I was pushed on the bed right behind me. It all happened so fast that even with enhanced instincts of an Assassin further enhanced by the Instigator potion, I could not control my descent and fell butt-first on the mattress. And to lock me in my place, I felt a somewhat heavy but still light body land on top of me.
I was trapped. And to make it clearer, before I could sound a protest, my mouth was seized by the sweetest lips I'd ever tasted in both of my lives.
What is happening?
Over the past week, I'd diligently visited Eleanor every day to learn Hermes and Ancient Feysac, sometimes spending several hours in her room, from noon to evening. Never did she ever show any clear hint of such interest; all I could remember was teasing and flirting in good humor.
No way, you're telling me she wasn't doing it all just for shits and giggles?
Maybe, just maybe, if I was a tad bit delusional at the time, I could have taken those acts that way. But I'm not that delusional!
I thought I was doing right, taking her teasing in stride. I thought we were only bantering.
Am I dense?
I couldn't help but ask myself. At this point, in all honesty, this needed to be asked. How much of that was truly just her humor, and how much was I just ignoring?
In hindsight, though, I was doing a lot more of the latter. I just didn't want to believe, because I could see no reason to believe.
Now that I think about it, I've never seen her act that way with anyone else...
Is this for real?! She really likes me? Does it have to do with why she knows my name? Is she a stalker? But Lorenzo has never met her before, or told anyone his full name... at least I can't find any such memories...
She knows his real name, though... could it be... from before she became a witch?
This was all a mess, and while I would have liked to try and rationalize things, try to come up with reasonable explanations, a very warm and soft person lying above me, who held my face in her hands, gravely distracted me from doing that.
By the time I finally gained control of my body, and found my hands capable of moving, I found my mouth free, now capable of speaking.
"You really don't remember at all, do you?" Eleanor asked with warm, accepting smile. Not one bit did she looked disappointed or saddened by the before-told fact. Her rabbit like red eyes betrayed no sadness.
She'd spoken before I could say anything or ask any questions. It seemed I was right. She really did know Lorenzo.
I lightly shook my head.
"For the life of me, I can't. I really wish I could, though, right now."
Her smile widened. "It's no surprise; you've never seen Eleanor, after all. But do you remember Elvin?"
What I saw next could only be described as 'neuron activation'. Memories of a certain boy of red hair flashed through my mind. Suddenly, all that was muddy and unrecognizable became clear as day.
It was a boy older than Lorenzo by only two years, yet stronger and faster than anyone else he'd ever seen. He carried heavy luggage, fought in the underground arenas, and did any sort of hard work to earn his day, and live.
Yet he was a frugal boy, he earned more money than he seemed to spend. Lorenzo had thoughts about this strange friend of his, whom he'd seen work his hardest, for seemingly no one. He had no family, he said he came from a village in northern mountains, yet his flaming red hair looked nothing like someone from the mountains would have.
For someone like Lorenzo, who went to school regularly, this boy possessing more knowledge and wisdom than him was a mystery.
He was a peculiar chap, whom Lorenzo had a hard time understanding. Lorenzo was only seventeen after all, grown protected by his father, a watchmaker. His mother never had to work, and living in Earl Hall's fief, they had a life more stable than possible in any other place.
Elvin, to him, was something of an enigma, so he was naturally curious about him. It was on a day as normal as any other, that he'd visited Elvin's small flat, which he inhabited by himself.
Maybe saying 'herself' would be more accurate here, for in there he saw a girl who had a striking resemblance to his friend.
It was a great shock to Lorenzo, he'd never known his friend had a sister, he'd never seen before. But it was only when he heard 'her' speak, that the world truly turned upside down for him.
Elvin, on the other hand, sputtered panicked words. He was scared, to have been caught doing something that would get abuses from most people.
That day, Lorenzo had run away, and for a week he'd not seen Elvin. Nor had the boy seen him.
But he needed answers; he needed to see him. For how long could he run away from what he'd seen? Even if it was for a short time, they were friends. Elvin was adept at socializing, but even Lorenzo saw well enough, and the boy did not have many friends. None as close, or who'd known him as well, at least.
