Chapter 66: Raiding the Warehouse
"Peter, is your brain filled with spoiled spider silk? He's opening a room for your goddess right in front of your face, and you're still here getting all teary-eyed and touched. Do you have a masochistic streak?"
Lin Zhen sighed and casually crumpled the greaseproof paper covered in ketchup, stuffing it into the trash can nearby.
Peter lowered his head, kicking a piece of broken brick on the side of the road with his toe.
"Brother, you don't understand. Harry is my good friend. He promised me he wouldn't do that until after twelve, which shows he still cares about my feelings. He's looking out for my emotions."
Lin Zhen rolled his eyes fiercely, raised the frying pan in his right hand, and gave the back of Peter's head a not-too-light, not-too-heavy whack.
"Motherf*cker, do you think after twelve is him giving you face? That's for him to take a bath, eat, and drink red wine to set the mood in the first half of the night, and then get to the main point right at twelve. This is called being sold and still helping the other person count the money; you're a total 'pure love warrior' who just collapsed on the spot!" Lin Zhen cursed, feeling frustrated that Peter wouldn't live up to his expectations. "Besides, maybe he meant he'd only put it all the way in at twelve. What if he puts half in before twelve? What will you do then?"
Peter clutched the back of his head and stood there stunned, his eyes instantly turning redder. He shook his head violently. "Impossible. Jane isn't that kind of person. She told me she only likes reading books and studying science. I think she has no interest in those things."
Lin Zhen sneered, pulled the purple-glowing black gold card of Oscorp from his crotch, and tossed it in his hand a couple of times.
"She likes looking at Harry's checkbook and studying the assets of Oscorp. Let's go, don't make a fool of yourself here. Today, Brother will take you to do some man's work and let you turn grief into strength."
Peter sniffled, looked up, and asked confusedly, "Where are we going, Brother?"
"To the Oscorp warehouse. Didn't Harry entrust this place to me? We're going to help him take inventory of his assets now, and by the way, guard against that Green Goblin who urinates everywhere." Lin Zhen said shamelessly, already blooming with joy inside.
It would be a waste not to use this free SSR-grade laborer. I, New York Ji Ba, am going to empty out his son's family fortune right now.
Half an hour later, deep underground in Manhattan.
Lin Zhen swiped the black gold card on the card reader of the extremely thick alloy gate. Accompanied by the dull sound of mechanical gears engaging, the half-meter-thick blast door slowly slid open to both sides.
Rows of white sensor lights lit up, illuminating the entire huge underground space.
This place was practically a small arms exhibition hall. Rows of weapon racks were filled with all kinds of high-tech firearms, individual tactical armor components, and a large quantity of neatly stacked rare metal ingots.
Lin Zhen's eyes lit up. He pulled up the hem of his floral shirt, undid his belt buckle, picked up a gun from the shelf next to him, and shoved it into his crotch.
Peter's eyes widened, and he exclaimed, "Brother, what are you doing? Aren't we here to protect these things? Why are you taking them away?"
Lin Zhen didn't stop his actions. He backhanded two boxes of special armor-piercing rounds into his System Inventory, turned his head, and looked at Peter with a straight face. "You don't know sh*t. This place has already been targeted by the Green Goblin. It's definitely not safe here; it's safest on me, understand?"
Peter scratched his head, his face full of conflict.
"But if you stuff them in like this, what will Harry do when he discovers the items are gone tomorrow?"
Lin Zhen walked up, patted Peter's shoulder heavily, and said earnestly, "Harry's head is full of your Jane right now; where would he have time to care about this scrap metal? Besides, even if things are missing, it was the Green Goblinwho stole them. What does that have to do with me, New York Ji Ba? Hurry up, don't just stand there. Move those micro-energy generators over there. Yes, stuff them all into my crotch."
Peter was completely wrapped up in Lin Zhen's extremely rigorous logic. Coupled with the blow of his heartbreak, his brain wasn't working quite right. He sighed and actually started dutifully helping Lin Zhen move the high-value supplies.
Lin Zhen directed him while frantically stuffing things into his crotch.
These were all solid equipment materials. Taking them to the black market or selling them to Tony Stark would definitely make a huge profit.
Just as the two were frantically "protecting" the assets, a piercing sound of high-temperature cutting suddenly came from the deepest part of the warehouse.
Lin Zhen paused and immediately took the dark frying paninto his hand.
Peter also became alert and whispered, "Uncle-Master, there's movement. Could it really be the Green Goblin?"
Lin Zhen sneered, a fierce light flashing in his eyes. "Whatever goblin it is, if he dares to rob my things, today I must make him drop gold coins. Follow me."
The two pressed against the huge load-bearing pillars and quietly crept toward the depths of the warehouse.
In front of the titanium alloy door of the inner vault, a dozen armed personnel wearing all-black tactical gear and multi-functional night vision goggles were using a high-power laser cutter to destroy the lock.
The leader was extremely burly, carrying two tactical submachine guns on his back, with a military dagger hanging on the outside of his thigh, and was gesturing to urge his subordinates to speed up.
Lin Zhen scanned with the system interface, and a prompt immediately popped up in the upper right corner of his vision.
[Target Locked: Rumlow (Crossbones)]
[Identity: Hydra Senior Agent / S.H.I.E.L.D. Rapid Response Special Forces Captain / Elite Monster]
Lin Zhen was furious on the spot. These Hydra guys weren't properly lurking and working under the table at S.H.I.E.L.D., yet they dared to come here and cut off his legal zero-dollar shopping.
Lin Zhen jumped out from behind the pillar and pulled a loudspeaker from his crotch, shouting out loud.
"Motherf*cker, you bunch of poor bastards, daring to come and steal my brother Harry's property in broad daylight! Did you ask me, New York Ji Ba, first?"
The piercing sound of the loudspeaker echoed in the empty underground warehouse.
Rumlow turned his head sharply and saw a man wearing a chicken head mask and a flashy short-sleeved shirt. He was stunned for a moment, then his pupils contracted violently.
He recognized this extremely perverted style.
Rumlow yanked the submachine gun from his back and cocked the bolt.
"It's you, that lunatic who blew up our branch base in Siberia!"
Lin Zhen raised the frying pan and pointed it at Rumlow, then turned to shout at Peter, "Stop trying to get chummy with me here. Peter, go! These people are the villains here to rob your brother's property. Take all the anger you suffered from Jane and vent it all on them!"
As soon as Peter heard the name "Jane", the anger that had been suppressed in his heart instantly erupted.
He flipped his wrist, and two strands of tough spider silkshot out directly, sticking to the steel frame of the ceiling, and he used the momentum to swing over.
"Get away from my friend's warehouse!" Peter roared in mid-air.
