Chapter 81: Chicken Brother, you don't need to come!
Alexander Pierce's muzzle was aimed at the center of Lin Zhen's forehead.
"Young man, I gave you a chance!"
Lin Zhen raised his hands, his tone sincere: "Big Brother, don't be in such a rush. I hadn't finished what I was saying. Two million is indeed a bit low, but it's not non-negotiable. Add a zero, and we're still good friends."
Alexander Pierce's finger tightened on the trigger.
"Are you messing with me?"
"No, no, I'm a very honest person. Look, I've worked with Nick Fury so many times; I've always solved problems by asking for more money, and I've never betrayed a client." As Lin Zhen said this, he glanced at the host computer screen out of the corner of his eye.
Progress bar: 94%.
Alexander Pierce obviously noticed it too, his expression changing abruptly. "You're hacking my system!"
"Don't move yet, there's only 6% left. Do me a favor."
Bang!
Alexander Pierce fired suddenly. The bullet hit Lin Zhen's forehead accurately, then ricocheted at an angle that defied all laws of physics, shattering the ceiling light.
Lin Zhen's mask remained intact, and he even tilted his head.
"Why are you hitting my head? My head isn't worth anything. If you want to shoot, shoot the crotch; there's more stuff there, it's worth more."
Alexander Pierce's pupils constricted, and he fired three shots in succession.
All three bullets were blocked by Lin Zhen with his frying pan, the crisp metallic sound echoing in the server room.
"Motherfucker, I told you to shoot the crotch and you actually did it!"
Lin Zhen performed a sliding tackle right in front of Alexander Pierce and accurately smacked the bottom of the frying pan against his wrist.
Crack.
The pistol fell to the ground, and Alexander Piercescreamed while clutching his wrist.
Lin Zhen stepped forward and felt the corpse... Oh no, Alexander Pierce wasn't dead yet; that would be offensive.
"Three hundred dollars in cash, an Amex Black Card, a box of condoms..." Lin Zhen stuffed the items into his crotch one by one, muttering, "A dignified Hydra big shot, only carrying three hundred bucks on you? Are you kidding me?"
Alexander Pierce gritted his teeth: "I am talking to you about the future of humanity."
"Let's talk about my future first," Lin Zhen stuffed the condoms in. "How much is on this card, and what's the PIN?"
"You!"
"The progress bar is at 94," Lin Zhen patted the host's casing. "Once it hits 100, this ship of yours is finished. Your only bargaining chip now is your mouth. You might as well just give me the password, and at least I'll leave you your underwear."
Alexander Pierce was silent for two seconds.
"Two million dollars, the password is 5201314!" He said calmly. "You can't take it. The account is linked to my biometric authentication and Hydra's internal key. The moment you transfer the money, it will trigger a freeze procedure."
Lin Zhen's hand stopped in mid-air.
"You're really a dog."
The corners of Alexander Pierce's mouth curled up slightly. If Lin Zhen was talking about money, he had to cooperate with him.
He gradually felt that control was back in his hands!
As long as this lunatic was greedy for money, they could still negotiate.
"I can unbind the account and give you the password, on the condition that you stop..."
Ding!
A green prompt box popped up on the host screen.
[Chip replacement complete.]
Alexander Pierce's smile froze on his face.
Lin Zhen had already stood up, lifted Alexander Piercefrom the ground, and smacked him on the back of the head with the frying pan.
Alexander Pierce rolled his eyes and fell straight down.
"You said three million just now, right? I'll keep that in mind. I'll have Tony figure out a way to get it out later."
Lin Zhen pulled out his communicator and pressed Fury's channel.
"First one's done, the chip has been replaced, two more to go."
Fury's voice came from the other end.
"Well done. Natasha is on the second one, you need to go to the third one..."
"Wait!" Lin Zhen interrupted him suddenly. "Did you just say Natasha is on the second one?"
"Yes, she infiltrated..."
"She went alone?"
"She is a Level 7 Agent; you don't need to worry about her safety."
"Fuck, I'm not worried about her! It's over, it's over, it's over!" Lin Zhen slapped his thigh. "If she kills the mobs, doesn't the experience go to her? Who gets the loot? Is there a distribution mechanism?"
There was silence on the other end of the communicator.
"Lin Zhen, we are preventing a global slaughter."
"Yes, yes, yes, global slaughter, very serious. I'm hanging up now."
Lin Zhen cut the communication, controlled the golden ghost fire hoverboard to rush out of the server room, and headed straight for the outer deck of the Helicarrier.
The second Helicarrier was eight hundred meters ahead, and the defensive turrets on the deck had already begun to turn.
Then he saw it.
On the belly of the second Helicarrier, a red and gold figure was flying against the hull. The palm repulsor blasted a three-meter-diameter hole, and he dived in.
Lin Zhen braked his hoverboard in mid-air.
That wasn't Natasha.
That was Tony Stark.
Motherfucker, why did Tony come too?
He clearly hadn't notified him!
And it seemed like he was duo-queueing sweetly with Black Widow?
Immediately after, the sound of metal clashing also came from the deck of the third Helicarrier.
A figure holding a round shield passed between the turrets, bullets clanging and bouncing off the shield.
The face revealed behind the shield belonged to Captain America, who had been awake for less than twenty-four hours.
And beside the turbine engine at the bottom of the Helicarrier, a small figure in a red and blue bodysuit was using a spider silk to wrap around the exhaust pipe, swinging himself onto the deck.
Lin Zhen froze in the air for a full three seconds, feeling like the sky had collapsed.
"Why did they come?"
"Motherfucker!"
Lin Zhen punched the handle of the hoverboard.
"Experience! Loot! It's all gone! I painstakingly killed my way from the first ship, and these NPCs ran over to steal the mobs?"
The more he thought about it, the angrier he got, and he steered the hoverboard straight toward the deck of the third Helicarrier.
On the deck, Steve was blocking the dense barrage with his shield while shouting at Peter.
"Go around to the back of the turret and rip out its power cable!"
Peter did a backflip to dodge a shell, and when he landed, he shouted at Steve.
"Old man, I know you're imitating Captain America, but that shield of yours is aluminum alloy; if it takes two more hits, it'll be punctured!"
Steve couldn't be bothered to explain that he was Captain America, because he really couldn't spare the time right now.
A turret's barrel locked onto Peter's back.
"Look out!"
"Clang."
A dark frying pan descended from the sky, accurately smashing onto the turret's lens, smashing the entire targeting system into the interior of the turret.
The turret spun out of control, sweeping across the deck and turning the other two turrets into scrap metal.
Peter and Steve looked up at the same time.
Lin Zhen hovered three meters above the deck on his golden ghost fire hoverboard, his eyes behind the chicken mask staring fixedly at the pile of smashed turrets.
A system prompt popped up.
[Destroyed automatic defensive turret x 3, EXP + 450.]
Lin Zhen breathed a sigh of relief.
Thank goodness, these three turrets counted as his.
"Bro! How did you get here!" Peter waved excitedly.
"Don't call me bro!" Lin Zhen jumped off the hoverboard, and the moment he landed, he was already squatting next to the pile of scrap metal, starting to unscrew bolts. "Who let you guys come here?"
Steve walked forward, his tone steady.
"Hydra is going to slaughter civilians; we couldn't just stand by and watch."
"Would it kill you to stand by and watch for a second?" Lin Zhen didn't even look up as he stuffed the cannon barrel into his crotch. "You go to the second one; I left that one for you. This one is mine."
Steve frowned.
"This isn't something you can solve alone..."
"This isn't something for me alone?" Lin Zhen stood up, pointing the frying pan at Steve's nose. "I've been fighting through the pipes from the first ship until now, killed so many people, taken so many bullets, and you show up and want a share? Do you know what this is called?"
Steve shook his head.
"This is called kill-stealing!" Lin Zhen retracted the frying pan. "Understand? You're stealing my kills! It's like I'm playing Nasus, I've been farming experience for ten minutes, stacked up hundreds of minions, and you clear my minions with one ultimate; how am I supposed to play?!"
Steve couldn't understand Lin Zhen's words; he opened his mouth, momentarily not knowing what to say.
Peter added quietly from the side.
"Actually, what he said makes some sense..."
"You're the same!" Lin Zhen turned his head to glare at him. "You wrapped the turbine with your spider silk; what if the ship falls? Then all the experience will be wiped to zero. Are you going to compensate me?"
Peter shrank his neck.
Just then, Lin Zhen's communicator rang again.
Fury's voice came through, his tone extremely complicated.
"Lin Zhen, the weapon system of the second Helicarrierhas been paralyzed by Stark... but he says he wants to dismantle the Helicarrier's engine to take back for research. Can you..."
"Tell him," Lin Zhen gritted his teeth. "Don't touch a single screw; that's mine!"
Fury was silent for a moment.
"He says if you can get to the second one within five minutes, he might consider giving you one percent."
"One percent?!"
Lin Zhen's voice suddenly rose.
"Why does an NPC think he can split loot with me? One percent? Is he trying to brush off a beggar?!"
