Merlin sat in class, everyone else seemed to know their ability except for him. And according to Mr. Isaac, he just needs to concentrate more. Merlin sighed. He stared outside the window with his cheek resting on his palm. He probably has no idea why the stimulation isn't working, Merlin thought to himself.
The class went quiet. Mr. Isaac had walked in.
"Okay, we're all going outside for an actual combat test."
Merlin followed the class outside.
They arrived at a large open field behind the academy.
Merlin looked around.
Several targets had been placed around the field, along with a few training dummies.
Merlin looked back at the building behind them, there were so many windows, they could easily be watched from there.
Perhaps that was the point, he thought.
"You'll all be demonstrating your abilities," Mr. Isaac announced.
Merlin's expression remained unchanged.
Watching quietly was about the best he could do now.
The students began talking among themselves.
Some seemed excited.
Others looked nervous.
Merlin stood quietly among them.
He watched as Tony stepped forward.
His hands tightened into fists.
The air around him seemed to change.
Merlin watched closely.
The air around him began to radiate as red sparks flickered around him. He concentrated more and made a burning ball of light in his hand.
So that's his ability, Merlin thought.
If I remember correctly, it was an A-class ability, Merlin thought, he clenched his fists and kept watching.
One after another, the students began demonstrating what they could do.
Merlin watched.
He tried to look for a pattern or similarities, but there were none.
According to what he'd seen, Tony's power was tied to heat or radiation, and the next person after him could heal.
The abilities varied from powerful to totally useless.
It was Sera's turn. In an instant, she created a crystal fog around herself.
Merlin squinted his eyes. He could barely see through it, but to him, it looked like Sera was moving around at an unnatural speed.
That's an S-class ability, Merlin said to himself.
One after another, they continued to demonstrate their abilities.
To Merlin, it looked like they were having fun.
His stomach twisted.
Maybe it's because he was new here and didn't know much, but there was something unsettling about the smiles on their faces—the excitement in their voices, the way they looked at their abilities as though they had been handed some wonderful gift.
They didn't bother to ask where they came from.
That was what bothered him.
They didn't know there was anything wrong.
Merlin watched them laugh and cheer, and a thought slowly took shape in his mind.
What kind of society had they grown up in?
One where no one questioned anything? Where orders were followed simply because they were orders? Where obedience had been dressed up as safety and ignorance as happiness?
Perhaps that was why they were so excited now. They had been deprived for so long that even the smallest taste of freedom felt exhilarating.
The thought disgusted him.
They reminded him of sheep.
Not because they were white and weak, but because they had never been taught to think for themselves. They waited for a shepherd to decide where they should go, what they should do, what they should believe. And because every sheep moved with the herd, none of them ever had to wonder whether the shepherd was leading them somewhere they actually wanted to go.
Merlin couldn't stand it.
If he had to choose, he would rather live among wolves.
Back at Xiberia, Merlin had read a book about them.
They didn't need a shepherd.
Each one could hunt. Each one could survive alone. They could think, choose, and turn their fangs against whatever threatened them. They stayed together not because they were incapable of standing alone, but because they chose to.
That was what a society should be.
Not a herd bound together by dependence.
A pack bound together by choice.
But perhaps that was the cruelest part.
The sheep didn't even know they were in a cage.
They had been taught to love the fence.
And plus, wolves hunt sheep, so they were by far superior.
"Hey, Merlin? That's your name, right?"
Merlin realized how long he had been staring.
He looked up. It was a girl with short blonde hair and blue eyes. She had a small, doll-like frame.
"Why were you staring for so long?" she continued.
Merlin looked at her. Between her small figure and her high-pitched voice, it felt like he was talking to a child.
"It's nothing," he replied.
If I remember correctly, her power is flight, Merlin said to himself.
"Aren't you going to join the rest of the class in training?" the girl asked.
"No, I don't have a special ability yet," Merlin replied.
"Ohh, okay. Uh-oh, sorry, where are my manners?" the girl stammered. "I'm Edith." She smiled at Merlin.