Two weeks had passed when Lorenzo finally had the courage. The sight was painted in his mind, his friend who was strong physically yet a complete gentleman, dressed in an ornate dress only ladies of the upper class would wear.
It was a beautiful dress, though, and his friend looked as beautiful as a maiden.
As inexperienced as Lorenzo was, even he could see the dress would cost nothing less than 50-60 pounds. So that's what his friend spent most of his money in. At least there was one question he got a clear answer to.
As young and stupid as Lorenzo was, though, if there was one thing being a believer of the Evernight goddess had taught him, it was to treat everyone with equal respect and care.
So whatever preconceived notions he may have had, when they'd finally met again, and talked, he's said what he truly felt in his heart.
"I remember perfectly, your words. 'You are you, and for me, you will always be my friend. Even if the world may not understand, even if I myself may not understand, you are free to be who you are, and I will always be your friend.' What a lady killer you were.
"Ever since I found myself a girl from inside, my whole life I'd never felt so accepted by anyone ever. Yet this boy younger than me, who'd only heard my expression once, accepted it at face. It mattered not, at the time, whether you understood or not. For I got more than what I'd ever wanted. So, in such a place, how could I stay any longer, and fret you more? No matter how hard you made me fall, I had to get away, lest I further muddy your head than I already did.
"It's been three years, you're not the same, neither am I. I may have taken birth in a wrong body, but fate still left me one chance. My mother gave me half an Assassin characteristic, so my path forward was decided. I wanted you to be free of me, but I also left because I needed to find answer, for myself, and for the one person who'd accepted me.
"When I finally became a woman in body and soul, I wanted to see you, and I was going to. But I didn't have many chances. Just in time when I got a chance and prepared to go see you, you just came to me, even when you didn't know this 'me.'
"Clueless, naive, unlearnt, same as ever, yet still fighting your way up. How could I let you stay struggling, if you'd yourself chosen the path that led you to me? Maybe that is fate as well. What do you think? Do you think I did right? I know you accepted me as I was back then, but I'm truly who I am now, as much of 'I' as I possibly can be, in body and soul. Would you accept my love, now that I am the complete 'me', who I had always wanted to be?"
Eleanor voice cracked, her face was red, and her redder eyes were moist. Her hair, always fiery, now lay draped on her shoulders like fallen autumn leaves. Again, her eyes were seeking an answer, but they were more vulnerable than any eyes I'd ever seen before.
None could compare; none had ever bared themselves to me like this, in no life. Even if what was said was little, what I'd remembered and what I saw said a lot more than the words could describe. Indeed, Lorenzo's feelings were complicated.
Is that why he was so accepting of this pathway? He wanted to test it on himself, so he could find a way to fix her? Did he want to feel how she'd felt all her life? Is that why he lost control? Resolve, conviction, yet conflict within oneself? He was, on the surface, ready to become a different person, but his internal conflict left him mentally weakened?
I would not know. It's likely my thoughts are mostly incorrect; after all, I remember none of the time when Lorenzo had taken the potion. Neither of his precious friends. Somehow, they were all compressed until the moment they were triggered.
Irrespective of what it might be, though, my feelings were overwhelming me. In the past week and more, I had found myself more and more attracted to the woman above me. Now that I could feel what Lorenzo had, see what he had, there was no doubt in my heart.
I raised both my hands, and brought them to her cheeks. It was the first time I was touching her face. Her eyes, which were moist, finally let off, and two beads of pearly tears slid down to my thumbs. I brushed them away gently, caressing her soft cheeks.
"I do. You are perfect, as you are now. The person I was three years ago may have struggled, but as I am now, I see no other thing, no other reason, no other answer. Even if you were not as you are now, you would still be all that I needed you to be: yourself. But as you are now, it makes me so happy to see that you finally became who you were always meant to be..."
For the second time in this night I found my lips covered by the lips of this beautiful, gentle, lovable creature. Snaking my arms around her back, I breathed in and turned us around, kissing her back.
___
IT FEELS so foreign trying to update so frequenlty after a whole year lmao. Also, my first time writing a trans character, here's hoping I don't end up butchering the rest of this.
Do drop a few comments and power stones, I desperately need some more motivation.
Thanks for reading.