Two of the Hydra Agents hadn't even reacted before Peterkicked them hard in the chest with both feet, sending them flying backward to crash into a metal shelf, knocking them unconscious on the spot.
An intense battle erupted instantly.
Relying on his super agility and spider silk, Peter quickly weaved through the crowd, and the dense firepower of the Hydra Agents couldn't even touch his afterimage.
Lin Zhen, on the other hand, wandered around the edge of the battlefield in an extremely sneaky way while holding the frying pan.
Seeing Agents tripped or tied up by spider silk, he rushed up and whacked them on the back of the head with the pan to finish them off, then very skillfully opened their tactical vests, swiped spare magazines, high-explosive grenades, and wallets, and didn't even let go of the watches on their wrists.
[Experience + 10]
Feels good!
Watching his subordinates fall one by one, Rumlow roared and fired wildly with his submachine gun in Peter's direction.
Lin Zhen saw the timing and rushed over with an extremely smooth slide along the ground.
The dark frying pan accurately blocked in front of the muzzle.
"Clang, clang, clang!"
A series of bullets hit the bottom of the pan, and the golden bullets bounced back along the original path at an even faster speed, instantly piercing through Rumlow's knees.
Rumlow let out a painful grunt, his legs went weak, and he knelt to the ground.
Lin Zhen stood up, stepped on Rumlow's broad chest, bent down to snatch the special submachine gun from his hand, and stuffed it into his crotch without even looking.
Boom!
"Motherf*cker, I accidentally pressed the trigger. Good thing I didn't hit anything."
He breathed a sigh of relief, then looked down at Rumlow, complaining with extreme disgust.
"You dare to learn from others about zero-dollar shopping with this crappy equipment? You didn't even drop a purple item. You really bring shame to the villains."
Rumlow gritted his teeth, staring fixedly at the chicken head mask. "Don't get cocky. My boss has already targeted you. If you dare to kill me, you're finished."
"Too much nonsense." Lin Zhen backhanded the pan onto Rumlow's forehead, knocking the elite monster unconscious.
At this time, Peter had already hung all the remaining Agents tightly on the ceiling with spider silk.
Peter landed lightly back on the ground, panting slightly. "Brother, who exactly are they? They're well-trained; they don't look like ordinary street gangs at all."
Lin Zhen answered without raising his head while stripping the polymer bulletproof vest off Rumlow.
"Whatever they are, anyone who dares to touch my private property... er, no, anyone who dares to touch my brother Harry's property is a dead man. Come, give me a hand. This bulletproof vest looks quite valuable. Let's strip it off and take it to the black market tomorrow to sell; I'll give you a cut."
Peter looked at the armed personnel lying all over the floor stripped naked, his mouth twitching uncontrollably.
Chapter 67: Straighten your green hat, don't let it fall off!
"Brother, are you really not even sparing their underwear? This is a bit too perverted, isn't it?" Peter covered his eyes tightly with both hands, peering through the gaps between his fingers at the expanse of pale flesh covering the floor, feeling his values crumbling.
"What do you know? This is called total disarmament. Even a single pair of special tactical underwear can sell for fifty U.S. dollars on the black market. Every little bit counts—you don't know the cost of living until you're running the household." Lin Zhen expertly stuffed the last pair of underwear into his System Inventory and casually fished a black communicator blinking with a red light out of Rumlow's vest.
Pressing the answer button, an extremely deep and dignified voice came from the communicator.
"Rumlow, the warehouse's defense system has been triggered. Did you get the prototype? That old dog Nick Fury has already detected an anomaly; you only have three minutes to evacuate."
Lin Zhen cleared his throat and spoke bluntly into the communicator: "Sorry, old man, your Captain Rumlow is currently sleeping on the floor with his bare ass exposed. I am the Senior Inspector of the Federal Chicken Head Administration, New York Ji Ba. You bunch of HydraAgents came here to rob my little brother Harry's property; this matter won't be settled without fifty million in emotional damages."
The other end of the communicator fell into a deathly silence. After a full five seconds, that voice sounded through gritted teeth: "It's you, Agent Lin Zhen!"
"Yo, I'm quite famous, aren't I? Since you know me, that makes things easier. Wire fifty million to my account, or I'll send the naked photos of these dozen or so Hydra Agents to the New York Times with the headline:'Shocking: HydraEmployees Caught Holding Orgy in Underground Warehouse.'"
"You're courting death!" A crisp sound of a glass being crushed came from the other side of the communicator, and then the communication was unilaterally cut off.
"Tch, hanging up when you can't handle it—villains these days have such poor mental fortitude." Lin Zhen curled his lip, tossed the communicator onto the ground, and crushed it with one foot.
He turned around, walked up to Peter, pulled a blood-free bulletproof vest out of his crotch, and shoved it into Peter's arms.
"Take it. This is the spoils of war from your heroic deed today. Wear it under your spandex suit; next time you run into that Green Goblin, you won't get your ribs broken by one of his bombs." Lin Zhen patted Peter on the shoulder earnestly: "Oh, wait a second, I have something else for you."
He rummaged in his crotch for a long time and finally found a green hat.
This was some merchandise that unscrupulous merchants had released after the Green Hat Hero became popular, having smelled a business opportunity.
He thought it looked pretty good, so he bought one to keep.
It came in handy right now.
Peter accepted the hat, actually feeling a trace of inexplicable emotion in his heart.
"Brother, although the color of this hat is a bit strange, the craftsmanship is really good. It even has a green 'G' printed on it. Does it stand for 'Great'? You are really too good to me."
"Yes, yes, yes, that's exactly it—'Great.' This is what we say: 'If you want a comfortable life, you've got to wear a little green on your head.' This is the oldest and most sincere blessing from our East!" Lin Zhen suppressed his laughter and patted Peter on the shoulder with a straight face. "Put it on and try it out quickly. This is a limited-edition purple-tier defensive gear; it can increase your anti-green strike resistance by 200%."
Peter sniffled and placed the green hat onto his head with extreme solemnity. Paired with his red-and-blue spandex suit, his whole vibe instantly became extremely bizarre.
Lin Zhen checked the time.
"Hey, it's about time. I'm going to go watch some drama. Spider-Man, do you want to come along?"
...
Manhattan, New York, top-floor luxury suite of the Hilton Hotel.
Only an extremely dim wall lamp was on in the room, and the air was filled with the ambiguous scent of a mixture of high-end perfume and red wine.
Harry Osborn was wearing a silk bathrobe, holding two glasses of red wine, looking with extremely tender eyes at Mary Jane, who was sitting on the edge of the bed. The hands of the classic wall clock pointed to nine o'clock.
"Jane, actually, I've liked you ever since high school." Harryhanded the wine glass to Mary Jane and sat down beside her, his hand resting quite naturally on her fair shoulder.
