"I understand. But you do not need to apologize to them.." Lìngxiāo said, his gaze lowered. "Because you tried to handle the situation as much as you could in that time. Intentions also matter. Just sometimes..situations do not take the exact shape you tried to give them."
"But mā cried..hard. She was in pain..because of me.." Her tight voice was muffled beneath the silk of Lìngxiāo's robe, soaked by her tears.
Lìngxiāo lowered his head over her back more, his jaw tight to hold back that wound again in that way which wasn't entirely his own. He hadn't recovered much from yesterday's rush of emotions. The time and his moves kept hitting the fingers of his legs, making him stumble. And that moment was only a smaller but sharp piece of glass dipped right into his bleeding feet.
Just badly, one thought floated within his mind:
'You at least found them alive..and I..? I just found them when they were already cold..and the reason for death was..me.'
'You succeeded in saving them. I did not..'
'I can never forgive myself even in exchange for the so many people I have helped..'
His eyes blurred with the tears he hid within his hair. Even within that blurred gaze, he saw only his father and uncle's dead faces. Even the one from when he was Xiǎo Lìng—his Chóng Fēi also slammed the windows. Because it wasn't just the window—but abandoning whatever little unspoken family they were. And now this relationship, which was only duty, and he was no longer that same person, nor could he or wanted to be—it was even heavier.
Chóng Fēi might have moved on from it. He didn't want him to grieve over it. He wasn't somebody back then to be remembered—more than a killer at the most, sold out in scrolls and novels.
But he wasn't like before, who would only sit and watch. He would act on it so nobody else felt like..the world would have been better if they didn't exist—which he felt more often whenever he tried to solve the puzzle of his own life.
His hand was a little unsteady as he drew it roughly to remove his tears without making it look like he had cried.
The whole time, Chóng Fēi was silent. He didn't call or try to see whatever he was hiding behind his hair, why he was so silent in the hug. He himself had stood up and gone near to the window of the cell to take a few moments for himself.
Perhaps hiding something of his own too.
Lìngxiāo just lightly turned his head towards the space of the right side. His fingers tangled around the rough grills, other hand in his hair, eyes shut, barely visible by his side profile, mouth parted like any sick bird seeking breath.
'Is he..this sad..?'
'How does he connect to her incidents so well..to look like the way I do..?'
'Or I cannot understand because I have something to connect to understand how, without connection, someone feels too deeply..?'
At that moment, a young girl slowly came in. Much later than intended. "Gōn..gzǐ..?"
She seemed to be one of the young girls who was seventeen and had just arrived here a few days ago, coming into the cell, finding them like this.
They had actually brought her so that they didn't trigger her trauma or make her uncomfortable by trying to see by themselves.
Chóng Fēi quickly swallowed deeply, fixed his hair—or eyes. His faint sniff both felt like that echo of the cold he was carrying and also mixed with something..almost deeply emotional. Then he turned at her, composed, arms folded behind.
Lìngxiāo also faintly sniffed, still holding the girl who was hugging him tightly even now. But her crying slowed down just a little, leaning into his warmth. He raised his head, his hand felt paralyzed as he reached out for his hat and wore it—more likely to hide his too-swollen eyes as he looked at the girl with a faint greeting smile.
The girl blinked. Perhaps not sure how to react. She just gave an uneasy single nod.
Lìngxiāo watched them silently without saying anything. He didn't trust his voice over here. Nor his pain and rage. He was somehow fine with the hug. But he needed to do something effective without harming anyone. Just any kind of power release would make him lighter. It wasn't as dangerous as yesterday's one, but it was burning within his chest.
"Took those guards..too long to even obey a single command.." Chóng Fēi's muttering lacked the heat he perhaps tried to inject. His voice sounded cracked at the edges more than firm as usual.
He walked closer to the table between him and the girl, holding up his own weight over there, looking at her. "They did not inform any of you before?"
The older girl shook her head lightly, her hands folded together. "A few were..discussing seriously about it. But another small group did not let them stop..your order. The girls..were not gathered at the end. Only I was summoned, Gōngzǐ."
"Didn't call the gathering.." Chóng Fēi muttered to himself but didn't say anything about it.
He just stood in that posture like he was still grounding himself, his head turned towards the side where Lìngxiāo sat with the girl. His gaze hollow but determined.