"Okay, Edith." Merlin looked away from her. "Why aren't you joining them?" he asked.
"Well..." She sat on the ground next to Merlin, then hugged her knees. "It's combat training, and I don't like the idea of fighting."
Is she crazy? Merlin asked himself. He wasn't sure about the details of this academy, but he's sure it had more than a lot to do with fighting.
Why else would they need combat training?
He looked at Edith again.
She sat beside him with her arms wrapped around her knees, watching the others train.
She didn't look afraid.
If anything, she looked completely at ease.
Merlin shifted his gaze and looked forward.
Later that day, Merlin sat in class.
So did everyone else.
They had finished with the training session, and the class was unusually lively.
Everyone was talking about what they had managed to do.
Some were comparing abilities.
Others were talking about how they could improve them.
Merlin listened quietly.
He had nothing to talk about.
He hadn't demonstrated anything.
Again.
He rested his cheek against his palm.
Maybe Mr. Isaac was right.
Maybe he just needed to concentrate more.
But how much more?
He had concentrated during the stimulation test.
He had concentrated during training.
He had even tried while watching the others use their abilities, trying to understand what they were doing differently.
Nothing.
Not even a spark.
Merlin lowered his gaze.
It wasn't that he didn't know what his stimulation was.
They had already told him.
Futility.
The problem was that he couldn't make it work.
Wasn't the fact that all his efforts proved futile enough to stimulate?
What was futility supposed to feel like?
Was he supposed to lose all hope?
Give up?
Lose the will to continue?
Merlin frowned.
None of it made sense.
And the more he thought about it, the more he felt like they had simply given him a word because they didn't know what else to call it.
Maybe...
They didn't understand his ability either.
He sat in class. Everyone left one after another until the class was empty.
And just as he expected, Sera stood at the door. He didn't even need to turn his head to know she was there.
"You coming?" Sera asked.
"Give me a second." Merlin got up from his desk and followed her outside.
It was dark out, and there was barely anyone on the streets. The wind was cold as it carried dew along with it.
Merlin walked ahead of Sera, and she followed behind.
"So, your ability..." Merlin stared. "I saw you use it." He looked back at Sera. "It looked strange to me."
"Huh?" Sera's mind had been lost somewhere else. "Oh yeah. Well, what of it?"
"How does it work?" Merlin asked.
"You'll find out soon enough."
Merlin sighed and looked ahead.
"Well then, can you tell me something else?"
"What's that?"
"Where did they come from?" Merlin asked. "You can't tell me every human just magically has these abilities, but somehow only we unlocked them."
The word we sounded wrong to Merlin since he hadn't unlocked anything.
"Well, I'm not really sure what to say," Sera started. "I'd love to tell you it happened after the simulation, but that's not it either."
She lowered her gaze.
"So I can't really answer your question right now. Any answer I gave you wouldn't be true."
Merlin looked back at her.
She hadn't said she didn't know.
She had only said she couldn't tell him.
Sera remained silent for a moment.
"I'm still unsure myself."
Merlin wasn't sure what to say to that.
She still hadn't given him an answer, but somehow, he felt like asking again wouldn't get him anywhere.
He looked ahead and decided not to press her.
"What about your own ability?" Sera asked. "You didn't participate today."
"That's because I don't have one."
"You don't?"
"My stimulation was supposed to be futility." Merlin sighed. "And even after all my futile efforts, nothing happened."
"Hmm... I see."
Sera was quiet for a moment.
"Normally, using your ability should be fairly easy. It's usually tied to a feeling you're already familiar with."
"Are you trying to make fun of me?"
"No, genius. I'm trying to point something out."
Merlin looked at her.
"What?"
"It's possible you experience your stimulation more strongly at certain times."
"Like right after the simulation."
Sera turned her head toward him.
"So, did you feel anything strange after the simulation?"
Only now did Merlin realize what it was, it was a feeling that had been gnawing at him for days now, it was even disturbing him now.
It was so obvious, Merlin thought to himself.
I see, he said out loud as he increased his pace.
Sera only shook her head and walked after him.