How dare she?
Just because I extended my hand, she thought she could take advantage of my generosity. I never should have done it, never should have opened my heart, even a little. I knew better. I knew exactly what happens every time I reach out, every time I trust, every time I let someone get close.
Pain.
Suffering.
A living hell with no end in sight.
I've learned that lesson the hard way again and again. Only I know the full extent of what I've endured, the nights that never ended, the screams swallowed in silence, the scars no one ever sees. So why should I have to explain myself to her? To someone who might one day turn her back on me like all the others?
My thoughts spiralled, chasing each other in circles, feeding the fire in my chest. Anger burned hot, but beneath it was something far worse, something hollow. Without realizing it, I sped up.
And then I stopped.
I was standing in the one place my heart still recognized, where I truly felt safe. The one place it still longed for.
…My home.
Even though this is my home, I can't bring myself to take a single step inside.
'Why?'
That question always lingers, sharp and unforgiving, breaking my heart into millions of pieces every time it surfaces.
The only thing I can do is sit on a tree branch outside my parents' room and watch them from afar. The distance between us is barely ten paces, ten measly steps yet it might as well be an entire world. I can't extend my hand. I can't reach them.
"Won't you go inside?" Nox asked softly as he sat beside me.
I shook my head and leaned against him. "I can't. Not right now."
Now that he's taller than me, it's easier to rest against him.
"I miss everyone so much," I whispered, my gaze fixed on the faint glow from my parents' window. If I could, I would've never left. I would've stayed here forever. I don't even come here anymore. I even left all the matters to Zion now….
"I know," he said quietly. "And I know how angry and how hurt you are." He reached out and tapped my nose gently.
Was I really hurt by the way Vivian reacted?
Is that why I'm this angry?
The realization settled slowly, heavily. How had I not noticed it before?
I stayed there, staring at the window, lost in my thoughts until the sun finally dipped below the horizon and the sky darkened.
"Let's go," I said at last. "It's better if I leave."
If I stay any longer, the memories will only pile up and right now, I don't want to think. About anything.
"Where to?" Nox asked.
"I don't know," I replied honestly. "I'll wander for a bit. Then I'll head to the guild and make sure everything's in order."
Anywhere is fine as long as I drown all the noise ringing in my ears.
I wandered aimlessly until I stumbled upon a small town festival. From above, the lights twinkled like scattered stars, warm and inviting against the darkness of the night.
I descended quietly into a shadowed alley and pulled a cloak from my subspace. Normally, I would alter my appearance with a spell and use the cloak only as an extra precaution, but tonight, I didn't have the energy for illusions. I simply draped the fabric over myself and stepped back into the glow, letting anonymity shield me as I moved toward the lights.
Laughter and music spilt into the alley as I drew closer, the scent of roasted meat and sugar-heavy pastries drifting through the air. My steps slowed without my consent as if my body remembered this warmth from a life it had been denied.
I folded into the crowd easily. Festivals were good at that. They swallowed strangers and made them invisible, and for a moment, invisibility almost felt like mercy.
Children ran past me, paper lanterns bobbing like small, hopeful stars. Merchants shouted over one another, voices layered with cheer, selling games meant to be lost with laughter. Somewhere nearby, a bard played a tune that wavered but never broke.
It was imperfect, beautiful.
Yet it had nothing to do with me.
I was only passing through it.
I stopped near a stall selling candied fruit and watched a young couple argue over which skewer to buy. Their annoyance was gentle, threaded with familiarity. They leaned toward each other without thinking, sharing space the way people do when the world has always made room for them. They stood close enough to share warmth even while disagreeing. I realized then that the world didn't grant belonging—it assumed it.
Assumed it for everyone but me.
I felt the absence of that space like a hollow in my chest.
"Careful," Nox murmured from the pendant. "You're staring."
"I'm not," I said quietly, though my eyes lingered anyway. I wasn't staring at them. I was staring at what I would never have.
I let the crowd move me again. A child bumped into my side, murmured a rushed apology, and ran off before I could answer. The contact lingered briefly.
I paused beneath a string of lanterns, their golden light spilling over my hands. They looked ordinary. Steady. As if they had always belonged to a person who knew where they were going at the end of the night.
I tried to imagine those hands being missed. The thought hurt more than the monsters could ever have.
For a moment fragile enough to break me, I wondered what it would be like to stay. Not to belong. I had already learned better than that. For a small, treacherous moment, I wondered what it would be like to just exist here just to be remembered long enough that the edges of me might soften.
But even that felt like pretending. Or
felt like asking for too much.
Someone laughed nearby, bright and unguarded. The sound didn't invite me in. It reminded me of the distance instead of how easily joy closed around others and left no gap for me to slip through.
I exhaled slowly, drawing my cloak tighter, as if it could hold me together.
"Don't get attached," I whispered not as a warning, but as a truth I'd learned too well. "There isn't a place for me."
Still, my steps faltered as I moved on, the music following me like a memory I wasn't allowed to keep.
I didn't turn back.