"Do they have bad records according to your acknowledgment?" He asked calmly, almost thoughtful. "How many girls or..boys could it be..?"
The girl swallowed. She seemed to understand the censored question immediately. So she gave a firm nod. "A lot of..bad records. From a..lot of us. Mostly..too young or at our age."
Chóng Fēi muttered something too low under his breath before exhaling with eyes shutting slowly. Then he opened his eyes again, a light tilt of his head said: move back.
Lìngxiāo understood the sign, nodded once, and slowly untangled himself from the girl.
She blinked, still gripping his robe.
"Do not cry." Lìngxiāo removed her tears with a gentle brush of his fingers. "Everything will be fine..all you have to do is..trust us.."
The girl shakily nodded once, finally letting him move back from herself.
Lìngxiāo gave a gentle, final stroke to her hair, fixing it back just enough to look like a gentle wave had played over her long, silky but rough hair. Then he stood near Chóng Fēi's side—keeping five steps of distance.
Chóng Fēi watched them for a moment before looking at the older girl through his lashes. "Check on her. Give me visible evidence—without making her uncomfortable."
The girl obeyed.
She moved closer to the other girl and gently turned her so her back was facing them. She gently removed her hair from behind at one side, talking to her with gentle nothings while loosening her rough robe.
Chóng Fēi kept his gaze on her like doing the right thing felt like a crime too. Because they needed to see things better. His grip was tight over the table.
Lìngxiāo shifted uncomfortably a little. He had never looked at any female body for even exorcism. He should mostly use his female curse—Serpent—if too much was needed. But this time he couldn't look away from her too. His fist was tight, fingers felt cold like that black crystal again. But his mind seemed to want to picture how those animals had tortured them to understand what else more this little girl had endured.
The older girl looked at them, lips pressed into a thin line. Her gaze seemed to say: ready?
They both nodded. His was shaky, and Chóng Fēi's was focused but faint.
His throat already felt tight at what the scene might be.
The girl took a deep breath. Then slowly lowered the little girl's robe from behind just enough to show her upper back. The rest stayed covered beneath the robe and blanket.
The scene made both of them suck in a breath.
Lìngxiāo stood stiff at his spot, one breath going in and out through his nose like his lungs felt small beneath his ribs.
Chóng Fēi hissed faintly like his own skin burned.
Her back was full of the marks of nails, bites, and rough sucking. Some had different-looking marks like they had been attacked by a hard object. The blood was dried out. Some places were bluish or violet.
Chóng Fēi rubbed his eyes with two fingers silently, his other hand keeping a tight grip over the table which left faint cracks like it would break anytime.
Lìngxiāo bit his lips after turning away, pushing back his hair with both hands. The tips of his hands already looked like they were frozen beneath the dark crystal.
'I do not know what to say..I..really do not know what to say or do..'
But he kept himself composed. Everything would be under his control unless..Chóng Fēi again did something like the carriage moment.
"Private parts?" Chóng Fēi asked in a cold and quiet tone, still managing to speak to the older girl.
Lìngxiāo exhaled and turned behind, lowering his hand, finding the girl nod to Chóng Fēi's question—which had just raised the bitterness within his chest and mouth.
"Boys?" Chóng Fēi asked again.
"I have..seen a few of them badly injured..Gōngzǐ." She answered.
Then after a pause, Chóng Fēi asked again, trying not to sound unsafe. "Your own..?"
She fell quiet for a moment, head lowered. Then a nod. "....just as them.."
"Pigfuckers..." That was when Chóng Fēi couldn't hold back a trumbling curse between his teeth. The corner of the table finally broke under his fingers.
Lìngxiāo couldn't hold back himself any longer.
He felt like he couldn't breathe. He almost stumbled as he rushed towards the door, opening then closing it with too much of a hard thud. It barely worked at shutting it completely. He went out anywhere he didn't see any human standing.
Chóng Fēi's head snapped towards the door, eyes wide. "Lìngxiāo?! Where are you going??!"
"T-to exorcise those gûi! You should stay where you are, Gōngzǐ!" He quickly reasoned loudly without stopping.
He would release the remaining tension by this. Two targets by one arrow.
He found the way towards the rooftop after moving a little far, so he went there instead. It was five floors up. But head felt like it was not working at all.