We spent the next three days finishing our journey to the colony world of Florera. However, during that time, a few things happened.
I was woken up in what would be the middle of the night by Marcos. We were still on the second day of the travel, so I was confused as to why he was waking me.
"What is it?" I asked, an underlying frustration coming out with my groggy voice.
"Well, Mark, I thought you should know that little Lyra is just ten minutes away from waking up," he informed me.
My eyes, which were slowly crossing as sleep was threatening to take hold of me again, suddenly shot open. "What?"
"I said that little Lyra will be waking up in ten minutes," he stated again. "Make that nine."
I quickly shot up from my bed, changing my attire into something that was still comfortable, yet more presentable. My practical hoodie and sweats. I quickly brushed my teeth and washed my face, or so I thought.
"Three minutes until she wakes up," Marcos reminded me again. "Trust me, you don't want her to wake up alone in an unfamiliar place. You should be the first face she sees when she wakes up."
I sprinted out of my room and through the corridors, arriving at the medical bay in a record-breaking time of under two minutes.
"You think I look presentable?" I asked Marcos, who materialized beside.
"You look fine," he said.
"You don't think I should wear something else?" I asked.
"You're fine," he replied lazily.
"What if I freak her out?" I wondered out loud.
"Mark, you're fine," Marcos reinstated.
"Would she be scared by me?" I couldn't help but wonder.
"Mark! Get a grip, will you?" Marcos finally let out what could almost pass for a shout. "Everything is going to be alright."
I finally snapped out of my self-imposed panic at the sound of his frustrated words.
"I hope..."
"What-" I didn't get a chance to finish speaking before I heard some shuffling beside me. I looked down at the little girl who was beginning to stir awake in the chair. She slowly opened up her eyes, and the gray that once clouded them had disappeared. She looked dazed, her mouth slowly gaping open as her eyes darted around the med bay, before landing on me.
"Hey, kiddo," I said while reaching out towards her, softly laying my hand against her forehead.
She looked confused by everything that was going on, but then I brought my face closer to her and moved her hand to touch my face. She instinctively explored my face with her hand, and a small smile started to spread across her face.
"I'm Mark," I said in a soft tone, using one of my hands to point to me. I then used the same hand and pointed it at her. "You are Lyra. Mark, Lyra, Mark, Lyra."
I saw her eyes widen and her hands shoot to her ears. She then attempted to speak, but only the same sounds from when I had rescued her escaped her lips.
"Buuhhh, buuh, buh nuh," she said, her eyes widening further and her smile spreading even wider. "Buh buh buh buh, nuh nuh nuh nuh."
She started repeating the same things over and over again, but faster, and with more emotion each time. "Alright, kiddo. You still don't know how to talk, but you will, in the future. It just takes its time... Oh hell, what am I saying? You don't even understand a word coming out of my mouth."
As if confirming what I was saying, Lyra sat up and tilted her head, giving me a blank stare, her mouth still agape. I started to straighten from my hunched-over position, but as soon as I pulled away, she panicked, letting out a sharp cry and desperately reaching for me.
"Shh, it's okay," I said, moving my hand to pat her head. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here. I'm just straightening. It kind of hurts my back to be in that position for too long."
I spent the next hour simply holding, doing funny faces, and playing peek-a-boo with her. I had never considered myself to be good with children, over what was now a total of 60 years' worth of life experience. I then carried Lyra and took her to the mirror-screen by the sink so that she could see herself in it.
At first, she looked at our reflection with question marks written all over her face. She kept on turning her head and looking at it and then back at me, as if confirming I wasn't changing positions every single time she looked away from me. She got comfortable with the mirror after a little while, reaching out to her reflection and coming in contact with the screen.
Her mouth turned into an O shape as she felt the smoothness of the glass. She then touched her own face, as if to confirm it was a flat, smooth thing. I stared at her giddy face as she was discovering the world around her, well, the room around her. She looked around and moved from place to place, analyzing everything she touched with an innocent curiosity.
I had a smile on my face watching her re-experience everything through a completely new lens and with two new senses. Her curiosity made me chuckle out loud, though I still felt like a major piece of shit for what I had done.
Eventually, she explored everything in the med bay and finally came face-to-face with a door.
"I don't think it's time that yet," I said in a dejected voice. Lyra looked at me and tilted her head, and then pointed at the door. I shook my head no at her. "I don't think it would be wise to-hey, stop that."
Lyra started smashing her little fists on the door and trying to tug on it. I swooped in behind her and picked her up, which made her start kicking and trying to break free while trying to get to the door. I noticed a tear start to roll down her cheek, and I slowly put her back on the ground.
She immediately made her way to the door and, in a panicked state, started clawing at it. Her breath hitched as the panic swelled within her, and she desperately tried to open the door.
"Mark," Marcos called out to me. "I think it'd be best if she could see her own mother."
I let out a nervous sigh and nodded my head. I approached Lyra and pushed her back a bit, allowing Marcos to activate the door and open it. "Ok, kiddo, just step back a little bit."