Tony's voice came from the other end of the communicator; apparently, Tony had hacked in.
"Chicken Brother, you don't need to come; the stuff in here has been pretty much dismantled by me!"
Lin Zhen:???
What happened to the one percent?
"Motherfucker!!!!!"
Chapter 82: I'm Going to Hang Your Underwear on the Statue of Liberty!
"Motherfucker!"
He was so angry that he smashed his communicator onto the ground.
Not even one percent, damn it!
As a top-tier hardcore gamer with millions of fans, he actually got mocked by an NPC?
"These unruly commoners, they've really turned the worldupside down!" Lin Zhen gritted his teeth and suddenly turned his head to look at the third Helicarrier still engaged in fierce battle below.
This was the last one.
"Not even a fly is allowed inside this ship!" Lin Zhenstomped his foot, and the tail of the golden ghost fire hoverboard emitted a seven-colored trail of flames, sending him crashing onto the deck of the third Helicarrierlike a meteor.
On the deck, Steve was holding up that dented aluminum alloy shield, struggling to block the crossfire from two Hydra elite Agents.
Peter was swinging back and forth in mid-air, trying to use his spider silk to entangle the enemies' gun barrels, but due to the intense firepower, he could only dodge in a sorry state.
"Uncle, I can't hold on much longer!" Peter shouted, "These guys' bullets seem endless!"
Steve gritted his teeth, preparing to make a desperate last stand, when a piercing sonic boom suddenly came from above.
"Everyone stop!"
Lin Zhen descended from the sky, swinging his frying panin a perfect semicircle in mid-air, and with a "clang," he sent both Hydra Agents flying off the deck, guns and all.
System notification: [Killed Hydra elite Agent × 2, EXP + 100]
Hearing this pleasant notification, Lin Zhen's mood calmed down slightly.
He turned around and pointed the frying pan at Steve and Peter.
"You two, now, immediately, right now, get off this ship!"
Steve was stunned. He looked at Lin Zhen, his face full of confusion: "We're helping you share the pressure. This Helicarrier's weapon system hasn't been paralyzed yet, it could fire at any moment..."
"Paralyzed, my ass!" Lin Zhen interrupted him directly, blocking the entrance to the engine room, "This ship is mine! The monsters inside are mine! The dropped screws are also mine! If anyone dares to touch it again, don't blame me for being rude!"
Peter landed beside Steve and muttered, "Bro, are you running a fever? We're trying to save the world here."
"Does saving the world give me EXP? Does it drop purple gear?" Lin Zhen retorted, "Do you know how much EXP that tin can stole from me just now? I'm telling you, today, for this third Helicarrier, I'm going to farm it slowly, one monster at a time. No one is allowed to steal my kills!"
Steve frowned deeply. He couldn't understand what Lin Zhen meant by "EXP" or "purple gear," but he could feel that Lin Zhen was in an extremely irrational state.
"Lin, stop messing around." Steve said in a deep voice, "Pierce's algorithm has already locked onto many people. We don't have time to waste here."
"I don't care if he locked onto millions of people!" Lin Zhenwas unmoved. He pulled two high-explosive pumpkin bombs out of his crotch and tossed them in his hand, "I'll count to three. If you don't jump off the ship, I'll blow you up first, then dismantle the ship!"
"One!"
Steve and Peter looked at each other, both seeing the helplessness in the other's eyes.
"Two!"
Lin Zhen pulled the fuse.
Just as he was about to shout "Three."
A heaven-shaking roar suddenly came from the street below.
"ROAR!!!"
This sound carried endless rage and fury, instantly drowning out the roar of the Helicarrier's engines, and even caused visible ripples in the air.
Lin Zhen's hand trembled, and he almost stuffed the pumpkin bomb with the pulled fuse back into his own crotch.
Thank goodness... he almost became a roasted chicken.
He suddenly looked down.
He saw that on the street below, among the dense crowd of refugees, a large area had suddenly cleared out.
A thin, frail figure wearing tattered underwear was kneeling on the ground, clutching his head in pain.
It was Bruce Banner!
"Holy shit, why is this guy here too?" Lin Zhen's eyes widened.
The moment he finished complaining, Banner's body began to expand violently, his skin quickly suffused with a frightening, sickly green.
Muscles tore through clothes, and bones made popping sounds.
In just two seconds, that frail scientist disappeared, replaced by a green monster over three meters tall with bulging muscles.
"ROAR!"
Hulk roared at the sky and slammed his arms down onto the ground.
"BOOM!"
The hard asphalt road surface collapsed instantly, and spider silk-like cracks spread wildly in all directions.
Hulk raised his head, his eyes filled with tyranny, staring fixedly at the three huge "iron lumps" in the sky.
"Hulk... SMASH!"
Hulk bent his knees slightly, the thick muscle fibers on his thighs tensing up.
The next second.
"BANG!"
The ground suddenly exploded into a deep pit with a diameter of over ten meters.
Hulk's massive body shot up from the ground like a cannonball fired from a chamber.
And his target was the third Helicarrier, the one closest to the ground and the one Lin Zhen was guarding with his life!
On the deck, Lin Zhen watched that green blur getting closer and closer, completely dumbfounded.
"Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit! Don't you fucking come over here!"
Lin Zhen screamed at the top of his lungs. He didn't even bother with Steve and Peter anymore; he stepped onto the golden ghost fire hoverboard, trying to intercept Hulk.
"This monster is mine! Get the fuck down!"
However, Hulk's speed was too fast.
So fast that just as Lin Zhen's hoverboard started moving, Hulk had already crashed into the side of the Helicarrier.
BOOM!!!
The deafening roar resounded through the sky.
Hulk's fists, containing terrifying power, slammed unreservedly into the Helicarrier's thick armor.
In front of Hulk, the special alloy armor that could withstand missile bombardments was as fragile as paper.
Accompanied by the screeching sound of metal tearing, a massive hole with a diameter of over twenty meters was smashed into the side of the Helicarrier.
But it wasn't over yet.
Hulk dove into the hole, initiating a crazy demolition mode inside the Helicarrier.
"Bang! Bang! Bang!"
Looking from the outside, huge fist marks kept bulging on the surface of the Helicarrier's hull, followed by a series of explosions.
Flames shot into the sky, and thick smoke rolled out.
The previously stable, hovering Helicarrier instantly lost its balance and began to tilt violently.
"Alert! Port engine damaged 100%!"
"Alert! Core power furnace has received a fatal blow!"
The Helicarrier's internal broadcast system emitted a shrill electronic sound.
On the deck, Steve grabbed the railing, stabilized himself, and shouted at Lin Zhen, who was still dazed: "The ship is going to crash! Get out of here!"
Peter also shot out a spider silk, sticking it to a nearby high-rise building, preparing to evacuate.
But Lin Zhen still stood dazed on the tilting deck.
He looked at the flames bursting from inside the Helicarrier and listened to Hulk's roars, but no system notification sounded in his ears.
No EXP.
No points.
And definitely no equipment rewards.
Because... this ship was smashed by Hulk.
"It's gone... it's all gone..."
"Mo-ther-fuc-ker!!!"
"My EXP! My max-level god-tier gear!!!"
"Bruce Banner! I swear, we are irreconcilable enemies! I'm going to rip your underwear off and hang it on the Statue of Liberty, aaaaaah!"
Chapter 83: Good Thing I Didn't Wear the mark viii Today
"Bruce Banner, put down my monster, you motherfucker!"
Peter held onto his spider silk, hanging from the edge of the helicarrier wreckage, watching Lin Zhen's back as he charged in, then turned to look at Steve.
"Captain, is he trying to solo that green giant?"
Steve gripped the dented aluminum alloy shield in his hand, nodding with a solemn gaze.
"Be careful, don't get caught in the crossfire."
Peter chuckled, his tone relaxed.
"Don't worry, Captain, my brother is very strong. This green giant is probably going to be in for it."
Steve deeply agreed.
He was Captain America, the strongest super soldier in the entire country, yet he hadn't even lasted one move under Lin Zhen.
That guy's strength was unfathomable; Hulk definitely wouldn't get the better of him.
The two had even started calculating how to go up and help finish things off once Lin Zhen beat Hulk down, and incidentally soothe the enraged Lin Zhen.
Inside the helicarrier, Hulk was grabbing a huge metal pipe, smashing it crazily against the wall.
Lin Zhen broke through the window, holding his frying panhigh. On the system panel, Hulk's health bar was very long.
"Motherfucker, stealing my experience! If I don't beat the shit out of you today, I'll write my name backwards!"
Hulk turned his head and saw this little bug that had rushed over, not knowing life from death. Pure killing intent emanated from those tyrannical eyes.
Lin Zhen didn't retreat in the slightest; he swung the frying pan with all his might, smashing it fiercely towards Hulk's forehead.
The wind whistled; this pan-strike was unstoppable.
And then.
Hulk raised his fist, without any flashy moves, and threw a punch straight on.
"Bang!"
Lin Zhen didn't even have time to scream before he was sent flying backward.
