"MSA-31, re-report!"
Her hands were pressed against the sides of her taut thighs. The red-haired girl was clearly still nervous. She shook her single ponytail, looking left and right, not daring to meet the smiling eyes of the woman in front of her.
"Hic... A new recruit, have you switched to a numbering system now?" The woman took a bottle of wine from a shelf nearby. "Do you drink? I think your name is... Himeko, right?"
"Y-yes, it's the numbering system now... Captain, it's daytime," Himeko reminded her somewhat timidly.
"Daytime? Can't you drink in the daytime? Don't worry so much about it. I'm looking for someone to drink with me," the woman laughed.
On the first day of the new recruit's reporting, before many words were exchanged, Himeko was dragged by the woman to drink until she vomited, and then she slept until the next day.
"Mmm, very good, just my taste."
The woman woke up, laughing and hugging the still-dazed Himeko shoulder.
This was the first person Himeko met after her family died in the Honkai and she chose to join the Fire Moth—her squad captain.
If Himeko were to assess her current self, she was mostly imitating that person's shadow. Both her fighting style and her drinking habit seemed to be inherited from that Captain.
Looking closely, she had entered the Fire Moth carrying hatred, but after that, she found a goal more important than revenge, which she owed to that Captain.
Memories tend to be somewhat idealized, but Himeko didn't mind completing that image and making her more perfect.
"Goal? Meaning? What are you talking about? Didn't you say it yourself, you want revenge for your family and to eradicate the Honkai?" The woman shook the beer can. The clanking sound of the beer sloshing inside the can was audible. Her flushed cheeks looked hazy under the light. "Why do you need to ask me? 90% of the people in the Fire Moth joined to destroy the Honkai. Regardless of the starting point, our destination is the same. That's enough."
"...But I want to find a nobler ideal, just like you," Himeko lowered her eyes. She looked like a lost girl, unsure where to go.
"Noble? Hahaha... You little one, do you really think I'm some kind of saint? A noble ideal? I just want to drink beer every day, tease you youngsters, and maybe find a handsome guy to marry one day…"
It sounded like the woman's drunken rambling, and her tone was casual, which made Himeko a little angry.
"Listen up. Ideals are not ranked by nobility. They stem from each person's unique philosophy of life and different views of the future derived from reality. Do you mean the desire of those beggars to live every day is more vulgar than ours? Heh heh, come on."
The woman had no intention of using her identity or experience to lecture Himeko, but she still intended to offer her junior some advice, just as others had once guided her.
"If you absolutely must find a goal, why not start by looking at the people around you? How about starting with the small task of protecting the people nearby?"
Later, the woman's name was engraved in the "cemetery" at Headquarters.
She died protecting Himeko during a critical mission.
Himeko understood her words the moment she died.
There was no hierarchy between people. What mattered was how a person viewed themselves and the world, and adhering to a goal, treating it as a lifelong ideal. No matter what that ideal was, it was enough.
And the woman had indeed lied to Himeko. Her ideal was not so "distant."
She simply wanted to protect Himeko, the junior who reminded her of her past self.
"Captain, I am now the Captain of the Fifth Squad, with a few youngsters under me who are as clueless as I was back then, but they are more excellent and clear-headed than I was." Himeko lowered her head, her fingers gently stroking that inconspicuous name. "Now they all say I drink too much. Heh heh... Is this a bad habit you passed on to me?"
"The Second Honkai Eruption has happened. I have to go. I will come back to see you next time."
Himeko left the cemetery. She was about to rush to the front line, to the battlefield where her Captain lost her life.
...
"What... are you saying..."
Himeko stood still in a daze, listening to the cold "report" from the person in front of her. She felt as if she could no longer hear her own heartbeat.
"The Fifth Squad will undergo reorganization next. Please prepare yourself."
There was no "Please accept my condolences," nor an "I apologize." There was only a deployment order issued to her.
It was like a knife piercing her chest.
Himeko feet felt like they were filled with lead. She dragged her heavy legs into the morgue. Corpses were densely arranged, each labeled with a number.
From a distance, it looked like meat about to be pulled out and sold, cold-blooded to the point of nausea.
She found those few bodies.
No, their remains.
An incomplete hand, half a skull, and a mangled lower body.
This was the "part" of them that remained and could be retrieved.
"What exactly am I doing…"
Due to her misjudgment, all her squad members had perished, dying on the battlefield of the Second Honkai Eruption, and ultimately, not even complete bodies remained.
She failed to protect the people around her. The Captain saved her, but now she failed to save her own team members.
"Ah…"
Himeko covered her face with both hands. She couldn't even scream.
This time, she felt no hatred for the Honkai that took her team members.
She only hated one person.
...
"...Sometimes I wonder if you hadn't saved me then, would you have done better than me if you had lived." Himeko stood in the cemetery. She saw many familiar names added, including those of her team members. "If it were you, you probably could have saved them... But you would have definitely saved me, so maybe not."
"What should I say now? Should I say I'm sorry?"
"The dead cannot hear apologies."
A muffled, cold voice reached Himeko ears from the doorway. She turned around and saw a strange helmeted man.
"You..."
"No matter how many times you say it here, they won't hear it." The helmeted man walked closer and handed Himeko something. "I picked this up. It's for you."
Himeko heart trembled the moment she saw the object.
It was a group photo of the Fifth Squad.
"Are you the soldier who defeated the Emperor-class Honkai Beast?"
"…"
He didn't deny it, but he didn't say anything either.
After handing the object to Himeko, he turned to leave.
"Since you say they can't hear, why did you come here?"
The helmeted man paused his steps.
"Because I can hear."