The door let out a hiss, and smoke seeped from it as the crio storage popped open, pushing out a table with a perfectly still body on it. I looked down at the woman on the table, her face the only peaceful thing amidst my trainwreck of thoughts that were running through my head.
I looked down at Lyra, whose deep blue eyes were darting from the table to me, emotional pain and curiosity both written across her innocent face. The resemblance between her and her mother was uncanny.
I took a deep breath and gulped down my emotions before bending down to pick her up. A childish excitement took over her as I raised her to the table. There she stared at her mother's corpse with idle curiosity, looking back at me as if asking for permission for something.
"Go ahead," I said, moving my hand to hover over Lystren's cold face.
Lyra took note of my actions and moved to hover her hands over Lystren's face. She looked back up at me with confusion in her eyes, so I softly grabbed her small hands and guided them down on her mother's cold face.
She giggled at the coolness of her skin, and guilt ate at me as I watched Lyra explore her mother's face with familiarity. A few seconds passed, and Lyra started pushing Lystren's body in an attempt to wake her up, but it was to no avail. Her attempts became harsher as Lyra became increasingly frustrated.
I swallowed hard and felt my eyes sting as she looked back at me with pain and confusion, her eyes on the verge of tears.
"Buhh," she said lowly while pointing at her mother. She then turned around and continued to push. "Buh... nuh.. nuhhh. nuuuh, nuh, nuh, nuh nuh nuh."
Her frustrated cries quickly turned to sobs, and I felt my chest tighten at the scene unfolding before me. I looked down at my feet, feeling so disgusted with myself and overflowing with guilt. My breathing quickened as Lyra's lack of words had turned into uncontrollable wails.
The contrast of a wailing child dressed in a pair of gray pants and a gray shirt over a completely still body dressed in white shook me to my core. The words everyone had told me in an attempt to comfort me didn't matter at this point.
I was an asshole.
I was a murderer.
I was the cause of trauma.
I was worse than shit.
I clenched my fists hard in an attempt to drown out the agonizing cries of a child helplessly attempting to wake their mother up from her forever sleep. I felt so helpless and ashamed of what I had caused, but most of all, I felt so angry.
No. I was fucking pissed.
Pissed with my dull past life.
Pissed with my current life.
Pissed at my actions.
Pissed at this universe.
Pissed off with the scum that called themselves pirates.
I was pissed off with myself.
I got a new chance at life. A chance to be somebody. And here I was, staring at the innocent life I had taken. At the family, I had ended. I stared at the consequences of my actions and stood there helplessly.
I felt something warm trickling through my fingers and snapped back to reality. I glanced down at my hands and saw the vibrant color of blood seeping through my skin. I let go of my fist, a stinging pain starting to set in. I looked at Lyra and noticed that she had fallen asleep while clenching her mother's robes.
I felt my heart break all over again and forced myself to look away. I sat down on one of the chairs and felt a tingling sensation in my hands as my wounds started to close. I let out a deep sigh and stared off at the ceiling of the medbay, thinking of what I was going to do with Lyra.
I stood up after a few minutes of treatment, my hands as good as new, except for the dried blood. I washed my hands in the sink and walked over to Lyra, slowly swooping her up into my arms, careful not to wake her up. I walked out of the roof with her in my arms, hearing as Marcos silently controlled the medbay to store Lystren's body in cryofreeze.
I made my way to the bridge with the sleeping child, placing her softly in my co-pilot's chair. She stirred for a second, but continued her sleep.
"It was the right thing to allow her to see her mother's corpse," Marcos stated as he materialized behind me.
"Please, Marcos," I said through a sigh. "I don't want to talk about this."
"Whatever you say," he replied drily. "We're a few minutes out from the final jump point. The freighters have been trying to contact you for the last three hours, but I've been sending them to kick rocks."
"Three hours?" I questioned. "Damn, didn't even notice how much time had passed."
"Yeah, you kinda just stood there spacing out for almost two of those hours," Marcos said with a heavy sigh.
"I see..." I murmured. "Patch me through to the freighters."
"On it," he replied as the call screen popped up in front of me.
A few seconds later, three familiar faces were added to the call.
"Where have you been?" Alexandria, like always, was the first one to speak. "We've been trying to reach you for hours now."
"I was busy," I simply stated in a low voice. "What's the problem?"
"Well, we-" Alexandira started to speak, but Chikie cut her off.
"Look, the station at the colony of Florera isn't the greatest," he said while spreading his arms. "But given all of the pirate ambushes we've had, they will open fire on any ship that's not bearing the following identification code: IDNC069420-HF4. Ensure you're broadcasting it along with us. The first two letters at the end stand for your ship classification, and the number stands for which ship of a convoy you are."
Alexandria gave a cold stare through the call before talking. "Aside from that, I just wanted to inform you that the credit transfer for the escort, along with the extra for the repairs, will be sent over to you as soon as we finish our next jump."
"It is much appreciated," I said while giving her a soft nod.
"Alright then," Sean finally spoke while giving a single clap. "I think it's about time we sync up our jump drives."