Hulk scratched his head, seemingly a bit unable to react as to why this bug had suddenly disappeared.
Peter opened his mouth wide, only managing to choke out a sentence after a long while.
"He... flew away?"
"Yeah, flew very far," Steve said.
Peter swallowed his saliva and turned to look at Steve.
"Captain, didn't you say he could send you flying with one punch?"
Steve's expression was complex, and he spoke slowly.
"Ahem, did I say that? I don't remember."
"Then... what do we do now?"
Steve took a deep breath and gripped the aluminum alloy shield in his hand.
"What else can we do? Let's go."
"But my brother, he..."
"He probably won't be back for a while. We'll hold the line first."
On the other side, at an abandoned park somewhere in Washington, D.C.
"Boom!"
A human-shaped crater smashed through the fountain plaza, gravel flying everywhere.
Lin Zhen lay spread-eagled at the bottom of the pit, seeing stars, his chicken mask twisted to the back of his head, and smoke still puffing out of his nostrils.
The system notifications were flashing crazily.
[Received fatal damage, Health Points -30%]
Lin Zhen spat out a mouthful of blood and struggled to sit up.
"Mother... fucker..."
"This green-skinned monster doesn't follow the rules of martial arts, ambushing a young man in his twenties!"
Lin Zhen fished a bottle of red potion out of his crotch and downed it. A cooling sensation flowed through his limbs and bones, and his health bar instantly refilled.
By the time Lin Zhen flew back, Hulk was still standing on the helicarrier wreckage, grabbing a three-meter-long armor plate with his left hand, and swinging a turbine bearing he had dismantled from who knows where with his right, smashing whatever he saw.
Even some civilians were caught in the crossfire.
Banner seemed completely unable to control Hulk at all.
At this moment, he didn't distinguish between friend and foe, attacking whoever he saw.
The other superheroes could only step forward to contain this big guy.
If this continued, Hydra wouldn't actually be as troublesome as this Hulk.
Captain America went up to maneuver for a while, and it seemed he wasn't falling behind under Hulk's fists.
Can only say, this setup is just overpowered.
As long as Captain America goes up, it's a 50/50 fight against anyone.
But soon, as Hulk's rage value continued to soar, Captain America was also beaten away.
On the other side, Tony's Mark VI rushed up from the side, aiming his palm repulsor directly at the back of Hulk's head and firing a shot.
"Boom!"
Hulk's head was blasted askew.
Then he turned his head, looking at Tony with those tyrannical eyes.
"Go to sleep, go to sleep, little baby, you're sleepy, you're really sleepy," Tony muttered, firing his palm repulsor shot after shot.
The terrifying suppression fire made Hulk constantly cover his face with his hands, his footsteps beginning to retreat.
"Roar!"
But not long after, a roar came.
Hulk leaped up, grabbed Tony, and slammed him onto the ground.
"Uh... it's all a misunderstanding... how about we discuss this, and take a halftime break first?"
Tony was stunned, his armor constantly sending out damage alerts.
As Hulk slammed a fist down, he and his armor flipped seventeen or eighteen times in the air, crashing into an abandoned warehouse by the riverside, dust rising everywhere.
Lin Zhen hovered in mid-air, taking out a handful of melon seeds to watch the show.
Although he really wanted to beat Hulk to death, he was still quite happy to have someone else go up and drain his health.
On the other side, Tony's face darkened slightly, his face inside the armor turning blue with anger.
"Jarvis."
"Sir."
"Activate the Iron Legion."
"Sir, the Iron Legion is currently still in the testing phase. Out of the thirty-seven Mark series suits, only nineteen have completed initial calibration. Among them, twelve have not yet installed complete weapon modules, and the flight balance systems of the other four have..."
"Shut up, I said activate!"
"Activated, Sir. Estimated arrival time for the Iron Legion, three minutes!"
Soon, dense sonic booms came from the sky.
Nineteen red and gold exhaust trails streaked across the sky. Nineteen iron suits whistled in from the direction of Stark Tower, forming a neat formation above Tony's head.
Hulk smashed the last intact armor plate of the helicarrier. Looking up and seeing so many iron men suddenly in the sky, he immediately roared at the sky.
Then, without waiting for the Iron Legion to make a move, he kicked off with both legs.
The ground exploded, and Hulk's massive body shot into the sky, swinging a fist at a suit in the front row.
"Bang!"
The chest of that suit collapsed on the spot, and it spun into the river.
"Jarvis, encirclement formation, suppressive fire." Tony re-engaged his faceplate.
In the sky, the remaining eighteen suits quickly dispersed, locking down Hulk's movement route from six directions.
Palm repulsors, shoulder-mounted missiles, and chest uni-beams fired simultaneously, weaving a huge net of fire in the air with dense beams and a hail of bullets.
Hulk was blasted, yelling and screaming, but his skin was too thick; his health bar barely dropped.
He charged hard out of the barrage, grabbed the nearest suit, and tore it with both hands.
The sound of metal tearing was ear-piercing.
That suit was torn in two like paper, and random parts scattered all over the ground with a clatter.
Hulk grabbed the legs of one suit and swung it like a baseball bat at two others. With two loud "bangs," all three suits exploded into fireworks simultaneously.
Tony hovered in mid-air, watching the battle, and took a deep breath.
"What kind of monster is this!"
On the other side, Lin Zhen skated over on a skateboard.
"Brother Tony, your Iron Legion is quite wealthy, share one with me to play with?"
Tony didn't even turn his head: "None left, this is the last batch."
"Bullshit, there are still a dozen flying in the sky, and you're telling me there are none left?"
"They are on combat missions; there isn't a single one to spare."
Lin Zhen pointed at the wreckage of the suits torn apart by Hulk and fallen into the river: "What about those ones in the river? Fish them out and fix them, they can still be used."
"Jarvis, is there any way to make this Mr. Lin shut up?"
"Sir, we can deploy the mark viii, but that suit is currently still under calibration..."
"Don't care, deploy it directly!" Tony's eyes lit up. He moved his fingers slightly, pointing at Lin Zhen.
"Hey, what do you mean by this?"
Before Lin Zhen could figure out the situation, several armor parts suddenly flew in from the horizon.
"Even I haven't worn this thing yet, what a pity. The suit's first time is given to you. Oh well, let you test it; if it explodes, it'll be you who gets blown up." Tony laughed.
Lin Zhen:???
The next moment, a part slapped onto Lin Zhen's body.
Lin Zhen was slapped flying, a sharp pain radiating through his body.
He was stunned. Before he could react, his butt was hit hard again, and he was smashed into the ground, creating a deep crater.
And on the other side, another part flew in... Boom! This part was even more outrageous, exploding right in front of Lin Zhen.
"Mother..."
Before Lin Zhen could even finish cursing.
Boom!
He felt a sharp pain in his crotch; a part had smashed heavily into his groin.
That would have been one thing, but after the heavy impact, this part exploded directly.
Before Lin Zhen could react to what was happening, he was blown into the sky.
"Ahem, it seems the mark viii still needs modification and optimization. Good thing I didn't wear it out today..."
Chapter 84: Come on, Green Fatty, let's have a real fight!
"Stark!"
"I'll kill you!"
Tony looked down, his faceplate flipped open, the corner of his mouth twitching: "You're still alive. It seems the shock absorption module of the mark viii worked."
"Absorb your grandpa! That's because my health bar is thick!" Lin Zhen pulled a frying pan out of his crotch and pointed it at Tony. "You used me for testing, pay up!"
"I don't have money." Tony maneuvered his armor to fly a few meters away, creating a safe distance. "Peppermanages all the money. You need to ask her."
"Bullshit. You just said yourself, fifty million is yours to spend."
"That was just now."
"And now?"
"Now, I just spent fifty million repairing the Iron Legion." Tony pointed to the dozen or so suits of armor in the sky currently being beaten like sandbags by Hulk. "Look, the budget is still burning."
Lin Zhen looked in the direction indicated.
Hulk was grabbing the legs of a Mark suit, ripping it apart like a roasted chicken.
Amidst the sound of tearing metal, the suit broke in half, falling into the river with sparks and electricity.
Lin Zhen's heart ached, his mouth twitching.
If he could pick that up, he could sell it for millions just by stripping it for parts.
"Motherfucker, what a spendthrift."
Tony closed his faceplate again, his tone becoming unusually serious: "Stop cursing. My batch of armor is about to be dismantled by him. Do you have any ideas?"
"I do."
"Tell me."
Lin Zhen patted the dust off his crotch and said righteously: "Pay more."
"Fuck..."
"You don't feel bad when Hulk smashes your armor, but you curse me when I ask you to pay more?"
"That's two different things!"
"It's the same thing. It's all money."
Before Tony could answer, there was another loud bang in the sky.
Hulk grabbed the torso of a suit, used his forehead to smash through the chest armor, and then swung the wreckage at two others.
Three suits started smoking and fell.
[Iron Legion Suit - No. 9, destroyed.]
[Iron Legion Suit - No. 14, destroyed.]
[Iron Legion Suit - No. 3, destroyed.]
