I sat perched on the edge of a gap, my legs dangling over a swirling void of predatory eyes and violet silk. Beside me, Sakuya stood with the unsettling stillness of a statue, a single silver knife balanced precariously between her fingertips.
In the center of the clearing, Ruby Rose was vibrating. It was a volatile cocktail of sugar-induced adrenaline and genuine, wide-eyed terror.
"Okay! So... do I fight both of you? At once?" Ruby squeaked, clutching Crescent Rose. "Is that even legal?"
"Life isn't a tournament, Rose," I said, the voice of Yukari Yakumo sounding smoother and more ancient than my own. I popped the tab on my third beer, the bitter hops tasting sharper, more refined through Yukari's palate. "In the real world, the odds are rarely fair."
"And a maid must always be prepared to sweep away the trash," Sakuya added. Her voice dropped an octave into that terrifying, icy professional tone that made my skin crawl.
I winced internally. Note to self: The character imprints are getting stronger. Sakuya is getting way too into the 'disposable' metaphors.
Ruby didn't wait for a signal. She erupted into a cloud of rose petals, but the trail wasn't just red it was laced with the golden, searing embers of Yang's Burn. She reappeared in a blur above Sakuya, her scythe coming down in a heavy, earth-shattering overhead swing.
"Sakuya, now," I commanded myself.
The world turned grayscale.
Time stuttered to a halt. As Sakuya, I calmly stepped to the left, the world frozen in a silent tableau. I reached out, flicking the blade of Ruby's scythe with a single finger to adjust its trajectory, then stepped back into my original pose.
Time flowed. Ruby's scythe slammed into the dirt, the resulting shockwave shattering the ground beneath her. She blinked, staring at the empty space where her target should have been.
"Hey! No fair! You used the time thing!" Ruby pouted, huffing a stray hair out of her face.
"Expect the unexpected, Ruby-chan~" I chimed from the safety of my gap.
Ruby gritted her teeth and moved again. She vanished, but this time the petal trail was frosted with ice. Using Weiss's Glyphs as a springboard, she launched herself off a platform of frozen air. Mid-flight, her weapon shifted, the heavy scythe collapsing into the elegant form of Myrtenaster.
Before she could land a strike, Sakuya vanished. A ring of knives materialized in the air, encircling the girl, but Ruby used her Semblance to flicker through the gaps. When she reappeared and looked up, she found Sakuya standing atop two knives suspended in mid-air, looking down with cold, judgmental eyes.
"Look at that aura farming," I commented, leaning back into the gap's silk lining.
Ruby took a cautious step forward, squinting up at the maid hovering above her. "It's... it's white..." she muttered, her eyes wide.
The silence that followed was deafening.
"..."
"..."
"RUBY!" Sakuya barked, her icy composure shattering into a frantic, beet-red blush.
I fell backward into the gap, howling with laughter, equally embarrassed but finding the absurdity too much to handle.
"I will crush you!" Sakuya shrieked, fueled by pure mortification. She vanished, reappearing instantly behind Ruby and delivering a kick that sent the huntress-in-training spiraling into the dirt with a resounding thud.
"Ouch," Ruby groaned, clawing her way out of the fresh crater.
"I think that's enough," I said, wiping a tear from my eye as I opened a gap beneath Ruby. "Let's head back. I'll nurse Ruby back to health; we can't have her broken just yet."
Back at the apartment, the domestic routine took over. Sakuya set to work in the kitchen, the rhythmic thwack of her knife against the cutting board sounding like a metronome, while I tended to Ruby's bruises.
"I am going out to buy supplies," Sakuya announced, untying her apron.
"Sakuya, don't forget the beer! I'm running low!" I called out after her.
Sakuya walked down the street, her mind focused on grocery lists, until she spotted a group she had hoped to avoid.
"Why hello there?" a voice called out.
Sakuya paused. Behind her stood a girl flanked by several others, all watching her with keen interest.
"Hello, miss," Sakuya said politely, her back straight. "If you'll excuse me, I have errands to attend to."
"Miss, can you tell me your name?" the girl asked.
Sakuya turned slightly, a sharp glint in her eyes. "Oh my, isn't that a bit rude? Asking for a person's name without offering your own first?"
"You dare speak to our lady like that!" one of the followers snapped. "Don't you know who she is—"
The girl in the center raised a hand, gesturing for silence. "It's quite silly of me not to introduce myself. I am Miku Izayoi. Now, can you tell me your name?"
"I am Sakuya Izayoi," Sakuya replied. "It's... nice to meet you."
Miku's eyes widened, a predatory sort of spark igniting in them. "Interesting indeed. Well, it is a pleasure to meet you, Sakuya Izayoi."
"You too, Miku Izayoi."
As Sakuya walked away, she felt a heavy weight settle in her stomach. I feel like this is going to make my life much harder, she thought, quickening her pace toward the store.
Meanwhile, Miku watched the maid disappear around the corner, a faint trail of drool escaping the corner of her mouth. I will have her. That outfit is perfect, and we have the same name... it's destiny. She's going to serve me.
"Mistress, you're drooling," one of the girls whispered, snapping Miku out of her daydream.
Deep in the forest, the clones that had been left behind sat in a circle, looking thoroughly dejected.
"They're so cruel," Killer muttered, kicking a pebble. "They totally forgot about us."
"It's not like we were doing anything anyway," Insanity replied, focused on the cards in her hand. "Plus... Uno!" She slammed a card down triumphantly.
"Booo! Insanity cheated!"
"Uh-nuh!"
"Why you little—!" Killer snarled, summoning a flurry of knives.
"I leave for thirty seconds and this is what I come back to?" Murder growled, stepping into the clearing and immediately charging up a barrage of danmaku. "Sit down and shut up!"
Omake:
"Okay, who let the Author back in?" Marisa asked, poking the Author's unconscious body with the handle of her broom.
"I believe it was the 'Plot Necessity' clause," Sakuya said, scrubbing a permanent marker mustache off the Author's forehead with specialized cleaning solution.
The Author groaned, clutching their head. "My brain... it feels like I got kicked by a nuclear-powered donkey."
"That was Marisa's Master Spark!" Cirno chirped happily. "I helped by freezing your coffee!"
The Author looked directly at the camera, eyes bloodshot and weary. "I'm retiring. I'm changing this into a slice-of-life where nothing happens except people eating bread. High-quality sourdough. That's it."
"Don't be like that, da ze!" Marisa grinned, waving a fresh script. "In the next chapter, I get to blow up a moon!"
"No. Bad witch." The Author snapped their fingers. Marisa was suddenly wearing a heavy sandwich board that read: I WILL NOT BLOW UP CELESTIAL BODIES.
[Notice: The Author is currently seeking a therapist. Please send help and/or caffeine.]
"Minions! Today we steal the moon!" Marisa shouted, struggling against the board. Before the Author could intervene, Gold Ship appeared out of nowhere, delivering a flying dropkick to the Author's head.
Ps: I think I lost the plot for this omake halfway through.
A/n: guess who's back! Back again