Love, right?
I hate it when people casually talk about it and apply their own philosophies to it, it's always "love this" or "love that" and even though they talk about it philosophically and attempt to add meaning to it, it always falls apart in the end.
And I also loathe how people put so much value into that emotion, it's outright repulsing at times, when people say "love is the most important/special/precious feeling" or "the supreme emotion" as a girl called it once.
I get that love's important however I can't deny that it is severely overrated.
There are feelings and emotions that far outweigh love and affects a person more. Two notable examples are sadness and regret, those two rule the world like gentle tyrants and it's glorious and hilarious how people downplay them.
If I ask you which emotion/feeling is the most impactful when it concerns someone's humanity most people would immediately say love.
Love isn't what makes us human, it's an insult to humans and human history to claim so. What makes us really "human" is these so called "negative" emotions such as sadness and regret.
The dumbass who said that some emotions can be negative and thought children to suppress them and value "positive" emotions instead should be on everyone's hit-list, even if he's dead.
We should make a Time Machine for the sole purpose of eliminating that piece of scum.
Sadness and regret impacts us as people more than love ever could and that's a fact. Sadness teaches us to cry and express sorrow and discontent, it can lead to anger and other adjacent emotions which are a necessity for growth and maturity.
Isn't it ironic that when people tell you that you shouldn't bottle up your emotions they constantly exclude the aforementioned "negative" emotions?
Cause it's those exact emotions that you should never keep bottled up.
And don't forget about regret either, that emotion is my favorite all time emotion and concept.
Regret is the absolutely essential for someone's humanity.
Without regret you'd immediately lose all of your humanity, it's the one absolute concerning the human mind.
Regret is the rawest emotion, it's the emotion that makes you feel the most because we all regret something be it big or small or meaningless or important.
Something like not explaining the answer to a question properly when a classmate asks you or disappointing your parents or picking a snack at the convenience store and when you start eating it, it's not bad but you could've picked a better choice down to shattering someone's poor heart.
You can regret EVERYTHING.
But I do agree that living a life full of regrets is just unhealthy and bad for you, but that shouldn't be a surprise, too much of everything is automatically bad.
Do anything but don't forget moderation, ain't that right?
On that note would that count as the sin of gluttony or not?
Gluttony means overindulgence in things but that's due to your choice, you generally don't choose to live a life full of regrets.
Or do you?
Regret is what makes someone feel truly alive, because what is a life without regrets? It's dull really.
Most people love to say that they would love to let go of all their regrets and live a life without them but they are just being idiots, you are bound to make mistakes or hurt someone but you can't grow or mature as a person because you don't regret it, that regret is the reason you grow and a lack of it means you stay as a stupid child forever.
But in a twist of fate you could say that I love sadness and regret.
Isn't it also mind numbingly sad that one of the biggest reasons for regret is directly associated with love?
I think love is overrated but it's because of it that I can have such a fond appreciation for sadness and regret.
I've been called a weirdo several times due to my philosophy, mainly by my family, but it doesn't matter, I relish in that feeling, I must relish in sadness and regret, not because I'm trying to atone, but because I'm trying to grow as a person.
I won't atone for what my past mistakes.
Never.
I don't think atoning for those will help me grow as a person. Is it possible that I am saying this so that I can escape my atonement?
Run away from my problems?
It's possible.
I'm not saying it's completely out of the question, but I'd think you'd be a pretty solid asshole if you thought the only was to grow as a person would be to "move on" and "let go of your past and regrets" and other corny shit like that.
Adults like me know a little more about life you see.
Even if I'm only 22.
But man, isn't this an interesting scenario, I never thought that the first time I would use my brand-spanking-new motorcycle would be to drive to the airport and pick up someone. It's good that he doesn't have any luggage and it was shipped directly to our house but I'm not sure what to feel about this.
I feel a bit bad leaving a high schooler alone for the entire school week but he said he can take care of himself so I guess that's fine.
So, it's the 3rd of September.
It's not a special day or anything but I digress.
But this airport is oddly big, I even had the time to have that big monologue and I still don't see him-
Oh, there he is.
Exactly as pops described him, down to his poker face, and what an interesting fashion sense and also is he depressed or something?
Wait, I know that look, man, you've been through some stuff haven't you?
I would never mistake that gaze and those eyes, you're the type who would deny that you're sad or depressed aren't you?
The type who bottles up their emotions and cries silently.
