"You sure can serve us all with a cup of tea," Longwei said, settling himself into one of the wooden chairs that surrounded the shop's main table. He sat like he was there to casually collect taxes, crossing his legs and drumming his fingers on the table.
"Sure can!" said the little guy behind the counter. He didn't even look up. His enthusiasm bubbled over as he immediately got to work. He began clattering about with ceramic cups and a kettle that looked like it had seen better centuries.
We shuffled around the table like a dysfunctional family gathering, the kind where everyone's secretly hoping someone else will start the inevitable argument. We were there for an interrogation afterall. I watched Mei drift toward the walls with Yanyin trailing behind her like a curious shadow, both of them absorbed in studying the paintings that decorated the cramped space. The artwork seemed oddly deliberate because each frame was perfectly positioned with extra care.
"Is that him?" Jian whispered, leaning in close.
"Mhm." Longwei's eyes hadn't left Wan since we'd entered, tracking the tea maker's movements.
"Master Longwei," Liangyu started, and I could already hear the ass-kissing tone coloring his words before he'd even gotten to the actual suggestion. He leaned forward, animating his words with his hands, with the eager expression of someone who thinks they've just come up with a master plan. "If I may, I'd like to suggest a strategy. As soon as he gets here with the tea, I say we all each take a cup, and splash it all on his face immediately. Scalding hot. Boom. As he's in extreme pain and surprise, blinded with confusion, we can ask him anything we want. He'll be so shocked he'll most definitely answer truthfully just to make it stop."
I sat there staring at him, my face involuntarily contorting into what must have looked like someone trying to solve advanced mathematics while constipated. I couldn't believe- actually, scratch that, I totally could believe that Liangyu would suggest something that stupidly cruel. The guy's entire personality could be summarized as 'desperately seeking approval' with a minor in 'questionable decision-making.' Still, hearing him propose torturing what appeared to be the human embodiment of a cheerful dumpling caught me off guard.
"I kind of love his plan," Qinyue chimed in without even a second's hesitation, like someone had asked her opinion on her favorite dessert rather than casual violence against a tea shop owner. "I say we go for it. The shop doesn't even look that busy. Nobody's gonna barge in. Worst case scenario, Liangyu and Jian can lock up this place with tree roots or something."
Longwei's face split into a grin so wide I worried his face might actually crack. He looked like a proud father watching his children take their first steps toward becoming sociopaths.
Me and Jian exchanged concerned looks. It was a look of shared sanity in a group slowly losing theirs.
"No!" we said in unison.
"Why not?" Longwei asked, and the genuine confusion in his voice somehow made it worse.
"Are you serious?!" The words burst out of me before I could moderate my tone. I gestured frantically toward Wan, who was humming some cheerful tune which sounded like something a grandmother would hum while knitting, as he prepared our tea, completely oblivious to the debate about his imminent torture happening just a few feet away. "Look at him! I haven't seen him without a smile since we walked in! That guy probably apologizes to furniture when he bumps into it!"
"Dude, looks don't mean shit!" Liangyu hissed, pointing a finger at the humming man. "He built a prison! You know, those places specifically designed to make people miserable?"
"Ugh, come on!" I could feel my frustration building up. "What, engineers can't be good guys? That's your argument? Besides, why do you think he's even 'hiding' like Longwei said? Maybe he's got some kind of depressing backstory where his brilliant mind was exploited by the authorities around here and then they ordered someone to kill him to ensure no loose ends or something! That happens in stories all the time!"
"If that's really the case," Liangyu countered, leaning back with false confidence, "why would he hide here? In the same town? Why not fuck off to a distant land where nobody knows his face?"
"Maybe because the authorities would assume just like you!" I said as I got frantic, probably looking ridiculous, but I was committed to the argument at that point. "They'd think, 'Oh, he surely ran far away,' and not even bother to check the tea shop down the street!"
"That might actually be true," Longwei added thoughtfully, stroking his chin. "It took me longer than it should have, to find him. Had to call in several favors, cross-reference old construction records, bribe a clerk…"
"See?" I shrugged at Liangyu with perhaps more smugness than was strictly necessary. "Regardless, let's just talk to him gently first. We are not splashing boiling water on a happy little tea maker until we know for sure he deserves it."
"Party-pooper," Qinyue muttered, crossing her arms and slumping back in her chair as the two of them backed down from their stupid little plan.
"Tea's ready!" Wan announced with the enthusiasm of someone who genuinely believed he was about to make people's day better. He brought over a wooden tray laden with ceramic cups, each one slightly different from the others, and settled himself on a chair facing our group. His smile was so genuine it was almost painful to look at.
Mei and Yanyin remained absorbed in their painting examination, murmuring to each other about brushwork and symbolism or whatever it is people who actually appreciate art talk about. Wan watched all of us with eager anticipation, vibrating with the hope that we'd enjoy his creation. And honestly, we hadn't had a decent cup of tea since morning, so we each took a cup.
"Cheers," I muttered, as the warmth felt nice against my palms. We raised them to our lips in near-unison and took a sip.
The liquid hit my tongue and I froze. It wasn't even just bad. It was an assault!
We spat it out immediately.
A synchronized spray of brown liquid hit the floor.
"This tastes like dog piss!" Jian yelled, coughing, like the tea had personally offended his ancestors. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, unable to help his brutal honesty, though I'd say he was entirely justified in the case.
"It does?" Wan's face fell so fast it was almost comical. The smile that had seemed permanently affixed to his features vanished completely, replaced by crushing disappointment. He looked like someone had just told him his puppy died.
"Yeah, I say give up making tea and find another profession," Liangyu added bluntly, because apparently he'd decided 'subtle' wasn't in his vocabulary that day. "Maybe something that doesn't involve taste buds. For the sake of humanity."
Wan looked like he was approximately three seconds away from bursting into tears. His lower lip actually trembled.
"Whoa, ease up," I cut in, shooting glares at both Jian and Liangyu. "No need to be so harsh to the man." I turned towards Wan, clearing my throat, trying to find a diplomatic way to describe the atrocity I had just absorbed. "Critically speaking, your tea just needs some improvement. Heavy improvement. Like, significant amounts of improvement. Other than that… you're cool. I'm really fond of the ambience."
Wan considered this for a moment, his expression shifting as he processed the marginally less devastating feedback. Then, like a sunrise breaking through storm clouds, his smile returned. "So that's why I haven't been getting any customers! I wonder why nobody told me this before."
"Maybe you should look in the mirror," I said. "You look like the word 'pillow'."
"What do you mean no customers?" Liangyu added, looking around the empty shop. "Is tea the only thing you sell?"
"It's literally called 'Shosha Tea Shop', you genius," I responded without looking at him.
Liangyu chuckled, looking at Wan with mocking disbelief. "And you're wondering why you don't have customers? Buddy, you suck at making tea and running a business and you chose to do exactly those two? Haha! That is a special kind of failure."
"Says the guy who sucks at cultivating wind but calls himself an earth cultivator," I shot back without missing a beat.
"You don't have to attack me personally."
Wan decided to switch subjects, sensing the rising tension between us. He clasped his hands together on his lap. "So! Are you all new to town? I've never seen any of you before. Travelers? Merchants?"