If I did, I was afraid I'd stand there too long pretending that this loneliness was temporary, pretending that if I stayed just a little longer, the world might notice me.
And I knew better than to hope for that.
"Do you think… someday I'll have a place where I belong?" I asked, staring down at the ground, as if looking hard enough might reveal the answer.
"Why wouldn't you?" he said, materializing from the pendant. "If there isn't one, I'll make it for you myself."
His words settled over me like a fragile shield. A small comfort, but I felt the edges of it already fraying, because I knew moments like this never lasted.
We walked a little further, and our eyes simultaneously landed on something we both loved.
"Chocolate-covered strawberries," we said in unison, and laughed, a sharp, fleeting sound that made the streets feel alive for a heartbeat.
I bought some for both of us, and we leaned against a fence, sharing the sweet treats. Around us, the townsfolk danced and laughed, swaying to music that spilt through the streets like liquid sunlight. For a moment, it felt as though I could slip quietly into their world, just for a moment.
I closed my eyes and let myself imagine it, the warmth, the laughter, the easy comfort of belonging. But when I opened them, the festival stretched endlessly around me, and I remembered: I would never truly be a part of it.
The sweetness of the strawberries lingered, but so did the hollow ache in my chest. I smiled anyway, letting the taste mask the emptiness, because for now, it was enough. For now, this fleeting warmth was mine.
In the middle of my self-lamenting, someone pressed a rose into my hand. The soft petals were warm and faintly fragrant, and the gesture yanked me out of my thoughts like a sudden gust of wind.
"What…" I started, my voice trailing off as I looked up, startled. I hadn't even noticed him approaching. "Who… are you?"
"I'm no one special," he said, tilting his head, a faint mischievous smile tugging at his lips, before pressing a gentle kiss to my fingertips.
My breath hitched.
"What… are you doing?" I stepped back instinctively, trying to reclaim composure. "Are you…Are you crazy?"
"I don't think so," he replied smoothly, lifting his hood. Blue hair fell into his eyes, framing a face that seemed almost impossibly familiar, sharp, fair-skinned, eyes the colour of the sky just before dusk. His build… it reminded me faintly of someone I've been tangled with flashed in my mind, along with all the embarrassing moments. My cheeks heated.
"I've been watching you for a while," he said, his voice low, almost teasing, "And I decided… I want to ask you for a dance."
I blinked, sarcasm spilling out. "Too bad I don't know how to dance."
"That's fine," he said, grinning, as he took my hand and tugged me gently toward the crowd, his touch lingering just a beat longer than necessary. "Just follow my lead."
Badump.
Did my heart just skip a beat… for a total stranger?
As we stepped into the swirl of dancers, his fingers brushed mine again, sending an unexpected shiver through me. He leaned a fraction closer, voice low in my ear. "Relax," he murmured. "I'll catch you if you fall… and maybe make it fun while we're at it."
"Fun, huh?" I said, voice teasing, even as my stomach fluttered.
"You'll see," he said, a playful glint in his eyes. His hand slipped slightly to my waist to steady me, the touch light, but enough to make me conscious of every movement, every accidental brush.
I stumbled slightly and he gripped my fingers tighter, pulling me upright. "Careful," he murmured, lips close enough that I could feel the warmth
The warmth of his, the confidence, the teasing curl of his lips, it all made it impossibly hard to think straight. I blinked rapidly, trying not to let my cheeks betray me, but I couldn't hide the faint tremor in my fingers.
"You're full of yourself, you know that?" I whispered, half annoyed, half amused, letting him guide me through a clumsy step.
"And you'll just have to keep up," he replied, smiling wider, eyes glinting with mischief. Each sway, each touch of his hand, felt deliberately close not enough to be bold, but enough to make the space between us electric.
He leaned in slightly as we moved, voice low, teasing. "I could get used to this," he said softly. "Having you this close… It's dangerous, you know."
"Dangerous?" I asked, letting my voice tease back. "For you, or for me?"
"For both," he said, a slow grin spreading across his face. His fingers brushed mine again, lingered at the back of my hand as we stepped in time with the music. Each touch felt deliberate, yet effortless, making it impossible to tell whether he was guiding me, or teasing me.
I caught myself leaning in slightly, drawn to the warmth, the teasing, the way he made every accidental contact feel electric. My chest fluttered.
Somewhere between the music, the laughter around us, and the brush of his fingertips, I realized I hadn't felt this…, this alive, in a long time.
"Keep your eyes on me," he murmured, voice low and playful, "and I'll make sure you don't step on anyone's toes."
"I'll try," I whispered, almost breathless, letting him lead me.
And as we twirled again, hands brushing, shoulders nearly touching, the loneliness I'd carried so heavily began to slip away, replaced by a thrilling, dizzying warmth I hadn't expected nor was I sure I wanted to fight.
The music swelled, and I found myself laughing despite the nervous tightness in my chest. His presence was intoxicating, a mix of daring and warmth, something I hadn't allowed myself in a long time. Every glance, every accidental brush of his sleeve against mine made me conscious of how alive my senses were, how desperately I wanted to lean just a little closer, to feel that spark linger.