An extremely repressed deep breath came from inside Tony's faceplate.
"Jarvis, how many are left?"
"Sir, there are currently four suits with remaining combat capabilities, but the flight control systems of two of them have already experienced delays. It is not recommended to continue..."
"I suggest you stop fighting too." Lin Zhen flew over to Tony on his skateboard, his tone unusually sincere. "Pack up the remaining four and give them to me, and I'll handle that Green Fatty for you."
Tony turned to look at him, the blue light in the eyes of his faceplate flickering.
"What do you want four suits of armor for?"
"Collection. Who doesn't want to collect a few Iron Mansuits? Where I'm from, a high-quality replica figure costs over ten thousand."
"Didn't you say you could handle Hulk?"
"Being able to handle him doesn't conflict with picking up a few suits of armor along the way."
Tony was silent for a second.
"Deal."
Lin Zhen's eyes lit up: "Really?"
"Fake." Tony controlled his armor to fly toward Hulk. "Handle him first, then we'll see."
Lin Zhen watched his retreating back and spat on the ground.
"NPCs don't keep their word. Next time, I'll install a backdoor in your armor."
He took out his communicator and connected to Peter and Steve, who were still idling in the distance.
"Hey, Captain, can you guys still move?"
Steve's voice came back, with the sound of wind in the background: "I can move. Peter was knocked unconscious by the shockwave but isn't injured. How are things on your end?"
"Not great. The Iron Legion is about to become scrap metal." Lin Zhen pulled something out of his crotch and tucked it into his clothes. "Lure Hulk toward me. I have a way to make him calm down."
Steve was clearly stunned for a moment.
"Are you serious?"
"When have I ever not been serious?"
"Many times. I could make a list..."
"Stop talking nonsense, lure him over quickly!"
Lin Zhen hung up the communication and reached out to summon something.
On the horizon, a hammer crackling with lightning flew over.
Thor's divine power instantly filled his body, making Lin Zhen feel a wave of relief.
In the distance, Hulk was roaring at the sky while stepping on the wreckage of a suit, his fists pounding the ground until rubble flew everywhere. Tony's four Iron Man suits circled around, firing palm blasts, but it was like tickling Hulk.
Steve was struggling to block a car door Hulk threw with his aluminum alloy shield, the impact sending him flying and rolling on the ground twice.
Peter was swinging his spider silk, trying to entangle Hulk's legs, but as soon as he wrapped them, Hulkstepped on the web, breaking it and sending Peter flying.
"Now!" Steve shouted in Lin Zhen's direction.
Lin Zhen swung Mjolnir, spun three times in place, and swung his arm around.
"Hulk!"
Hulk turned his head abruptly, his brutal eyes locking onto this chicken-headed person holding a hammer.
"Look what Daddy brought you, Motherfucker Hammer!"
Lin Zhen let go and threw the hammer at Hulk.
Meanwhile, in the back kitchen of Sha County Delicaciesover a thousand kilometers away in New York, Thor, who was washing dishes while wearing rubber gloves, suddenly shuddered.
The plate in his hand fell into the sink, his eyes widening.
"It's happening again?!"
He slapped the table and stood up, his five fingers grasping at the air, lightning crackling in his palm.
"Mjolnir!"
Washington battlefield.
Mjolnir tore through the sky, wrapped in lightning, flying straight toward Hulk's face.
But when it was three meters from Hulk's nose, the hammer suddenly stopped.
It began to tremble in mid-air.
It flew a bit to the left, then shifted to the right.
It was as if it were being violently pulled by two forces.
Lin Zhen looked at the prompt popping up on the system panel, his eyes wide.
[High-frequency pickup request competition in progress...]
[Current request frequency: Lin Zhen (203 times/second), Thor Odinson (211 times/second)]
The veins on Lin Zhen's neck popped out, his hands frantically grasping at the air.
"Motherfucker, I'm a hardcore gamer, you're trying to out-click me?!"
Hulk looked suspiciously at the hammer shaking in mid-air and reached out to grab it.
The hammer surged forward, looking like it was about to fall into Hulk's hand.
Then it violently retreated three meters.
[Thor Odinson's request frequency increased to 239 times/second.]
"Damn it! How long has this kid been single? His hand speed is faster than mine!" Lin Zhen was anxious, pulled out a frying pan, and threw it at Hulk. "Wait a second before grabbing it!"
Hulk was hit in the forehead, shook his head, and became even angrier.
He gave up on grabbing the hammer and charged straight at Lin Zhen.
Just then, the system popped up a new prompt.
[Warning: Competition deadlock has exceeded 5 seconds, triggering fallback allocation scheme.]
[Randomly allocating usage rights...]
[Usage rights for this time allocated to—Thor Odinson.]
Lin Zhen's pupils dilated.
"No!!!"
Mjolnir erupted with blinding lightning. A bolt of lightning fell from the sky and struck the hammer. Then, dragging a long arc of electricity, the hammer flew straight toward New York at three times the speed of sound.
Lin Zhen remained in his reaching posture, watching the hammer disappear into the horizon.
Hulk had already charged in front of him, his fist raised.
Lin Zhen looked at the growing green fist, and only one thought flashed through his mind.
I should have swindled those four suits of armor from Tonyinto my pocket first.
"Bang!"
Lin Zhen, along with the skateboard under his feet, was punched three hundred meters away, smashing through the walls of three abandoned factories and embedding into the load-bearing pillar of the fourth factory.
[Sustained fatal damage, HP -52%.]
Lin Zhen dug himself out of the wall, drank a bottle of red potion, and his phone suddenly rang.
"Hahahahaha!" Thor's voice came through, full of mockery.
Lin Zhen was expressionless: "So you're happy that I got hit by Hulk?"
Thor's voice came through the receiver, with the sound of plates breaking and the boss's angry Cantonese in the background.
"My friend! The great Thor is grateful for your help! The Mjolnir suddenly flew back just now, it must have heard my summons!"
"I called it first."
"It chose me!"
"Because the system's random allocation screwed me over!"
"Hahahaha!" Thor was still laughing. "By the way, it sounds like you're in a war over there? I heard explosions."
Lin Zhen looked up at Hulk, who was still demolishing the house in the distance, and then looked down at his own smoking crotch.
In the inventory bar, the icon of an item was flashing.
[First-generation human enhancement potion, all attributes increased by 500%, duration 5 minutes, side effect: causes schizophrenia.]
This was what he got from Oscorp earlier.
Then he laughed.
"Thor, is your hammer easy to use?"
"Very easy! Although I just used it to smash three steamer baskets in the back kitchen and the Sha County boss is scolding me, but I feel..."
"Stop for a second." Lin Zhen interrupted him. "Are you free right now?"
"...What do you want to do?"
Lin Zhen pulled the glowing orange potion out of his crotch and uncorked it.
"Next time I call you, bring the hammer and fly faster."
He tilted his head back and downed the potion.
The system panel exploded instantly.
[All attributes +500%.]
[HP cap surged.]
[Attack power surged.]
[Movement speed surged.]
[Mental value... is decreasing.]
Lin Zhen looked down at the black vascular patterns emerging on his arms, then looked down at his crotch.
"...How does this medicine make my junk glow?"
His whole body was glowing with strange, eerie blue flames, and the light at his crotch was particularly blinding. A smile involuntarily appeared on his face.
In the distance, Hulk had just torn Tony's last set of armor in half and was preparing to charge at Steve.
Then he heard a low, distorted laugh.
Hulk turned his head slowly.
A figure glowing with blue light, with his crotch shining like high beams, wearing a crooked chicken mask, was hovering in mid-air on a golden skateboard.
Lin Zhen spoke, his voice sounding like he was laughing and whispering at the same time, two voices speaking simultaneously.
"Green Fatty, you hit me just now, right? Try hitting me again."
Hulk narrowed his eyes and let out a low roar.
Lin Zhen pulled a frying pan out of his crotch.
The bottom of the pan reflected the blue light, showing Hulk's distorted face.
The next second.
The blue light exploded.
Everyone only saw an afterimage flash across three hundred meters. Hulk's huge body was hit head-on as if by a battering ram, his whole body lifted off the ground, spun five and a half times in the air, and then smashed into the wreckage of the Helicarrier from before.
Dust shot into the sky.
Tony floated in mid-air, his faceplate open, his expression blank.
"...Jarvis, record this. All test data for the mark viii is void."
"Recorded, sir. Also, Hulk's heart rate exceeded four hundred in an instant."
Steve stood up, leaning on his aluminum alloy shield, looking at the figure still glowing blue in the ruins.
Peter swung over to his side and spoke cautiously.
"Captain... did my brother... get stronger again?"
Steve was silent for a long time.
"...I think, rather than getting stronger, he seems more unhinged now."
In the ruins, Lin Zhen held the frying pan in one hand and a piece of extra-large underwear torn from Hulk in the other.
He reached out to summon something.
In the distance, Thor, who was washing dishes, suddenly flew over. He was holding Mjolnir, but he fell to the ground and face-planted.
