After being rejected by Karen, I carried little Lani and ran back to my room. Now I'm sitting on the bed, crying, while Lani tries to comfort me.
Karen clearly promised he wouldn't leave me, yet he broke that promise. For the king's commission, he's going to abandon me and leave. His attitude was so firm—I had no way to stop him.
All I can do is let Karen go. But the thought of two years without him by my side hurts so much. Even with Lani keeping me company, I still want to cling to Karen, to be spoiled by him. Two years is just too long.
I waited all this time so I could sleep with Karen—so he could hold me, and I could hold him—counting the days as time slowly passed. I finally reached adulthood, but Karen still didn't want to. He clearly said it would be okay once I was grown up.
I can't keep acting spoiled toward Karen, and I can't force him either. That would only backfire. So I chose to wait, because at least Karen was still by my side.
But now he says he's leaving me. I can only keep thinking about how to get through these two years without feeling lonely. And then it hit me—I'm already an adult. I can get married. I want to marry the person I love most: Karen. I don't want to endure this anymore.
I wanted Karen to propose to me. Sally once said that girls should be proposed to, not do the proposing themselves. And every time I watch movies, the girls being proposed to look so happy, while the men who get proposed to often end up hating themselves, feeling inferior.
I've also noticed that Karen is a bit old-fashioned. If I proposed to him, he'd probably feel embarrassed—or even reject it outright. But I don't want to wait anymore. I wanted to make a promise with him, to set an engagement. As long as there was that promise, I'd be willing to wait no matter how long, willing to endure it all.
But then… then… before I could even finish, Karen rejected me loudly, as if he found it distasteful. Again. It felt like Karen already knew exactly what I was about to say.
Before, my coworkers had gossiped about Karen and me. I told them we were just childhood friends and not dating. They got all worked up, asking why, saying they couldn't understand Karen's thinking.
I couldn't understand it either, and I couldn't change our relationship. Then Sally said something that stuck with me—she siad Karen saw me as a little sister, and that was why he never confessed.
So now I can only assume that Karen doesn't like me romantically, that he only sees me as his sister. Maybe I was never his love interest to begin with.
All the time we spent together—my words, my actions—were they all seen as those of a sister? Just like Mom said. I hate that thought, but what can I even say?
Karen accepted the king's commission. He wants to leave me for a while. Karen doesn't want to sleep with me because he doesn't like me. I've even started to doubt what he said to me on my birthday.
He said he needed time, that he would invite me later, and that even if I didn't want to, we wouldn't sleep separately. Now it feels like he only said that to keep our relationship from falling apart. Karen never planned to sleep with me at all—he's always been reluctant.
So… should I give up on this relationship? How am I supposed to give up? I can't find a single flaw in Karen. I still love him so much—so much that I honestly believe there's no better man in this world than him.
Karen is the one destined for me. Then why doesn't he see me as his partner? Am I not charming enough? Am I not his ideal type? What am I supposed to do?
All I can do now is spiral into wild thoughts, while telling myself to stop. Karen hasn't said it outright—I can't jump to conclusions.
Maybe… I should ask little Lani, who watches us every single day.
"Little Lani, do you think Karen likes me?"
"Very much."
Very much? I thought so too, yet Karen's actions contradicted it. Still, little Lani was an observer—she should be able to tell.
"Why do you think that?"
"Because the way he looks at you is different from the way he looks at me."
I didn't know whether to accept Lani's answer. I understood what she meant, but it was too vague. Maybe our perspectives were different; otherwise, why hadn't I noticed it myself?
I could see the difference too. The way Karen looked at me was incredibly gentle, kind, and affectionate. The way he looked at other women was indifferent, cautious, and calculating.
"Isn't it the same? Doesn't he just see us both as little sisters?"
"…I don't know."
Lani thought for a long time but still didn't understand. Well, she's not at an age to worry about these things yet. I just wanted someone to talk to, someone to share my feelings with.
