It had to be said, the system was exceptionally good at shaking off girls who got clingy. It had even once used Shirase's mouth to proclaim something like "I hate women most of all"—a model line of chuunibyou solidarity.
Just now, the girls who'd been attracted by Shirase's handsome looks quickly ran off in embarrassment after hearing this absurd declaration.
After all, many passersby were still staring.
Young girls were thin-skinned, after all. Had no one else been around, perhaps they would've played along, chuunibyou-style, acting out Kamen Rider with Shirase.
After calling the police, Shirase went with them to give his statement, drawing amazed murmurs from the crowd.
Takanashi Rikka and Tsuyuri Kumin also followed behind.
Since Shirase's body was still under the system's control, some strange scenes occurred during police questioning.
For example, when asked his identity, the system calmly replied:
"Name, Shirase Haruto. First-year high school freshman. Gender: Attack helicopter. Hobbies include succubus refrigerators."
Shirase nearly broke down right then and there. "The hell are you saying?"
[The system has detected that this phrase is currently popular among youths. To help the host better embody a youthful role, the system thus answered accordingly.]
"Wow, thanks for that."
The police just laughed at the weird "gender: attack helicopter" statement. After all, they'd also experienced their chuunibyou phases—they'd been young once, too.
When the police asked Shirase how exactly he subdued the thief, the system answered coolly, "With the Rider Kick."
"Did you seriously memorize what Takanashi said earlier?" Shirase griped inwardly.
Of course, the officers didn't believe him—until the system stood up and perfectly reenacted the dazzling flying kick right in the police station, causing a wave of astonishment.
When leaving, the policeman taking notes patted Shirase on the shoulder admiringly, sighing, "You're really something, kid. When I was your age, I was still drowning in math problems, tortured half to death by equations."
The system instantly grasped the policeman's hand.
"We are kindred spirits."
Shirase: "?"
The officer was completely baffled, but he still reminded earnestly, "While your bravery in stopping a criminal is admirable, next time just call the police. You never know if the thief has a weapon. If you got hurt, your family and friends would worry."
As soon as they left the station, Tsuyuri and Takanashi Rikka quickly surrounded him, their eyes now completely different from before.
Tsuyuri was mostly curious, but Takanashi Rikka was practically bursting with excitement.
"How did you do that just now? That gorgeous rider kick—can you teach me?" the chuunibyou girl asked, eyes shining in admiration.
The system replied indifferently, "Once you master the backflip, I'll teach you."
"Backflip?" Takanashi Rikka paused, eyes suddenly brightening. "You mean the secret skill, Death Roll? No problem, I can definitely master it!"
"You're pretty good at changing the topic," Shirase praised internally.
[This was to help the host avoid unnecessary trouble.]
At this moment, Tsuyuri blinked sweetly and asked, "So, Shirase-kun, that's what you're good at? No wonder Rikka pays so much attention to you. Now I'm interested too."
The system coolly redirected again: "What are you good at?"
Tsuyuri pointed at her face and said cheerfully, "I'm great at telling jokes—and sleeping. I originally wanted to sleep in every corner of the world. Isn't that daring? Sleeping peacefully, anywhere, anytime. I've even been preparing for it. Everyone says my ambition is incredible."
Then her smile became even brighter.
"But later, I gave up on it."
[Host, does this woman also have something wrong with her head?]
Shirase: "I don't think sleeping anywhere counts as having something wrong. It's more like a really bold dream."
With the system's assistance, Takanashi Rikka left to practice her Death Roll, Tsuyuri following after.
After buying groceries and returning home, the damned system cooked exceptionally well—as usual. Shirase started wondering absently if someday the damned system would slip him a dose of poison. Honestly, he wouldn't even be surprised.
During this round of [Free Hosting], Shirase consciously activated a [Triple-Experience Card]. Ever since his previous experience being personally tutored by the system, he realized these cards really were insanely effective.
Way beyond mere efficiency.
Once Hosting ended, Shirase stared thoughtfully at the huge spread of dishes on the table.
Had the damned system cooked too much?
[This session of [Free Hosting] has concluded. The Wheel-of-Fortune Lottery is now available. Host, please promptly rate this service.]
Ignoring the prompt, Shirase pocketed the experience cards from [Free Hosting]. After pondering briefly, he decided he'd eat one serving himself and bring the excess food to his soccer club teammates.
What about the Nakano quintuplets?
At this hour, they'd probably already eaten dinner. Although Nakano Itsuki did have a big appetite and hated wasting food, he really didn't want to accidentally feed the girl into a ball.
That would be unforgivable.
With a decision made, Shirase relaxed. After eating his fill, he opened the [Wheel-of-Fortune Lottery].
He was no longer surprised to see familiar names appearing on the prize wheel.
Yet this time, unexpectedly, among the mere four prizes, two familiar names showed up simultaneously:
[Yukinoshita Haruno's Earrings]
[Hiratsuka Shizuka's Favorite Chashu Ramen]
If this were in a game, it'd definitely count as a "double-yolk egg."
Shirase's expression darkened immediately.
"The ramen's fine, but the earrings are absolutely not. I can't exactly rip them straight from Haruno-san's ears, can I?"
Under Shirase's tense gaze, the wheel spun, its blue pointer spinning rapidly until it finally stopped on—
[Hiratsuka Shizuka's Favorite Chashu Ramen].
"Good. But now I'd better prepare an explanation for Hiratsuka-sensei ahead of time." Shirase relaxed.
By now, cleaning up the system's messes was practically second nature.
...
In a certain ramen restaurant, Hiratsuka Shizuka sat gloomily, chin resting heavily in her hand, hesitating over the familiar menu.
"Should I really indulge myself and eat like usual…?"
Hiratsuka bit her lip anxiously. Yesterday, after watching that movie, the heroine's personality and disastrous dating life so closely matched her own that she'd felt intensely immersed.
By the movie's end, seeing the heroine achieve happiness in love, envy nearly caused Hiratsuka-sensei's very soul to separate from her body.
That night, at home, she thoroughly analyzed why she hadn't found romance like the movie heroine had.
But while analyzing, she suddenly thought of Yukinoshita Yukino—the girl whom so many boys at school admired.
Thinking again of Yukino's slender, graceful figure, then comparing it to her own curvy, ample shape, an unsettling thought arose: Could it be all men nowadays prefer slender women?
She didn't realize this line of thinking counted as grasping at straws.
After countless failed matchmaking attempts and her utterly blank romantic life, she'd become truly desperate.
Ever since that unsettling idea popped into her head, she found herself hesitating anxiously when returning to her favorite ramen shop.
Chashu ramen is awfully high-calorie…
Did she really want to eat it?
---
everyone is on vacation so no character notes this week
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