Mjolnir flew out of his hand and fell into Lin Zhen's grip.
"Come on, Green Fatty, let's have a real fight!"
Chapter 85 Hulk's Underpants
The moment Mjolnir fell into Lin Zhen's hands, Thorsprang up from the ruins.
"That is my hammer!"
Lin Zhen turned his head.
His left eye was glowing blue, his right eye was glowing blue, and the blue light at his crotch was particularly blinding; he looked like a malfunctioning LED billboard.
"Your hammer?" Lin Zhen's voice suddenly became very gentle, "Dear Mr. Thor..."
Thor was stunned.
Lin Zhen's tone was an octave lower than usual, as if he were reading lines from a script.
"Wait," Lin Zhen spoke again, this time his voice was shrill and rough, "Who the hell are you talking to? 'Dear Mr. Thor,' have you got your brain caught in a door?"
Thor: "Who are you talking to?"
"To myself," Lin Zhen's bass voice said, "My Personality A is arguing with Personality B, please do not interrupt our internal meeting."
"Personality B my ass!" Lin Zhen's high-pitched voice cursed, "I am the original! You're the one who was drug-induced!"
Hulk stood in the ruins, watching this glowing blue cock-headed man arguing with himself, and for the first time, confusion appeared in his mung bean-sized eyes.
He scratched his head, decided not to overthink it, and decided to smash first.
Hulk pushed off the ground with both legs, his massive body slamming into Lin Zhen like a cannonball.
Both of Lin Zhen's personalities stopped arguing at the same time.
"He's coming."
"I know he's coming, I'm not blind."
Lin Zhen sidestepped, spun Mjolnir half a circle in his hand, and then...
"Bang!"
Hulk flew backward at three times the speed he came, smashing through the wreckage of the Helicarrier, through an abandoned warehouse on the riverbank, and through a wrecked oil tanker parked there.
Dust and smoke shot into the sky.
Tony floated in mid-air, his faceplate opened, his jaw nearly dislocated: "Jarvis, the data on that last hit."
"Sir, Hulk's instantaneous speed reached 430 meters per second, approximately equal to Mach 1.3, while Mr. Lin's hammer-swinging speed..."
"I didn't ask for speed."
"... Hulk had two molars knocked out just now and has currently entered a high-speed regeneration state."
Steve stood up, supporting himself with his aluminum alloy shield, looking at the human-shaped tunnel smashed into the distance, and was silent for three seconds: "... I am starting to understand why he doesn't let me steal his kills."
Peter hung upside down on the edge of the wreckage: "Uncle, do you mean if he used this force when he beat you up earlier, you'd be dead by now?"
"Peter."
"Yeah?"
"Shut up!"
Deep in the ruins, Hulk climbed out of the wreckage of the oil tanker.
Blood hung from the corner of his mouth, and there was a hammer-shaped indentation in his chest, but the brutality in his eyes not only didn't diminish, but became even more violent!!!!"
Hulk slammed his fists into the ground, the Shockwavesending the ground within a fifty-meter radius flying, and the muscles on his body expanded once again.
"Hulk, angry!"
"Consequences, very serious!"
Hulk said, continuing to sprint toward Lin Zhen.
"Holy crap, this green fatty can talk? It's my first time finding out!" Lin Zhen's high-pitched voice said.
"Observation is very accurate," Lin Zhen's bass voice said, "Suggest continuing to beat him up."
"No shit, of course I'm going to beat him up, the problem is can you stop using this greasy tone of voice? It makes me want to beat myself up."
Lin Zhen stepped on his golden skateboard and rushed toward Hulk, dragging Mjolnir behind him, plowing a trench on the ground that sparked with electricity.
Hulk threw a punch.
Lin Zhen whipped it hard, Mjolnir flew out of his hand and accurately hit Hulk's nose bridge, Hulk's head snapped back, and Lin Zhen was already pressed against his chest.
frying pan.
"Bang!"
Hulk's chin was struck from bottom to top by the frying pan, making his upper and lower teeth clatter together.
His body was three meters off the ground, and before he could fall, Lin Zhen had already circled behind him, caught the returning Mjolnir, gripped the handle with both hands, swung it around like playing golf, and smashed it down hard.
"Go!"
Hulk flew horizontally for three hundred meters, skipped seven times on the water, and finally plunged headfirst into the mud of the Potomac River.
Data was flashing crazily on Tony's faceplate: "Jarvis, record this, I need to design a suit specifically for this combat mode, he uses too many weapons, frying pan, Mjolnir, pumpkin bomb..."
"Sir, he also seems to have swiped a set of armor parts from you just now."
"I know."
"Also, his skateboard was modified by you."
"I know."
"And his green goblin suit..."
"Jarvis, shut up, record the combat footage, and generate a preliminary plan for an anti-cock-head suit."
On the riverbank, Hulk climbed out of the mud.
His left eye socket was swollen, the corner of his mouth was split, and the indentation in his chest hadn't fully regenerated yet.
He looked up at Lin Zhen floating in mid-air, his furious roar causing the water in the river to flow backward.
Then he bent down.
He dug out a concrete block with a diameter of over ten meters from the riverbed with his bare hands.
Tony's pupils shrank: "He can lift something that heavy?!"
"Sir, not only can he lift it, but he's also going to throw it over."
The concrete block smashed toward Lin Zhen, carrying wind pressure.
Lin Zhen didn't dodge.
He reached out his hand.
The face of Mjolnir met the concrete block, lightning exploded from the surface of the hammer, and the concrete disintegrated into powder in mid-air.
The powder dispersed.
Lin Zhen was gone.
Hulk turned his head to look for him, and then a glowing blue hand reached out from the position of his waistband.
"Green fatty, what fabric is your underpants made of? The elasticity is pretty good."
Hulk looked down.
Lin Zhen was squatting at his waist, holding Mjolnir in one hand, and using two fingers of the other hand to pinch the elastic band of his underpants, pulling it out a bit.
"Snap."
Lin Zhen let go.
The underpants snapped back, striking Hulk's waist.
Hulk froze.
In that instant, everyone who saw this scene was dumbfounded.
What time is it, and he can still tease him like this?
Hulk's skin turned from green to dark green.
Lin Zhen's two personalities commented simultaneously.
"He's broken his defense."
"No shit, who wouldn't have their defense broken after getting their underpants snapped?"
Hulk threw the most violent punch of his life.
Lin Zhen didn't dodge, he put away the hammer, put away the frying pan, and clenched his fist.
"Come on, I'll let you have one hammer."
His fist met Hulk's fist.
The two forces collided in mid-air, the Shockwaveexploded in a ring shape.
Tony's suit was blown back thirty meters, Steve shoved his shield into the ground but was still pushed back seven or eight meters, Peter barely stabilized his figure by sticking to the ground with spider silk.
At the center of the collision, Lin Zhen stepped back a few steps, and three of his finger bones were shattered.
Hulk, however, didn't move an inch.
Have to say, Hulk really is a cheater, as long as he's angry, his strength grows infinitely.
Lin Zhen grabbed Hulk's wrist with a backhand, used the momentum to turn, and threw the green giant over three meters tall into the ground with a shoulder throw.
The ground collapsed five meters.
Lin Zhen straddled Hulk's chest, grabbed his neck with his left hand, and raised Mjolnir with his right hand.
"First hammer, because you stole my kill."
"Bang!"
Hulk was smashed two meters into the ground.
"Second hammer, because you didn't pay for damages when you knocked me away."
"Bang!"
Another two meters deeper.
Hulk's fists were still swinging, but the strength was clearly weakening, his anger was suppressed by pure force and was slowly fading.
"Third hammer..."
Lin Zhen's Mjolnir stopped in mid-air.
"Wait," his bass voice said, "He seems to have changed back."
"What changed back?"
"The green has faded, the muscles have shrunk, you are no longer riding a green fatty, but a man with a big belly."
Lin Zhen looked down.
Bruce Banner lay bare in the bottom of the pit, covered in mud, eyes rolled back, foam and blood at the corners of his mouth.
He fainted.
Lin Zhen stared at Banner for three seconds, then turned to look at the edge of the pit.
Steve, Tony, and Peter all gathered around.
Lin Zhen expressionlessly stuck the hammer into his waist, and his fingers tore a piece of fabric off Banner's waist.
"You saw nothing."
Tony: "What did you just tear off?"
"Nothing."
"You tore off his underpants."
"Bullshit, this is loot!" Lin Zhen stood up and stuffed the underpants into his pocket without changing his expression, "According to game rules, equipment dropped by defeating a BOSS belongs to the killer. I don't blame you for not having played games."
Tony took a deep breath: "Jarvis, put mark viii on hold, raise the priority of the anti-cock-head suit to the highest, and also follow up with the anti-Hulk suit."
"Recorded, sir."
"Also, I need a psychiatrist, book one."
Lin Zhen flew up on his skateboard, holding the green oversized underpants that were still dripping water.
"The elasticity of this thing is really good, I'll modify it later and use it as a rag."
That night.
Manhattan.
Tourists at the Statue of Liberty discovered a scene that collectively petrified them.