Mary Jane took the wine glass, lowered her head and smiled slightly, just preparing to say some coy lines of feigned reluctance.
"Whoosh!"
In the center of the room, a ball of azure light lit up extremely abruptly.
Accompanied by a burst of extremely noisy electrical static, Lin Zhen, wearing the Chicken Brother mask, dropped down from mid-air in an extremely dramatic fashion, landing steadily in the middle of the presidential suite, which was covered with a pure wool carpet.
Immediately following, with a "thud."
Peter Parker, wearing the extremely conspicuous green hat, also fell out, landing on his butt right next to Lin Zhen.
The air in the room completely froze in that instant.
Harry's hand holding the wine glass froze in mid-air, his mouth open wide enough to fit an egg.
He looked at "Inspector Lin" and his good brother Peter, who had suddenly appeared at his hotel rendezvous, completely bewildered, his aroused little brother even shrinking back by half an inch.
Mary Jane screamed in fright and fiercely covered her chest with the quilt.
Peter rubbed his sore butt and climbed up from the floor. He straightened the extremely bright green hat on his head, lifted his head, and his gaze locked with extreme precision onto the hand Harry had draped over Mary Jane's shoulder.
Lin Zhen looked at the wall clock, then at Harry wearing the bathrobe, and with extreme calmness, pulled that dark, black frying pan out of his crotch, backhanded a tap on Peter's shoulder, his tone carrying a hint of extremely punchable mockery.
"See, I told you he wouldn't be able to resist putting it in before twelve o'clock. This is what they mean by 'a man's mouth is a lying ghost.' Hurry up, straighten your green hat, don't let it fall off!"
Chapter 68: Melodramatic Plot
Inside the presidential suite on the top floor of the Hilton Hotel.
Lin Zhen held a frying pan in one hand and arrogantly pulled over a hand-carved European-style armchair to sit down.
He crossed his legs, his gaze darting back and forth between Harry and Mary Jane, his tone seemingly filled with excitement.
"Peter, don't just stand there. Look at this lighting, this atmosphere—this is definitely high-definition, uncensored territory. It took me a lot of effort to get you this VIP front-row seat, so hurry up and take out your phone to record this."
Harry opened his mouth, and the wine in his glass sloshed out onto his bathrobe. After a long pause, he managed to stammer, "Peter... how... how did you guys get in?"
"Teleportation," Lin Zhen replied righteously. He picked up his phone, turned on the recording, and said, "The security for your presidential suite is practically non-existent. If I hadn't kept watch for you, you'd be on the front page of the Daily Bugle again if someone secretly filmed you."
Harry: "..."
"Harry." Peter stepped forward, his green hat gleaming with an eerie light under the dim wall lamp. "You promised me. You said you would treat Jane well."
"I... I am treating her well." Harry instinctively defended himself, but realized how wrong that sounded the moment it left his mouth. He quickly corrected himself, "No, Peter, I mean, don't overthink this. Between men..."
"Between men what?" Peter pressed closer.
"Peter, don't get agitated," Lin Zhen said slowly. "Harry is very loyal. Look at the clock."
He pointed to the wall clock. "Nine-oh-three. There's still more than two hours until twelve. He's just doing a dress rehearsal, and he'll only let you in when the real show starts. It's a pure gentleman's agreement."
Harry's face turned beet red. "Inspector Lin, could you please..."
Peter's fists clenched, then relaxed.
He hung his head, his shoulders trembling slightly. Lin Zhen thought the kid was about to cry, but when Peterlooked up, his eyes were red, yet the corner of his mouth was pulled into a smile that was even uglier than crying.
"Harry," Peter said, "you told me on the street just now that Jane is fickle, and only a rich man like you can handle her."
Harry stiffened all over.
Mary Jane's face turned dark in an instant, and she gripped the blanket tighter with a swish. "Harry Osborn, what did you say?"
"No, Jane, I didn't say that!" Harry stood up in a panic, his bathrobe belt coming loose. "Peter misheard! He's heartbroken and his brain is muddled!"
"My brain is muddled?" Peter's voice shot up. "You patted me on the shoulder under the streetlamp and told me to have a drink and jerk off tonight, and tomorrow will be a brand new day. Would I mishear that?"
Lin Zhen stopped cracking melon seeds and leaned forward, his eyes full of the excitement of watching a good show.
Motherfucker, this melodramatic scene is much better than a TV show.
"You... you jerking off has nothing to do with me." Harrystammered.
Mary Jane splashed her red wine in Harry's face and raged, "So in your eyes, I'm just a woman who can be handled with money?"
"Jane! That's not what I meant!" Harry scrambled to wipe his face, his bathrobe coming completely undone to reveal his Pikachu underwear.
Lin Zhen narrowed his eyes, and the system panel flashed.
[Target: Harry Osborn, Pikachu Underwear × 1, Quality: White (Trash)]
Lin Zhen curled his lip, having no desire to harvest it.
"Peter..." Mary Jane suddenly turned to Peter, her eyes glistening. "You just said... you're heartbroken?"
Peter froze, and the atmosphere changed abruptly.
Lin Zhen raised an eyebrow. How did this script suddenly veer into a romance line? Wasn't it just palace intrigue a moment ago?
"I..." Peter blushed to the roots of his hair, his ears under his green hat burning. "I just think Harry shouldn't treat you like that."
"How he treats me isn't important," Mary Jane stared at Peter. "What's important is what you think."
Harry, standing to the side and watching Jane's reaction, was stunned. "Hey, you two, this is my room! I booked this hotel!"
"Shut up." Peter and Mary Jane said in unison.
Harry: "..."
"Actually, I like you..." Peter said.
Upon hearing this, Mary Jane suddenly hugged Peter and kissed him, stopping his mouth.
Harry:???
Lin Zhen slapped his thigh and laughed, scattering melon seeds everywhere. "Motherfucker, amazing! This is what you call a plot twist. The male lead gets cuckolded by the second male lead, then the second male lead shows up and turns around to cuckold the male lead. Even AVs wouldn't dare film it like this!"
Harry finally couldn't hold it together. He sighed, though he didn't feel too sad.
After all, as a young master of the Oscorp, what kind of woman couldn't he have?
As long as he waved his arm, countless girls even more beautiful and sexier than Jane would be begging to get into his bed.
Thinking this way, he didn't really care anymore. He pointed at Lin Zhen, changing the subject. "Inspector Lin, what on earth are you here for! Aren't you supposed to be helping me guard the warehouse!"
Lin Zhen put on a serious face and hoisted the frying panonto his shoulder.
"Speaking of that!" He cleared his throat. "I need to report to you about the warehouse. Hydra sent people to break into your warehouse number two tonight, and Peter and I drove them back."