And those eyes, so deep yet so simple, very unclear, your eyes are like black & white TV static.
Don't worry, I will try to be type of person who you can feel comfortable around.
I've had those types of gazes before, I know them better than anyone.
Plus, I always wanted to have the "big sister" role.
So let me be a little sneaky here.
I walk silently and nonchalantly next to where he's sitting and manage to sit right next to him without being noticed, he's wearing his headphones and looking off at the distance without a thought behind his eyes.
All his electronics are plugged in and charging thanks to the charging station next to where he's sitting.
How many electronics does this kid have?
So I decided to use the tride and true technique of yawn and reach.
It was quite successful…I hope it doesn't look like I'm trying to sexually assault a minor.
He looks a bit frightened and pauses the song and looks at me but he immediately goes back to his poker face and regains his composure.
-"Mellisa Malbourne, yes?"
Ugh, I hate it when people already know my name when I'm meeting them for the first time.
-"Oh, did pops tell you about me? Well then, it's nice to meet you, what was it? Ven Sinclair, am I right?"
What a timid looking kid. 10 bucks he doesn't have any friends.
-"…W-Would it bother you to take your arm off my shoulders?"
-"Oh yeah no problem."
I do as he asks and he looks at me probably confused, looks like pops didn't tell him.
-"Where's Mr.Malbourne?"
You know, even though this kid's father is supposedly a great friend of pops, I've never actually met him.
Is there a reason for that?
-"Not here. Outside of the country. Other side of the world actually."
He looks flabbergasted, it's a pretty endearing expression if I'm being honest.
-"H-how come?"
Haha, his face looks like it's going to fall apart any second now!
-"The company he works at has the deal of a lifetime so he's been forced to go to Hong Kong to handle some affairs there otherwise he gets fired."
I want to point out just how convenient this is, but I'm too lazy to make those gags at my age.
-"I see. So I'll be alone during the week?"
-"Yes, but you look mature enough, you can take care of yourself right?"
He looks the part but teenagers can be very unreliable sometimes.
I get the feeling that he won't take care of himself splendidly.
-"I mean…yes?"
-"So no problem then, I'll be here during the weekend since I'm in the university dormitories during the rest of the week, so if you have any questions feel free to ask me. I am your legal guardian now so don't feel bad k?"
Hah, legal guardian at my age…
-"Ok. I'll do my best, I guess."
-"So kid, are you depressed?"
Look, sometimes you just have to ask with no hesitation, even if it's based solely on intuition.
-"W-Where did that come from?"
-"Do I need to hold up a mirror? You don't have the slightest light in those eyes of yours and you look as if you're on the verge of collapse. Is everything alright honey?"
I'm almost positive this kid is malnourished and sleep deprived. Not to mention those eyes again. I can't take my eyes off them.
-"Is the accent obligatory?"
Dammit! How did it manage to slip out so easily!?
Oh wait, this happens all the time when I act kind and gentle.
-"Erm, yes, yes it is. I'm very proud of My southern accent! It's sounds good and I've been told it sounds erotic at times. Just goes on to improve my feminine charms!"
Not like those "feminine charms" are ever present on dates or on bed.
-"O-Ok?"
-"But I'm moderately surprised, I would've thought you'd have a pretty strong accent but you don't have one. You know since you're from-"
I'm so glad he doesn't have an accent, that language and their accent is super obnoxious, especially when they speak English. And he's so fluent in English!
-"Y-Yes I know, I just never had an accent that's all."
-"Oh? Well that's fine, I don't like those types of accents anyways. But are you planning to answer my question babes?"
I know when people try to escape answering questions, but you're in the palm of my hands, so all escape routes are blocked off!
-"P-Please don't call me nicknames."
You know, he actually looked a bit scary at the start but he's actually pretty wishy-washy. Poor baby, he's probably not used to talk to a refined, beautiful and endearing woman like me.
I'm not egotistical I just love proclaiming the truth!
-"Well, if you insist but don't blame me if I let a nickname slip out every now and then. Oh wait, you haven't answered my question!"
How clever, he keeps trying to not answer my question.
-"Ummm…do I have to?"
-"Well…what do you think?"
You can also just lie and get it over with quickly, even if I'll catch on to the lie.
-"I think that I don't have to answer?"
-"Correct, but that doesn't change the fact that you can answer."
I'm basically trying to measure this kids personality a bit. See what he's made of, certain gestures, habits, only for observations purposes really.