On the torch held high by the Statue of Liberty, a pair of green oversized underpants fluttered in the wind.
On it, a few large characters were written crookedly in white paint:
"Visited here, sponsored by New York Ji Ba."
Chapter 86: Deadpool
After the war, Lin Zhen felt so bored he could die.
After the drug's effect wore off, the two bickering voices in his head finally quieted down.
Personality A and Personality B reached a truce and were temporarily sharing one brain.
S.H.I.E.L.D. was now in chaos.
Once the Hydra infiltration list was published, half the agency was in a state of panic.
Fury was busy cleaning house; even his office coffee machine had been swiped by Lin Zhen during the chaos, and Fury couldn't even be bothered to scold him.
He issued a notice: All field Agents were to take a week off, and anyone who dared to show up at the headquarters building would be shot.
This notice was mainly meant for Lin Zhen.
"Discarding the donkey after the grinding is done." Lin Zhen crouched on a New York street corner gnawing on a hot dog, looking at the empty mission list on his system panel. "The main storyline is finished and there aren't even any daily quests? Are the game developers just useless?"
He wandered the streets for three laps, helping three old ladies cross the road along the way.
Justice points +3.
Then he helped two of them back in the opposite direction.
Justice points -2.
A net gain of 1 point.
Bored to tears.
At ten o'clock at night, Lin Zhen pushed open the wooden door of a bar called "Sister Margaret's."
He figured a bar would be more interesting than picking up old ladies on the street.
The door opened.
The smell of smoke, cheap perfume, and body odor mixed into an indescribable stench.
At the end of the bar, a shirtless man with a big beard was playing the guitar, playing it terribly, with no one listening.
In the corner, several burly men in leather jackets were arm-wrestling, with crumpled U.S. banknotes pressed on the table.
Lin Zhen ordered a whiskey.
The bartender was a one-eyed old man who kept staring at the chicken mask on his face while pouring the drink. His lips moved, but in the end, he didn't ask anything.
In this place, it wasn't strange to wear anything on the street.
The drink had just been served.
"Bang!"
At the central table, someone slammed a revolver down.
Lin Zhen turned his head.
Seven or eight people surrounded that table, and a man stood in the middle.
This man's face looked like it had been thrown into a shredder and then sewn back together.
Pitted scars spread from his forehead down to below his neck, as if he had suffered severe burns all over his body. He was wearing a washed-out red tight-fitting T-shirt with a faded smiley face printed on the chest.
A stack of U.S. banknotes was spread out on the table.
At least two thousand bucks.
Deadpool picked up the revolver, popped out the cylinder, and loaded bullets into it.
One.
Two.
Three.
He didn't stop.
Four.
Five.
Six!
He filled the cylinder.
The onlookers looked at each other, and some started to laugh.
"Brother, are you here to commit suicide?"
Deadpool ignored him and slapped the pistol next to the U.S. banknotes.
"Raising the stakes."
He pulled another five hundred bucks from his pocket and pressed it onto the table.
"Betting on a misfire."
The surroundings fell silent for a moment, then jeers erupted.
"He's crazy!"
"Who the hell bets on this with you? Six bullets betting on a misfire? Do you think this is a movie?"
Deadpool shrugged.
"If you aren't betting, shut up and don't bother me while I drink."
He picked up the small shot glass on the table, downed it in one gulp, and smacked his lips.
Then he raised the gun.
The onlookers subconsciously took two steps back.
The muzzle was pressed against his own temple.
The entire bar's attention was drawn; the guitar player stopped, the arm-wrestlers let go, and even the bartender put down his rag.
Deadpool smiled.
He pulled the trigger.
"Bang!"
The hammer fell.
Everyone shrank back.
It didn't go off—it misfired!
The man didn't even tilt his head; he didn't seem afraid of being shot dead.
"Damn it, why did it misfire? Let's do it again. Which beautiful lady will get me a whiskey? I want the imported kind!"
Just as Deadpool finished speaking, a woman in a black camisole dress at the end of the bar stood up.
She walked over to the man with a glass of whiskey, didn't hand him the glass, but took a sip herself first.
Then she leaned over, mouth to mouth.
Two drops of whiskey flowed down the corner of his mouth, the man's throat bobbed, and the eyes of the burly men around them were about to pop out.
The woman straightened up and licked her lips.
"Is that imported enough?"
Deadpool smacked his lips.
"A little lacking, how about another sip?"
The woman smiled and retreated.
Deadpool picked up the revolver again, flipped out the cylinder, and six shell casings clattered onto the table.
He loaded bullets into it again, six of them.
He slapped the cylinder back and spun it.
"The last misfire doesn't count," he said. "Let's do it again."
The bartender put down his glass and took two steps back.
The arm-wrestling table stopped as well, and the burly men in leather jackets stood up to watch.
Deadpool pressed the muzzle back against his own temple.
He pulled the trigger.
"Bang!"
The gun went off.
It wasn't the sound of a misfire; it was a proper gunshot.
Deadpool fell backward, flipping over with his chair.
Blood seeped out from under his head, dazzlingly red.
The bar was silent for three seconds.
Then it exploded into chaos.
Some people screamed and ran out, some crouched down and covered their heads, and the woman in the camisole dress covered her mouth and retreated to the corner.
Only Lin Zhen didn't move.
He held his whiskey, staring at the "corpse" on the floor, his eyes narrowing.
On the system panel, the green bar representing the health bar was rising from zero.
1%.
5%.
12%.
When it reached 30%, the corpse on the floor spoke.
"Damn, that hurts."
Deadpool sat up.
Everyone was stunned to see this.
The man had his head tilted because there was still a hole in his brain that hadn't healed, and his neck hung as if it were broken.
Then he extended his right index finger and stuck it directly into the bullet hole in his temple.
He stirred it around.
He fished out a bullet.
"Clink."
The bullet was tossed onto the table, rolled twice, and stopped next to the whiskey glass.
He stood up, twisted his neck, and his bones cracked a few times, straightening his head.
"Awesome!"
He clapped his hands and grinned.
"This is more exciting than jerking off!"
The burly men still standing around were dumbfounded; one of them didn't even notice he had wet his pants.
Lin Zhen took a sip of whiskey.
He put down the glass and spoke.
"Buddy, which version of healing factor is this? Same model as Hulk?"
Deadpool turned his head, stared at the chicken mask on Lin Zhen's face, and tilted his head for a full five seconds.
Then he laughed.
"What's Hulk worth?"
He slapped the revolver onto the table.
"You mean that green fatty? I fought him last week, but he tore me in two."
"And then?"
"Then my upper body crawled for three hours to find my lower body, and on the way, I was treated like a chew toy by two wild dogs."
He pointed to his waist.
"Look how well I've put myself back together; even the scars are gone."
Lin Zhen put down his wine glass.
The way this guy talked was just right.
He even suspected that the person in front of him was another player.
How could he look even more reckless than him?!
"You just mentioned imported whiskey," Lin Zhen pointed to the woman in the camisole dress. "Where did you put your hands when she was feeding you?"
Deadpool looked down at his right hand and grabbed at the air.
"Put it on her ass."
Lin Zhen laughed.
"What's your name?"
Deadpool picked up the glass of whiskey on the table that had been soaked by his own bullet and downed it in one gulp.
"Names aren't important. You can call me 'your friendly neighbor,' or 'the handsomest scarred man in all of New York,' or..."
He slammed the glass on the table.
"Do you have money?"
"Yes."
"Then you can call me honey."
Lin Zhen pulled a frying pan out of his crotch and placed it on the bar counter.
"I have money, but I don't spend it on men."
Deadpool stared at the frying pan, his eyes lighting up.
"Where did you pull this pan from? I want to learn this too! Is it related to that space-folding technology? Do you have a four-dimensional pocket in your crotch? Can you store some bullets for me? It's always uncomfortable when I carry magazines."
Lin Zhen watched this guy spout words like a machine gun, and only one thought crossed his mind.
Is this guy a psycho?
It was always others who suspected he was a psycho; this time, he had really seen something.
"Answer my question first." Lin Zhen tapped the frying pan. "Where did you get this healing factor? Bitten by a radioactive spider? Injected with super serum? Or did you make a deal with the devil?"
Deadpool grinned even wider.
"None of those. This ability comes from a man I love very much. Besides that, I heard I was cursed by a purple sweet potato spirit..."
"What?"
"I heard from the author that I fought a purple sweet potato spirit over a woman, so he cursed me."
He pointed to the still-healing bullet hole in his temple.
"Then I found out I couldn't die. Does that count as a fate worse than death?"
Lin Zhen was silent for two seconds.
"Who is that purple sweet potato spirit?"
Deadpool didn't answer but instead leaned in to stare at Lin Zhen's mask.
"Where did you buy this mask? I want to get one too, make it a custom Deadpool version, the crest needs to be red, the mouth crooked, and it's best if it's bulletproof."
"Did you just say Deadpool?"
"Did I?"
Deadpool blinked.
"I didn't say that, you misheard. I said it's time to get a new look."