Harry was shocked. "Hydra?! Is the stuff okay?"
"The stuff..." Lin Zhen touched his bulging crotch. "The stuff is very safe, so safe that not a single screw was left for those poor bastards."
Harry breathed a sigh of relief. "That's good..."
Peter, standing to the side, twitched his mouth. Just as he was about to say something, he was glared back by Lin Zhen.
Just then, the phone in Lin Zhen's crotch started vibrating wildly.
He pulled it out and looked; three words jumped out on the screen: Nick Fury.
Lin Zhen pressed answer, and before he could say anything, the person on the other end exploded.
"Lin Zhen! Where did you run off to again!" Nick Fury's roar came through. "The alarm system for Oscorp's warehouse number two was triggered. A dozen Hydra Agents were stripped naked and hung from the ceiling, and they didn't even have their underwear left. Is this your doing!"
Lin Zhen held the receiver away from his ear. "Director, you're wronging me. I'm at the Hilton Hotel helping citizens mediate a romantic dispute. It's a righteous, good deed."
"A romantic dispute?" Fury paused. "Tell me honestly, did you beat up Rumlow? He's a high-level Hydra Agentlurking inside our organization. By alerting the enemy like this..."
"Wait a minute." Lin Zhen interrupted him. "Is that Crossbones, Rumlow, one of your S.H.I.E.L.D. people?"
"On the surface, he is the Captain of my Strike Team!" Furywas panting with anger. "You've beaten him down now. Hydra knows we've discovered the Project Insight, and they will act in advance!"
Lin Zhen rolled his eyes. "That's great then. If they act early, I can farm the boss early. Director, give me fifty million more, and I'll help you wipe out Hydra entirely."
"In your dreams!"
"Then I'm posting Rumlow's naked photos on Twitter. Anyway, on the surface, he's still a S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent. Who knows how the media will write about that."
There was silence on the other end of the line.
On the other side, after Jane finished kissing Peter, she ran to the bathroom to get dressed, her face flushed with shyness.
Peter and Harry looked at each other, both still in a daze.
This Mary Jane... who does she actually like? Or does she like both?
Peter suddenly spoke up. "Harry, it seems like Jane likes me more now. How about you do me a favor and go back alone tonight to have a drink and jerk off?"
Harry:???
...
On the other end of the line, Fury gritted his teeth and squeezed out, "Lin Zhen, get back to S.H.I.E.L.D.immediately. There's an important mission."
"How important?"
"Pierce is making a move." Fury's tone sank slightly. "If Hydra really has some movement, then we must take countermeasures, and I've already thought of the most useful way to respond."
Lin Zhen grinned. He knew that what Nick Fury was talking about must be the formal formation of the Avengers.
Gathering the most powerful group of people in the worldto deal with subsequent crises... this is indeed a good method.
"Fine... wait until I finish watching this melodrama, then I'll come over."
Just then, a scream from Mary Jane suddenly came from the bathroom.
"Why is there a chicken-headed balloon wearing a thong in here?!"
Lin Zhen: "..."
Motherfucker, I forgot to put away the inflatable doll I put in the bathroom earlier to peek.
—
Ahem, it is a bit melodramatic, sorry Harry-kun. I can't let Peter lose!!!
Chapter 69: Forming a Team
"What the hell is this perverted thing? Harry, you actually hide this kind of stuff in the bathroom!" Mary Jane grabbed a bath towel and threw it at Harry's face.
Harry caught the towel in a flurry, glanced at the rubber dummy with a silly smiley face, and his face instantly turned green.
"Jane, listen to me, this isn't mine. I swear I haven't even seen this thing before!" Harry jumped in anxiety.
Peter scratched his head awkwardly on the side, his gaze scanning back and forth between the inflatable doll and Harry.
"Harry, although your hobby... is indeed a bit unique." Petermuttered softly.
Harry:...
"It really isn't mine! I... how do I explain it so you'll believe me?!!!"
Lin Zhen stood up from the sofa, walked to the bathroom door with extreme calm, and stuffed the inflatable doll into his crotch.
"Why the big fuss? This is the latest anti-wolf bait test version developed by the Federal Chicken Head Administration. I put it here just now to test the security blind spots of this room. Do you guys understand high technology or what?" Lin Zhen spoke nonsense with a straight face.
Harry looked at Lin Zhen's bulging crotch, his mouth twitching wildly.
"Inspector Lin, to test security blind spots, do you need to make the bait into this shape?" Harry gritted his teeth.
"Nonsense, if it isn't realistic enough, how can it fool criminals? Alright, since your relationship dispute is settled, it's time for me to go do the big task of saving the world." Lin Zhen patted Harry on the shoulder, and conveniently swiped the Patek Philippe watch Harry had placed on the bedside table into his hand. "Consider this watch your security testing fee. No need to thank me."
Before Harry could react, a flash of blue light appeared on Lin Zhen, and he teleported away directly.
Harry looked at the empty bedside table, then looked at Peter and Mary Jane who were hugging together, and suddenly felt that this world was full of malice.
"Peter, Jane, get out of here, I want to be alone!" Harryroared in a breakdown.
...
S.H.I.E.L.D. Headquarters, Director's office.
Nick Fury was rubbing his temples while facing the leaked Project Insight report on his desk, when a blue light suddenly cracked in mid-air.
Lin Zhen landed on the leather sofa in a swaggering manner, and conveniently stuffed the pure silver cigar cutter on Fury's desk into his crotch.
"Mother F*cker, can you not use the front door? My explosion-proof glass was just replaced last week!" Furyslammed the table hard.
"Using the front door is too cheap. I am your senior consultant, I have to have some style." Lin Zhen crossed his legs, took out a frying pan and tossed it in his hand, "Speak, Nick Fury, why did you call me back so urgently? Is that old guy Pierce about to drop coins?"
Fury took a deep breath, forcibly suppressing the urge to draw his gun.
"The list leak, Pierce has already noticed. Hydra is now crazily cleaning up the informants we planted. After Crossbones Rumlow was crippled by you, they replaced them with a batch of more ruthless killers." Fury brought up a holographic projection, which was densely covered with red dots, "If the Project Insight starts early, the whole New York will become a large slaughterhouse."
Lin Zhen looked at the screen full of red dots, his eyes instantly lighting up.
"So many red-named monsters, how much equipment and experience will this drop? Director, hurry up and issue the mission, I guarantee to dismantle them along with the ships and sell them as scrap metal!" Lin Zhen rubbed his hands excitedly.
"This isn't something you can handle alone. Hydra's infiltration is deeper than we imagined. The interior of S.H.I.E.L.D. is no longer trustworthy." Fury turned off the projection, his one eye staring fixedly at Lin Zhen, "I need a team completely independent of the S.H.I.E.L.D. system, a super team that can handle global and even extraterrestrial threats."
