Chapter 83: Why Has a Hogwarts Professor Been Single for Over Thirty Years? - Hogwarts : Leon the Dark Lord?

On Monday, the first issue of Harry Potter hit the shelves.

Sales exceeded all expectations—by afternoon, they were already printing more copies. At Hogwarts, it seemed like every student had a copy in hand. Everywhere you looked, there was Harry's bewildered, blinking face staring back from the cover.

After a month of relentless attention, Harry thought he'd grown numb to the overexposure. But nope, he still couldn't handle it.

Snape and Malfoy weren't faring much better. Especially when they saw the two headlines in this month's Hogwarts gossip column:

"Professor Snape, Jealous of New Professor's Hair and Teeth, Starts a Brawl!"

"Malfoy, Coveting Harry's Wealth, Plans His Own Monthly Magazine—Writes Until He's Bald!"

Accompanying the text were photos: Lockhart's silky golden hair and dazzling white teeth next to Snape's greasy mop and ghastly yellowed teeth. And a bald-headed version of Malfoy for good measure.

Leon hadn't expected the student body to be more interested in these juicy tidbits than the exclusive scoop on the Chamber of Secrets in the same issue.

By mid-morning, word had reached the subjects of these articles. Snape, already fuming from seeing teenage James Potter's face plastered everywhere, reached his breaking point at lunch when he spotted a teenage Sirius Black—aka Leon—across the Great Hall.

Knowing Leon was behind this blasted magazine sent Snape's self-control flying out the window faster than a Firebolt. He stormed over, ready to unleash a right whip kick followed by a left straight stomp.

Leon, quick as a Snitch, bolted through the crowd and darted behind Professor McGonagall, shouting, "Professor McGonagall, Snape's trying to kill me!"

McGonagall was beside herself. This was the second time Snape had been caught trying to thrash Leon in front of everyone. Was this any way for a professor to behave? Picking fights with a student!

All the boy did was write a few stories to make some pocket money. Was that worth getting so worked up over?

Take Lockhart, for example. Say what you will about his skills (or lack thereof), but according to the magazine, he was supporting the students' entrepreneurial spirit by contributing to the serialized novel Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone—for free! That's generosity! That's class! That's the kind of integrity a teacher should have!

McGonagall, in full deputy headmistress mode, gave Snape a proper dressing-down. And no, it definitely wasn't because this issue featured a glowing 10,000-word essay penned by Leon himself, singing the praises of the most respected Gryffindor Head of House, Hogwarts' future greatest headmistress, and the epitome of beauty and talent: Professor McGonagall.

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Having narrowly escaped Snape's wrath and kept his hide intact, Leon sank into a seat at the Gryffindor table, letting out a long breath.

He muttered to his friends, "Do you reckon Snape's hit menopause or something?"

"Why'd you say that?"

"What's menopause?"

"You're so right!"

"Spot on, mate!"

His friends chimed in with a chorus of responses, then burst into giggles, exchanging glances.

After the laughter died down, Harry slung an arm around Leon's shoulder and whispered, "Don't think you're in the clear just because you got away this time. Snape's definitely plotting something to get back at you."

Ron, waving a chicken drumstick for emphasis, jumped in, "Yeah, that old bat's the sneakiest! Leon, keep an eye on Tom. Don't let him back into the castle anytime soon. If Snape sees him, he'll probably get Malfoy to petrify him too!"

Hermione, looking conflicted, said, "I told you before, the gossip column's a good idea, but letting Luna run it was a mistake. Her writing style is just… too…" She paused, searching for a diplomatic word. "…Unrealistic."

Ginny disagreed. "I think everyone loves Luna's style—that deadpan way she spins the wildest tales. At first, it sounds absurd, but you keep reading. Then you start thinking she's onto something, especially with those photos. It all feels weirdly convincing!"

Colin nodded like a bobblehead. "If I hadn't seen that fight with my own eyes and photographed the whole thing, I'd believe Luna's version was the truth!"

He shot Leon a slightly resentful glance. "Such a shame we couldn't use those epic photos in the first issue."

Leon stretched across Ginny to tap Colin's head with the handle of his spoon. "Don't be daft. I've told you before—the juiciest photos can't be used right away. You got shots of Snape trying to clobber me today, right? Save them. Once we've got five or more different people, we'll put out a special edition. I'm thinking a title like: 'Why Have Hogwarts' Wealthy, Successful Professors Been Single for Over Thirty Years?'"

Noticing everyone within earshot perking up, Leon waved his spoon. "See? That title grabs attention, doesn't it? They'll shell out for the special edition. And when they see those explosive photos inside, they'll feel it was worth every Knut. Next time we drop something like this, they'll buy it again, won't they?"

His friends could only think one thing: No wonder this guy's rolling in Galleons. His business sense is unreal.

---

After lunch, Leon joined his friends in the library for a rare visit. Ginny was scribbling away at her Transfiguration homework from that morning. Colin was racking his brain, concocting a ridiculous ode to Lockhart vanquishing a werewolf. Leon, meanwhile, spread out a sheet of parchment and started drafting complaint letters to the school governors.

Leon wasn't one to let grudges slide.

If he didn't get Snape to write a ten-foot-long apology essay and lose two months' salary over this, then what was the point of donating all those Galleons to Hogwarts before term started? What was the point of perfecting his Sirius Black impression just to rile Snape up?

His quill flew across the page. In no time, he'd crafted an emotionally charged, heart-wrenching letter of accusation, each word dripping with indignation. He attached a freshly printed photo of the "vicious professor attacking a helpless student" and made ten copies, sealing each one in an envelope and tucking them into his pocket.

Leon stood, ready to head to the Owlery to mail them off as quickly as possible—before the governors could hear Snape's side of the story.

Just then, a figure impossible to ignore lumbered into the library.

Leon, acting as if he'd forgotten the awkward moment when he and Harry last visited Hagrid's hut—where Hagrid had looked conflicted, torn between his affection for the two boys—strode over and greeted him warmly. "Hey, Hagrid! Long time no see! Looking for a book? I can help you find it!"

Hagrid looked down, and Leon noticed a fresh, jagged scar across his face.

"Hagrid, you're hurt!" Leon exclaimed. "Why haven't you gone to the hospital wing? Madam Pomfrey can fix you up."

Hagrid's expression turned sheepish. He waved a large, even more scarred hand dismissively, his eyes darting nervously. "No need, no need! Just a scratch… happens all the time working in the forest. Bumps and bruises, y'know. I'm used to it."

Leon kept up his concerned-friend act. "That won't do. Even small injuries need tending. I'll grab some salve from Madam Pomfrey later and bring it to you!"

Hagrid mumbled a reluctant "Thanks" and turned to leave, but Leon tugged at his coat.

"Hagrid, you didn't answer—what book are you looking for?"

Caught off guard, Hagrid blurted out the truth. "Er… something on raising giant spiders and their common ailments."

Chapter 83 - Chapter 83: Why Has a Hogwarts Professor Been Single for Over Thirty Years?