He turned and walked toward the bar exit, but after two steps, he backed up.
He picked up the revolver from the table.
"Almost forgot my girlfriend."
He brought the muzzle to his lips and kissed it.
"Honey, let's go home."
Lin Zhen picked up the whiskey and finished the last sip, pressing the money under the glass.
This guy was definitely not an ordinary NPC.
He had to follow him.
Outside the bar, the night wind was chilly.
Deadpool was standing on the street, talking to a fire hydrant.
"You look just like my last landlord, only a bit shorter, thinner, and you have no hair."
The fire hydrant didn't speak.
He patted the fire hydrant.
"Let's chat next time. I have to go back to my safe house. There's a blind old lady who needs to cross the road tonight. Although she doesn't want to cross, I can help her cross."
Lin Zhen leaned against the bar door frame and popped a caramel sunflower seed into his mouth.
"Where do you live?"
Deadpool turned around, seemingly not surprised that Lin Zhen had followed.
"The basement of an apartment building in Queens. Next door is an old lady who keeps twelve cats, and upstairs is a couple who fights every day. The landlord says I'm his most worry-free tenant because when I die, he doesn't have to be responsible."
He paused.
"Do you want to go? I can give you a twenty percent discount; the tour fee is twenty dollars."
Lin Zhen pulled a fifty-dollar bill out of his crotch and slapped it into his hand.
"Keep the change. Consider it the ticket price for your shooting performance just now."
Deadpool stared at the Franklin on the bill and was silent for a second.
Then he stuffed the money into the gap of the faded smiley face on his chest.
"Oh, thanks." He said. "This money is enough for me to go have fun in the Red-light district."
Deadpool walked toward the street corner, but stopped after a few steps.
He didn't turn back.
"When they told me there was a psycho wearing a chicken mask bouncing around everywhere, I thought they were joking."
"Who told you?"
"A few friends in black suits. They said they were working on a project called the 'Avengers' and asked if I was interested in joining."
He spun the revolver on his finger.
"I said no interest. Fighting a bunch of adults in tight-fitting suits is worse than working at a taco shop in New Mexico."
He tucked the revolver back into his waistband.
"But they mentioned your price, and I'm quite curious."
Lin Zhen stood up straight.
"What price?"
Deadpool turned his head back, his smile looking particularly eerie under the streetlights.
"They said that the things in that four-dimensional space in your crotch could buy half of Manhattan if you just pulled a few things out."
He gave Lin Zhen a thumbs up.
"So I decided to be your friend, the free kind. I'll run once I've bankrupted you."
As soon as he finished speaking, the high beams of several cars at the end of the street lit up simultaneously.
Six black SUVs blocked the street.
The doors opened, and more than a dozen burly men with automatic rifles filed out.
The leader was a bald man with a red electronic eye installed in his left eye.
The hostile marker popped up on Lin Zhen's system panel.
"Annoying." Deadpool sighed. "I promised my landlord I'd pay the rent tonight. Looks like I'll have to break that promise."
He drew two swords from his waist and turned to look at Lin Zhen.
"My new friend, I wonder if you change skins when you fight?"
Chapter 87: Why does that sound familiar?!
After Deadpool finished speaking, he turned and ran, bolting up the stairs toward the roof.
Lin Zhen:???
"Why are you running? Didn't you want to change your skin and farm those red-named monsters downstairs while you were at it?" Lin Zhen followed behind, pulling out a handful of caramel sunflower seeds to snack on.
"You need a sense of ritual, my friend. A superhero's entrance must be from a commanding height, preferably with a big moon as a backdrop." Deadpool pushed open the rooftop iron door and stepped onto a ventilation duct covered in stagnant water.
He pulled a bundle of red and black fabric from his crotch, shook it out, and saw it was a one-piece spandex suit.
Deadpool started pulling it onto his legs, but it got stuck at the top of his thighs.
He tugged at it hard.
"Damn it, I knew the owner of that New Mexico burrito place on the corner was mixing lard into the meat sauce. Look at this damn bubble butt of mine; I can't even squeeze it into spandex anymore. What are the little girls who bought tickets to see my movie going to think?" Deadpooltwisted his body while desperately yanking at his waistband.
Lin Zhen spat a sunflower seed shell onto the ground.
"Buddy, how long has it been since you washed this spandex? There's dried ketchup on it. Walking out like this isn't scary; it's disgusting."
"That's blood. Enemy blood, or maybe my own, who can tell? The benefit of a red combat suit is that others can't see you bleeding, and the downside is you can't tell if you've wet your pants either." Deadpool finally squeezed his upper body in, zipped up the back, and put on the full-face mask with two White eye-circles drawn on it. "By the way, I'm Deadpool, your friendly neighbor."
Lin Zhen: "Friendly neighbor? Why does that sound familiar?!"
A loudspeaker sounded from downstairs.
"Target is on the roof! Surround all exits, prepare to go up!" The bald man with red eyes had a very loud voice.
Deadpool walked to the edge of the rooftop and leaned halfway over to look down.
"Eleven people, six cars, decent firepower configuration, but unfortunately they ran into the most handsome mercenary in all of New York." Deadpool drew the two katanas from his back and spun them in his hands. "My friend, are you ready to enjoy a magnificent slaughter feast? I'm going to show them what true art is."
Lin Zhen pulled out a frying pan and weighed it in his hand twice.
"How do you plan on getting down? The stairs are too slow. Should I lend you a skateboard?"
Deadpool crossed his dual blades in front of his chest.
"True heroes never take the beaten path. They're right downstairs, and to make it easier for them to screw me, I've decided to go straight to them. Watch this: Leap of Faith!"
Deadpool kicked off with both legs and leapt from the six-story-high rooftop.
Lin Zhen leaned over to look down.
Since this guy dared to jump like that, he must have an ultimate move, or his physical defense was maxed out.
"Thud."
A dull thud came up from below.
Deadpool landed precisely on the roof of a black SUV; the roof dented, and the glass shattered.
He lay sprawled on the roof in an 'X' shape, his limbs twisted at strange angles, blood flowing down the car door, motionless.
The militants downstairs were stunned, holding their guns and forgetting to shoot.
Lin Zhen rolled his eyes on the rooftop.
"What kind of crappy game is this? Does this NPC have a screw loose? Yelling a slogan while committing suicide by jumping off a building?"
Lin Zhen stepped onto the edge of the rooftop, preparing to go down and harvest this wave of experience.
Just then, the pile of mush on the car roof moved.
Deadpool forcibly snapped his broken left hand straight, his bones emitting a harsh grinding sound.
He stood up shakily, pulled out the dual blades stuck in the car roof, and shook the blood off his mask.
"Don't be nervous, guys. That was just a warm-up. My knees might be a bit shattered, but that won't affect my performance." Deadpool pointed his blade at the bald man with red eyes. "Come on, let me see if your marksmanship is as pathetic as your appearance!"
The bald man with red eyes snapped out of it.
"Fire!"
Over a dozen automatic rifles spat tongues of Fire simultaneously.
Deadpool took a deep breath and gripped his katanas tightly with both hands.
"Do you think you can hit me? Let me show you what it means for a blade to be faster than a bullet!"
He brandished his dual blades, dancing them into a silver blur in front of him. His movements were dazzlingly fast, and the sound of the blades cutting through the air merged into one continuous stream.
The gunfire lasted for a full ten seconds.
Magazines emptied, and the militants stopped shooting to reload.
The smoke cleared.
Deadpool was still standing on the car roof, maintaining his sword-swinging posture with the blades crossed in front of his chest.
Lin Zhen saw it clearly from the rooftop and gasped.
"This world is full of cheaters. Blocking bullets with swords—what kind of outrageous setting is this?"
Lin Zhen squinted to take a closer look, preparing to study this person's skill mechanics.
As a result, he discovered that the car window glass behind Deadpool was completely intact; not a single bullet had been deflected.
Deadpool's red and black spandex was covered in dense bullet holes, and blood was oozing out.
He hadn't blocked a single bullet; he had taken them all with his own body.
Deadpool lowered his blades and looked down at the holes in his body.
"Alright, it seems the wind direction today was wrong, affecting my draw speed. But it doesn't matter—you're out of bullets, and now it's my turn!"
Deadpool jumped off the car roof and charged into the crowd, waving his blades.
A burly man raised his gun butt to strike, but Deadpooldidn't dodge or parry, letting the butt smash into his face before backhanding the man and severing his arm.
Another person pulled out a dagger and stabbed it into Deadpool's stomach. Deadpool took the opportunity to grab him, leaving the hilt embedded in his stomach, and twisted the man's head with both hands.
Lin Zhen jumped down from the rooftop and landed steadily.
He didn't join the fight but instead walked over to a corpse that Deadpool had cut down.
Lin Zhen squatted down and skillfully searched the corpse's pockets.
"Poor guy, doesn't even have a wallet, just half a pack of gum." Lin Zhen stuffed the gum into his crotch storage space and walked toward the next target.
Deadpool was swinging his blades wildly in the crowd, shouting as he hacked away.