"I've already thought of the name for this team, it's called..."
"Avengers!"
"New York Ji Ba Team!"
Nick Fury:???
"What the hell is New York Ji Ba?!"
Chapter 70 Avengers
"Motherfucker, Lin Zhen! I am not joking with you!"
"Are you stupid? You're forming a team to protect the world and protect ordinary people, but 'Avengers' sounds exactly like the name of a villain group, unlike 'New York Ji Ba,' which rolls off the tongue!"
"Uh, this..."
Nick Fury was stunned for a moment, feeling like it actually made some sense.
"Then why call it 'New York Ji Ba'?"
"You need to understand the meaning of 'Ji Ba.' Let me educate you." Lin Zhen propped his feet up on the office desk. "Think about it, we want to protect ordinary people, and what are ordinary people most familiar with? Fried chicken, KFC!!!"
"By using 'chicken' in the name, it will allow them to accept it quickly!"
"Besides, 'Ji Ba' can also be a metaphor for a lifeline, and with the words 'New York' added, what do you think it means?"
Nick Fury replied: "The lifeline of New York?"
"Exactly! This name, 'Ji Ba,' has no barrier to entry for everyone. Wouldn't you say it's down-to-earth?"
"Down-to-earth my ass!" Fury had listened for a long time and was dumbfounded. There was no way he would let the team he built with his own hands be named 'Ji Ba,' a name with such ambiguous connotations. "We are doing it my way!"
At the same time, a system notification sound rang in Lin Zhen's mind.
[Ding! Main Quest triggered: Avengers Assemble.]
[Quest Objective: Assist Nick Fury in assembling the original Avengers and serve as tactical advisor.]
[Quest Rewards: EXP +30000, Points +50, ruyi jingu bang fragment ×20, S.H.I.E.L.D. Highest Authority Key ×1.]
"What the f*ck, oh my god!"
Lin Zhen looked at the panel, completely stunned.
These rewards are a bit too good, aren't they?
It's even fatter than Tony's quest; this Nick Fury has finally wised up.
"No problem, I'll take the job. But building a team costs money. How much startup capital are you planning to give? Also, are there any beautiful NPC characters in the team at the level of Black Widow? If not, I'm not going." Lin Zhenstated his conditions righteously.
Veins bulged on Fury's forehead. He pulled open a drawer and tossed out a black card.
"There is 50 million U.S. dollars in here, which is special funding jointly sponsored by Stark Industries and the the military. As for personnel, Natasha will serve as your liaison. Captain America Steve Rogers is already in the thawing process... I need you to help me scout for suitable talent; you should know what I mean," Fury said.
Lin Zhen caught the black card and shoved it into his crotch with extreme proficiency.
"Fifty million is barely enough for me to buy a few sets of god-tier gear. Captain America? Let me think... Is that the guy who goes 50/50 with Thanos, maxes out his justice stats, and secretly stole Thor's Mjolnir?"
Fury: "What are you talking about?"
Lin Zhen waved his hand: "Oh, I forgot, the plot hasn't reached that point yet. Alright, I'm leaving first."
"Wait, there's another problem." Fury called him back. "To stop us, Pierce has already sent his ace assassin to intercept the transport convoy thawing Steve. You go intercept them immediately and ensure Captain Americaarrives safely."
[Ding! Emergency side quest triggered: Escort Captain America.]
[Quest Rewards: EXP +2000, Vibranium shield polish ×1 (can slightly improve the quality of the shield).]
"Polish? What kind of crappy reward is this? Whatever, for the sake of 2000 EXP, I'll take this job." Lin Zhen curled his lip, and with a flash of blue light, he vanished from the office.
Fury looked at the empty sofa and suddenly felt like something was missing from the table.
He looked down and saw his newly bought delay spray...
"Motherfucker!!!" Fury's roar resounded through the S.H.I.E.L.D. building once again.
Chapter 71: This thing, I wonder if it fits in my crotch?
In northern New York, on an interstate highway surrounded by dense fir forests.
Heavy rain poured down.
Three heavy armored transport vehicles with the S.H.I.E.L.D. logo were lying scattered in the middle of the road. The vehicle bodies were covered in charred bullet holes and jagged tears from explosions.
Over a dozen S.H.I.E.L.D. Agents lay in pools of blood, having lost their vital signs.
Five pure black armored SUVs surrounded the scene.
More than twenty heavily armed Hydra elite Agents in black tactical gear held submachine guns, stepping through muddy puddles as they advanced rapidly.
Leading them was a burly man with a tactical eyepiece on his left eye, codenamed "Viper".
He held a high-powered cutting gun and strode toward the specialized temperature-controlled transport vehicle overturned in the very center.
The rear door of the vehicle had already been blown open.
Fixed inside was a huge cylindrical stasis pod. Through the frost-covered reinforced glass, one could clearly see a blond, blue-eyed, muscular man with his eyes closed, sleeping in the cold nutrient solution.
Captain America, Steve Rogers.
"Sir Pierce has ordered that the target is extremely dangerous and must be destroyed on the spot." Viper pressed his communicator and gave the order coldly, "Activate the thermite and burn him along with this iron can to ashes."
Two Hydra Agents stepped forward carrying thermite sprayers.
Whoosh!
Just then, a rainbow light flashed across the sky.
Extremely harsh, low-class heavy metal DJ music instantly tore through the silence of the rainy night.
Accompanied by the deafening drumbeats of "Most Dazzling Folk Style", Lin Zhen, wearing his iconic chicken mask, floral shorts, and a floral shirt, stepped on that golden ghost fire hoverboard flashing with colorful running lights, hovering above the transport vehicle in an extremely flashy manner.
"Motherfucker, who gave you the guts to touch my SSR-level quest item?"
Lin Zhen raised the loudspeaker in his hand, his voice drowning out the sound of the rain and music.
Viper looked up abruptly, his tactical eyepiece quickly scanning the target in mid-air.
"It's that New York Ji Ba, Lin Zhen!" Viper recognized this pervert who had turned the Hydra Siberia base into ruins, "All units, alert!"
More than twenty submachine guns were instantly raised, their dark muzzles pointing straight at Lin Zhen.
"Holy crap, when did I become so famous?"
Two blue exhaust flames erupted from the tail of Lin Zhen's golden hoverboard, carrying him in an extremely flamboyant arc in mid-air before landing steadily in front of the stasis pod.
He hoisted the black frying pan onto his shoulder, his eyes scanning the Hydra Agents.
The dense red-name notifications on the system panel made his eyes light up.
"Lin Zhen, Hydra is only here to kill Steve Rogers today." Viper stepped forward, his voice low, "If you move aside, we can pretend nothing happened. Sir Pierce promises to transfer ten million U.S. dollars to your account afterwards."
