Kyle walked out of the headmaster's office with a satisfied smile on his face.
This trip had been more than worth it. Not only had he gotten the Nimbus 2000 he wanted, Dumbledore had even found him a legendary alchemist to serve as his personal alchemy tutor.
Originally, Kyle had only planned to learn alchemy under Dumbledore himself.
After all, Dumbledore's accomplishments in alchemy weren't exactly modest; the back of his Chocolate Frog card said it plainly:
"Discovered the twelve uses of dragon blood; achieved extraordinary results in alchemy with his partner Nicolas Flamel…"
But the smile vanished from Kyle's face the moment he saw the tangled mess of staircases in front of him.
Even after all this time at Hogwarts, he still hadn't memorized which staircases you had to skip, or which ones would suddenly swivel and change direction the moment you stepped on them.
Fortunately, he didn't need to use the stairs at all.
Ever since he'd mastered the Cushioning Charm for descending, he'd developed a brand-new method of getting downstairs: the Leap of Faith.
Kyle stepped lightly onto the staircase banister.
Not far away, the Savior Trio—currently heading back to the Gryffindor common room—happened to witness the heart-stopping sight: Kyle standing on the narrow railing, arms spread wide, before leaping straight down.
"Kyle!" Hermione shrieked, throwing herself to the edge of the stairs.
Harry and Ron were equally terrified. They rushed to the railing and peered over, saw nothing but darkness below, and immediately started hopping in panic, ready to run for a professor.
Luckily, George and Fred Weasley were passing by at that exact moment. Each twin grabbed one of the trio by the collar, preventing a repeat of last night's fiasco.
"What's going on?" George asked.
Hermione's voice was thick with tears. "Kyle jumped!"
George let out an involuntary snort. Hermione's teary, murderous glare instantly locked onto him.
Fred hurried to explain. "That guy always goes downstairs like that."
George shrugged. "Ever since he learned the Cushioning Charm, he hasn't taken the stairs normally once."
Hermione, Harry, and Ron: ???
Seeing the identical looks of shock and disbelief on their faces, Fred's expression seemed to say: Are you lot even wizards? You don't know this spell?
"We've tried that method too," George added. "If you're ever interested, we can show you how it's done."
Hermione shook her head so hard she looked like a rattling bobblehead. "No thank you!"
She figured that method was only safe at noon. Morning or night? Someone would wind up in the hospital wing.
Only someone like Kyle—who could look a terrifying three-headed dog in the eye, call it "super cute," and then play fetch with it—only a big-hearted, nerve-of-steel lunatic like him could treat "jumping off the stairs" as a valid mode of transportation.
That evening in the library—more accurately, Hermione and Hannah were doing homework for every subject while Kyle copied Hannah's History of Magic and Astronomy notes.
Because Kyle had literally never attended a single lesson in either class.
Good-student Hermione had, of course, scolded him for this terrible habit.
But Hannah, the person actually being copied from, didn't care in the slightest and even teamed up with the shameless cheater.
Hermione had no weapons against this united front of degeneracy, so she eventually she just gave up.
Tonight, while Kyle leisurely copied Hannah's work, Hermione kept staring at him with a complicated expression.
Was this guy even human anymore?
Going downstairs by suicide dive?
"Is there something on my face?" Kyle paused his quill mid-word.
"N-no," Hermione muttered, resting her cheek on one hand while the other drummed restlessly on the table.
"I've been thinking… shouldn't we take practical spell practice a bit more seriously?"
Thanks to Madam Pince's presence, they could only whisper.
Madam Pince was a strict, rule-obsessed librarian who practically lived among her beloved books, keeping eagle-eyed watch over every student who dared touch them. She was ferocious toward rule-breakers, interrogated everyone entering or leaving, and inspected every returned book for the slightest damage. Loud talking in her library? Unthinkable.
At Hermione's words, Hannah closed her Transfiguration textbook. "Practice?"
"You want to find a place where we can practice magic in private, right?" Kyle immediately understood.
Little Beaver nodded. "There really aren't many places in Hogwarts where we can practice spells without getting caught."
"That's easy," Hannah said, tilting her head. "Isn't there an abandoned classroom right across from the Great Hall?"
Kyle tapped the desk with his quill. "You have to consider when we'd actually have time to practice… basically only during free periods, after curfew, or on weekends."
"After curfew is the main one," Hermione picked up seamlessly.
Kyle spread his hands. "If you go practice in Classroom Eleven after curfew, you're basically gift-wrapping yourself for whichever professor is on night patrol."
Hannah instantly remembered the time she'd cost Hufflepuff fifty points and shuddered hard enough that her twin golden braids whipped around like jump ropes.
"Then… the West Tower?" the little blonde tried again.
Hermione waved it off. "You and Kyle can sneak over with Disillusionment Charms. I definitely couldn't make it."
They tossed ideas back and forth, but nothing worked.
Either the place was too remote and Hermione (who hadn't learned the Disillusionment Charm yet) couldn't get there safely, or the room was too cramped for unrestricted spell practice.
Eventually both girls turned to the veteran who'd been at Hogwarts four whole months longer than they had.
Hannah poked Kyle, who had zoned out staring at the ceiling. "Kyle, say something!"
The poke snapped him out of it. He rested his chin on his hand, thought for a moment, then spoke.
"I know a perfect place. I'll take you both there in a bit. And we won't have to worry about getting caught wandering after curfew."
He didn't say the second half out loud:
Not only would they avoid the patrolling professors, they'd also get personal one-on-one lessons from a white-bearded old man.
That was protagonist-level treatment!
"Where is it?" Hermione asked, eyes shining with curiosity.
Kyle glanced at the clock on the library wall. Closing time was almost here.
He leaned in and whispered, "Go to the third-floor corridor. Find the statue of the hump-backed, one-eyed witch. Say the password 'Honey-Lemon Water,' and a passage will open behind her."
Little Beaver's eyes went wide with innocent amazement. "There's really a place like that in Hogwarts?"
"Of course," Kyle said proudly, raising an eyebrow. "I've been to pretty much every corner of this castle. Trust me. That place is absolutely perfect for practicing magic."
Hannah eyed him suspiciously. "We'll head over first then? Where are you going?"
Kyle began gathering the scattered parchment and textbooks on the table. "Dormitory, to grab something. I'll meet you both there in a minute."
He really did need to fetch something. Dumbledore's office wasn't exactly the ideal spot for firing off spells left and right.
He had to go get his Undetectable Extension Charm suitcase.
As for what kind of faces Hannah and Hermione would make when they discovered that the secret room behind the hump-backed witch… was actually the current headmaster's office…
Kyle didn't know.
But he knew exactly what his own face would look like.
Uchiha-style maniacal laughter.
————
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