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My eyes fixed on the empty street as my mind drifted to a memory I had always tried to bury.
"Hey," a female voice echoed in my head. "Kid?" It came again and a hand was put on my shoulder, gently shaking me. I sniffled, clenching my fist on something in my hand.
"She's alive!" the lady shouted, trying to flip me on my back and off the body I was crunched on. "Are you hurt?" she asked as soon as she was able to get me off the body.
I just lay there staring at her. She was in a police uniform, her hair tied in a bun. When she saw I wasn't answering, her hands started roaming my body searching for something. Then I noticed her eyes popping out and a gasp escaped her. It was like she had seen a demon. In that very instant her eyes changed. They no longer held the warmth from before.
No one had ever looked at me like that. Her eyes kept moving from my face to my side.
"She..." she started shouting, then stopped. I followed her eyes to my side and that's when I realized what was happening. A gun was in my hand, my fingers curled around it. "D... Don't move!" she immediately called out as soon as she saw my eyes on the gun.
"Hand over the gun," she said, her voice breaking. She reached out for me to hand the gun over. Two more officers were standing over me now, one with his hand on the gun on his belt.
I just stared at them, fixed in my place. Memories from before were replaying in my head. Reality was hitting me now. She is gone. She is dead. What am I going to do?
I clenched the gun harder until my fingers started to hurt. I closed my eyes to stop them from burning up, only for my cheeks to burn with the hot liquid that trickled down them.
"She's dead," a male voice came, shouting a little far from me for the others to hear.
"We still have a heartbeat here. Crutches!" someone else shouted next to me. "We need to get her to a hospital ASAP!"
I let go of the gun, getting on my feet to go to her, only to be held by two strong arms. I watched as they pushed her on a stretcher heading to the main gate.
"Let me go!" I shouted, kicking the police holding me. I tried freeing myself to no avail. "Let m..."
A hand shook me, pulling me back to reality.
"Jolls!" Sandy called out, her voice raised. I turned my head to her side, my expression blank. "Are you okay? I've been calling you for a while."
"I'm fine!" I said, snapping my head back to the street.
"The tears on your face say otherwise," she pointed out, her voice soft and low. She moved close to me, putting her hand on my back, but I pulled away. "What's going on, Jolls? You haven't been yourself since you moved here. I'm worried about you."
How could I tell her that everything that I had buried away was coming rushing out? That I couldn't contain my emotions like I always did? That the guilt I always ignored was now eating me up?
I clenched my fist, opening my eyes wide and looking up. I had to stop these tears.
"What do you want?" I asked, my voice sharp.
"Your phone woke me. Someone's been calling you nonstop," she said quietly, not pushing further. I thanked God because there was no knowing what I'd do when I'm pushed to a corner these days. The last thing I wanted was to hurt her like I did the last time she cornered me.
"I thought it might be important," she added, handing me the phone.
"Thanks," I said, taking it.
"Sure," she said before heading back to the house. I opened the phone to find five missed calls—three from Susan and two from an unknown number. Susan must have important news to call me three times. She rarely called me. I decided to call her first.
"Hi, Jolls," she greeted as soon as she picked up. "How are you doing, honey?"
"I'm good. How are you?"
"Fine as always, my dear. Sorry for disturbing you at this hour, but I have something important."
Just like I had thought. What could it be? Did something happen? Did I do something?
"No problem, Susan. What is wrong?" It always felt weird calling her that, but that's what she insisted I call her.
"We can't talk on the phone. We'll have to meet."
"Okay," this must be really important.
"Tomorrow?"
"Yeah."
"Great! I'll come to you. I'll send you the details."
"Okay."
"Sleep time, dear."
"You too, Susan." With that, the phone call ended.
I can't remember the last time I got a phone call from her, let alone met her. She was always a busy lady. I couldn't help but wonder what could be this important for her to come see me.
I pushed the thought away, dialing the unknown number.The number rang until it stopped. No answer.
I stared at the screen for a moment before slipping the phone back into my pocket.
Tomorrow. Whatever Susan wanted could wait until tomorrow. Taking in the fresh air and the streets I headed back to the house.
I went straight to my room, already ready to take a nap. I had business tomorrow.
I found Sandy curled up to one side of the bed. I hopped to the other side, lying on my back, staring at the ceiling. The atmosphere felt thick, the silence stretching uncomfortably.
"I can go to the other room," Sandy broke it.
"No need, you can stay," I said, and we returned to silence. I hated this. This was not us. She hurt me, but so did I. She deserved an apology and a chance to explain herself.
"I'm sorry," I whispered. She stayed still, saying nothing, but her breathing slowed down. I turned to her side, facing her back. "I'm sorry for everything. I shouldn't have pushed you that day or broken your phone. I don't know what came over me. You know I would never hurt you knowingly. I was not myself. You're my friend." I felt my eyes starting to burn.
"I should have let you explain yourself when you tried to talk to me. But instead, I acted like a spoiled brat. I'm sorry," I added, meaning every word. I was an awful friend, thinking only about myself. "Talk to me, please," I pleaded, my eyes cloudy and heavy.
Sandy turned, meeting my eyes. She put her hand on my cheek, stroking it with her thumb.
"Yes, you've been acting like a spoiled brat, but so did I. We've both made stupid choices. Like the way I acted when I was drunk."
She remembered that? I never could have thought she would. She was so wasted that day.
"Yes, I remember everything that happened that day. Justin filled me in," she said as if reading me. "I shouldn't have left the way I did that morning. And let's not forget the way I acted the day you found me at your door. I was jealous, but that's no excuse. I should have acted mature like the person I am. But I didn't. I'm sorry for everything too."
She paused, catching a tear that had escaped my eye with her thumb. "Oh, and did I mention this? I forgive you," she added, soaking the pillow. "Do I get my friend back now? I've missed her," she choked out.
"Jealous?" I wondered out loud.
"That's what you caught out of everything I said?" Sandy asked, gasping, her hand on her chest.
"Jealous of what? Of who?" I asked, ignoring her.
"Sam," she said, lowering her gaze to her fidgeting hands.
"Sam?"
"Yes. You two have been close lately. I see the way you look at her. You laugh at every stupid joke she makes. You never showed your smile to anyone but me. You've never been interested in being friends with anyone other than me. But you easily made her your friend. Even we took time to be friends. It took time for you to be comfortable around me. But with her, it seemed pretty easy for you to be comfortable around her."
She paused, taking in a sharp breath before continuing.
"You started spending more time with her than me. And that day that you found me at your door, I had come to apologize for what I had done. But then I saw you three getting off the elevator—Sam on one side and Brandon on the other. I got angry and left. I was not proud of myself, but I couldn't help it. I love you, Jolls, and it kills me to share you. You are supposed to be my friend and only mine."
"That's how I feel, but I know that's not how it's supposed to be. And I don't want it to be like that. I want you to have other friends, it's only fair." By now the pillow was totally soaked.
I knew Sandy was always emotional and talked herself out, but I had never seen her like this. I was speechless. I didn't know what to say. Everything felt like it would be wrong.
I pulled her to myself and wrapped my hands around her. The position was a little uncomfortable, but that didn't matter right now.
I had hurt my friend without knowing. I knew everything she said was true, but I hadn't realized it until now. The only thing she was wrong about was that I would leave her for anyone.
Crrrr crrrr
My phone started ringing. It was the unknown number from earlier.