1. Orientation Begins Without Consent
The Department of Irregularities did not have an orientation packet.
Instead, it had a falling packet.
A stack of papers materialized mid-air, screamed, and crashed onto the desk.
Ne Job stared at it.
"…Did orientation just assault us?"
Yue flipped through the pages.
"These aren't instructions. These are warnings."
Qi-Yun read over her shoulder.
"And half of them are written in future tense."
Ne Job picked up the cover page.
WELCOME, IRREGULAR STAFF
Please read carefully.
Failure to comply may result in paradox, reassignment, or spontaneous metaphysical audit.
He nodded appreciatively.
"Very clear. Very threatening. Five stars."
2. Rule Zero (The Only Rule That Matters)
The first page rewrote itself as Ne Job read.
RULE ZERO:
If the system cannot resolve a problem, you are now the problem.
Ne Job blinked.
"…Is that motivational?"
Qi-Yun folded his arms.
"It's a warning. And a compliment."
Yue frowned.
"So we don't follow standard procedure."
"No," Qi-Yun said.
"You follow consequences."
The office lights flickered approvingly.
3. The Department Tries to Assign Roles (It Fails)
A floating chart appeared.
ATTEMPTING ROLE ASSIGNMENT…
• Ne Job — ???
• Yue — ???
• Qi-Yun — ERROR: OVERQUALIFIED
The chart sparked and vanished.
Ne Job laughed.
"I knew it. I'm undefined."
Yue crossed her arms.
"I'm not undefined. I'm unassigned."
Qi-Yun sighed.
"They cannot categorize us because our function depends on context."
Ne Job tilted his head.
"So… vibes-based problem solving?"
Qi-Yun paused.
"…Annoyingly accurate."
4. The First Orientation Exercise (It's a Trap)
A bell rang.
A new file slammed onto the desk.
ORIENTATION EXERCISE #1
Scenario: A divine rule works as intended but harms everyone.
Objective: Resolve without violating Heaven's authority.
Ne Job squinted.
"That's impossible."
Yue nodded.
"That's the point."
The file opened on its own.
Inside: a projection.
A celestial city running perfectly—quiet, efficient, emotionless.
Clerks moved in silence. Smiles were prohibited. Joy was listed as a "distraction."
Ne Job's chest tightened.
"This is… before Lin broke."
Qi-Yun's voice was calm.
"This is Heaven functioning optimally."
Ne Job clenched his fists.
"Then Heaven's wrong."
A soft ding echoed.
ANSWER ACCEPTED.
Yue stared.
"…We didn't do anything."
Qi-Yun nodded slowly.
"You identified the contradiction. That's step one."
5. Oversight Tries to Intervene (Politely)
The air shifted.
A familiar pressure descended—cool, precise, watching.
A circular sigil formed.
OVERSIGHT QUERY:
Department of Irregularities, clarify your mandate.
Ne Job raised his hand automatically.
"Yes hi—"
Qi-Yun gently pushed it down.
"I'll answer."
Oversight's presence sharpened.
"You are unauthorized."
Qi-Yun met it without flinching.
"We are necessary."
Silence.
Yue felt the weight of a million calculations grinding to a halt.
"…Explain."
Ne Job spoke anyway.
"You made rules to keep Heaven running," he said.
"But you forgot the people inside it."
The sigil pulsed.
"People are variables."
Ne Job smiled thinly.
"Yeah. That's why they keep breaking your equations."
A pause.
Longer this time.
"…Noted."
The sigil faded—but not before leaving a faint mark on the wall.
Yue swallowed.
"Did we just… talk back to Oversight?"
Qi-Yun nodded.
"Yes."
"…Are we dead?"
"Eventually," Qi-Yun said. "But not today."
6. Orientation Ends With Homework (Of Course)
The packet reshuffled itself.
ORIENTATION COMPLETE.
Homework Assignment:
• Identify one rule that should not exist.
• Decide whether to amend, ignore, or destroy it.
• Consequences will apply.
Ne Job stared at the page.
"…Just one?"
Yue laughed weakly.
"They're easing us in."
Qi-Yun turned toward the door.
"Come," he said. "Our first real case is already forming."
The bell rang again.
A new file appeared—thicker, heavier.
Stamped in black ink.
CASE #0002
Issue: Forgotten God of Paperwork
Status: Active. Angry. Waking Up.
Ne Job's smile vanished.
"…That sounds familiar."
Yue's blood ran cold.
"That's not a clerk."
Qi-Yun's expression darkened.
"No," he said quietly.
"That's a god we buried under procedures."
The lights dimmed.
The office door locked itself.
And somewhere deep in Heaven—
Something ancient shuffled a stack of forms.
END OF CHAPTER 260