And then, almost imperceptibly, he slowed the pace, tilting his head toward me. "You know," he murmured, voice soft, carrying a strange, tender weight, "you don't have to be perfect at this… or anything, really. I just… wanted you here, with me, for tonight."
The words struck me differently than the teasing, the confidence, the laughter. There was something fragile beneath them, like an invitation to trust. My chest constricted, a lump forming in my throat.
"I…" I started, and the moment hung on the edge of speech I couldn't find. I swallowed, feeling the ache of longing, longing for something real, something I wasn't sure I deserved.
He caught the hesitation, brushing a stray lock of hair from my face with the back of his hand. "Hey," he said gently, "it's just us here. Just follow my lead. Nothing else matters."
And for the first time that evening, I let myself believe it, even if only for a heartbeat.
The festival carried on around us: music, laughter, the scent of roasted meat and pastries mingling in the night air. But in that small orbit around him, the world felt smaller, warmer. I didn't know him, and yet, the way he looked at me, the way he guided me without pressure, made my heart ache with a strange, new hope.
I caught his gaze and, despite myself, smiled. "I'm… following," I whispered, voice soft, half a challenge, half a surrender.
"Good," he said, and the grin on his face made my stomach twist. "Because I'm not letting go."
The music carried us on, our steps imperfect but in rhythm with each other, and for a fleeting moment, I allowed myself to forget everything else, the isolation, the weight I carried. I was just a girl, and he was just a boy asking me to dance. And the ache in my chest… the ache of longing and loneliness… softened just enough that it almost felt like I belonged.
And in that moment, I realized: maybe… just maybe… this was a place I could belong, even if only for tonight.
At that moment, I didn't care and didn't want to care about anything or anyone else.
After the dance ended, he guided me carefully through the crowd. His hand lingered briefly on mine, warm and reassuring, as he steered me around clusters of laughing townsfolk and twirling dancers. Not once did he ask me to take off my hood. He even adjusted it when he felt it slipping,
carefully, that made my chest tighten.
"Thank you," I said softly, tucking a loose strand behind my ear and avoiding his gaze.
"It was my pleasure," he replied, pressing a gentle kiss to the back of my hand before stepping away, his eyes locking on mine for a heartbeat longer than required. The warmth of his gaze lingered, and for a fleeting second, I felt the crowd and the music fall away, leaving just the two of us suspended in a moment I wasn't sure I wanted to end.
I swallowed, my heart still fluttering from the closeness, and realized that even in this brief encounter, he had a way of making the world feel smaller, warmer… and dangerously enticing.
"Wait…" I called out, but he was already a few paces ahead. The music and chatter swallowed my words, and I realized I hadn't even asked his name. My heart thudded in my chest—why did I suddenly care so much?
"What was that?" Nox asked, his voice sharp with surprise. "You never dance with anyone. Let alone a complete stranger."
"I know…" I admitted, cheeks warming. "I don't know what came over me… but I accepted his offer."
Nox's grin widened, amusement clear in his tone. "I know exactly what it is."
"Tell me," I demanded, curiosity edging my words.
"You seriously don't know?" he teased, raising an eyebrow.
"No… tell me. I'm curious now," I said, a little flustered.
He chuckled, that easy, knowing sound. "I think… he's your first love."
"Whose first love?" I stammered, completely caught off guard.
"Yours. Who else?" he said, still grinning.
I froze. There was no way that could be true. Me, in love with someone I barely knew? Absurd. And yet, the heat creeping across my cheeks betrayed me more honestly than words ever could. Just thinking about him, about the way his fingers brushed mine, the way he guided me effortlessly, made my heart skip.
Nox chuckled. "You're blushing. Admit it."
"I… I'm not!" I snapped, though my racing pulse argued otherwise.
"Uh-huh," he said, voice heavy with amusement. "Sure, sure. Your face says otherwise."
I bit my lip, feeling a mix of embarrassment and something else… something electric. Maybe it was the dance, the closeness, or the way he had looked at me like I mattered. Whatever it was, I couldn't ignore it.
And just like that, my carefully guarded heart felt a little… unsettled, a little lighter, and entirely out of my control.
"Come on, let's go to the guild," I said, trying to sound serious. "I want to check on everyone."
"As you say… Blushing one," he said with a dramatic bow, laughter dancing in his voice.
I narrowed my eyes. "Stop teasing me, or I'll give you something else to worry about."
He gasped, clutching his chest as I'd just threatened his life. "So scary! I can feel my immortality slipping away!"
"Keep it up," I warned, "and you might actually find out."
He threw his hands up in mock terror. "Alright, alright! I surrender! Mercy, mighty blush-bringer!"
I bit back a laugh, crossing my arms. "You're lucky I like you."
His grin widened, mischievous and shameless. "I know."
I just rolled my eyes, but my cheeks betrayed me with a faint warmth. Somehow, despite the teasing, his antics made it impossible to be annoyed for long.
To be continued...