Lin Zhen's eyes lit up when he heard ten million, but he immediately glanced at the stasis pod behind him.
The system prompt said the reward for escorting Captain America was only 2000 EXP. How could that compare to U.S. dollars!
Lin Zhen calculated this account very clearly.
He pretended to sigh, reached out to pat the cold glass of the stasis pod, and his tone suddenly became extremely mournful and heavy.
"What kind of nonsense are you talking about, asking me to betray Steve?" Lin Zhen pointed at the muscular hunk inside through his chicken mask, "This is my dearest friend, my brother in arms!"
Viper's expression darkened.
"Since you are obsessed, then go to hell." Viper didn't waste any more words, swinging his arm down violently, "Fire!"
Da da da da da!
Over twenty assault rifles spat flames simultaneously, the dense bullets weaving into a web of death that instantly engulfed Lin Zhen.
"Motherfucker???"
Lin Zhen was completely stunned.
He scrambled to wave his frying pan, batting away all the bullets aimed at his face.
"Holy crap!" Lin Zhen cursed while blocking, his voice filled with extremely angry grievance, "Do you NPCs know the rules? Why didn't you let me finish speaking!"
He was so angry he stomped his feet.
"What I meant was that you need to pay more!" Lin Zhenroared, "If you add another fifty million, I'll subcontract this job to you. Why are you just shooting right away!"
Viper ignored Lin Zhen's protest and shouted loudly: "Switch to armor-piercing rounds! Don't let him get close!"
Lin Zhen was completely broken.
"Motherfucker, you don't even give a chance to bargain. You deserve to be villains for your whole lives. Today, I must dismantle all of you and sell you as scrap metal!"
Lin Zhen put away the loudspeaker, reached into his crotch with his left hand, pulled out two pumpkin bombs, bit off the pins, and threw them directly into the Hydra formation.
Boom! Boom!
Two loud bangs, mud and severed limbs were blown into the sky, and the encirclement was instantly torn open.
Lin Zhen stepped on his hoverboard, gliding close to the ground, transforming into a streak of golden light as he rushed into the crowd.
Just as an Agent raised his gun, Lin Zhen's frying pan had already smashed into his chin with a whistling wind.
A crisp sound of bone cracking rang out, and the Agentrolled his eyes and flew backward.
Lin Zhen moved extremely smoothly, his left hand taking the opportunity to reach into the Agent's tactical vest, ripping off two spare magazines and a walkie-talkie, and stuffing them directly into his crotch.
"EXP +50. This poor guy doesn't even carry a wallet."
Lin Zhen complained while weaving through the hail of bullets.
The two huge pure gold rooster combs on his head shone in the night rain, extremely mocking.
Two Hydra Agents drew military daggers and attacked from both sides.
Lin Zhen advanced instead of retreating, and his hoverboard suddenly rose. He leaped into the air, his legs kicking into their chests like iron rods.
Crack.
Their sternums collapsed, and they slammed heavily onto the SUV door.
Lin Zhen landed, casually dismantling the tactical night vision goggles of one of them and stuffing them into his pocket.
"Firepower suppression! Use the RPG!" Viper watched his men fall like wheat and turned red with anxiety.
An Agent shouldered a man-portable rocket launcher and aimed at Lin Zhen.
Lin Zhen saw this out of the corner of his eye and sneered.
He pulled the coffee cup he had swiped from Nick Fury's office out of his crotch, and his wrist exerted force.
Whoosh!
The thermos cup smashed into the rocket launcher's barrel with extreme precision.
"Fire!" Viper roared.
The Agent pulled the trigger.
Boom!
The rocket exploded directly inside the barrel, and a huge fireball engulfed the Agent and three others nearby.
"The gold content of the Director's cup is still rising!!!"
Lin Zhen whistled and locked his eyes on Viper, who had been hiding in the back.
Viper saw the situation was bad and turned to run towards the last intact SUV.
"Want to run? Have you asked me, the New York Ji Ba, Tony's bodyguard, Thor's big brother, Spider-Man's boss, and the number one senior Agent under Nick Fury?"
Lin Zhen stepped on his hoverboard, and the thruster erupted with a harsh roar.
He instantly caught up to Viper, delivering an extremely violent downward kick in the air, his frying pan smashing heavily onto the roof of the SUV.
Boom!
The armored vehicle roof was smashed into a huge dent, and the windows shattered.
Viper was shaken to the ground. He gritted his teeth, drew his pistol, and fired three shots at Lin Zhen.
Clang, clang, clang.
The bullets hit the frying pan and were reflected back along their original path by the 100% Physical Reflection Mechanism.
Puff, puff—two bullets pierced Viper's thighs, and one shattered his tactical eyepiece.
Viper let out a shrill scream, clutching his thighs and rolling in the mud.
Lin Zhen put away his hoverboard, swaggered over to Viper, and stepped on his chest.
"Telling you to shoot! Telling you to shoot!" Lin Zhenswung his frying pan and hammered Viper's forehead, "I was just about to quote a price, and you skipped the dialogue options! The fifty-million-dollar deal was ruined by you. Can you afford the compensation?"
Viper was beaten until his face was covered in blood and he passed out.
Lin Zhen crouched down extremely skillfully and began looting the body.
He pulled open Viper's clothes, fished out a pack of Zhonghua cigarettes, and a shriveled wallet.
Must say, this guy knows how to smoke Zhonghua, he has some taste.
Opening the wallet to look, there were only thirty-two dollars in change inside.
Lin Zhen's face instantly turned black.
"Motherfucker, a dignified Hydra squad leader, and you only carry thirty dollars when you go out? Are you trying to send away a beggar!"
Lin Zhen was so angry he stood up and kicked Viper's stomach hard again.
Lin Zhen turned and walked back to the temperature-controlled transport vehicle.
He looked at the huge cylindrical stasis pod and then at Captain America inside.
On the system panel, the progress bar for [Escort Captain America] was flashing, indicating that the target was in a dangerous environment and must be transferred as soon as possible.
"Motherfucker, in this wilderness, I can't even call a designated driver. Sending him back is a waste of my high-player time." Lin Zhen scratched his hood and muttered, "This thing is so big, I wonder if it fits in my crotch?"
He walked up to the stasis pod, grabbed Steve with both hands, and stuffed him into his crotch...
Chapter 72: Oh my god, who is this pig-headed guy?
[Target volume severely exceeds limit, and contains high-energy living unit inside, cannot be stored in ordinary storage space!]
Lin Zhen loosened his hands, and Steve slammed heavily onto the ground.
He cursed under his breath.
