A bolt of lightning split the sky, crashing down on Kaido. Smoke curled from his body, yet he stubbornly stretched out a hand.
"Ritter… I… next time… I'll kill you…"
Ritter let out a long sigh. He had come here specifically to cause trouble, and Kaido's current condition was making his plan unnecessarily complicated.
From the abyss below came Kaido's guttural roar.
"Ritter! You have to stay alive so I can kill you!"
Ritter: "…"
Enel muttered, "Captain, you really do have a lot of enemies."
Moria wiped the sweat off his forehead. "Hehehe… Kaido really is an interesting one. So this is the man I want to defeat, hm?"
Ritter massaged his temples. "What the hell is going on?"
He watched Kaido push himself back to his feet. The massive cross-shaped scar on his chest was impossible to ignore.
Kaido looked at Ritter with absolute sincerity.
"Ritter, I see you as my lifelong rival. You must see me as your destined nemesis too, right?"
Ritter stared at Kaido's expectant face. His eyelids twitched violently. Slowly, he turned his head to look at the three commanders behind Kaido.
Ritter: I should not have looked.
Queen was nodding furiously, hands clasped as he bounced up and down, his eyes screaming please, I'm begging you, please do this for me.
Ritter: What kind of Tom and Jerry situation is this?
Queen suddenly dropped to his knees and slammed his forehead into the ground several times, silently mouthing, Please. Just play along. Please. Please!
Jack had his face buried in his hands, pretending he did not exist.
Ritter: "…"
What kind of lives do these people normally live?
Kaido still stared at him, eyes shining with childlike anticipation.
"Ritter? Say something!"
Ritter inhaled deeply and rubbed his temple.
"…Fine. Yes, destined rivals."
"Waaaaah!"
Kaido burst into tears and threw his arms around Ritter, squeezing him with enough force to crush stone.
"I knew it! I knew you felt the same!!"
Ritter's face was mashed against Kaido's scarred chest. His voice was low and strangled.
"…Let… go…"
Kaido, completely swept up in emotion, cried harder while patting Ritter's back.
"My life is complete! To have a rival like you, I can die without regrets!"
A surge of blood-mist shimmered, and Ritter reappeared behind Kaido as a much smaller clone.
Enel: "…" (quietly steps back)
Moria: "Hehehe… Kaido really is passionate."
(He secretly took out a Den Den Mushi and started recording.)
Queen collapsed onto the ground in relief. "Saved…"
Quinn wiped cold sweat from his brow and whispered to Jack, "Go get a few more barrels of sake before he gets drunk and goes crazy."
Ten minutes later
Kaido finally released the dazed Ritter, wiping his tears away with a glowing, satisfied smile.
"Ritter, I'm so happy today. Come on, let's drink. We're drinking until we collapse!"
Ritter replied flatly, "I refuse."
Kaido's face instantly fell.
"Why?!"
Ritter: "Because I don't want to be in the same room with a drunk idiot."
Kaido: "…"
The three commanders all sucked in a breath at the same time.
The air froze.
Then
"Waaaaaaah! Ritter, you hate me! We're destined rivals!"
Kaido threw himself onto the ground and rolled around crying, slamming his dragon tail against the floor.
"I don't want to live anymore! Even my nemesis looks down on me!"
Ritter: "…"
Enel: "Captain, why don't you just kill him?"
Moria: "Hehehe… just a bit more recording."
Queen covered his face in despair.
"It's over. I'll be hearing him cry all night again."
Just as Kaido continued his earthshaking tantrum, a young but powerful voice echoed from afar.
"I am Kaido II! Ritter, King of the Mist, my destined nemesis, fight me!"
Yamato.
Everyone turned their heads in unison. A tiny girl, barely reaching Kaido's knee, wobbled toward them. She dragged a spiked wooden club taller than she was. On her head perched a miniature helmet with little dragon horns. Her face was smeared with dramatic war paint.
A miniature Kaido.
Ritter: "…"
Enel: "…"
Moria: "Hehehe… this is getting better."
Kaido's sobbing stopped immediately. He lifted his head, snot still dripping.
"Son? Son?"
Yamato didn't even look at him. Instead she pointed her spiked club at Ritter.
"I will become the strongest creature! Ritter, fight me!"
Ritter crouched to meet her eyes.
"Kid, how old are you?"
(Author's side note: I only know Yamato is older than Ace, but how old exactly…? According to the timeline, it's Sea Calendar 1496. Yamato supposedly witnessed Oden's death at age eight, but the math doesn't line up. If anyone knows, feel free to tell me.)
Yamato proudly puffed out her chest.
"Twelve!"
Ritter: "…"
He turned to Kaido.
"What exactly do you teach your kids?"
Kaido wiped his face and immediately became smug.
"Well, my child has been trained since "
"Shut up," Ritter said, then looked back at Yamato.
"Listen kid, your dad is drunk. Take him home and let him sleep."
Yamato shook her head stubbornly.
"No! I'm going to beat you! I'm Kaido II. You're my destined rival. Fight me!"
Ritter: "…"
(What kind of logic is this?)
Kaido burst into tears again, deeply moved.
"Good job, son, you make me proud…"
Yamato continued loudly, "Father said you're the one he wants to defeat most. So if I defeat you, then I become Kaido, and Father becomes Kaido II!"
Ritter froze.
(…It changed, yet didn't change. This level of filial piety is something else.)
Moria whispered behind his Den Den Mushi, "This clip alone will make Moore rich… hehehe."
Ritter let out a sigh and placed a hand on Yamato's head.
"Listen, kid "
"Don't touch my head!" Yamato yelled.
She swung her spiked club. "Thunder Bagua!"
Boom.
The club hit Ritter's hand without leaving so much as a red mark.
Silence filled the clearing.
Yamato blinked, then swung harder.
"Thunder Bagua!"
Ritter: "…"
He flicked his fingers.
The spiked club launched across the field like an arrow, embedding itself deep into a distant cliff.
Yamato stared at her empty hand, then stared at Ritter.
Then
"Waaaaaah! My kanabō!"
Kaido rushed to embrace his daughter.
"Son, don't cry. Daddy will avenge you!"
Father and daughter sobbed in each other's arms.
"Ritter is a bad guy!"
Ritter: "…"
Enel: "…"
Is this really happening? Aren't you supposed to avenge her? Why aren't you attacking?
If you don't fight back, wasn't my trip here pointless?