A sense of loss lingered in her heart, and in that fleeting moment, Natsume-san felt as if everything had become utterly unreal, as though her life had been violently torn apart.
This discomfort was even more intense than when Kihara Gensei had been controlling her, and now it had inexplicably surfaced.
Familiarity often brought a sense of security, creating comfortable routines one was reluctant to change.
Natsume-san, by nature rather lazy, felt this particularly strongly now.
Her soul and body had merged into one, no longer perceptible to Natsume-san herself. In an instant, the bun-girl felt herself becoming neurotic, like any ordinary person would.
Long accustomed to the flow of thoughts, being forced to remain fixed in one place made her intensely uneasy, even though she knew that thing was still part of her.
Yet, a powerful yearning within her immediately suppressed the restlessness in her heart, calming her once more.
If I can't perceive it, then so be it. Let me just rot away in this dull, ordinary life.
"Is the yearning still there? Even though my soul vanished in an instant…"
Quietly residing in that cramped space of her own mind, Natsume-san pondered. She realized that inexplicable craving from before was still affecting her.
Although her brain was currently being used by someone else, she felt this yearning existed on a level beyond Shokuhou Misaki's influence—because the part of her existing outside her body was resonating with it too.
This intense longing also puzzled Natsume-san; it felt eerily familiar.
She'd had similar thoughts before—like transferring memories, trying to synchronize her body and soul on the same wavelength.
But her rational self had always refused such ideas, and this craving had gradually faded with each rejection.
The risks involved were unknown, and the fragmented memories within her soul left a deep impression.
Unless something forced her hand, the clever Natsume-san would always choose to continue her comfortable life.
Torn between following her heart emotionally and weighing the pros and cons rationally, Natsume-san remained perpetually indecisive.
Perhaps only when her friends were in danger, or when someone attempted to disrupt her peace, would the bun-girl lean more toward her emotional side.
Soon, however, she figured something out: this craving was steadily weakening. Perhaps only when it faded completely would the fusion of her soul and body truly finish.
Sigh.
I wonder if my past self ever experienced something like this, Natsume-san suddenly found herself thinking idle thoughts.
Although she didn't want to meddle in that person's affairs, Natsume-san had helped out last time, and she couldn't help feeling a little curious about her past self.
That person's memories hadn't been left to her, yet traces impossible to ignore remained within her soul—those sudden flashes of familiarity emerging from its depths.
That, more than anything, was what nagged at Natsume-san.
If a sense of familiarity could remain, why were there no memories? Weren't those fragmented memories also part of the soul?
And based on her own speculation, if her will originated from the soul, then it likely came from that shrine maiden as well. So, aside from memories, what fundamental difference was there between herself and that shrine maiden?
Like malleable memories or something?
Maybe there's no fundamental difference at all, Natsume-san thought quietly. She'd only recently come to understand that the soul represented a person's essence.
Natsume-san was merely another version of her—perhaps not even a past life in the traditional sense. Her consciousness shared a continuity with that other self.
Perhaps after she died, another self would awaken from her consciousness.
But could that still be called reincarnation? It seemed more like a form of consciousness immortality using the soul as a vessel.
Natsume-san mustered her spirits. Well, I've successfully scared myself again. My imagination is as vivid as ever.
She forcefully stopped herself from thinking further.
Following this bizarre train of thought, perhaps the shrine maiden from her past was only the beginning.
Countless past selves might exist, each representing countless potential troubles. Yet, only the so-called "transmigrator's" memories remained—and that posed a significant problem.
But the bun-girl was certain of one thing: she had definitely imprinted her own memories onto her soul, exactly as they were. Her memories would absolutely remain etched there.
"Is it over?" Natsume-san's thoughts returned from their digression.
Suddenly, that intense craving vanished, replaced by a faint sense of satisfaction.
It felt strange, as if everything she'd ever wanted had been granted all at once. Every part of her body relaxed simultaneously.
Even the brain outside, which had been firing 'Meltdowners,' paused for a moment, filled with this same satisfaction. Kihara Gensei's next planned assault dissipated into nothingness.
"I'm taking my body back."
Natsume-san's thoughts halted as a premonition surged within her.
As her soul and body fully merged, not only did Natsume-san's memories integrate into her soul, but the soul's memories also unceremoniously flooded into her mind.
These memories charged in recklessly, sharply increasing the oxygen consumption in her cerebral cortex.
It was as if a troop of cavalry had stormed into Natsume-san's head, instantly disrupting Kihara Gensei's control.
Still, it wasn't enough to break the powerful Mental Out ability amplified by the Exterior. But in those brief moments, as Natsume-san's will fought back fiercely, she finally saw a glimmer of hope.
Natsume-san had no time to investigate the changes in herself after the soul fusion. She had to seize every possibility. Within seconds, she gritted her teeth and made a decision.
The temperature around her fluctuated unnaturally—rising and falling. Hot and cold air collided and mingled, forming a thin mist that enveloped the immediate area.
At the center, endless gusts of wind swirled around Natsume-san.
It was a sign of her powers running wild. She hadn't been this disheveled in a long time.
And now, the constant thermosphere Natsume-san had always maintained completely failed amid this grueling tug-of-war.
Scorching air over a hundred degrees Celsius breached the thermosphere's protection unimpeded, making contact with the pale skin of Natsume-san's right arm.
A terrible sizzling sound followed as the hot air forced its way into her pores.
Skin cells on her right arm began dying and sloughing off on a large scale, immediately revealing horrifying red patches. Soon after, blisters densely covered the surface of her arm.
Her once smooth and delicate skin became disfigured and ugly. Yet, a pair of eyes, reddened with pain, remained wide open, staring unflinchingly ahead.
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T/N: I have a Patreon! While it may seem empty as of now, webnovel will get 3 Chapters Every Day, and advanced chapters will be uploaded on Patreon.
It may not seem worth it now, but maybe in the future. Who knows!
[email protected]/AspenTL
If you guys wanna check it out.