"Sam..." I said and tried to grab her. I could see the agony and shame roll over her face. Her reflection in the mirror was simply agonising. She looked as if she wanted to claw her eyes out. I tried to comfort her but she vanished before I could get to her. I could never get used to how fast she was. I tried to go to her by following her scent. She ran through the forest, through the green vegetation
I had been running for almost an hour. I had almost arrived to the northern part of Italy. Finally her scent was getting stronger. I heard the sound of splintering wood and unrecognised words which sounded a lot like cursing. Sam never ever used her native tongue to talk. Once I asked her why and she told me that she wanted to forget her past as it held nothing but bad memories for her. It only proved how seriously upset she was.
She didn't seem to see me but I knew that she was aware of my presence. I was at a perfect angle to see her. She had a thick, pointed branch in her hand which she was trying to stab herself to death with, but obviously it didn't work.
"Sam, put that down. It won't work." I told her and took the branch from her hands and threw it away.
"Nothing works! Wait! Perhaps I can find a werewolf to tear me to pieces. What am I saying, were-wolfs don't exist!" she mumbled frantically.
"Actually, were-wolfs do exist. And I might even add that they are the natural enemies of vampires. They can be quite deathly to inexperienced vampires." I said to distract her. She looked at me with round eyes.
"Are there any here in Italy?" she asked me fervently.
"No, Caius had them wiped from Europe and most of Asia. We're not sure if there are any packs in Africa and Australia but we are sure that there are some in America. Though the one pack we know of is made of shape shifters who coincidentally took the shape of an enormous wolf, rather than mortals, who changed to a wolf shape during a full moon." I told her.
"God, it would take me days to get to America. Alec, please finish this. Let me die in peace. I'm tired of fighting it. You have no idea how hard it is to always be in control of the need. I hate it. You see what I do when I lose control for just one moment." she said as she paced around until she finally crouched down and put her hands on her cheeks and whimpered and sobbed. She looked like an abused teenager, rather than a vampire who was feeling bad about killing someone. I wanted to calm her down, make her forget and understand.
"See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand! O that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might touch that cheek!" I said. She looked up which was just the effect I wanted. I went and sat next to her and put my arms around her shoulders.
"I really don't deserve you." She whispered as she huddled closer next to me.
"Don't ever say that. I want to tell you something Sam. Have you ever wondered why vampires were created in the first place?" I asked her and she shook her head. "Well, of course we have no real proof, but I consider us as a defense mechanism towards humans. Humans are not all good. Some have led to countless wars and bloodshed of innocent people. But we are able to stop them, aren't we? We are the perfect machines. What you did was only natural, you can't possibly blame yourself. Perhaps you can find a way to balance it. For example, if you go on these Italian streets you'll find Mafia and gangs. By feeding on them you're preventing them from spilling more blood." I explained my logic to her though I already knew her answer.
"Bad or not they are still people. And tell me Alec, what makes you any different from a mafia serial killer? You've probably shed blood a thousand times more than he has. What tells me that he should be the one to die and not you." she challenged.
"Probably so, but I need that blood to survive not to get rich. Blood is our fuel, we need it!" I told her.
"Then why do I feel so bad?" she asked me as she scooted even closer to me making the space between us nonexistent.
"Don't worry my little psychic; everything is going to be all right." I said to comfort her. I knew she was strong and would recover but I hated seeing her suffer.
"No, no, no." she murmured as she squeezed her eyes shut and shook her had violently. I began to seriously worry.
"Sam...Sam, I want you to look at me. I promise you, no, I swear you'll feel better with time. Just let go of the memories. Come on... Let go." I said as I cupped her chin. I never noticed how heart breaking she looked when she was sad. It made me want to comfort her and caress her soft skin until her sobs would eventually turn into screams, telling me not to stop kissing and... I was completely in the mood and I really couldn't resist not kissing her. At first she didn't respond, never leaving her lips I told her "Let go of the pain. Lose yourself..." but it was barley recognisable as I deepened our kiss. Finally when I got a spec of movement from her lips I let my eager tongue slip in her mouth.
Sam's POV
I felt like poo. Actually I felt worse. I wanted to cry so hard but the fact that no tears came out made me agitate even more.
Then Alec mumbled something. But I hadn't really paid attention. He looked at me with big worried eyes. But suddenly I saw a flick of desire. He kissed me, but I felt too weak to respond. Then he uttered something against my lips, but the only thing I understood was 'lose yourself'. And that's what I did. I was seriously tired of forcing my shields up. The predator inside me rejoiced. I felt as if I was a hungry tiger, kept in a cage for too long while some kid showed me a big, juice stake and made teasing sounds like those the annoying orange made (yes, when I was a dorky human I used to crack up at the orange calling everyone an apple.)It was definitely clear that I needed therapy. I was thinking about a funny internet broadcast when my f-ing hot boyfriend was ready to make me feel like a woman. Issues. I had plenty of issues.
