Akira was tied to his bed and restrained with the titanium, soft-padded handcuffs he'd made. They hadn't used them in a while. Erika stood before him with an assortment of torture equipment: a feather, ice cubes, a feather duster, even a piece of chalk for an AoE attack, and many other things. All of them were designed to make Akira talk.
She held up the feather and said threateningly, "Tell me everything, or else."
Akira immediately folded.
"I will! I will! I'll tell you everything!"
Erika stared at him, almost disappointed.
"…That was easier than I expected."
Then she sat down next to him without releasing him.
"Alright, tell me."
Akira sighed and began.
"It all started two years after I left Japan. I went to the North Pole with my parents for something, and that's where I met Santa. We had a disagreement."
Erika immediately looked shocked.
"Wait. Santa Claus is real?"
"Of course he is. In our world, he's real and powerful, too."
Erika scrutinized him.
"Really? Then why doesn't he give us presents? Is it because I'm part vampire?"
Akira looked at her.
"No. He gives you presents."
"He does?" Erika stared at him in disbelief.
Akira raised an eyebrow.
"Who do you think gave you that Barbie doll when you were eight?"
Erika frowned.
"I thought my brother bought it for me."
Akira stared at her flatly.
"You think Iori could walk into a store and thoughtfully choose a cute Barbie doll for you? His gift was that pig plushie."
Erika sighed.
"That does sound like my brother."
Akira continued, "Santa does give you presents. He just doesn't give me any."
Erika looked at him.
"Why? Are you on the naughty list?"
Akira looked offended.
"No, I'm not."
Erika looked confused.
"Then why?"
Akira gazed into the distance.
"That's why I went to the North Pole to ask him myself."
Erika leaned closer.
"What did he say?"
Akira sighed.
"He said something about how I'm on neither the naughty list nor the nice list."
Erika frowned.
"How can someone not be on either list?"
Akira shrugged.
"Apparently, I'm too chaotic."
Erika nodded.
"…That's fair."
"No, it's not. I mean, I am…"
Even Akira couldn't come up with a defense.
So he simply continued complaining.
"And he said he couldn't get anything from my wish list, either."
Erika instinctively asked, "Why? What did you wish for…?"
But then she remembered what Akira was like and changed her question.
"Was it a real Gundam or something?"
Akira sighed.
"Among other things, yeah. But he said those were weapons of war and didn't count as toys."
Erika sighed deeply.
"So, is that why you had a disagreement with Santa? Because he didn't give you a present?"
Akira gazed into the distance.
"No, not that. It was something else."
Erika looked even more confused.
"What else?"
Akira answered seriously, "His workshop was terribly outdated."
Erika stared at him in bewilderment.
"…What?"
Akira continued, "I mean, that place was ancient. It looked like it was a hundred years old! I know he uses magic and all, but come on. It was still being run by Christmas elves, and the production systems were inefficient. The logistics were questionable, too. So I told him to modernize it."
Erika looked at him.
"Modernize it?"
Akira nodded.
"Yeah! That place should have moved past the early stages of the Industrial Revolution by now. It should be mostly automated and all that. But he just said that wasn't the Christmas spirit. And don't even get me started on that sleigh."
Erika sighed.
"Akira, it's Santa's sleigh."
Akira replied confidently, "Exactly! That thing can travel faster than light, but it's still pulled by magical reindeer and powered by Christmas spirit. I told him I could design a magic engine for it that could use space and time magic, but he said that wasn't the Christmas spirit, either. I told him Christmas spirit was an inefficient power source, especially since not many people believe in Santa anymore. Even the reindeer started chasing me for some reason."
Erika had no idea what to say.
Akira continued, "After that, we argued about how he operated as Santa and how he didn't even give every child a present. I also told him I could do a better job as Santa than he could. But I couldn't do that in his world because of him… So when I got here, I thought I'd do this to prove that I'm a superior Santa."
Erika stared at him in defeat, wondering why he was like this. At the same time, she knew that no one else would simply march up to Santa Claus and argue with him the way Akira had.
She lowered her head and held it in her hands.
"So, after proving you're a better Santa than him, what are you going to do?"
Akira answered nonchalantly, "Nothing."
Erika looked up.
"…Nothing?"
Akira shrugged.
"It was just an argument, that's all. I'm just proving a point. Anyway, there. I've told you everything."
Erika fell silent for a while. Then, slowly, she began tightening the ropes.
Akira glanced down at them.
"Why are you tying me tighter?"
Erika smiled sweetly.
"Because you told me about Santa. You still haven't been punished for the robot army."
Akira cried out, "But I confessed!"
Erika's expression turned stern.
"And now you're going to learn that honesty doesn't erase the consequences of your actions. Why didn't you tell me anything about building an army?"
