Chen Jin didn't follow her inside but turned and walked downstairs. He felt tired, a sensation as though his heart was under too much strain. The series of actions just now had been both sincere and reluctant—sincerely hoping she would get better, but reluctantly pushing her away little by little. As he walked, he bitterly smiled. How long had it been since he had spoken so gently to someone? No, it seemed like he had never done so. He always thought he would stick to his cold, hard demeanor, never imagining that one day, he would change completely for a woman. Maybe everyone experiences such an encounter at least once in their life.
He didn't dare to think any further. Between reason and emotion, he could only follow one of them now. If both were in conflict, he would struggle, he would suffer. If he suffered, he would inevitably drag others down with him.
Chen Jin rolled down the car window and let the cold wind rush in, smoking two cigarettes and answering a few phone calls. Then, Lin Wan came out. He immediately got out of the car to meet her. He saw her red eyes and slightly flushed nose. He felt a mixture of amusement and pity as he took her hand and asked, "How are you feeling?"
Lin Wan didn't answer, so he took the initiative and spoke, "Take it slow, don't rush."
He took Lin Wan back to her place, and on the way to the company, he called Dr. Li Jin. She said, "It didn't happen overnight. But crying is also a way to release emotions."
Chen Jin hung up the phone, thinking, Lin Daiyu cried every day and ended up crying herself to death. He knew he was being a bit too impatient, but he couldn't help it. The thought of Lin Wan having suicidal tendencies terrified him. A slight hint of that possibility would send him into a cold sweat.
During the day, between handling his business, he couldn't help but think about how to treat Lin Wan. Depression was ultimately a mental illness, and mental illnesses required mental remedies, but the right remedy was the hardest to find. He even found himself contemplating love. He thought of love like the SARS virus—unseen, intangible, striking without warning, and deadly. He felt like someone who had never bought a lottery ticket and suddenly found out they had won the grand prize—no joy, only bewilderment.
That evening when he returned home, Lin Wan was sitting on the sofa, playing with the dog. Chen Jin walked over, pushed the dog aside, and sat next to her seriously. "Wan Wan, do you hate me?"
Lin Wan didn't respond, and he understood that as an affirmative. He took her hand and said, "I haven't been good to you before, I've even hit you. Now, I'm giving you a chance to vent. How about hitting me back?"
Her hand was soft, almost boneless. As Chen Jin held it, his mind started to wander. It had been so long since he had touched her. He cursed himself inwardly—how could he be thinking about such things now, at a time like this? Just as he was struggling with his thoughts, he heard a slap. A second later, he realized it was a slap to his face. He immediately glared and shouted, "Damn, you really hit me?"
Lin Wan's hand felt numb after the slap, and the yell startled her, making her body tremble. Chen Jin quickly returned to his smile and said, "How does that feel? Relieved? Your hand must hurt. Let me massage it for you." He grabbed her hand and pretended to rub it. "I think I've hit you a few times. Want to collect them all?"
"Twice."
Chen Jin chuckled, "You remember it clearly, huh? Women are so petty."
Lin Wan snorted coldly, and Chen Jin pulled her hand again. "How about another slap?"
"No more."
"Can't bear it?"
Lin Wan decisively raised her hand and slapped him again. Chen Jin twitched his lips, comforting himself, thinking, A real man knows when to endure and when to let go. He had always clashed with her in the past, causing repeated harm. And now he couldn't help but think—thank goodness there was no third party around.
Just as he was thinking this, he heard the sound of a dog barking. It turned out there was still a dog lying nearby. Chen Jin suddenly felt embarrassed beyond belief. He kicked it away and cursed, "What the hell are you doing here, watching me get slapped? Enjoying it, huh? You damn mutt."
Lin Wan asked, a bit provocatively, "Did it hurt?"
"Didn't hurt at all. Like a mosquito bite," Chen Jin rubbed his face and said sarcastically, "But you're really clever—slapping and all. If it swells up tomorrow, how will I face people?"
Lin Wan found him boring and stood up to leave. He grabbed her and said with a playful smile, "Don't go. Let's settle the score today."
"Do you think you can?"
"Well, no, but I'll try my best." Chen Jin pulled her into his arms, making her sit on his lap, then became serious and said, "Wan Wan, during the time before you leave, every day will be a day of reckoning. I know many things can't be fixed, but I'll do my best with whatever I can."
He glanced at the fruit knife on the coffee table and said, "How about you give me a few stabs? As long as it makes you feel better, don't stab my arteries, or my heart. And no, not the face either…"
Lin Wan sneered with a cold laugh, "Pretentious."
"Who said that? I'm being sincere." Chen Jin stretched his arm to grab the fruit knife and handed it to her. "Wan Wan, I'm entrusting my hundred-plus pounds to you now. Just pick any spot on my body, don't hold back. If I pass out, remember to call 120…"
Lin Wan listened to his fake sincerity, her hand in his, the knife swirling near his neck. Her heart started to race. This was a scenario she had fantasized about many times before, and now it was right in front of her. She was afraid of acting impulsively…
"Wan Wan…" Chen Jin kept whispering in her ear, seemingly unconcerned about the sharp blade cutting through his skin, or perhaps he was confident she wouldn't do it. Lin Wan felt a heavy ache in her chest, closed her eyes, and thought to herself, Release, release. Didn't she always try to find ways to release her emotions before? When did she forget that? At that thought, she applied a little pressure with the knife, and felt Chen Jin's body tremble slightly.
She quickly opened her eyes and saw a half-inch-long blood mark appear on his smooth neck. She loosened her grip, and the fruit knife fell onto the sofa.
Chen Jin didn't pay attention to his wound. Instead, he looked at her gently and softly asked, "Does it feel like you've gotten your revenge?"
Lin Wan turned her face away and muttered under her breath, "Crazy."
Chen Jin sighed and leaned his head on her shoulder, murmuring, "Yeah, I'm crazy. Sorry, Wan Wan, how did you end up with someone like me?"
He thought to himself, meeting me was your misfortune, and falling in love with me was my misfortune too. The pain in his neck was growing, and Chen Jin sighed inwardly, realizing it still hurt. All along, he had done everything he could to avoid pain, both physical and emotional. To do that, he would strike first before others could hurt him, or distance himself from dangerous situations. But fate, like a pre-dealt hand of cards, will always leave the weakest card for you. Love—that was the card fate had dealt him.