"Take my Whirlwind Slash! Ouch, my aching back. Is this blade dull? Why is it so hard to cut through bone?!"
Lin Zhen dodged Deadpool's blade and picked up two automatic rifles from the ground.
"These guns are modified; they can sell for a good price on the black market." Lin Zhen put the guns away, pulled out a Phillips screwdriver, and began dismantling the SUV's bumper.
Deadpool pinned the last person to the wall and turned to look at Lin Zhen.
"My friend, what are you doing? This is my highlight moment, and you won't even give me a round of applause, but you're actually dismantling their car?"
Lin Zhen stuffed the bumper into his crotch.
"Cut the crap. These guys are dirt poor; I've got to recoup some costs. Lend me those two blades of yours; the screws on these wheels are screwed on too tight."
The bald man with red eyes wasn't dead yet. He was leaning against the corner, clutching his broken leg, staring fixedly at Deadpool with his remaining eye.
"You will regret this. The boss won't let you off."
Deadpool walked up to him and crouched down.
"Boss? Which boss? The one who likes to wear a green jumpsuit or the one who likes to wear octopus tentacles? Buddy, can you villains have some originality? It's always these same lines; my ears are calloused from hearing them."
Deadpool raised his blade, preparing to end his scene.
Lin Zhen walked over and blocked Deadpool's blade with the frying pan.
"Wait a second, this monster is mine. Don't steal the experience." Lin Zhen raised the frying pan and gestured at the bald man's head.
"Do you know what kill-stealing is? I've been hacking away for ages, his health bar is bottomed out, and you come to land the last hit? That's not fair, I'm going to report you!" Deadpool protested immediately.
Lin Zhen:???
Why does that sound familiar?!
Chapter 88: How About Another Shot? Buy One Get One Free, I'll Give You a Bullet
"Do you even know the rules? The number one rule of the Marvel Universe is that whoever beats the monster to near-death gets the final blow. You're just robbing me in broad daylight! I'm going to write a letter to the editor and have them write you out of the story!"
Lin Zhen held a frying pan in his left hand and a handful of caramel sunflower seeds in his right. He stuffed two into his mouth and spat out the shells.
"Motherf*cker, what do you mean 'your monster'? This is called a public resource. That old guy's red name is shining so brightly it's blinding; that's an XP gift package. If you aren't going to finish him off, I will."
The bald man with red eyes leaned against the wall, panting, his broken leg bleeding.
He looked at the two freaks in front of him wearing spandex and masks, his teeth itching with rage.
"You two pieces of trash, the leader will peel your skin off!" the bald man roared.
Lin Zhen stepped on the bald man's broken leg, and the man let out a miserable scream.
"What kind of leader? In this day and age, villains don't even have code names; how unprofessional." Lin Zhenpulled out a Phillips screwdriver and aimed it at the bald man's red electronic eye.
"What are you doing!" the bald man exclaimed in shock.
"Dismantling equipment. This eyeball looks pretty high-end; I bet I can sell it for two thousand dollars." Lin Zhenmoved swiftly, pried it out with the screwdriver, and casually shoved the red eyeball into his crotch.
Deadpool watched from the side, slapping his thigh.
"Buddy, your methods are even more brutal than mine. I like it. Can your four-dimensional crotch hold a living person? How about we stuff him in there as emergency rations?"
Lin Zhen ignored him, raising the frying pan high and aiming it at the bald man's head.
"Don't do anything reckless, I am..." Before the bald man could finish his sentence, the frying pan came down.
Bang!
The bald man rolled his eyes and passed out.
The system panel popped up: Defeated Mutant leader, XP +300, obtained clue [Location of underground vault].
Lin Zhen's eyes lit up.
Underground vault.
In his eyes, these four words equaled massive amounts of U.S. dollars, top-tier purple gear, and countless XP.
"Let's go." Lin Zhen turned around.
Deadpool sheathed his sword on his back and followed.
"Where are we going? You promised to treat me to a New Mexico burrito. If you go back on your word, I'm going to take a dump in front of your house."
Lin Zhen pulled a coffee machine with the S.H.I.E.L.D. logo out of his crotch, placed it on a street trash can, took out two cups of Water, and plugged it into a portable power bank.
"Have some coffee to wake up; we've got a big job to do."
Deadpool stared at the coffee machine, clutching his head with both hands.
"Good heavens, you carry this stuff with you? Are you an Agent or a moving company? Why does this coffee machine look so familiar? Isn't this the logo used by that one-eyed black bald guy's subordinates?"
Lin Zhen poured two cups of coffee and handed one to Deadpool.
"Stop asking questions, this is loot. You just said that bald guy had a leader, and the system just notified me that they have an underground vault. Are we doing this or not?"
Deadpool drank the scalding hot coffee in one gulp, sticking out his tongue from the heat.
"Do it, why wouldn't I? If there's money to be made, I'd even sell my own grandmother. But I want 30%, no, I want 50%!"
Lin Zhen tucked the frying pan into his waist.
"I'll give you 10%. Take it or leave it. If you don't go, I'll solo it."
Deadpool drew his sword.
"Deal. 10% is enough for me to buy a hundred burritos. Lead the way!"
Lin Zhen brought up the system map and locked onto the coordinates for [Hellfire Club's underground vault].
The location was an abandoned dock in Brooklyn.
Lin Zhen pulled out the anywhere door, and the pink wooden door stood by the street.
"Open it." Lin Zhen pointed.
Deadpool walked over, pulled the doorknob, and poked his head in to look.
"Wow, what kind of door is this? So magical?"
"Get in there." Lin Zhen kicked Deadpool in the butt, shoving him into the door, then followed him in and put the anywhere door away.
Dock underground warehouse.
Dozens of heavily armed mercenaries were patrolling.
In the center of the warehouse, crates of munitions were stacked up, along with several safes.
A blue light flashed in mid-air.
The pink wooden door appeared out of thin air.
Deadpool rolled out of the door and fell to the ground.
The mercenaries raised their guns in unison, aiming at Deadpool.
Lin Zhen, wearing the chicken mask, walked out leisurely, holding a cup of coffee.
"Good evening, NPCs." Lin Zhen took a sip of coffee.
Deadpool climbed up from the ground and patted his butt.
"Everyone, sorry to interrupt, but we're here to rob the place. Whoever is in charge of the accounts, please hand over the keys, and you can avoid physical suffering."
The mercenary Captain shouted: "Open fire!"
Gunfire erupted.
Deadpool immediately shielded himself with Lin Zhen.
Lin Zhen:???
Dense bullets flew over like a storm.
Lin Zhen had no time to curse; he pulled out the frying panwith his right hand and held it in front of him.
The sound of metal clashing merged into one, with sparks flying everywhere.
The frying pan's 100% Physical Reflection Mechanismtriggered.
The incoming bullets were reflected back exactly as they were, accurately hitting the mercenaries who were firing.
The seven or eight burly men in the front row didn't even have time to scream before falling to the ground.
The gunfire ceased.
Deadpool walked out from behind Lin Zhen and patted his shoulder, "Buddy, where did you buy this frying pan? Does it come with free shipping? Get me one too."
"Heh, you want my frying pan? It's a bound item; you'll have to wait until I'm dead." Lin Zhen shook the coffee stain off his shoe, "Also, you used me as a human shield. How are we going to settle that score? I'm deducting half a percent of your earnings."
"Wait until you're dead?!" Deadpool mused.
The air in the underground warehouse was filled with the smell of gunpowder, and seven or eight mercenaries lay on the ground.
Deadpool stood behind and to the side of Lin Zhen, staring at the black iron frying pan in Lin Zhen's hand, the white eye-circles on his mask narrowing into slits.
"It only unbinds after you die? That sounds really tempting." Deadpool drew a gold Desert Eagle from his thigh holster and aimed the muzzle at the back of Lin Zhen's head, "Buddy, we're best friends, right? It's not too much to ask for best friends to share a frying pan, is it? You hand the pan to me first, and later I'll treat you to a burrito."
He pulled the trigger.
Bang.
A half-foot-long tongue of flame spat from the muzzle, and the large-caliber Magnum bullet left the chamber.
The bullet struck the chicken mask on the back of Lin Zhen's head.
No brains splattered, no flesh flew.
Lin Zhen's head jerked forward, and a red "-450" damage number popped up above his head.
On the system panel, Lin Zhen's health bar dropped a small fraction, leaving him at 85%.
Lin Zhen stopped, turned around, and reached up to touch the mask on the back of his head. The mask didn't even have a scratch. The physical defense check was successful, but the impact force was converted into a loss of HP.
Deadpool held the gold Desert Eagle, the muzzle smoking. He looked at Lin Zhen's unscathed head, then back at the gun in his hand.
"Buddy, why haven't you fallen yet? This is a.50 caliber Magnum. An elephant would go meet God after taking one shot. Hurry up and fall down, play dead, and then drop the pan for me."
Deadpool chattered on, gesturing wildly.
"How about another shot? Buy one get one free, I'll give you a bullet."
Lin Zhen:???