLIN'S HAIRY—WHAT—WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?!"
Cassius blinked once.
He should have felt smug.
He should have felt triumphant.
Instead—
"Oh," he murmured softly. "That was stronger than intended."
Because Sirius Black had not simply been pranked.
He had basically been transfigured.
Into a woman.
A very pretty woman.
Long, glossy black hair cascaded down his—her—back in shimmering waves.
The once-marauder now wore a massive bubblegum-pink ballgown, complete with layered ruffles, pearl embroidery, and a skirt large enough to smuggle three kneazles inside.
Makeup sparkled on delicate cheekbones.
Jewelry glittered around a swan-like neck.
Cassius cleared his throat.
"…Sirius?"
Sirius clutched the gown.
"WHY AM I A GIRL? WHY AM I A PRINCESS?! WHY IS THERE A TIARA?!?!"
The tiara glittered smugly.
Cassius tried to stay composed.
But before his eyes Sirius having been blasted with a number of Wardrobe and Glamour spells in succession had transformed from a dashing Man into the belle of the ball.
And yes, man was the correct term, after patting himself down Sirius let out a relieved sigh after discovering he in fact was still a man even if dressed in this way.
"Ah. Well. You startled me."
"STARTLED YOU?!"
A door slammed open.
Severus emerged, wand raised, eyes already burning with suspicion, having come after feeling such a powerful magic, and fearing a death eater attack.
When he saw Sirius—
He stopped.
Stared.
Slowly raised a hand to his mouth.
"…Merlin preserve me," he whispered in wonder. "It finally happened."
Sirius pointed, enraged at the misunderstanding beginning to form in his nemesis's mind.
"SNAPE! FIX THIS!"
After letting his eyes linger for a few seconds his self-control garganuan as he maintained his composure enough to approach and begin his investigation.
Severus circled him like a potions examiner inspecting a volatile brew.
"This is…" he frowned deeply. "…not a transfiguration."
"What? Then what—"
"This is an intricate use of composite Magic." Snape began explaining "Plus due to the level of power used they appear to be spell-locked, short of a world-class curse breaker there is nothing much to be done than simply wait for the spells to expire on their own."
Cassius coughed.
Sirius shrieked.
"You spell-locked a prank?!"
Snape inspected further, eyes widening.
"This is extremely advanced," he murmured, half-impressed, half-terrified. "And meticulously crafted. It'd go so far as to wager they'll last for up to a month."
Sirius gasped. "WHAT?!"
Sirius swayed.
Cassius gave a small, apologetic shrug.
"You look… nice?"
"DON'T—DON'T PATRONIZE ME—"
Cassius coughed into his hand.
"Very well, Siri."
Sirius froze.
His—her—eye twitched violently.
"Did you," Sirius whispered, voice trembling with fury, "just call me Siri?"
Cassius nodded solemnly.
"It fits."
Remus chose that unfortunate moment to walk in with a tray of cocoa.
He froze mid-step.
Cocoa cups rattled.
His lips parted.
Then he whispered with absolute sincerity:
"Oh my god… you're beautiful."
Sirius screamed again.
While Remus burst into laughter choosing to join in the teasing of Siri, much to the enjoyment of everyone.
Even the girls who had previously gone to other places of the house had arrived having heard the repeated raised voices, but seeing the young lady standing there being scrutinized by Remus and Severus became confused and decided to go to the young ladies aid, only to realize it was Sirius Black himself.
Some found it funny, others remarked at the pwoer of Cassius's Glamour spells and wanting extra practice once they returned to school to enhance their own beauty in the efforts of further seeking Cassius's own favor.
Unable to resist the now crossdressing Sirius was stolen away by the girls wanting to get the chance to check out his/her dress, jewelery, hairstyle and even makeup.
The prank meant to humiliate his godson, instead was spun around and the burning gazes of the girls that should have driven the poor boy to seek refuge instead had the middle-aged wizard wanting to cry out in terror.