Chapter 54
A guard approached and bent to press two fingers against the maid's neck. He stood and spoke to another. "No pulse."
"I shall inform Her Majesty," the other replied, and he withdrew from the chamber with haste.
The first inclined his head toward me. "Apologies, Lady Naevia, but we must detain you for now."
Nerissea's tears fell more, her lips quivering and drawn together.
But why? Was this not the very thing she wanted, to cast her fault upon another soul? I cannot fathom why I claimed the blame in that instant. All reason was drowned beneath the weight of the moment. Fury toward the Queen, anguish at Nerissea's betrayal, and grief for the loss of my dearest friend converged within me until my chest burned. I had the urge to pull the knife from the maid's throat and plunge it into my own heart to silence my torment.
I stood, wiping my tears. "Who are you to detain me?"
The guards exchanged uncertain glances. One stepped aside, then the others followed, parting a path. I left Nerissea's chamber and went straight to the Queen's study. The guard who had gone to report was just emerging. I passed him without pause and entered.
The Queen reclined upon the sofa as though her spirit had been torn from her breast. The instant her eyes met mine she sprang upright and rushed toward me, wrath blazing upon her countenance. She seized my shoulders and thrust me against the wall beside the door.
"Who the hell is Pel?" she demanded.
"Pardon?"
"Have you fucked him?"
"Huh?"
"What is he to you?"
"You are mad!" I shouted, striving to push her away, yet she held fast and we fell together to the floor. She pulled and I resisted, our hair and gowns falling into disarray as the chamber reeled about me. Unlike before, when she commanded the advantage with effortless dominance, this time we stood matched in strength. Again and again she sought to pin me, and each time I denied her. Our breaths grew ragged, our skin damp.
"In a few days," she smirked, "your Pel shall stand condemned for murder, and I shall see him cast into prison."
"It appears you have planned this beforehand. You deranged stalker."
"Well, I do not favor the thought of others laying hands upon your body."
"Yet you tolerate Nerissea?"
"Ah, you see," she said, and at last she gained the advantage, forcing me down and securing my wrists beneath her grasp. "This was my design, and you stepped neatly into it."
"What was even the purpose of that?!"
"I required certainty that you would not seek to poison me, as your family did to mine. Ingenious, is it not?"
Ingenious? Oh, how I wished to tell her that she was the most witless fool alive.
I lifted my head and brought my lips near her ear. "You are far from ingenious," I whispered slowly, ensuring that each word might haunt her should truth ever dawn.
I lowered my head back and fixed her with a burning gaze. "I demand a letter of pardon to cross the border."
"Oh? You intend to flee my kingdom?"
"Who would remain in a realm ruled by trash? I shall go to my father."
"So you would depart one trash to be with another?"
"My father is a good man."
She smiled. "Good, you say. Is murder good in your judgment?"
"And is casting the innocent into prison good in yours?" I returned.
"I have never claimed virtue."
"Write the letter. I refuse to endure the sight of you longer."
"So you came for parchment, not antidote?"
"Cease your lies. I know you gave me Lumesio."
"Ah, getting clever, are we?"
"Remove your vile person from me and write it."
"And what, then? Let you to depart with that bastard Pel?"
"Why do you persist in naming him? What is wrong with you? Should you not instead concern yourself with your dead servant?"
"Damn the staff," she spat, her face contorted with fury. "How many times have you fucked Pel?"
"My private life is not yours to interrogate!"
She gave a hollow laugh. "Instead of prison, perhaps I should sever him piece by piece and compel you to witness his screams."
"You are beyond redemption. Your reason has deserted you. No draught in this realm could restore it."
"Your blood has ruined me," she shouted suddenly. "Repay me! Repay all that I have lost!"
I fell silent, for her words fractured into sobs. "First your blood stole my family, and now you abandon me for another."
Tears streamed down her face, her mouth drawn wide not in mirth but in anguish so severe it exposed her teeth. "I despise your blood," she whispered, "yet my heart refuses to let you go."
She released my wrists and collapsed against my shoulder, her body shaking with grief that pierced the chamber and my very soul. "It hurts," she choked. "Why do I still love you?"
I stared upward as my own tears gathered. I ought to have thrust her away, yet I could not. She was a victim, just like me.
But what of the cruelties she has inflicted upon me? What of Alethea?
"Get off me," I said, striving to steady my breath.
She answered only with continued weeping. The violence of her sobs had rendered them silent, her hands pressed tight against her chest while my shoulder grew damp beneath her tears. I wished she would cease, for each tremor of her body struck against my own aching heart.
Then her weight slackened. She collapsed against me. Alarm seized me and I grasped her shoulders, shaking her gently but she did not stir. I eased her onto her back. Her eyes were closed, her face pale.
"She has fainted."
I turned toward the voice. Sir Lorcan stood at the open door, the rims of his eyes red. He entered, lifted her with care, and laid her upon the sofa. Then he extended a hand to me in courtesy. I stood unaided, wiping my tears.
"Why did you help me before, and gave me your dagger?" I asked.
"I could not bear to witness my Queen in anymore tears. Each torment she inflicted upon you gave her a strange satisfaction, yet it shattered her to see you endure it for her sake." His gaze moved to where she lay. "Since your departure she has awaited you daily. She has always loved you, yet hatred is a dreadful parasite once it burrows in. I hoped your escape would succeed, Lady Naevia. And I hoped you would not return. Neither wish was granted."
He inclined his head. "I must summon a physician. Please excuse me."
When he left, I sagged where I stood and lifted my face to the ceiling. I was tired beyond measure. Tired of love, of hatred, of all of it.