Akira panicked.
"Erika, wait! Let's discuss this rationally!"
Erika smiled brightly as she lifted the feather.
"Of course. We'll discuss it after your punishment."
Akira screamed, "Nooooo!"
And so, Akira was subjected to tickle hell for keeping secrets from his girlfriend.
---
After his punishment, Erika had Akira take her to one of the islands where he had built his secret bases.
Akira, Erika, and Ritsu, in her android body, boarded the Moon Infiltrator and flew to the nearest island. Koro-sensei was busy buying presents, so he couldn't join them.
However, when they arrived, Erika couldn't see any sign of a secret base.
Inside the Moon Infiltrator, she looked at the island and asked, "Wait, is this the island? But where's the secret base?"
Akira, who was still recovering from tickle hell, replied, "If it were sitting out in the open, it wouldn't be a secret base, you know."
After saying that, he flew the Moon Infiltrator straight into the sea. A gate opened on the seabed.
Akira smiled.
"That's the secret base."
He flew straight through the gate. It closed behind them, and the water drained from the chamber. The Moon Infiltrator landed, and the main door opened, revealing the actual secret base.
It was a huge cave. Reindeer Drones flew around while Sleigh Satellites stood ready for deployment.
They all got out.
Erika looked around and asked, "You built all this?"
Akira shook his head.
"I didn't. My drones built it. I just programmed them. Anyway, let's go to Santa's workshop."
Erika frowned.
"Santa's workshop? Here?"
Akira smiled.
"Not the actual one. Here, let me show you."
He led her to a larger satellite painted red and white.
"This is the workshop."
Erika looked confused.
"Does it make more drones or something?"
Akira explained, "No, it serves as the command center for this entire operation. This is where we control all the drones."
Erika looked even more confused.
"Then why call it a workshop?"
Akira replied flatly, "Because it's Santa's home base, okay?"
He opened the hatch, climbed inside, and settled into the captain's seat. After activating the system, he brought up a map displaying all his islands.
"These are all the islands I own. Every single one has a secret base, too."
Erika grabbed his shoulder tightly.
"Now I'm mad again… Why did you hide all this from me?"
Akira whimpered.
"It was supposed to be a surprise, okay?"
Erika sighed.
"Fine, fine. Next time, tell me before you start planning any surprises."
Akira looked doubtful.
"Would it still be a surprise if I told you first?"
Erika snapped, "I don't know! Figure it out yourself!"
Just as they were arguing, Ritsu suddenly spoke up.
"Akira-kun, there's a problem."
They stopped and turned toward her.
Akira asked, "What problem?"
Ritsu displayed the present orders on the screen.
"I checked the bulk orders, but no supplier has that many items available this close to Christmas. Even if we buy from multiple places, how are we going to transport everything to all the islands in just two days?"
Erika studied the screen.
"You could try buying from countries near each island. That would make things easier, right? We could buy from multiple places, too."
Ritsu tilted her head.
"But how are they supposed to deliver everything to random, uninhabited islands? Koro-sensei is trying, but he isn't fast enough."
Erika considered the problem but couldn't think of a solution.
Just then, Akira spoke up.
"How about we use the Koro-sensei-powered Moon Infiltrator? That thing can go many times faster. We could cover all the countries and islands."
Erika asked, "But where are we going to store everything? The Moon Infiltrator doesn't have that much space."
Akira thought for a moment.
"Why not use our inventory? It's not exactly forbidden here, right?"
Erika nodded.
"That might work."
Ritsu looked confused.
"What's an inventory?"
Only then did they remember her. They also realized that they hadn't told her about it yet.
Drawing on all his bullshitting skills, Akira explained, "It's an extremely secret device developed by my genius sister. It converts physical objects into data and stores them in a small space."
Selena's voice rang out telepathically.
"Oi, bro! Weren't you the one who came up with it in the first place? The one time you call me a genius, it's for something you invented yourself!"
Unable to hear Selena's complaint, Ritsu asked, "Is that even possible?"
Remembering the fake backstory he'd given everyone about coming from a hidden, secret village, Akira replied, "It's technology from my secret village, so please keep it a secret, okay?"
Ritsu saluted.
"I will."
Erika pulled Akira closer and whispered, "When are you going to tell her about us?"
Akira whispered back, "Maybe in the future, but not yet."
Erika had no idea what he was planning, but she nodded.
"Alright."
And so, they followed the plan and did their best to collect as many presents as possible.
Ritsu handled the orders, Akira and Erika collected the presents, and Koro-sensei once again became the power source for the Moon Infiltrator to increase its speed.
And just like that, the two days passed, and Christmas Eve arrived.