-"Wait, southern accent? But we're smack in the middle of the country?"
Again!
This kid manages to escape answering my damn question once again!
And why did it take so long for you to realize that!?
-"And? Are you insinuation that I can't have a southern accent cause of that? You're breaking my heart."
-"B-but, southern is in the name."
Good point, I never actually managed to understand why I have a southern accent in the first place. I'm the only person in my family to have such an accent after all. I hate it when they call me "Millie" sometimes because of it.
-"And that isn't a problem at all! You can have a southern accent even if you aren't born in the south. Just because something is the norm doesn't mean it has to be the case all the time."
-"…I don't know."
Hmmm????
What, you mean you don't know whether that info is credible or not?
I assure you, it's 100% credible and it even received the president AND Nintendo's seal of approval.
-"I don't know if I'm depressed. I know I'm not particularly happy, but I don't feel depressed either."
Ah, there's my long-awaited answer, looks like it's not a lie too. Not knowing whether you feel depressed or not, I guess expecting someone to know if they are depressed or not might be asking a little too much of them.
-"I understand, who says you have to be depressed if you aren't happy, being happy all the time is a problem dammit!"
-"Huh? But isn't being optimistic generally a good thing?"
Tsk-tsk. Rookie mistake, kid.
-"I said happy, not optimistic, there is a difference. "Optimism" refers to a mental state where you're generally positive about certain things and thus it affects your mental state. "Happy" is an emotion and that's where the problem lies. Being optimistic all the time has its problems, sure, but being happy all the time is straight up terrible. Can you imagine being happy every single day, even when there are tragedies and catastrophes happening all around? Can you imagine being happy when someone close to you dies, when you do something bad or when you break a poor girls heart? And that isn't even the main issue, after a while you will be numb to the feeling happiness, it will become your norm. It would stop feeling special, it would stop being an emotion."
I hope that girl stopped being so happy all the time, it always pissed me off just how happy she was every single day.
-"Really? But is that truly a problem? Being happy all the time doesn't sound too bad actually. Who the hell wants to feel bad anyways?"
Interesting, his voice changed and he seems relaxed now.
Success! I've managed to get him to ease up around me.
-"You don't, but it makes you human. A human who is happy all the time isn't a human, it's an empty husk."
-"Again, I don't see the issue. Aren't all humans basically empty husks already? At least you can be an empty husk but feel good about it."
Yeesh, haven't heard something this edgy in quite a while. But he's not completely wrong.
-"Maybe, but do you think that you yourself as an individual is an empty husk? You don't seem like an empty husk to me."
-"…No?"
Phew, I would've been a bit concerned there if you said yes to that.
-"Then you're not an empty husk kid! It all depends on perspective ya'see."
-"It all has to do with perspective? How?"
I don't think I can explain this well, I've always been told I was terrible at perspectives.
-"Well, you have a positive perspective and you're suddenly in a positive mood. But if you're Mr. Doom and gloom then you're in a negative mood."
I…can't believe that came out of my mouth. I was totally wrong wasn't I?
-"It can't be that simple. Just having a positive or negative perspective shouldn't affect your mental state that easily."
Well, even if I'm wrong, it's too late to back out now, I have to impart some good-old adult knowledge to this kid, so let's ignore the fact that it might be wrong!
-"Oh but it can. If you say you'll fail, then you'll most likely fail. if you say you'll succeed you'll most likely succeed."
-"No way. That's impossible. That's just something parents say to encourage their dumb children. It can't have such important effects on the human psyche."
I think this kid has a hard time comprehending that the human brain and stuff aren't complicated in every single aspect of it. There is simplicity in the human brain and its psyche, it's just not that that evident. But I'm a bit too tired to argue.
-"Oh yes, arguing with a psychology major eh? Of course that's gonna go well."
So I have to use this card. This is bound to shut him up.
-"How was I supposed to know I was arguing with a psychology major!?"
You weren't, and that's the point.
-"Observational skills."
-"Like that one powerless detective in the series where everyone has powers?"
What's the point in making references if the person in front of you won't get them?
-"Sure?"
-"Damn it. You're not able to get that reference."
So you're aware that people won't get your references easily?
Then make references that are easy to understand bucko!!!
-"No prob! You ready to go? It should be a comfortable fit since all your stuff has already been shipped to the house."
-"Why did you feel the need to mention that it "should" be a comfortable fit?
Oh wait, he doesn't know! I can't wait to farm some "cool older-sister" points!