"Okay. Do you know what I was about to say just now?"
"No."
"I was going to make a marriage promise to Karen, but he interrupted me before I could even finish."
"How did big bro know?"
"I don't know. He always does this—he can sense what I want to say, leaving me unable to speak a single word. This time, I finally managed to say something, and it ended in failure."
Lani listened quietly and lowered her head, lost in thought. She looked so adorable; I wanted to hug her! But I couldn't disturb her.
After a while, Lani looked up and said,
"Sis, I don't think big bro rejected you."
"Why?"
"Because what you said would trigger a death flag."
A death flag? That's something you shouldn't say before a parting or victory, right? Did I say it? Ah! I remembered!
"…Ah! From the movie we watched a few days ago! Lani, you're so smart!"
I scooped Lani up and hugged her tightly. How had I not thought of such an important detail? I almost messed everything up.
The movie's story was about a couple who agreed they would marry when the boy returned from the war. But after winning the war, the boy never came back—he died on the battlefield.
So that's why Karen had been cautious. I could breathe a little easier—but I couldn't ignore his previous actions entirely. I still couldn't be completely sure.
"But… how do we explain what happened before?"
"Let's ask big bro."
Lani seemed unable to bear it any longer. She jumped from my arms and tried to push me toward the door to go find him.
"No, don't. I'm too scared to hear the answer…"
The more she pushed, the farther I stepped back from the door. Karen had said that if there was a misunderstanding, we should clear it—but this time, I couldn't. I had to refuse her good intentions.
"But big bro won't be here tomorrow."
"No! No! I won't go! I'm really too scared that the answer will be rejection…"
I grabbed the blanket and wrapped myself up, hiding inside. I couldn't face Karen. I didn't even have the courage to ask anymore.
Even if Karen's answer just now wasn't a rejection, I still couldn't be certain about his feelings. It was like Schrödinger's cat—half of the possibilities were true, and I wasn't willing to take that risk.
At that moment, little Lani tapped me.
"Sis, I want to take a bath. Let's go take a bath first."
"Mm, sure."
No matter how sad I was, I couldn't ignore little Lani. Besides, I needed to be clean and smell nice before sleeping—I couldn't skip a bath. Maybe bathing would help me calm down a bit, too.
After we finished bathing, we went downstairs to sneak a peek and see if Karen was around, but he was nowhere to be found. He wasn't outside either. That meant he must be in his room.
We tiptoed to Karen's door and slowly tried to turn the doorknob. But it wouldn't budge—he had locked it. Using "Detection," I could sense Karen was lying in bed.
Why…? Karen never locks his door. Why now? I just wanted to check on him, that's all. And was he really sleeping? There was nothing I could do—I had no choice but to return to my room.
Back in my room, little Lani and I waited for Karen to come out. Eventually, we both fell asleep. When I woke up, it was already past 7 a.m. My heart jumped—I sat up quickly and immediately used "Detection" to locate Karen anywhere in the house.
But he was nowhere to be found—not even outside. Had he already gone out? Why didn't he say anything before leaving? Was he annoyed with me?
Tears welled up again, unstoppable. I could only keep wiping them away with my hands.
"No… I have to find Karen."
I snuffled back my runny nose, scooped up little Lani, who was still sleeping, and climbed down from the bed toward the door. As I reached the doorway, my foot felt something strange—not the texture of the floor.
I looked down. It was a piece of paper, folded in half. I crouched and picked it up. But why was it on the floor? There were no loose papers in my room, so it couldn't have been the wind that blew it there.
(Could it be Karen?!)
That was the only explanation I could think of. If it wasn't Karen, then who else could it be? I opened it and saw that it was covered with tightly written words—a letter. But why did Karen write a letter? Why didn't he just tell me directly?
I carefully placed little Lani back on the bed and let her continue sleeping while I sat on the floor and began reading the letter.