"—! Y-You can tell?"
"Of course. What kind of collector would I be if I failed to spot a clouding on my own treasures? However… hmm."
Gilgamesh rested a hand on his chin, quietly contemplating a way to clear the cloudiness from her spirit.
—Mash was only recently born, so she doesn't understand the shape of the emotions she holds. I understand that feeling completely!
After all, I used to be nameless too! Ea puffed out its chest in pride over something entirely irrelevant.
—When it comes to a light, airy existence, no one tops me! I'm always floating around! You know, like, a spiritual state of being!
"That is certainly true. Are you a balloon?"
The King teased with a soft chuckle. Ea's expression melted into a silly smile at the comparison.
—Balloons are lovely, aren't they… so light and cute… Wait, that's not the point! Mash, what is clouding your mind?
Even if they tried to ask, the atmosphere wasn't right for an interrogation—she was exhausted and battered. The two silently agreed that a short break was in order.
"Are you alright? Requesting Gilgamesh for a mock battle… that's beyond reckless, you know."
Olga Marie finished up at the control console and came over to lend Mash a supportive shoulder.
"Olga Marie, I shall handle the remaining matters. Take her for a snack break. Mash appears to be out of sorts—listen to a worry or two of hers."
"…Is that true, Mash?"
"…Yes. I can hardly say… I am at my best…"
Standing before the King, hiding anything was impossible. Handing the rest over to Olga Marie, the King of Heroes turned to depart.
"I have business to attend to and shall confer with Da Vinci. Have yourself looking somewhat presentable by the time I show my face again."
—Take care of your body and your heart, Mash!
Waving a hand, the King of Heroes took his leave without shedding a single drop of sweat, leaving the two to watch his receding back.
"Only Gil could defeat a Servant without lifting a finger. Can you stand?"
"Y-Yes… Director."
Keeping things hidden and hoarding worries brings no progress… Sensing that the King's words carried a deeper truth, Mash gathered her resolve and spoke up.
"Could I… ask for your advice on something…?"
At Chaldea Sweets Jeanne, Jeanne served the treats that had been ordered.
"Sorry to keep you waiting! Here is your strawberry shortcake and mont blanc."
"Thank you very much, Miss Jeanne."
"Oh, it's no trouble at all, really. Honestly, losing repeatedly to that Goldie is unacceptable. Win next time!"
Humpf-ing with a puff of her nose, Jeanne retreated into the kitchen. She softly flipped the sign on the door to CLOSE, turning the shop into a private space for just the two of them.
Closing the door firmly to ensure no outsiders—including herself—could eavesdrop, she returned to her work preparing dough.
"So, what's on your mind? You tend to bottle things up, Mash, so use this chance to let it all out."
Sipping her coffee, the Director quietly passed the floor to Mash, exuding the calm, cool aura of a capable, composed leader completely free of hysteria.
"Yes… well…"
Picking at her cake, Mash confided in the trustworthy Director.
"Is admiration… a bad thing? Can I really… never stand beside Senpai?"
At the word bad, Olga Marie reacted slightly. Like a broken dam, Mash's buried anxieties began to spill out.
How Rikka had entrusted her back to Jeanne without a second's hesitation.
How she realized that trust took different forms for different people.
How something essential felt missing from her own feelings.
What kind of strength it truly took to encourage someone lost in despair.
Mash poured out her soul, and Olga Marie listened in silence.
"Am I… doing something fundamentally wrong as Senpai's Servant…?"
Faced with Mash's agonizing questions, Olga Marie responded with deliberate calm.
"Let's see… If you're looking from afar, admiration is a virtue. But to someone meant to stand shoulder-to-shoulder, admiration might very well be a sin."
"W-What do you mean by that…?"
"Let's speak hypothetically."
She set her coffee cup down with a soft clink.
"What exactly do you admire about Rikka, Mash?"
Olga Marie probed her feelings. Mash's eyes lit up, her words tumbling out eagerly.
"Everything! She's bright, cheerful, always kind, possesses an unwavering core that never shakes no matter who she faces, and has an incredible positivity! Unyielding resilience, top-tier capability as a Master, and above all, communication skills that leave me in awe! I could list them forever!"
"Right. Yes, I see. Now then… imagine your Senpai frozen in complete despair."
"—Eh?"
Frozen… in despair? Senpai?
For a second, Mash couldn't process the meaning of Olga Marie's words. It felt as though she were speaking an entirely foreign language.