"Motherf*cker, this crappy game doesn't even sell expanded backpacks. So what if it's a living unit? I can fit a multi-ton Hydra server in my crotch, but not one living person? System, are you targeting me?!"
"Wait a second, System, do you mean if he dies, I can stuff him into my crot... I mean, put him in my backpack?"
Lin Zhen looked at Steve and pondered this feasibility.
"Holy crap, am I actually a genius?!"
He was just about to take action, but remembered he still had a mission. If he killed Steve, the mission rewards would be gone, and wouldn't he have made the trip for nothing?
That didn't feel worth it!
Lin Zhen rubbed his chin, seemingly having thought of another method, his eyes gradually becoming excited.
"Fine, since I can't put you in the backpack, I guess I'll have to use air freight. Bro, have you ever been to the sky?"
He pulled the pure golden ghost fire hoverboard, flickering with seven-colored marquee lights, out of his crotch and threw it into mid-air.
The anti-gravity engine at the bottom of the hoverboard started, hovering steadily half a meter above the ground.
Immediately after, Lin Zhen took out a bundle of tow ropes.
He was extremely skilled, quickly tying Steve up tightly with a secure knot, and tied the other end of the rope firmly to the exhaust pipe bracket at the tail of the hoverboard.
After finishing all this, Lin Zhen patted the mud off his hands and leaped onto the hoverboard.
"Sit tight, bro. Remember to transfer me the air freight fee after you wake up. For the Director's sake, I'll reluctantly let you get a free ride for now!"
Lin Zhen exerted force under his feet.
Two brilliant blue high-temperature exhaust flames instantly spewed from the tail of the hoverboard.
Accompanied by a huge roar, the golden hoverboard rose from the ground and shot straight into the night sky.
Steve, hanging from the rope below, was jerked off the ground and swung violently in mid-air.
Lin Zhen, wearing his chicken mask, faced the strong wind and turned on the loudspeaker, a deafening song "Chicken You Are Too Beautiful" echoing through the sky.
The airflow at high altitude was extremely turbulent.
Steve, hanging under the hoverboard, was affected by aerodynamics and began to rotate slowly in mid-air.
As the hoverboard's speed broke the sound barrier, the rotation speed of the stasis pod increased.
Two rotations per second.
Five rotations per second.
Twenty rotations per second.
...
In just a few minutes, Steve was spinning wildly at a terrifying speed in mid-air, creating a small tornado.
He took out a handful of caramel sunflower seeds and marveled while munching on them.
"Tsk tsk tsk, truly worthy of being an SSR-level Captain America. Even asleep, he can do high-difficulty Thomas flairs. This activity level is definitely T0-tier; his physical fitness is truly durable."
To avoid being hit by planes in the sky, and because Lin Zhen was too lazy to climb to a higher altitude, he directly controlled the hoverboard to fly low, skimming over the forests and mountains below.
This made it miserable for Steve, who was hanging below.
The hoverboard flew in front, while Steve swung below.
When flying over a fir forest.
Bang!
Steve smashed through the crown of a century-old pine tree, wood chips flying everywhere.
Clang!
When passing by an interstate highway, Steve slammed heavily into a speed limit sign, twisting the metal sign into a pretzel.
Crash!
Crossing the edge of a small town, Steve flew past high-voltage power lines, trailing a long string of dazzling sparks.
Along the way, sounds of impacts and shattering were constant.
Lin Zhen wore noise-canceling headphones, immersed in the DJ rhythm, completely oblivious to the tragic sight below, still calculating how to squeeze more payment out of Nick Fury later.
Two hours later.
New York, rooftop of the S.H.I.E.L.D. branch building.
Nick Fury was wearing a black trench coat, his only remaining eye staring fixedly at the sky.
Natasha stood beside him, holding a tablet, her brows tightly furrowed.
"Director, the radar shows the target is approaching rapidly at Mach 2, but... the flight path is very strange, bobbing up and down, and the volume feedback from the radar is much larger than a single-person aircraft," Natashareported.
Fury snorted coldly.
"Except for that madman Lin Zhen, no one can fly an aircraft in such a hellish trajectory. Prepare to receive the Captain."
Just as he finished speaking.
A blinding seven-colored light lit up the horizon.
"Chicken you are too beautiful, chicken you are really too beautiful..."
Accompanied by deafening music, Lin Zhen stepped on the golden ghost fire hoverboard, sporting that huge pure gold chicken crest, and hovered above them in an extremely flashy manner.
Fury and Natasha looked up, their expressions changing instantly.
Below the hoverboard, a person was hanging by a rope.
This person was covered in wounds, with half a pine branch in his mouth, and several broken high-voltage power lines hanging from his body... even his underwear was gone...
"Motherf*cker, Lin Zhen, what are you doing!" Furyexclaimed in shock.
"Director, the goods have been delivered. Remember to leave a five-star review."
Lin Zhen slashed at the rope at the tail of the hoverboard, and the rope snapped instantly.
Steve fell straight from more than ten meters in the air, slamming onto the explosion-proof steel plate on the roof.
Boom!
A loud bang.
A sturdy figure wearing a Stars and Stripes uniform lay face down on the ground.
"Captain!"
Natasha exclaimed, rushing forward to flip Steve Rogersover.
The moment she saw Steve's face clearly.
Natasha gasped, her hand trembling, nearly throwing him off the building in fright.
Fury strode forward, took one look, and was completely stunned.
Where was the handsome, resolute, and courageous Captain America?
Steve's face was extremely swollen and congested, his features almost squeezed together.
His left eye was bruised and swollen shut to a slit, his right brow bone had a large, purplish-red lump, his nose was clearly crooked to one side, the corners of his mouth were split, and both cheeks were covered in bloodstains from tree branches.
His entire face was completely deformed, and he had even... grown a size larger.
Lin Zhen landed on the hoverboard, put away his equipment, and swaggered forward.
He leaned in to look at Steve on the ground, then took two steps back, seemingly a bit dazed himself.
"Oh my god, who is this pig-headed guy? Where is my big-booty Captain America? Which idiot swapped the goods on me halfway?!"
Chapter 73: Yo, Big-Butt Captain America is awake?
"Lin Zhen, what the hell did you do to the Captain!"
Lin Zhen spread his hands and shrugged with an extremely innocent expression, his tone full of grievance.
"Director, you are wronging an innocent man here. When I arrived, those Hydra thugs were assaulting him. I risked my life to snatch him out of that hail of bullets. *Cough*, look at Captain America's face—these are all battle scars."
Fury pointed at the piece of pine branch stuck in Steve's mouth, gritting his teeth.
"You call this battle scars? What kind of fight leaves you with pine branches, and what's the deal with this high-voltage wire!"
"That's where you don't understand, Director," Lin Zhensaid. "Hydra has upgraded their gear; it's super OP. I'm a victim too; look, the paint on my skateboard is peeling."