-"Good! You're already taking my advice to heart. It's cause I came here on the cycle!"
-"A motorcycle?"
My prized possession, my precious puppy, my beloved, my favorite tool when it comes to hitting on cute darlings on the side of the road or outside the campus.
-"Yeah!"
-"…"
Hey, where's your awe-struck reaction?
At least move your face a bit, my motorcycle is hella cool!
-"I'm such a rebel, punk, subverting expectations type of chick I am right?"
-"It feels like you're trying too hard. Please tone it down."
Did this…did this kid talk down to me? Did he tell me to tone it down? Does he not think I'm a total badass or what???
-"Hohoho! You said that like a warning on a fitness game played on a board!"
-"You…made a reference to that? Interesting."
Man, I have so much fond memories playing that game with the fam, we would always compete for first place!
-"Yeah I know! Anyways let's get going."
So we made our way to where my cycle is parked.
-"This is…quite an extravagant and cool motorcycle actually."
Yes! Finally! He praised my motorcycle, he must totally be under the impression that I'm the cool, badass older sister type! Please, please, don't stop the praise, continue to boost my ego please!
-"Absolutely! I bought most of the parts and shell and actually worked on it on my own without the help of a mechanic."
One of my proudest achievements actually, I still don't believe I managed to build a working motorcycle using only tutorials and Reddit. Maybe I should've majored in engineering, I might have the talent for it.
-"Wow. That must have taken a lot of time and effort. It's really good. You did an amazing job."
Oh, the admiration, it makes me feel atop the world.
-I know right! It feels spectacular to have a guy actually appreciate how good it is instead of asking me "if I wanted them to take me for a ride". Like I was some damn poser instead of a cool, calm and composed hot woman! I know how to ride and I ride damn well!
Dammit, I made another dirty joke on accident.
-It feels like someone the author knows personally is gonna appreciate that line. Also you forgot to tone down your personality. You're not acting cool,calm or composed.
-Well…who cares right?
-The editor probably.
This kid sure has some interesting jokes.
-Ok, here's your helmet.
I hand him one of my favorite helmets, a pink one with sleek purple and red highlights and cat ears!
-Miss Melissa? Why does the helmet have cat ears?
Hohohohohohororo! Hilarious! Perfect! And you even called me "miss" Melissa. That's just too precious dammit!
-It's not that funny. Can you answer the question?
-Oh. It's cute'n cool.
-I don't understand. Its not even yellow with the back being blue and an "s" on the right side of it!
-You don't have to. It just looks good. Plus I won't have you get on my cycle without a helmet. My safety and yours come first. Especially since your arm is broken meaning that you're gonna have to hang on tight to my back with only one arm.
-…I'll put it on.
He puts it on. It looks great.
-I must look so damn terrible right now.
-No, it looks great.
-…
I put on my helmet, it's a sleek, black design with lots of edges and other types of angles that transport to the domain of "cool". It also has a sick ass visor and was totally meant for men. So anyways I get on the cycle.
-Get on, and don't forget to hug my back k? Don't even think about letting go.
-Yes mam.
He does as I ask him to but he totally feels weird. I mean, I think I would too? It's probably his first time hugging a girls back.
-Well, hang on tight and grit your teeth. Your first time on a cycle like this should be exciting. It's a 45 minute ride by the way.
I start revving up the engine as it slowly builds up into a monstrous crescendo.
-It's probably not th-AAAAAAAAAAAA!
-That's what they all say.
I get out of the parking area and descend onto the highway, passing cars in the meantime as Ven hugs my back tightly, probably riding off an adrenaline rush.
-Hang in there kid!
-W-what was that?
It would be hilarious if I said something foreshadow-y to end off the chapter. Something like "I get the feeling this year is gonna be interesting". I don't need to say it, cause it's already plenty interesting dagnabbit! And also the chapter's not over yet.
A week later
Oh man, it's 7 am already? Well I guess it's time for my morning run. Oh wait, I should invite Ven to come with me! I hope he doesn't mind being woken up at 7 on a Saturday morning though.
-Good morning Ven!
-Hwuh? Whut time is it?
-It's 7 am. I'm going on my morning run and I thought I should drag you along with me.
-…Fiwe. I'll get weady in a few winutes.
-K sleepyhead! Don't keep me waiting! And don't forget to take off your cast, pops said you can remove it.
-Wake up, get up and get out there, eh?
End of chapter