I nodded and ended the call. I put my elbows on my knees and leaned forward, running a hand through my hair while I let out another sigh. I looked over to Lyra, ensuring that the conversation hadn't woken her up. She had shifted positions, and the chair had turned, facing me now. However, she was still sound asleep, even sucking her thumb.
I stared at her sleeping form for a while. The sadness was gone, replaced by a level of peacefulness that could only be achieved by a sleeping child. "What am I going to do with you?" I wondered.
"Mark, we're about to jump," Marcos said as the bubble formed around the Shepherd.
"How is everything looking?" I asked. "Are all systems running okay?"
"Everything is just peachy," he replied. "I must say, you and my creator made quite the durable ship."
"Thanks," I said, a bitter smile spreading on my lips. "All I did was design. I didn't really build much."
"Ah, you would be wrong to think that..." he said softly.
"And why is that?" I asked.
"Well, you see, when I scoured the net, devouring all of the information I could get my cybernetical fingers on," he said as he made a grabbing motion in front of me. "I found some notes from human starship engineers. There was one note that was, without fail, in every single one of their statements. Conceptual design is one of the hardest aspects of engineering."
"Oh really," I chuckled. "Thanks for trying to cheer me up, but lying isn't going to help-"
"I'm not lying, Mark," he stated matter-of-factly as an elderly man's face appeared in front of me. "This is Aurelius Solaris. Owner and lead engineer of Solara Dynamics, the biggest starship manufacturer in human space. It's one of his most well-known quotes."
"So," I said. "Just because some quack said something, it doesn't make it true."
Marcos sighed dramatically before dematerializing. "Stop being so willfully ignorant. I get that you don't feel good because of what you've done recently, but credit is given where credit is due."
"Fair enough," I nodded, glancing towards Lyra, who had stirred awake. "Great, you woke her up with all the chit-chat."
"Don't put this on me," Marcos instantly denied. "You woke the little one up."
I stood up from my chair and walked towards Lyra. "Hey there, kiddo. How'd you sleep?"
Lyra stared at me, her mouth agape. "I guess I'm a little tall," I chuckled as I bent down to Lyra's eye level. "Maybe I should start addressing you as Lyra instead of kiddo, so you get used to your name."
She tilted her head, her eyes seemingly scanning everything new around us.
"Right, you've only laid your eyes on the medbay," I said softly, standing up to my full height with a grunt that came more from habit than actual strain. "Well, how about I give you a tour?"
I reached my hand out to her, and she stared at it before slowly taking it, her hand fitting inside my palm like a coin in a person's palm. She stood from the chair and walked beside me, her hand raised up while I hunched over a little.
"Yeah, I don't think I can do this for too long," I said, as I swooped Lyra up and into my arms. She gave out a little surprised yelp, which was followed by a little, adorable giggle.
"Ah, a child's innocence. So easy to forget what they've just seen," Marcos said, while materializing in front of us. His avatar had changed drastically. Gone was the laid-back, rugged, military look, and standing before me was now a refined, tan young man in a butler's uniform.
Lyra was spooked by the sudden appearance of Marcos, but instead of burying her face in my chest, like most children, she stared at him with wonder and amazement.
"Well, this is a new one," I said with a raised eyebrow.
"What? Did you think I only had one look?" he asked, sounding offended.
"Yeah, pretty much," I confirmed.
A look of shock spread across his immaterial face. "Wow, you think so little of me? The greatest and most advanced AI humanity has ever come in contact with? Well, it matters not to me. I can't be scaring little Lyra away when I will be the one teaching her, now, can I?"
"Teaching her," I asked. "Wait, wait, wait, wait. I never said anything about keeping her."
"And why not?" he asked, a bat appearing in his hand as he smiled at me?
"Well, first of all, I'm not even good with kids," I stammered out.
"Oh really?" he asked, looking me up and down. "You seem to be doing just fine to me."
"Ok, even if what you just said was true," I stated. "There's no way I can take care of her. I was the one who took away her parents, for crying out loud."
"First off, that deadbeat bastard pirate scum is not even within the same sector as the word 'father,'" he stated. "Secondly, that was an accident. Think of this as making amends for your fuck-ups."
I was flabbergasted.
"By the way, we're about to jump."
I grabbed onto a railing with one hand as I felt the Shepherd start the jump sequence. A barely noticeable shake assaulted the ship, and the displays of the bridge viewport show the stars beginning to twist, elongate, and spill into a whirl of color.
Lyra, who had been quiet this entire time, let out a soft "Whoa" as she stared at the displays.
I looked down at her, and she looked up at me. She smiled and giggled as she pointed to the display. 'There's no way I will be able to raise her. I don't even know the first thing about parenting,' I thought to myself. But those excited eyes and the adorable smile she gave me tugged at my heartstrings.
'Do I even deserve to raise her?' I wondered.
I walked us closer to the viewport displays and watched as Lyra let out little gasps full of amazement. I stood for about seven minutes before Marcos warned us about exiting the jump.
I held onto the chair in front of me as we snapped out of the jump. Normal space rushed back abruptly, stars returned to proper, respectable positions, and the Shepherd sailed forward, smooth as a whisper.
"Wow, I've seen vomit prettier than that."
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