"So... what you said earlier," Kakashi muttered, eyes drifting sideways as they walked.
"Sorry about that," Sabuko sighed, "I didn't mean the Kyuubi stuff seriously. I just did it to piss him off."
"Yeah, I know," Kakashi replied, "Still, thanks. I meant something else,"
"About my... er, I mean, Bolo-sensei's test..."
"Oh, don't bother." Sabuko let out a tired sigh. "He already said it was originally yours."
"...Figures." Kakashi scratched the back of his head, then looked away.
A quiet pause followed.
"I've been thinking about that," he said, voice low. "What you said back then... You made a good point."
He shoved his hands into his pockets.
"I'm not much of a teacher. Never claimed to be... But, I DID think I was doing a half-decent job... With the ones I failed using that test of mine. And the ones I passed more recently..."
Sabuko glanced over, mildly surprised.
"That line... 'those who abandon their comrades are worse than scum', that wasn't mine."
Kakashi's voice dipped quieter. Farther away.
"It was something an old friend said. Someone who died believing it."
He kept walking, eyes forward.
"Maybe I've been expecting my students to understand something it took me years to understand myself about that friend."
Another beat of silence.
Sabuko didn't reply.
He just looked down and kept walking beside him, wind brushing their faces and rustling their hair.
"...Sorry for your loss," Sabuko muttered.
"Nah, don't worry about it." Kakashi slightly turned his head to him, the curve of a smile visible beneath the mask. "It was a long time ago."
'...'
"Then I won't," Sabuko said, turning forward again as the academy came into view.
"Still... what am I supposed to do about Bolo-sensei? He probably doesn't even want to look at me, let alone be in the same team."
'Sensible little guy, aren't you?' Kakashi thought with a nigh-invisible smirk.
"Don't be too hard on Bolo-sensei," Kakashi said quietly. "Out of all us Jonin, Bolo-sensei's the biggest softie behind closed doors. Once he's had the time to think it through, I doubt he'll hold it against you. The way I know him, he'll profusely apologize, even."
"Getting under someone's skin is a powerful weapon for a shinobi. He knows that, too... Even if I think you took it a bit too far."
He stretched, spine popping faintly.
'... Yet never mentioned once in the canon. I guess Kakashi knew lots of ninjas.' Sabuko blinked.
"But yeah, you're right. Even if things are patched up, putting you two on the same team might be... strained."
"Aaah, what to do, what to do..." Kakashi sighed.
Sabuko stayed silent.
Kakashi sighed again. Louder this time.
Still nothing.
"Ask me if you can join my team," Kakashi muttered. "C'mon, show some spirit."
'Join his team? Seriously? I feel like I might seriously disrupt the canon here. But I'd get to meet some amazing people who can help me with my dream. Whatever... Right? He offered it.'
"...Fine. Can I?"
"No. Why would I?" Kakashi turned to him fully.
'... Ah?'
"You think beating Bolo-kun gets you a spot on my team? We already have three full members. Honestly, I thought you were smarter than that..."
'Damn bastard baited me!'
"Y-you just sounded like you had an offer..." Sabuko stuttered.
"Did I? Hm... If only you could pay attention like that to Taijutsu. But then again, you can't do Taijutsu for your life. So maybe you just hallucinated. Yeah... definitely a hallucination."
'Oi.' Sabuko's eye twitched.
"Consider this payback for insulting and humiliating our cute Bolo-kun," Kakashi said as he turned and walked off, leaving Sabuko behind. "Just be a good Genin and wait around somewhere while I go figure out with the Hokage what to do about you."
Sabuko stood there, watching Kakashi vanish from sight.
'You bastard... Then why drag me all the way out here?' he muttered under his breath, standing before the gates of the Ninja Academy.
'Welp.' He exhaled, deep and slow. 'Guess curb-stomping a Jonin was a bit much… so leniency might be off the table.'
'But man, is he a smug bastard. That Kakashi.'
'Ah, right. Meant to ask him something. He's got the Sharingan, doesn't he? Can see through jutsu and whatnot…' His eyes narrowed.
'So how the hell did he mistake my clone for the real me? Was he not using it? Or… does Sharingan just not see through Kage Bunshin? Tch. Should've rewatched Naruto. Guess I'll have to test it myself...'