Natasha finished checking Steve's carotid artery, stood up, and looked at Lin Zhen with a deeply complex expression.
"The Captain is not in life-threatening danger, but he shows signs of a severe concussion. His heart rate is extremely unstable; it's as if he's been subjected to prolonged high-speed centrifugal motion."
"See, I told you he was fine," Lin Zhen immediately interjected. "A Super Soldier's recovery ability is top-notch; he'll be fine after a nap. Alright, Director, mission accomplished. Where is the promised 2000 experience... no, wait, where is the special funding and reward? Pay up, I'm in a hurry."
"Forget it, pay him!" Fury roared at Natasha, then turned to signal the medical team to come up and move him.
A prompt popped up in the top right corner of Lin Zhen's vision.
[Ding! Emergency side quest: Escort Captain Americacompleted.]
[Obtained EXP + 2000, Obtained special item: VibraniumShield Polish × 1.]
Lin Zhen looked at the bottle of polish that had appeared in his inventory, which looked just like shoe polish, and curled his lip in disgust.
"So stingy. Whatever, every little bit helps."
He glanced at Steve, who was still unconscious on the stretcher, reached out to pat Steve's highly swollen shoulder, and shouted at the top of his lungs:
"Bro, heal up well! I'll take you flying again if I get the chance!"
...
S.H.I.E.L.D. New York Branch, underground secret medical center.
Blinding shadowless lamps shone down on the specialized operating table.
Steve Rogers lay on it, shirtless.
The bruises and swelling on his face had mostly subsided, and his breathing was steady.
Nick Fury stood by the bed with his hands behind his back.
The chief physician, wearing a white lab coat, looked at the medical report in his hand and reported quickly: "Director, the Super Soldier serum's repair ability far exceeds expectations. His cell telomeres are extremely active, and the bone fractures have completely healed. He is expected to wake up in a few days."
Fury nodded.
"Arrange the recovery scene, set it up according to 1940 standards, and don't trigger him." Fury gave the order, turned to walk toward the door, and said to Lin Zhen, who was standing to the side: "Come with me; there's a new mission."
Lin Zhen, wearing the chicken mask with his hands in his pockets, shook his head decisively: "Not going. I just finished a long-distance air transport, and my stamina hasn't recovered yet. I want to stay here and watch the body... watch over my dear Captain America bro."
Fury looked at Lin Zhen and sighed.
He reached into his trench coat pocket and found that his newly replaced windproof lighter was missing.
Fury gritted his teeth, turned around, and strode away with Natasha.
If he stayed with this guy any longer, he feared he'd be stripped down to his underwear.
The ward door closed.
Lin Zhen pulled over an ergonomic chair and sat down, propping his legs up directly on Steve's hospital bed.
He opened the system panel and locked his gaze onto Steve.
[Target: Steve Rogers (Captain America)]
[Status: Sleeping]
[Tags: Marvel 50/50, American Glutes, Profanity Management Master, Hail Hydra]
Lin Zhen looked at the last tag and rubbed his chin.
"Motherfucker, is this thick-browed, big-eyed guy a double Agent? 'Hail Hydra'? Should I take him out for loot right now?" Lin Zhen muttered.
His gaze drifted downward, taking in the curve of the glutes outlined by the bedsheet.
"Those glutes are definitely something, but it's a shame he's a guy." Lin Zhen averted his gaze with extreme disgust.
Feeling bored, he pulled open his floral shirt and fished out a comic book about a Marvel parallel Universe—he didn't even know where he'd swiped it from—and started flipping through it.
After reading just two pages, Lin Zhen was triggered.
"No way! Who drew this comic? The Avengers turned into the Women's Avengers? Such a good thing exists, so why do I only ever meet men!" Lin Zhen ranted while flipping through the pages. "I want to play that Women's Avengersgame too! A female Tony on my left, a female Hulk on my right. Wait, what? This female Tony is Black? Damn... well, the bust is pretty big. Ugh, my eyes!"
Lin Zhen quickly closed the comic and stuffed it back into his pants.
He yawned, leaned back in the chair, and closed his eyes to rest.
The next morning.
Steve slowly opened his eyes.
He found himself lying in a retro-style hospital room, with sunlight streaming through the blinds onto the floor.
A wooden radio at the head of the bed was playing an intense world Cup match.
"Damn, Neymar got taken out by a flying tackle again..."
"What's going on? It's Japan's turn for a penalty, and the Brazilian goalkeeper is... he's actually doing pull-ups on the goalpost!!!! He has absolutely no intention of guarding the goal. Is this goalkeeper an actor? Motherfucker!"
"Holy shit, there's a plot twist! Japan's penalty hit the Brazilian goal, the ball rebounded, and it's heading straight for their own net!!!"
"What the fuck? That's a miracle shot! It actually went in!!!"
"Japan just finished themselves off!!!"
The commentator's voice was extremely high-pitched.
Hearing this, Steve Rogers slowly opened his eyes. He stared at the ceiling for a second, then sat up with a jolt.
A tearing pain radiated from his chest, and both sides of his cheeks burned with agony.
What happened to him?
The passionate commentary continued from the retro wooden radio at the head of the bed.
Steve frowned and threw off the covers to get out of bed.
This was definitely not a radio program from 1940.
He ripped the IV line from his arm and scanned the furnishings around the room.
The texture of the wallpaper, the material of the hospital bed, even the smell of disinfectant in the air—it was all very similar, very familiar.
The doorknob turned, and two Agents wearing vintage U.S. military uniforms pushed the door open. Seeing Stevestanding by the bed, their expressions shifted drastically.
"Captain Rogers, you're awake?" one Agent said, pleasantly surprised, before reaching for his pocket to notify Nick Fury.
Steve's expression turned stern; to him, it looked like the man was reaching for a weapon.
He didn't give the man a chance to draw a weapon. He stepped forward, pinned the Agent's wrist with his left hand, twisted it sharply, and followed up with a heavy elbow strike to the man's chin.
The Agent rolled his eyes and collapsed limply.
The other Agent was just about to sound the alarm when Steve delivered a clean, swift side kick, sending him flying into the wall.
Steve didn't even glance at the two men on the ground. He turned to face the floral-wallpapered wall, tensed his muscles, and slammed his body straight into it.
Boom!
The fake wall, made of drywall and foam, shattered instantly, revealing a modern corridor with a silver-gray metallic finish, lined with various high-tech electronic screens.
A piercing red alarm instantly echoed throughout the entire floor.
Steve gasped for air, looking around vigilantly.
Strange lights, unfamiliar metal doors—this was not any Allied base he recognized.
"Yo, Big-Butt Captain America is awake. Quite the morning temper you've got there."