Olga Marie calmly laid out the simulation.
"Faced with something completely beyond her control, Rikka falls into despair and freezes up. Standing by her side at that moment… what could you possibly do for her?"
"Wh… Wait, please. Senpai? In despair? That's impossible. Because Senpai is…"
"If it were me, I'd take action before it ever reached that point. Roman would desperately try to manage her mental state. Sheba-nyan would probably try to sell her a vase, wouldn't she? My Master would try every trick in the book to cheer her up. The King would dismiss it as a trivial concern. Jeanne would probably just hug her in silence. Princess would offer an unimaginable depth of respect and tenderness. —What about you?"
"Wait, please, that's…"
"What could you do for Rikka as she stands there, frozen?"
"Please, wait!"
Without meaning to, Mash cut Olga Marie off sharply.
"Senpai doesn't fall into despair! She's overcome every hardship and despair up until now! What kind of truth could possibly make her give up?! Director, are you insulting Senpai?!"
Pleased to see Mash get so emotional for Rikka's sake, Olga Marie maintained an unreadable, steady posture as she spoke.
"That right there… is the problem, Mash. —Rikka isn't a legendary hero, nor is she a machine built to save the world. She's just a human being, no different from you."
"—!"
"You genuinely believe that Rikka can go forward without ever breaking, without ever stumbling, remaining cool and heroic until the very end. You are forcing the ideal image you've constructed onto Rikka herself."
To the stunned Shielder, Olga Marie delivered the hard truth with borderline coldness.
"Tunnel vision caused by projection. Rose-tinted glasses built of ideals. Self-satisfaction and self-intoxication from believing you understand her completely. And—a total paralysis of thought when reality deviates from your ideal. If you ask what is so bad about admiration, those are precisely its sins, Mash."
Mash's heart pounded; her vision blurred. Olga Marie answered the underlying core of her struggle with absolute sincerity.
"What Jeanne was trying to tell you comes down to this: without realizing it, your admiration has stopped you from seeing Rikka as Rikka. You've become dependent on her as an 'unbreakable, perfect Master.' Saying 'I can fight if I'm with this person'… turned around, means 'if Rikka falls, you crumble with her.'"
Olga Marie remained composed, serious, and deeply sincere. Because the turmoil Mash was experiencing… was identical to what Olga Marie herself had once gone through.
It was the exact same blind trust and reliance she had once placed in Lev. That was why she recognized the fatal flaw in Mash's mindset instantly.
"Admiration is a pair of rose-colored glasses. Unknowingly, you create a convenient illusion, convince yourself that you understand them, and stop trying to truly get closer. Yet, when faced with who they really are, you react with unilateral rejection and disappointment—thinking, 'This isn't the person I knew,' or 'I didn't think they were like this.'"
Looking at the speechless girl, Olga Marie spelled it out clearly.
"'You can protect her, but you cannot encourage her.' That's likely what Jeanne meant. —Isn't that the true meaning behind her words?"
Olga Marie took another sip of her coffee. Overwhelmed by the cruel reality of the truth dropped on her, Mash buried her head in her hands and collapsed against the table.
"…Senpai… I'm sorry, I'm so sorry… I… I was…"
Mash was in despair now. Disappointed in herself.
Not in the self she had wished to be, nor the self that depended on others—but deeply, profoundly shattered by the thought of eventually becoming disappointed in Rikka, and the sheer selfishness of holding arbitrary expectations only to arbitrarily reject her.
She had mistaken Senpai for an invincible hero. She had been intoxicated by the idea of an unbeatable Master. She had believed with absolute certainty that Rikka was a strong person who would always encourage and support her fragile self.
That might have been true. It might have been fact. …But…
"Senpai must have had it so hard, too… There must have been so many times she wanted to show weakness… And back then… back then… I couldn't do anything for her… Nothing at all…"
There must have been so many painful moments. So many times she felt weak. And during those times, Mash had done nothing. She hadn't even thought about it.
Always supported, always relying on her, never once considering the delicate shifts in Rikka's heart.
That was what Jeanne had meant. There was no way she was truly ready to stand beside Rikka.
Always looking at her back… Mash realized that throughout their entire journey, she hadn't served as an emotional pillar for Rikka even once.
"I'm sorry… Senpai… I'm sorry… I'm so sorry… ugh, uuuugh…!"
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