'...That is, if they don't boot me out for good.'
'Ahh... This is so stressful.' He sighed.
'Alright, I'm not on NoFap or anything. Why can't I just create a big-tittied foxgirl mommy clone? Hehehe... And this time, I'll just take some paper bag to put on her face, and focus everything on her boobs.'
Sabuko clasped his palms, giggling to himself.
'I try to resist but she keeps going... I'm helpless. She sandwiches me between them, and—'
'…Wait a minute.' He froze.
'How do I know I'm not being watched by the Hokage right now?' He gulped. 'Kakashi said he was going to talk to him about me. He could be using that crystal ball thing, peeking in on me right now…'
'...'
'MOTHERFU—'
—In the Hokage's Office—
"I've called for Bolo-sensei. He should be arriving soon," Kakashi said, glancing at Hiruzen, who stared into the crystal ball.
"Hmh… good, good." Hiruzen murmured with a sigh. "I imagine that was stressful for young Sabuko."
"Huh," Kakashi replied. "He didn't seem all that shaken to me…"
"…From what I'm seeing here, he was holding it in." Hiruzen exhaled slowly, eyes still fixed on the orb.
["..—SHIT FUCK, COCK-SUCKING MOTHERFUCKERS! WHY CAN'T I DO WHAT I WANT IN THIS DOGSHIT WORLD?! HOLY SHIT, JUST LET ME HAVE MY FUN! LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE YOU ASS-MONKEYS, I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD, I WANNA KILL EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU PIECES OF SHIT—"]
Sabuko howled, fists and feet flying as he kicked and pummeled a tree in sheer frustration.
"Sheesh," Kakashi muttered, his visible eye widening. "He's as creative with his language as he is with his jutsus… I wonder who taught him all that fun language." He blinked, hiding away his Make-Out Paradise novel even further.
"Either way, Kakashi," Hiruzen began, finally turning away from the crystal ball, "before I make my judgments, I'd like to hear your opinion of the boy."
Kakashi glanced to the side, letting a few seconds tick by.
"Can't say I've formed one yet, Lord Hokage. I've only spoken with him for a few minutes… and saw about as much as you did."
He paused.
"That said, based on what I sensed..."
Kakashi folded his arms, eye narrowing slightly.
"He's surprisingly sensible for someone his age, and keeps a cool head when it counts. A trait I wish at least one brat on my current team had..." He sighed, closing his eye and glancing aside.
"Honestly… it felt more like I was talking to someone who's lived a lot more than a twelve-year-old should have."
A beat passed.
"Makes me wonder what drove him hard enough to challenge a Jonin just to stay a Genin. That's one issue I have some problems with. Temper ain't a good trait for ninjas..." Kakashi muttered, almost to himself.
'Then again, I passed 3 brats with arguably worse temper issues...'
Hiruzen puffed from his pipe, the smoke curling upward as he finally spoke.
"Sabuko Kanto hails from the Kanto Corporate in the village. His father was a strict man. From what I've gathered, Sabuko learned early to watch his moods carefully."
He tapped his pipe.
"When he voiced a desire to become a shinobi, he and his father had a fight, ending with his father kicking him out. And from what I understand, his father has already taken in another child."
A pause. Kakashi's eyes narrowing slightly.
"Damn. I'm not sure how to respond to that, honestly..." Kakashi scratched his head.
"In other words, Kakashi. Being a ninja is all he has now. Seeing as he outperformed a Jōnin using mostly basic ninjutsu, I'm insisting that he remain a Genin. A four-man Genin cell is rare, but not unheard of. What do you think of adding him to your team for now?"
Kakashi exhaled, long and slow.
"...No problems with authority, huh?" He tilted his head toward the crystal ball. "A kid with nowhere else to go..."
His gaze lingered on Sabuko's face.
Then he scoffed.
"Another brat with abandonment issues? Yeah, no thanks. I've already got three of those."
He waved a hand, visibly drained.
"Let someone else deal with him."
A beat passed.
Then, he straightened.
"Oh. Lord Hokage..." His tone shifted, sharp.
"I've got a suggestion for young Sabuko."