I felt a huge pang of lust. And not just blood lust, but simple plain old lust.
I wanted him to make me feel protected and girly, something that I had never allowed myself to feel in the past as it was a weakness. But right now, Alec was the one holding me to my sanity. I let his experienced tongue flicker inside my mouth. His hands moved all over my body, exploring and touching me in place I seldom allowed him to touch. Suddenly his hands pulled down the zipper and my dress was completely gone before I could complain. His shirt had managed to vanish too. When we were really turned on and did some heavy making out, we made sure to never tear our clothes. Try imagining going in the tower wearing only underwear. I cracked up just at the thought of Dimitri's face if he saw me and Alec like this.
I was lying almost naked on the ground, my hands around Alec's neck. It always affected me to see how perfectly we both fit together. Suddenly I felt a stronger need. I let my hands down and started rubbing at his chest and after mentally yelling at my coward of a hand to do as I said, I let it trail down his chest and abdominal. I teased a little but it was more because I was shy. I was never the flamboyant shameless kind of girl. I felt Alec shift and though one of his hands was cupping my breast, the other was searching for my idle hand which was almost at his abdominal. When it finished its quest, it led my hesitant hand downwards where it settled on the lump forming in Alec's pants. I actually squeezed a little and was rewarded with several moans and sighs. His mouth left my mine and started nibbling at my earlobe. I was in heaven, truly pure bliss. Suddenly his hands started making attempts at my lacy panties and actually managed to get my bra open. Then something that I used to call Good Sense exploded in my mind. I quickly stopped his hands from going further and reached for my dress to at least cover myself.
"Whoa. Way to fast. Alec, you really would stop with the sexual tension. It's wrecking my nerves." I said while I responses that he was grinning goofily and had that Caught-with-my-hand-in-the-jar expression. And in this case, my jar.
"Why not?" he actually whined while trying to sit up straight like me. I could see his muscles ripple under his torso. Thanks God I had years of self discipline or I would have sent to hell all my morals and made him defile me of my virginity the day I met him. His swimmer like body shone a little as a few beams of sun laid on him. He looked like he was really enjoying the sun.
"Four main reasons. One. I am not about to lose my virginity on the dirty floor. Two. I do not want you to have sex with me just because you feel sorry for me. Three. We have to respect the woman whom I killed today. It's not something to be happy about. Four. I don't want us to become just something physical. I want to know the real you first before I give you something as important as that. Hell, I don't even know your favourite colour! Plus, it would be good for you too. You might find out something about me that would make the thought of doing the dirty with me simply horrifying." I said with a little giggle. He looked at me with an expression that was a cross between amusement and a smidge of confusion.
"Do the dirty? Seriously, sometimes I really don't understand modern English. For one thing, there are way too many different sayings. And there is nothing dirty about intercourse. Especially when you're the one in question. I wouldn't, couldn't imagine anything that would make anyone in this world refuse you." he said as he wrapped his arms around me and engulfed me in a hot hug that made my toes tingle.
"That's what you think." I said in that evil villain kind of voice. He laughed at me and I actually felt a little bit better.
"How about I pick you up tonight and we'll go somewhere special. Just you and me. I'll tell you everything about me. And by the way, I don't have a favourite colour."
"That's bullshit. Everybody has a favourite colour." he was looking at me with deep, seductive eyes.
"Well, my favourite colours change a lot. Right now it's burgundy, but usually it's gold or onyx or even black." he whispered in my ear. I felt my still heart make a little thud. He was saying that his favourite colour was the colour of my eyes. It made me turn into putty in his hands.
Then, a pang of guilt hit me. How could I have doubted him? All thoughts of the ho-ish blond and that Caroline. He was sweet like sugar to me and just a few hours ago I wanted an explanation about those women, like some desperate housewife. All suspicions evaporated and I just lost myself in a deep kiss. His mouth was sweet on mine. He made me forget about what I had done. I was really looking toward for tonight. Finally his cool and mysterious aura would crack a little.
"I said it once and I'll say it again. How could I deserve someone who recites poetry for me, complements my eyes and makes me feel like a total goddess even when I should feel like utter poo?" I touched his chin making myself look deep into his burgundy eyes. At first I thought I would never get used to them, reminding me of the luscious blood I was missing. But I had proven myself wrong.
"You underestimate yourself too much. You are a pearl of great value. You're far more extraordinary than you can ever imagine." he said with a voice that sounded highly unlike the teenager he looked like. He sounded wiser and older.
Suddenly he shifted so I got off him. I didn't need words to figure out that we had to go back. Sometimes I hated the Volturi. It would have been so much easier if it was only Alec and me.
Our trip back was quite nice. We didn't really keep up a conversation but we just stared at each other. It felt nice. As if that was how it was supposed to be. As we entered the clock tower, I could not help but smile sadly at the little disappointed thud I felt in my chest.